It was a nice, easy, relaxed weekend. We accomplished a few things. Got some chores done, went to an ok Mondavi thing (Chinese acrobats with nice music), I had a nice workout Sunday (and some aerobics on Monday morning), ate ok (fairly healthfully), probably did NOT do the Shabbat thing too well but better than some, phoned and talked with a few folks, and so .... here we are - Monday morning, Oct. 31, 2005.
I think I like this time change (we move the clocks back one hour and thus "get" an hour). I need to make a reservation for Burbank and the trip south that Karen is planning. And then we need to set the Honduras trip, too! I will check Continental in a few moments and see what happens out of NYC (so I might see the girls).
I have been reading the book Neurotica edited by ???? and most of the stories I would say are disturbing. Many are of another era. Some are harsh, angry. Some are silly, strange. An ok read, all and all. I have more stories to go!
And then - for December - we read ????? and will meet ?????
Monday, October 31, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
Friday night - Shabbat coming - last of october
Well, it is the end of the week and the beginning of Shabbat. Just about.
Soon I will be home and trying to enter into the spirit of Shabbat. Ah the wonder of this time. Time !!! Time!!! TIME.
Time is the great intangible. Here, gone, there, everywhere, nowhere, coming.......If some "thing" were to be sanctified - it would be time and it is time. Shabbat is Time. But - noTHING is to be sanctified. No idols.
As much as we look forward to and observe the Sabbath - in the moments of awareness we (may) lose the wonder. I wonder?
I will try this Shabbat to remain always aware and mindful that it is Shabbat. I will do many right things --- such as eat and drink well. Speak and think well. Rest well. Pray well. Hope well. All POSITIVE. All the Good Angel. Sing well. Be well. Love well. Live well.
Soon I will be home and trying to enter into the spirit of Shabbat. Ah the wonder of this time. Time !!! Time!!! TIME.
Time is the great intangible. Here, gone, there, everywhere, nowhere, coming.......If some "thing" were to be sanctified - it would be time and it is time. Shabbat is Time. But - noTHING is to be sanctified. No idols.
As much as we look forward to and observe the Sabbath - in the moments of awareness we (may) lose the wonder. I wonder?
I will try this Shabbat to remain always aware and mindful that it is Shabbat. I will do many right things --- such as eat and drink well. Speak and think well. Rest well. Pray well. Hope well. All POSITIVE. All the Good Angel. Sing well. Be well. Love well. Live well.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
salt of the earth in wounds
So - where I am.... hurting-wise. What are those areas which are distressed, disturbing, or otherwise negative???
In no particular order (but maybe in an order)
anxious about how my daughters are doing in NYC
my parents and sister and irreconsilable alienation
fun or lack of fun in general
problems with friends - new and old and older and younger
issues at my job
issues with the union
generally being heard/listened to.... even by Karen
health - particularly weight but also getting into regular excercise
issues of fixing up our house
issues of travel plans
issues of my interests and wants being heard and acted upon
financial stretching and possible breaking
general respect????
general consideration
general care.... who cares? about what? for me? for anything?
care in the community? and am I part of any community?
While "asking not what your community can do for you but ask what you can do for your community" is a wonderful thing in a wonderful world - what about when the individual needs help from the group?
SHHHHeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiitttttttt.
In no particular order (but maybe in an order)
anxious about how my daughters are doing in NYC
my parents and sister and irreconsilable alienation
fun or lack of fun in general
problems with friends - new and old and older and younger
issues at my job
issues with the union
generally being heard/listened to.... even by Karen
health - particularly weight but also getting into regular excercise
issues of fixing up our house
issues of travel plans
issues of my interests and wants being heard and acted upon
financial stretching and possible breaking
general respect????
general consideration
general care.... who cares? about what? for me? for anything?
care in the community? and am I part of any community?
While "asking not what your community can do for you but ask what you can do for your community" is a wonderful thing in a wonderful world - what about when the individual needs help from the group?
SHHHHeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiitttttttt.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Succos - day one - early in new year
So.... it is now day one of Succos.... and there is the tossing of the mashed potatoes. Ah... so important? Or not. Something, though which was quite disturbing.... especially after last night (see previous post)
In any case - it is now near the end of the day.... Some stuff has transpired between Karen and I... and the rum and coke has helped to mellow me. Ahhh.... drugs!
So... that is that. Tomorrow is another day. This day continues. Karen will be home soon and I will/may have an appetite which I did not have earlier. And some interesting reading - Neurotica - the anthology. Woody Allen, Saul Bellow, Apple, others?????y
Why be disturbed about stuff I can do nothing about. Stuff which has happened. It seems at times - frustrating and alienating - to be so powerless. AAAAaaaaaHHHHhhhhhh.......!!!!!! Control is THE illusion. REMEMBER!!!!!
CONTROL IS THE ILLUSION.
All is well with the world always. All is as it is. All IS.
Rum IS. Martinis will be.... soon. And - food? Dinner? Whatever. Something. I could wish for some cheese or some beef or ?????? PIZZA. Or.... whatever. But I rant.... and rave.... and now feel a bit better. Grin and bare it. It is all a joke.
Aaaaahhhhhh......... This is better. I think. I feel better. I feel ok.
In any case - it is now near the end of the day.... Some stuff has transpired between Karen and I... and the rum and coke has helped to mellow me. Ahhh.... drugs!
So... that is that. Tomorrow is another day. This day continues. Karen will be home soon and I will/may have an appetite which I did not have earlier. And some interesting reading - Neurotica - the anthology. Woody Allen, Saul Bellow, Apple, others?????y
Why be disturbed about stuff I can do nothing about. Stuff which has happened. It seems at times - frustrating and alienating - to be so powerless. AAAAaaaaaHHHHhhhhhh.......!!!!!! Control is THE illusion. REMEMBER!!!!!
CONTROL IS THE ILLUSION.
All is well with the world always. All is as it is. All IS.
Rum IS. Martinis will be.... soon. And - food? Dinner? Whatever. Something. I could wish for some cheese or some beef or ?????? PIZZA. Or.... whatever. But I rant.... and rave.... and now feel a bit better. Grin and bare it. It is all a joke.
Aaaaahhhhhh......... This is better. I think. I feel better. I feel ok.
Monday, October 17, 2005
erev succos
It is now erev succos - I have a lulav/etrog set - but I have not set it up. Got it this afternoon from Chabad.... ok! My first. Some support for them and a new ritual for me.
This evening I made dinner - lots of tortollinis and a "sauce" w/chicken, garlic, brocolli, carrots, onion..... pretty good. Had some wine. Pretty fine - and left the room and went to my office as there was some tension and distress between my love and me. Some inpatience and criticism... I did make a lot of food. Whatever !!! And there is waste and lots of different ways to store the food in the refrig.... in covered, hard to see-through containers and way in the back where they are hard to see, too. And so.... Karen and I have our difference over how to deal with leftovers and whether or not I should - "finish this" now.... or through it away later. Ahhh... a little thing but a thing.
Love is a many splendid thing!
This evening I made dinner - lots of tortollinis and a "sauce" w/chicken, garlic, brocolli, carrots, onion..... pretty good. Had some wine. Pretty fine - and left the room and went to my office as there was some tension and distress between my love and me. Some inpatience and criticism... I did make a lot of food. Whatever !!! And there is waste and lots of different ways to store the food in the refrig.... in covered, hard to see-through containers and way in the back where they are hard to see, too. And so.... Karen and I have our difference over how to deal with leftovers and whether or not I should - "finish this" now.... or through it away later. Ahhh... a little thing but a thing.
Love is a many splendid thing!
Friday, October 14, 2005
day one after Yom Kippur
This is the early afternoon of the first day after Yom Kippur. All has been good. I have been aok. So far - so good.
I will try to keep a running record of this goodness or lack of badness. To be more clear - I have been pretty good at not getting angry or too inpatient. I have not been demanding. I am not controlling (in general!). I do not plan to be worse in these areas. I plan, through some of these posts to maintain an awareness and record. Why? Why not? Being aware - being MINDFUL is THE KEY!
Today is also noteworthy in that it begins a new period as no other previous period has begun. I don't think there ever was a time after Yom Kippur when I had not talked with my parents during the High Holidays. This is new. This is ok. I DID check on there well-being relative to all the rain and flooding in the East by calling the local authorities. There was no flooding in their area according to police. That was good to hear. As for their health - Debbie's note indicated they were fine by its absense of anything problematical being mentioned and as indicated by them doing stuff at the local High Holiday celebrations. So - all is well. Good. And I am good and fine with this since it is all that is possible, really, especially as it protects me and mine which has been mightily assaulted by them over the years. No need to subject myself to their nasty stuff and nothing I can do that could ever be enough to please them. So it is.
And now... into the future!
But wait.... what about left-over and/or old notes of friendship or ??? - Well I sent something to John Ward which he may never read and something to Ms. Davis which she will probably read. Ah.....
I will try to keep a running record of this goodness or lack of badness. To be more clear - I have been pretty good at not getting angry or too inpatient. I have not been demanding. I am not controlling (in general!). I do not plan to be worse in these areas. I plan, through some of these posts to maintain an awareness and record. Why? Why not? Being aware - being MINDFUL is THE KEY!
Today is also noteworthy in that it begins a new period as no other previous period has begun. I don't think there ever was a time after Yom Kippur when I had not talked with my parents during the High Holidays. This is new. This is ok. I DID check on there well-being relative to all the rain and flooding in the East by calling the local authorities. There was no flooding in their area according to police. That was good to hear. As for their health - Debbie's note indicated they were fine by its absense of anything problematical being mentioned and as indicated by them doing stuff at the local High Holiday celebrations. So - all is well. Good. And I am good and fine with this since it is all that is possible, really, especially as it protects me and mine which has been mightily assaulted by them over the years. No need to subject myself to their nasty stuff and nothing I can do that could ever be enough to please them. So it is.
And now... into the future!
But wait.... what about left-over and/or old notes of friendship or ??? - Well I sent something to John Ward which he may never read and something to Ms. Davis which she will probably read. Ah.....
Monday, October 03, 2005
on Eve of Rosh Hashannah - 2005/5766
Notes to consider, read, etc....
Every night before sleep, we give our tired and worn-out souls back to God. Every morning, we receive our souls anew, refreshed and full of energy. Therefore, the first words that we say upon waking are:
"I thank You ever living King,for compassionately returning my soul to me,how great is Your faithfulness"
In Hebrew:Modeh ani l'fanecha melech chai v'kayam,she-hech-ezarta be nishmati b'chemla,rabah emuna-techa
With this thought and intention of "I thank You," we begin our day. This thought accompanies us, always engraved in our consciousness, the whole day long.
Here is a piece from Thich Nhat Hahn:
From his book: "Our appointment with life".
(Another, more recent book I read by him, and the first I read by him, was
titled: Anger. It has made a big difference for me as have the several
books by Pema Chodron.
"Do not pursue the past
Do not lose yourself in the future
The past no longer is
The future has yet to come
Looking deeply at life as it is
in the very here and now
the practioner dwells
in stability and freedom
We must be diligent today
To wait until tomorrow is too late.
Death come unexpectedly
How can we bargain with it?
The sage calls a person who knows
how to dwell in mindfulness night and day
'one who knows the better way to live alone.'"
And from E
(there is more.... I will add when I locate it ....) (sorry)
Every night before sleep, we give our tired and worn-out souls back to God. Every morning, we receive our souls anew, refreshed and full of energy. Therefore, the first words that we say upon waking are:
"I thank You ever living King,for compassionately returning my soul to me,how great is Your faithfulness"
In Hebrew:Modeh ani l'fanecha melech chai v'kayam,she-hech-ezarta be nishmati b'chemla,rabah emuna-techa
With this thought and intention of "I thank You," we begin our day. This thought accompanies us, always engraved in our consciousness, the whole day long.
Here is a piece from Thich Nhat Hahn:
From his book: "Our appointment with life".
(Another, more recent book I read by him, and the first I read by him, was
titled: Anger. It has made a big difference for me as have the several
books by Pema Chodron.
"Do not pursue the past
Do not lose yourself in the future
The past no longer is
The future has yet to come
Looking deeply at life as it is
in the very here and now
the practioner dwells
in stability and freedom
We must be diligent today
To wait until tomorrow is too late.
Death come unexpectedly
How can we bargain with it?
The sage calls a person who knows
how to dwell in mindfulness night and day
'one who knows the better way to live alone.'"
And from E
(there is more.... I will add when I locate it ....) (sorry)
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