2026 Daily - 08/16/2026 - me me me

 It is me.....

I don't feel like those in movies, etc... and adverts such as for St. Jude's .... etc etc..

I used to talk about love... and love is wonderful.... and real, etc... etc... 

It is ALL ETC... 

SO - now... I find myself not thinking even about love ... at least not with any person... BECAUSE -- if didn't work out most recently so I am uncertain... and afraid... ALSO - because my ability to be physically intimate is severely impaired..... AND because my current activities are disturbingly reduced because I am not permitted to do what I can, might, WANT to do... 

SO - what shall I do?? Look some more for someone else? Look into MYSELF? - What is it about me and what I do and how I feel and why I think or not think as I do...  I am free. I am content. I am sometimes bored. I am physically weak. I am not happy... BUT am I UnHappy? 

About happiness... now, where... will I stumble onto happiness??? 

AND is happiness the essential goal??

What else might be the "goal"? WHAT MISSION MIGHT I PURSUE?  Is it a new congregation in Davis? Is it travel? Is it living somewhere else? Is it moving away? 

MOVING -- if I could get myself to pack, trim down, etc... I could move lots of new places.... I could move to Walnut Creek... I could move to ???? Maybe I should consider some kind of temporary move? A year somewhere else... while renting my house.... Renting is as Furnished???? A foreign house EXCHANGE!!!! That foreign place would be ????????

SO - who to talk to about such stuff?? A therapist? A friend... My kids?? WHO!!!!!????? It would be great to get this right!!!!

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Today was a pretty nice day ... with Ellen... however I was not able to walk/hike ... up the hills near Muir Beach... Very frustrating!!!!

Yesterday -- Ellen joined me at Sarah's where Carlos and Sarah made us a nice lunch... Ellen brought some nice desserts... We had some nice conversations... Pretty nice!!

NOTE: in conversation I asserted the point of view that we Jews have yearned for returning to Israel for 2000 plus years. Israel is one of the basic centers of Jews... in our rituals, our hearts, our souls... Our communities have always thought about and prayed about Israel and Jerusalem ... and SO - Israel along with G-d, Torah and Talmud, Mitzvahs, Ethics - more?? ... have all made it possible for Jews and Judaism to survive. Those are all the parts that help with our resiliance and survival as Jews...

A question could be - do Jews need to survive? Are Jews needed? WHY?? Those are questions... and they need answers to support continused resiliance, resistance, survival!!!!

WHY is difficult... WHY's are necessary... or not???

2026 Daily - 08/13/2026 - kidney stone, shooting stars....

 Yesterday morning ... Kidney stone event --- resolved, I think/hope mostly by good care at Sutter. Makes me reealize -- we are lucky in Davis to have that hospital!!!

Neal came in and was going to give up plans to help .... VERY NICE of him. I was able to let him go on with his plans since Ellen came and helped me with transportation and all and that, too, was VERY NICE!!!

Ellen and I spent afternoon together --- lunch and played quiddler...

In late  evening -- actually early Thursday morning - at about 1am... Went into backyard and saw several meteors as part of Persieds Meteor Shower.... good evening for it - new Moon... but there were clouds AND YET I saw some magnificent meteors... ! Best ever for me. WOW.

2026 Daily - 08/11/2026 - 2nd say, almost

 As I write this... it is 7:40pm - sort of near the end of the day... The SECOND day of me really trying to eat better and LESS....I have not yet started the Jardiance - as I would like info/a word more with a pharmacist specialist to see if ALL meds I am taking will work ok together. There IS an issue about the glipizide... SO -- I hope to talk soon.

Today was a good day ... worked out early in morning... got a bid for gutter/roof cleaning, saw Jim, and then home... and watching LONG movie: Project Hail Mary.... maybe too long? slow? "realistic"? Got a call from Pam, and ablasion appt setup with nurse who called...

Profound thought/thinking for the day?

Relationships .... and CHANGE.. and wonder and acceptance and appreciation... etc.. We All GROW!!! And that is GOOD!!! 

But ME? Do I grow? Have I grown? What do I know... think? want....???!!!! It is so often THE question: WHAT DO I WANT?

maybe .... just maybe... I want to live in distant unusual new, newish - places... not here in Davis... But travel to places and STAY a while.  I still have living life in me... I hope, I think... I HOPE!!!!

I must LEAD ME... Lead myself... I think I have often followed... In recent years I have made MY choices... and followed them... I have LEAD MYSELF... As Fromm said, essentially, - Being FREE is difficult... and so giving up one's freedom to someone else --- that is kind of easy.... SADLY!

NOW if/when I am in Davis --- what would I lead myself to... ??? HHmmm..... - that is so often the/a new Jewish center here in Davis... A middle ground.... We have Reform. We have Orthodox. There is Hillel - which is a mix... SO - A Conservative shul might be THE THING... 

IF we/I did this... I think the "conservative" rules would include some I and others might chafe at... Specifically - children and their Jewish parent or parents... IT is when there is only one Jewish parent that a question arises....And while there are answers... some of available, some are difficult, and a new one could be easy... and right and good... I.e. -- patrilineal descent should be on an equal par with matrilineal descent... The two other ways ... early immersion in an mikvah or conversion... are problematical... and UNNECESSARY ..  and un supportable (in law)... SO - chafe we will ... or something!!!! NOTE: There are or may be some here in Davis who would like a Conservative presence and the maintenance of Matrilinieal descent... and if so -- what to do?? How to determine??

DIFFICULT.....!!!!!

Leadership as I observe in some others... Be authentic and personal while also being curious and perhaps somewhat vague, too... on certain issues... OR at least take sole personal issue with something ... while organization has it another way....Either Big/Distant Organization or Local/Little Organization.

And for now ... that is all -- OY OY OY OY

2026 Daily - 08/9/2026 - trickster... and hopefully???

 The idea is HE is a trickster... a maker of chaos... and while WE wait til the end of his 2nd term -- actually what would be better is REPUDIATION... and by/with Republicans... or else Republicans are forever culpable for the future...!!!

IMHO !!!!!

Note the editorial from the NY Times:  ‘The Odyssey’ Gives Us the Hero We Deserve - guest essay by: By B.D. McClay, a critic and essayist.

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2026 Daily - 08/6/2026 - where to stayCAY, wanderlust, no roots....

 So -- If I were to travel to someplace.... familiar ... and stay a while... Where??/ For how long? When?

Paris, Florence, Tel Aviv, NYC, San Francisco, LA, somewhere in Canada??? London, Edinbourogh, Dublin, Belfast???, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Budhapest, OY OY OY.....!!!!! Sydney, somewhere in New Zealand?, somewhere in Hawaii? somewhere in Mexico, San Diego?

And what is Marie's point of her long road trips??? From/to all the way East in Canada... and now all the way West and North in Canada... INTERESTING....

ME - Museums, theater, food...  St. Louis, too? And music.... and sports?

Do I want to see greenery? Oceans? Mountains? If so -- national parks, state parks... The Rain Forest of the Pacific Northwest....

There are times when I want to/am able to ... travel -- but I don't know where???? Or how...??? Train, car (new one), plane.... boat?? Combination - rent a car along the way.... And - ALONE? Or with ????

What about an AROUND THE WORLD CRUISE? Or a plan to go around the world... in whatever ways turn up... appear... - planes, buses, cars, boats... trains... etc. etc...

Mild climate time? WHEN????

2026 Daily - 08/5/2026 - TRUST and New Futures???!!

 After seeing Hadestown.. I must wonder about trust... and love... and passion... and of course Freedom and self-enslavement to necessities (comforts)...  Quite a story. A great one. And Hades is a controlling King who doesn't trust others ... and asserts his power and makes WALLS... etc... So  - how does that all apply to me? At this elder stage of my life...

Interesting conversation and sharing w/David at lunch... Physical stuff happens... and "passionate acts" can't be done... Are not done.. Kidneys... Hormones... ME and my prostate... OY!....

Can the future be different from the past? Seems too often what we learn from the past is how to hate... YES we see that peace and love is good ... but then we wonder if such ideals can ever be real!!!!

What is reality? Who defines reality? These days ... the leader of the USA is asserting realities which are not real or true or evidence-based or good.... It is a terrible time for truth and trust and goodness and peace and sharing... Ah... SHARING.... vs Greed.... That is the issue.... There is so little real and effective and possible SHARING... Instead there is hoarding and greed and I  am guilty of that, too.... At least the hoarding. 

Among the many things I do... will do... is Spread The Wealth! I've been doing that with my kids... and with some other organizations. I need to do MORE!!!! I CAN DO MORE..... How much more can I do? For whom? For what? I need to give to some entities I can determine are truly trustworthy and who are doing real good. AAAHHHHH......

2026 Daily - 08/2/2026 - early.... and starting...

 It is early (about 6:15am)... and I've written an email to the Valkyries and had my first cup of coffee and empteid the dishwasher .. and now will go have some breakfast... AND then --- gather some stuff for Goodwill.

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2026 Daily - 08/2/2026 - memories..

Party, at O'connors? - surprise --- 30th...

Party - 70th - at home/at Stonegate Club

Many trips... 

Some family memories... nuclear... old

Family memories -- daughters, Susan, and others... 

What were those memories? What has been recorded - in pictures? TIME TO REVIEW.. and organize!!!!! And REMEMBER!!!!

That is THE TASK to do ... this birthday year starting August 3rd -- day after 77th.... on Aug. 2nd. SO much from soo many years... and so many people, events, places... 

2026 Daily - 08/1/2026 - what to do!!!!1

What do I want to do... NOW? What  what  what ???

What is holding me back? What am I afraid of.... Isn't it fear that blocks me?

What do I need to move... move  move  move... 

A new car... some new clothes... some destinations...  people? to see? .... people to meet????

Maybe I don't need a car... just some plane or train tickes and a good enough bag.... 

GO GO GO GO .....

OR

STAY AT HOME - IN TOWN... AND FIGURE MYSELF OUT.....!!!!

Most clearly...

I need something...  a change... a focus... a project??    ----   CBH --- --- >>>>>>  CREATE/DEVELOP.... something... A new/additional Jewish center/alternative... because???   AND/OR -- Who needs to invite or join... which side needs to go first... OR is that hardly the question. Maybe -- I just think Davis is able to support another Jewish center. A Jewish Community Center... to add to: CBH, Hillel, Chabad1, Chabad2, any other???

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who can help me???? I need help!!!!

2026 Daily - 07/29/2026

 up early again ... this time 7am - after dog barking!!!!

Got medications in order. I have a year's worth at home.... I might stop ording metformin once... maybe others. We'll see. 

Hazardous waste being gathered. Old meds, batteries, and there is paint and other chemical things in garage. Going to be picked up NEXT week.

Going to doctor's soon - cpap renewal, knee, kidney stone.. and paid bill.

After appt -- workout, shower, head to Ellen's.

AND did I say -- I expect Florida stuff soon - maybe Saturday.

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2026 Daily - 07/28/2026

 up early today --- cleaning out batteries and now some stuff in main bathroom... Getting ready for hazardous waste pickup Thursday morning- CHANGED to following week.

Walked w/Ava

BTW -- yesterday the stuff from Florida got shipped and may be hear Saturday. IF it is to arrive Saturday I may stay home in morning and do services online... so as to not miss receiving it at home.

And now ... back to bathroom... etc..

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Went to Grocery Outlet... got some tomatoes and salsa ... AOK...

and to International Market... where Rachel picked up some pickles...

Home and brunch and nap... not it is 3:15 -- workout ???

2026 Daily - 07/27/2026

 It's Monday  ... news - full of shooters in Seattle and Berlin ---- and hot weather throughout the US and in Europe --- lots of wildfires and evacuations.. VERY dramatic morning of news.

Today - called docs and have an appt for Wednesday... And I will go to Ellen's Wednesday and take her to airport on Thursday. 

Ok time w/Jim. Good workout. Watched several Brilliant Minds... 

Ate ok today, I think.... Not too many carbs, I think. I am not recording stuff each meal, day... But - I am keeping aware to have protein and a few carbs... Cottage cheese, some whitefish salad, ciabatta w/mozzarella and pesto....

IDEAS for today -- well - it seems none. I am continuing to MUDDLE through book: A confederacy of dunces... - it is not likely to ever be my favorite. Nasty stupid characters. Wierd actions. Arrogance... Just Crazy!!!! Will it get better??!!!!

2026 Daily - 07/26/2026 - NINE days!!! - INTROSPECTION - family, growing up... etc...

 It has been nine days since I last wrote something... I've not been thinking, having thoughts, being introspective... etc etc... BUT NOW....

In having some conversations w/Ellen... I have been asked stuff about my childhood and family ... and the facts are:

no board games played...

not a lot of doing stuff... we did go to movies and dinner out .... and sometimes a play (rarely) ... BUT I don't recall ever going to a museum with parents... Yes with my sister ... sometimes and late in life in florida as she tried to entertain me... 

few baseball games (maybe not any...?)... no football games or basketball games... Father thought it was better on tv....

I don't recall much hygiene information - deodorant, shampoo.... I used soap and powder...

Info and conversations about sex -- minimal... and by a book or taken to a lecture... Father did assert sexual passion passed after a short while....

no instruction about cooking...

little instruction, except maybe the doing of a seders, about religious rituals .. though my mother did light a couple of candles on Friday night... without much sharing of why, etc..

Few to no conversations about anything with my mother... And conversations I had with my Dad were never something I liked... since he was not a great listener... and always asserted he was right because he was older and had EXPERIENCE... which later in life I realized was not a lot of experience. 

Again reminded how all women-in-laws were not good, worthy, whatever. Not one of the sister-in-laws were good... either they insutlted or ignored or were not part of tribe... Some reason was always found and forgiveness was minimal and not long-lived. Tatie stayed away and Edith and Jerry were never liked.. and Dorothy was too much for her own family.... in the opinion and experiences of my mother and father...

And the idea my mother may not have really liked men came up ... her brother, her absent father... were not pleasant models for her.

I did not relate, play, ... with my sister.

My sister was the preferred child... as a girl and as younger...  

Parents encouraged me to get out of house... a job, relationship... etc... though they did expect me to prefer them to others... bring home dates for my sister... etc.They didn't teach sharing! 

And my father would have liked me to work with him, be his partner.... but I stayed away as it was seemingly not possible for me to be authentic....!!!!

AND so ... that is my history ... which was not a lot of history. Maybe more tomorrow...

2026 Daily - 07/17/2026

 ok workout late this afternoon. Hung out w/Steve.... Went to Rotary.

AOK... dinner w/Neal...

Some reading of Nachman of Bratzlov as known to R. Noson...

Started?? Space 1999 -- and setup Hoopla on tv and watched hour documentary on Yiddish music and theater in US... etc... Also - noted lots of good stuff on Hoopla to watch!

I AM FEELING UNPRODUCTIVE... AND WANT TO BE PRODUCTIVE..

Answered YES to Hazzan about learning early morning Shabbat prayers... and bought pdf for of book(let) she recommended.

2026 Daily - 07/16/2026 - (publishied late)

 Ted Danson says... keep evolving... have a social network... be creative.... Watch all his shows.

And now -- it is almost 7:40am ... so the day begins.... And today began with some house chores and soon will be Thursday services... then??? Evening .. poetry at Natsoulis... 

After services -- workout and breakfast ... or breakfast and workout... IF breakfast first -- clean/edit out stuff in house... One trip today would be good. AND set up a pickup of stuff by Recology (I am over 65).

\

2026 Daily - 07/15/2026 - THE Wednesday and Chuck

 Met w/R. Chuck... and explained myself... he wanted me to become a member... and then maybe sometime... BUT he said he would take it to the Ritual Comm... and R. David A... SO many rabbis in Davis...

Rest of day -- haircut...

workout

MI5 movie... ok... a bit long.... boring... really.

Again went to chabad program... rebuilding the temple was topic... A bit hard to wrap head around digressions and scattered sources..

What does PSHAW mean?  - answer:

"Pshaw" is an old-fashioned or humorous interjection used to express impatience, contempt, disbelief, or disapproval.

It was the wordle today.. got it in six.

I hope to get to sleep soon.. it is now a bit before 10pm.

2026 Daily - 07/14/2026 - Bastille Day!!!!

 YES -- it is Bastille Day.... see below for a AI quick view...

FREEDOM..... French Fries or Freedom Fries... a frie by any name is still a frie.

===========National Anthem===========

National Anthem of France

OverviewLyrics

Lyrics

Allons enfant de la patrie
Le jour de gloire est arrivé
Contre nous de la tyrannie
L'étendard sanglant est levé
L'étendard sanglant est levé
Entendez-vous dans les campagnes
Mugir ces féroces soldats?
Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras
Égorger vos fils et vos compagnes

Aux armes, citoyens (formez)
Vos bataillons
Marchons, oui, marchons
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons
Sillons
Ouh ouh

National Anthem of France

OverviewLyrics

Lyrics

Let's go, child of the homeland
Allons enfant de la patrie

The glory day has arrived
Le jour de gloire est arrivé

Against us tyranny
Contre nous de la tyrannie

The bloody standard is raised
L'étendard sanglant est levé

The bloody standard is raised
L'étendard sanglant est levé

Get along in the countryside
Entendez-vous dans les campagnes

Howling these fierce soldiers?
Mugir ces féroces soldats?

They come into your arms
Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras

Cut the throats of your sons and your companions
Égorger vos fils et vos compagnes

To arms, citizens (form)
Aux armes, citoyens (formez)

Your battalions
Vos bataillons

Let's walk, yes, let's walk
Marchons, oui, marchons

Than impure blood
Qu'un sang impur

Water our furrows
Abreuve nos sillons

Furrows
Sillons

Ooh ooh
Ouh ouh

========AI Quick View===============

Bastille Day, known in France as La Fête Nationale or Le 14 juillet, is celebrated annually on July 14th. It commemorates the 1789 storming of the Bastille prison, a pivotal flashpoint of the French Revolution, as well as the Fête de la Fédération held the following year. [1]

Known officially in English as the French National Day, the holiday symbolizes the birth of the modern French Republic and the unity of its people. [1]

How It Is Celebrated

Bastille Day is marked by national festivities, including a large military parade on the Champs-Élysées in Paris, fireworks at the Eiffel Tower, and traditional firemen's balls (Bals des pompiers). [1, 2]

Local Bay Area Celebrations

In the San Francisco Bay Area, the holiday is typically celebrated with community events featuring French music, food, and culture, often organized by groups like the Alliance Française de San Francisco. [1, 2]

For the most up-to-date local event details and schedules, it is recommended to check the Alliance Française de San Francisco or Celebrate Bastille Day SF websites. [1, 2]

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Below a translation.... LOTS of verses... I note this year, 2026, the idea of pure blood watering fields.. What does that mean? And humanity, also, and battle against those who are greedy and lawless and brutes.. HERE IS A RECORDING that contains a lot of the verses... And HERE IS ANOTHER musical version.. Grand! With soloists, chorus, full orchestra!!

French	English Translation by Laura K. Lawless
Verse 1: Allons enfants de la patrie, Le jour de gloire est arrivé ! Contre nous de la tyrannie L'étendard sanglant est levé ! (bis) Entendez-vous dans les campagnes, Mugir ces féroces soldats ? Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras Égorger nos fils, nos compagnes!	Verse 1: Let's go children of the fatherland, The day of glory has arrived! Against us tyranny's Bloody flag is raised! (repeat) In the countryside, do you hear The roaring of these fierce soldiers? They come right to our arms To slit the throats of our sons, our friends!
Refrain: Aux armes, citoyens ! Formez vos bataillons ! Marchons ! Marchons ! Qu'un sang impur Abreuve nos sillons !	Refrain: Grab your weapons, citizens! Form your battalions! Let us march! Let us march! May impure blood Water our fields!
Verse 2: Que veut cette horde d'esclaves, De traîtres, de rois conjurés ? Pour qui ces ignobles entraves, Ces fers dès longtemps préparés ? (bis) Français ! pour nous, ah ! quel outrage ! Quels transports il doit exciter ! C'est nous qu'on ose méditer De rendre à l'antique esclavage !	Verse 2: This horde of slaves, traitors, plotting kings, What do they want? For whom these vile shackles, These long-prepared irons? (repeat) Frenchmen, for us, oh! what an insult! What emotions that must excite! It is us that they dare to consider Returning to ancient slavery!
Verse 3: Quoi ! ces cohortes étrangères Feraient la loi dans nos foyers ! Quoi ! ces phalanges mercenaires Terrasseraient nos fiers guerriers ! (bis) Grand Dieu ! par des mains enchaînées Nos fronts sous le joug se ploiraient ! De vils despotes deviendraient Les maîtres de nos destinées !	Verse 3: What! These foreign troops Would make laws in our home! What! These mercenary phalanxes Would bring down our proud warriors! (repeat) Good Lord! By chained hands Our brows would bend beneath the yoke! Vile despots would become The masters of our fate!
Verse 4: Tremblez, tyrans ! et vous, perfides, L'opprobre de tous les partis, Tremblez ! vos projets parricides Vont enfin recevoir leur prix ! (bis) Tout est soldat pour vous combattre, S'ils tombent, nos jeunes héros, La France en produit de nouveaux, Contre vous tout prêts à se battre !	Verse 4: Tremble, tyrants! and you, traitors, The disgrace of all groups, Tremble! Your parricidal plans Will finally pay the price! (repeat) Everyone is a soldier to fight you, If they fall, our young heros, France will make more, Ready to battle you!
Verse 5: Français, en guerriers magnanimes, Portez ou retenez vos coups ! Épargnez ces tristes victimes, A regret s'armant contre nous. (bis) Mais ces despotes sanguinaires, Mais ces complices de Bouillé, Tous ces tigres qui, sans pitié, Déchirent le sein de leur mère !	Verse 5: Frenchmen, as magnanimous warriors, Bear or hold back your blows! Spare these sad victims, Regretfully arming against us. (repeat) But not these bloodthirsty despots, But not these accomplices of Bouillé, All of these animals who, without pity, Tear their mother's breast to pieces!
Verse 6: Amour sacré de la patrie, Conduis, soutiens nos bras vengeurs ! Liberté, Liberté chérie, Combats avec tes défenseurs ! (bis) Sous nos drapeaux, que la victoire Accoure à tes mâles accents ! Que tes ennemis expirants Voient ton triomphe et notre gloire !	Verse 6: Sacred love of France, Lead, support our avenging arms! Liberty, beloved Liberty, Fight with your defenders! (repeat) Under our flags, let victory Hasten to your manly tones! May your dying enemies See your triumph and our glory!
Verse 7: Nous entrerons dans la carrière Quand nos aînés n'y seront plus ; Nous y trouverons leur poussière Et la trace de leurs vertus. (bis) Bien moins jaloux de leur survivre Que de partager leur cercueil, Nous aurons le sublime orgueil De les venger ou de les suivre !	Verse 7: We will enter the pit When our elders are no longer there; There, we will find their dust And the traces of their virtues. (repeat) Much less eager to outlive them Than to share their casket, We will have the sublime pride Of avenging them or following them!