Tuesday, March 31, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/31/2026

 homr now... Just back from a newly forming grief group for men... young men to be helped by other older guys...

Sarah and Carlos due later ... it is now almost 9pm... and they may be in Brentwood now which is a little over an hour away.

today was fine ... I got stuff out and a little setup for Seder Thursday. 

I am achy... from workout and perhaps poor sleep on a too soft bed. Bed situation will be corrected soon. In fact got refund from Saatva... and deposited it ... so that is that... I may yet keep the bed... as a spare... I do need a new bed!!!

nothing much profound today... thought the Grief Group was a place and opportunity for me to speak a bit... Truly I wonder about my sensitivity ... etc etc.. Dad got his way!!! That is my new story. As for telling my story-sides to folks like Steve and Jeremy and others... Why bother!?? Why do something for them... or to them,

Garden Dave texted me ... and will be here with steps and plants Friday. As will Adriana.. And Ellen? Will she still be here?

Monday, March 30, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/30/2026

 Almost end of day... and I'm really tired... Barely remembered to make some kind of post...

Well - tomorrow - visit w/Rachel, walk w/Ava... 

AND - Ellen will join me/us for 2nd nite Seder...and she will make the potato kugel... And I'm going to try making the boxed passover cake with an additional egg AND yogurt... 

found a nice music thing of African music... see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZswnzkQHWxc which is titled:  "INSTANT CALM Zulu Vocal Harmonies That Will Soothe Your Soul | Relaxing African Music"

and now -- to sleep... bed... etc etc.. after Long Life tea...orderer? - NO - can't find it... maybe out of business.

2026 Daily - 03/29/2026 .. Sunday flying back


 Movies watched on plane to DC.. Bugonia, Sentimental Value, and The Chorale.

Now in United lounge. Beer and snacks. Aok...

Last few days in Spain seemed exhausting.... And so I didn't write. Two back to back long bus rides... And seemingly too many views of things from the outside.... Or. No ticket for Black Madonna in Montserrat.. I wad feeling annoyed but held it in to not be negative. We did have some good meals... But one was an optional! Too many optionals which I think should be included! Imho. I need to pay more attention to what's included and also THEN make A comparison. BTW.. Morocco or Ireland/Scotland on agenda.

As for seating.. I mostly got over it AND... plan to make contributions to the Ukrainian stuff Michael does. He is brave!! And wheelchairs???

When I get home... This time.. Some life changes!!!

walk

Eat less

Stretch

Workout of course

Massage!!!

Writing
















Thursday, March 26, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/26/2026

 Long drive today. I'm not happy with seats. Will complain at survey time.

Saw cave dwelling and in Valencia saw wonderful stuff from outside. Actually.. Disappointed we did not have time to enter shot museum complex. Too long a drive for one day with no entry to cool places. That may be the same in Barcelona except for optional extras cost thing to Montserrat.

Seating: assumption that Vic and I were together; failure to give what Michael said we'd get on LONG trip, poor rotation that put us in front of bathroom. Oh... And lousy lynch at crowded road cafeteria. All in all . bad travel day. So that's that.

Off to included paeilla dinner... with drinks. Tried an ok aqua del Valencia.

Early up and out tomorrow. Last two days in Barcelona. More stuff ONLY from outside. I'm souring on Trafalgar.




Wednesday, March 25, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/25/2026

 i am tired, Its late-ish,,, I had a beer at dinner.... I am thinking... Drink less but then I drink alobg with friends. OY.

Day full... Alhambra plus walk around town of Granada. Nice place,

Lots of mentions of Jews,,, though few live in Spain. There has been a return of Moslems.... Interesting!!! Moslems came as workers recently. Jews still staying away though I note Chabad does have a presence as per web listings.

Nothing profound. Might try to write Ellen an email... Or to sleep perchance to dream

Tuesday, March 24, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/24/2026, day 4??!

 Good day. Cathedral in Seville as well as old Moslem building??? And flamenco at night.

And ... Me and choice.... As per automobile decision .  it vey!!!!

That's all for now. A bit late and a slightly early start to Granada tomorrow. 

Monday, March 23, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/23/2026, day 3??

 Is this day3 ???

Good day. Saw BIG mosque... Now a cathedral inside and operating.. In Cordoba. Quite a tour and site to see. Later a tour of an olive farm oil production place. Had a taste of one with definite tomato aroma. Bought for gifts and personal use.... Ad after I use Greek oil..  Today there was a lot of time on bus..  But alright.

Tomorrow... A cathedral and more and then dinner and flamenco show.

Tired now... Some Times games and then sleep.



Sunday, March 22, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/22/2026 - Toledo and Madrid, day 2

 End of day,,,, after optional dinner show,,, REALLY NICE,,,  Spanish opera and good food and wine and SANGRIA which I liked.

During day went to Toledo - I got some gifts and a souvenier, SawJewish Quarter and Synagogue, Saw some cathedral and government buildings from outside,,, Sunday meant we couldn't go it... BUT we did get to see the GREAT El Greco painting.

All together a good day,,, Lots of walking,  I used the knee supports, People all very nice, Talked w/Juan and Elena, Friendly folks. 

Talked movies,,, Last one mentioned, essentially = DIVA,

Now to bed,,, 7am bags out, breakfast, on the bus at 8.


Saturday, March 21, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/21/2026 - First day Spain w/Trafalgar

 End of first day with group. ok!!! Even got an invite to Mike's table when alone. Very nice of hin and i look forward to that. Things w/Vic and Hollie and Marie fine. Vic and I went to the Prada ... ok time. I was tire and that was a downer... I slept hardly at all last night. I hope tonight will be better. Also looked at bull fighting ring and took some pictures of outside. They still do it! And sometimes there is a statue of the father of antibiotics who helped save the lives of many matadors. Name - Dr. Flemming! Tomorrow... Toledo and more. party dinner tomorrow night.

The high speed train we took from Jerez to Madrid was kind of impressive. FAST - sometime over 150 miles and hour!

At dinner talked w/Neal from Cherry Hill who is traveling with his parents.A guy from India, I think. I mentiioned to Holly as followup to conversation last night = some more movies I like.. Grand Canyon, LA Story... more.

I am off to sleep NOW-10:20pm.

Friday, March 20, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/20/2026 - Jerez

Missed yesterday... Here now. Got hear after meeting Vic at train station...He was without luggage... airline problem. Getting resolved as I write and he is training back and forth to seville airport to put his hands on it... Seems good and will work.

Today - easy day ... fortunately we did not reserve a sherry tasting or Vic would have had to pass so as to get luggage. WE DID SEE a wonderful flaminco show..at Los Mejores Vinos De Jerez -- small venue, good seats, sherry and food and show... A lot!!!! 

We are now with Marie and Holly. Having some fun.. eating, drinking, talking, a bit of differences of opinion, aok... I hope and think.

Now it is half past 4 and chilling, digesting, I tried to walk to a church but got lost... came back ok...  .We had a lot to eat... tapas like... (and some pre-lunch ice cream). Dinner.... maybe .. Right now full.... but thought is to have a real meal. We'll see.

Tomorrow - early morning fast train to Madrid.. and hook up with Trafalgar Tour.

Right now... A nap... wake at about 5:30 and go to lobby.

=====================

Listened to some music.. Canadian and other... On youtube.

Dinner...real, ok... Salad and carbonara.

Vic got back with his bag. 

And now .. Sleep and early morning start.









O

Wednesday, March 18, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/18/2026.... Faith

 In hotel .. hostel in Seville. Good long day traveling. Tired. Took a shower. Texting and calling possible on my phone via Xfinity plan. Tested a bit. Looking good. Data something else.

Local time.. 7:10pm .. I'm hungry and heading out to eat. I've identified a place. More info later. Probably too bad I'm not spending more time in Seville. BTW... This hostel is basic inexpensive, clean.... Ok. 

_----------pause--------+

Faith from r. Nachmans book.... Faith in my self PARAMOUNT. And there's the rub... I just don't have a certain level of self confidence that I could and SHOULD. That is at core of my troubles.... Deciding things to do or get. Deciding about people. My waffling on issues is ok... To a point. Choosing what to finally and fully own is the problem. . rethinking thoughts .. ok ... Redoing that which has been done. Harder to undo. Possible... But sooner rather than later!!! Do I have the strength? What do I want, need....to change???? When???

_--__--------------------

And..

Nice dinner at little local place. Got a little too much. But ok. Salmon and spinach lasagna.   Lots of cheese. Not sure of layers. I could work on it!!!

Heading to sleep soon .. lights out by 10pm  i AM tired. Good day. Tomorrow should be good, too!!!, maybe more so.

Tuesday, March 17, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/17/2026

  And today is st. Paddys... I'm heading to Spain. First flight aok..some turbulence... And new Yorker article k we PT in mind. 

And then.. What about planes flying??? seems like magic OR SCIENCE...  Well science explains what feels impossible! Yet TRUST is the thing about what happens and science tells its story which can result in new more advanced stories.. Can I, will I talk to some people about this??? why, what for?  


And then there's a black hat in the lounge... Shall I engage him about G-d??? From that new Yorker book review? I could ask... Can we talk a bit about hashem and kabbalistic emanations? And why would he know what? Anyway.. He's left. 

Who will be sitting next to me on next leg? 

So quiet day. Some texts ably my travels. Nice to have gotten into lounge... Maybe a bit early. They ware not very busy. The lounge has beer and other complimentary dtinks. And sandwiches. And cheese. And soup and salad and cookiu. GOOD. I'm going to stop eating and drinking around 9pm... Boarding around 10:30pm. I have no idea what will be served on plane. Not worrying.

Navigating the blog on my tablet ok... And I do have the keyboard to connect in future. Glad I tried this. Btw... Charging port here seems better, faster, stronger.

And... Now that's all for today.











2026 Daily - 03/16/2026

 this might be last post til April... as I am off to Spain tomorrow... BUT might be able to post... Just not so easy while traveling.

Today - just Facebook/WebCam for services .... Their zoom not working.

I am packed (mostly?). Plan to awake about 4pm and call an uber/lyft... Checked in. Weather warnings hopefully will not really interfere w/travels. 

Pub!ishing.... 3/17...at IAD airport

Sunday, March 15, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/15/2026 - yesterday w/Shabbat so no post... and today- CHANGE and Jonah, `

 It is morning on the 15th.... and I guess along with working out - I generally will not blog, either... unless I have the wherewithall after sundown... Which did not happen yesterday.. AND a break once a week is good!!!

READING - and thinking has be wondering about monotheism... a New Yorker book review suggested the primary thing was NO IDOL worship...within religous systems that have references to other gods or a trinity or many gods as amongst Hindu people... Interesting !!! And I wonder if "other" gods might be like preliminary offices/officials similar to bureaucratic folks you go through to get to the Main Person or to G-d? 

........Just got a call from Cindy in Florida... they were at the condo cleaning stuff out .. found some silverware and china which I said I would be interested in ... They will pack and ship... I keep saying -- hire someone .. but they will do as they will... very generous! I said something about my father not really wanting me to have/get anything. Cindy's response was - it was good I was in contact with my mother and sister at the end. Cindy said my mother loved me... I didn't share the thought that was part of last night's conversation w/Ellen where the idea that she and my father didn't know how to love. AND I would add something I alluded to in that conversation which was my mother was ineffectual... to some extent. Some have thought (Brucha) that she was the Queen Bee... and that may have been true .. that she was served or to be served by all... However - my father had Power... and he excercised it quite harshly!!! That is excused by some because that is how it was in those days... However - those of us (me) who suffered under that harshness did suffer and were scarred. And that may have/probably did happen to Debbie, too. She just took it differently.

BTW - she didn't know why my grandfather  on my father's side died  so I will put an email out to Arthur now. As I wrote ...  I thought -- maybe I did hear that he died of a heart attack. Anyway - will hopefully hear back, one way or another.\

Today, Sunday -- packing day!!! And workout. And check travel documents, etc.. and send a note to Vic to coordinate some travel. 

Yesterday had lunch w/Sarah - getting stuff clear for Passover... She has to get a lot of stuff since I will be gone. AOK... she is being terrific. And - Susan will make a kugel... Sarah and I will take care of salad, etc.. AOK!!!!

Also saw Ellen. Nice afternoon, early evening. Watched most of Sinners and I will finish that while working out. Had dinner at Walnut Creek Original Joe's which was very very good. Sat in the bar area which was fine. Sat near some young women who were celebrating a birthday and did some talking with them... Nice. Then I drove home to sleep in Davis and awake to do stuff... little of which I have actually gotten to yet -- and it is 10:30am. SO -- off to some staging of stuff for my trip, soon.

======puase at 10:40am---------stage packing!!===============NOTE: there are thoughts I recorded on phone and which I should listen to and write up ============

==Back sooner... 

Just received a note back from Arthur... Heart attack or stroke - probably at work...  Arthur ended note with the phrase - keep in touch... Made me think - well  - does he follow the rules of seniority?! As did my father... As I think about my father who never initiated a call/contact with me... I realize my father did maintain a relationship with his older brother but not his younger brother. Was that a matter of ageism? And then there is this very recent cartoon from the New Yorker which speaks to me:


Kid on swing talking to kid holding a ball.

“Do you want to be friends? The kind where you’re always the one who has to reach out?”
Cartoon by Jon Adams


Will I send it to him? To Michael Hirsh? Why bother? And what about another note to R. Simon? Maybe I will add it/make it my Sig File on emails? EEHH.... it is always - why bother?!!! Who do I care about?!!? As they care about me?

==============================

Watched Oscars ... some interesting  not-seen movies out there!

AND from Recording NOTE I took while driving:

Change -- Jonah is a story about change...Who really changes?  People of Niniveh certainly try? Jonah doesn't change from beginning to end... His caring empathy is absent throughout the story! Individual does not change... Group does change.... And whether or not the change holds is a question for the future while in the moment... it IS REAL... 

Is change possible is so often a question. Are we free? From this I considered maturing understandings of G-d...  And I wonder - who is comfortable hearing about another's understanding of G-d - or is that often uncomfortable!??? 

AND THEN - listening to R. Nachman of Bratzlav book... and DESPAIR??? which I have felt relative to Israel and it can apply to anti-semitism...

BUT ABOUT ME... well --- YES, terribly. I too often awake and say - I just don't care... It doesn't matter -- whatever "IT" is?

HOWEVER - the point always is: CHOICE... we are FREE to CHOOSE how to proceed... each day, each moment, with each person, each situdation, etc etc etc...!!!

Note: Despair and Change and Freedom and Caring and Choice... -- ALL connected....  or only a subset .. but these are the essentials... to the FUTURE... to tomorrow...  I can/do feel anxiety... AAHHhhhh...

What is The Arc of History... And - HOPE HAPPINESS HERE -- The Way is HERE.... Mindfulness... Seeing, noticing... whatever one wants to noticibly feel...

FROM SECOND NOTES, Recorded

Monotheism vs Idolotry... Phycical idols vs functional idols.. i.e. Intermediaries...And Kabbalah has the ten emonations... Early anthropromorphism was real... and it was The Way to Communicate... talk to humans in human language... BUT - if metophorical... or viewed as such and then MATURE... to The Force... or at least to something beyond physicality, etc.. 

AND THATS ALL FOLKS....

Friday, March 13, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/13/2026 - Unveiling decided -- and SEMANTICS...!!!

 ahhh... to be Friday the 13th ... when this is published - even though I am beginning it the night before with a THOUGHT...

NOTE - just off the phone w/Cindy - it is now 1pm California time -- and I told her I will not be there for the "unveiling". Halachachly -- the "stone" is or will be up... unveiled - at the mausoleum?? --- SO that is what is required by halachah. DONE....  And sometime around/after Passover -- boxes of stuff will arrive from Cindy and maybe something from the sale of the car... - MY CAR? - sheeeeeshh.

Later today -- concert of Univ. Chorus in Pitzer Hall... which we are told has sold out its 350 or so seats. AOK! Now -- a nap.... 

I have thought this before ... and may have written a bit... but let me say the following:

With AI on the horizon and likely taking many Human-jobs ... well we have the same type of thing in the early 1800's or so with Sabateurs ... workers throwing their wooden shoes into the new machines... We did get over that ... I think.

THE POINT -- a generation or two of human-workers who expected jobs and which AI can do instead -- will leave those people feeling UNproductive, Useless... etc etc.. Real feelings and thoughts... AND AN ANSWER -  a solution... is to be sure they have sufficient funds to live good lives... and do whatever they may want to do... creative, whatever -- BASED on the fact that todays unemployed workers are living on the shoulders of their predecessors ... See the intro to the book: Language in Thought and Action by Hayakawa -- there he gives a comparison to how a society can think about unemployment and such... One way or the other way... Positive or Negative.... 

WE DO KNOW WHAT CAN BE DONE TO SUCCEED AND GET OVER TRYING TIMES!!!!!

============pause, sleep==================

The Hayakawa - Semantic Parable.... explained, exampled by AI:


A semantic parable, famously exemplified by S.I. Hayakawa, illustrates how language shapes reality. In a town where citizens confuse words with the things they represent, they become trapped by labels, whereas a neighboring town thrives by realizing words are merely arbitrary symbols, highlighting that the map is not the territory. 


The Town of "Fix" and the Town of "Flow"

Once, there were two towns, separated only by a shallow river.

In the Town of Fix, the inhabitants believed that words were the reality. When their ancestors first settled, they wrote a strict "Book of Naming." If a child was named "Diligent," but liked to play, the elders scolded them, saying, "You are a Diligent, therefore you cannot play." If a sturdy oak tree was designated as "Dangerous," no one would sit in its shade, even though it offered perfect protection from the sun.

Their lives were orderly but stagnant. Because they believed their map (the language) was the territory (the world), they refused to update their labels. When the river changed course, they insisted it was in the old location, because "The Book says the river is here." They spent their lives struggling against a changing world, shouting labels at the changing landscape. 

In the Town of Flow, the inhabitants used the same words, but treated them as labels—useful tools, but not the things themselves. If a child named "Diligent" played, they said, "The child is acting in a lively manner, not a diligent one." If a tree was designated "Dangerous," they evaluated it yearly; if it was safe, they sat under it, saying, "The label has changed, so we change our actions."

When the river changed course, they said, "The map is outdated," and drew a new one.

The Moral:
The Town of Fix perished because they worshipped the word, ignoring the world. The Town of Flow thrived because they realized that 
words are maps, not the territory itself. The meaning is not in the word; it is in the context and in the person holding the word. 







===================

a semantic parable

==============================


A Semantic Parable

" usually refers to a famous story from S.I. Hayakawa’s classic book, Language in Thought and Action. It illustrates how the labels we use for things can change our feelings and behavior toward them.

The Story of A-Town and B-Ville

The parable follows two fictional communities, A-Town and B-Ville, both hit by a severe economic depression that leaves many people unemployed.

  • A-Town (The "Relief" Town): The leaders decide to give money to the unemployed. They call it "relief" or "charity." Because of these words, the people receiving the money feel ashamed and "less than," while those paying the taxes feel resentful about supporting "loafers." The community becomes bitter and divided.

  • B-Ville (The "Insurance" Town): The leaders here provide the exact same amount of money, but they call it "social insurance" or "unemployment compensation." Because these words imply something the citizens have earned or are entitled to as part of a system, the recipients feel no shame, and the taxpayers see it as a necessary civic function. The community remains stable and cooperative.

The Lesson

The parable demonstrates that words are not the things they represent—they are just "maps" for the "territory".

  • In both towns, the physical "territory" (giving money to people in need) was identical.

  • However, the different "maps" (the labels "relief" vs. "insurance") created two completely different psychological and social realities.

This story is a foundational example in General Semantics, teaching that our reactions are often triggered by our own verbal definitions rather than the actual facts of a situation.

Would you like to explore more about General Semantics or see other examples of how labels affect our behavior?

==============================



Thursday, March 12, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/12/2026 - Should, wants (revised, added to) - and CSA - Community Supported Agriculture????

 Well... it is about 1:15pm -- so much earlier than last nights writing and publishing....

SO far today - zoom services, checked about vaccines (polio IF/when CVS ok's it), workout, soon rehearsing/memorizing for tomorrow night's concert, refilled front hummingbird feeder, plan to have oil change tomorrow morning after Rotary, rehearse later this afternoon, check a bit about Spain trip and contact Vic... so that is a lot!!!

My thinking continues.. though I had something interesting which has left me... What IS in the news? How poorly is our democracy doing? Why all the HATE.... ahhh....

Saw and spoke a litte w/Linda Sternberg -- unfortunately no communication w/son, et al -- and no interest in pursuing counseling...SAD. And I know!

lunch was random -- banana, cheese, choc truffle, 

CSA - Comuunity supported agriculture --- Hummingbird, Good Humus, others.... Choose and sign-up. !!! Maybe find one at farmer's market and see, talk, learn?

Waiting on delivery of: another oil sprayer, shoes, knee braces, sole inserts... AND now - a nap!

===========

AND NOW -- THE QUESTION.... CONCERN...

Again - I wonder - what gets me doing what? Shoulds? Wants? Needs? Obligation? Trys (experiments)...???

It is The Unvieling which I think of as a should... and definitively not a want. Nor does it seem like an oblitgation similar to saying Kaddish for the year, etc... And I wouldn't have used a mausoleum... and the pictures seem odd, wrong, too. SO - It is mostly a no-brainer.... Do not go! Do not do...! They are all dead and interred and they had no imput from me nor any real concern about me... I don't mean to do tit-for-tat --- no coming to my second wedding... And I have done Kaddish for almost three years now - one year for each parent and almost the year for my sister. I can't imagine my sister doing that for me. And as for my father and/or mother... can't be sure. My father might have ... my mother - not her thing. Besides -- women get off, halachly.

=============next couple of paragraphs added in revision================

Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be? I do things because they are right ... imho... and  often that is/becomes a "should". I may have regrets relative to parents and sister -- and I guess I could say they had regrets... or could have had... BUT now - who is able to make things right, better, good? There is only me now... and I can't even share with people all the feelings and thoughts I have about those people. Those people... led by my father or mother or mother or father ... rejected me -- even as noted by the lawyer who suggested I not look at my fathers will... the message clearly was my father wrote something terrible... and I know he was capable of such as when he said that one horrible unmentionable thing....  IF my saying Kaddish for him was helpful.. ok... By the time my sister passes... and it has not yet been a whole year --- I have realized - I REALIZE --- I must come to terms on all fronts about them... their bad, their good, themselves... BUT it is ME who lives and carries on... and the hurts I carry are significant and the good things were something but not the inspiring warm loving kind of things others talk about and experienced. Their essential self-centeredness/narscisism .. was the most important thing to them... and they did not get from me the obedience, etc they wanted. Their hardness almost broke me... from time to time... I think.. but I want to say - their hardness makes me a softer person.... since I don't want repeats of their ways to be in my life... SO I try to be different, gentle, forgiving, and maybe forgiven.

I never adequately addressed issues with my parents. That was weak and wrong of me. Or when I tried what I tried... it was useless and disappointing. When I had that one serious conversation with my sister... well her apparent obliviousness and denial was so amazing to me as to show me -- there was really at least two different worlds lived in by the Little Neck Firesteins. Maybe more ... if I wonder about slaps, hits my sister endurred and which I don't recall. AHHHhhhhh - if only there was a way to look back in time with comprehensive honesty!

So - how can I be honest? Continuing some kind of relationship with Debbie and HER family -- not for me.... As welcoming and nice and warm as Cindy is... and some others -- the fact is -- two very different worlds and sets of experiences and memories and while I spoke of reconciliation ... what was the point as Debbie lay dying? And what IS the point NOW?

==================above added===========

In General -- if I could come up with a reaons to want to do something... want to be someone... IF/when shoulds can actually be wants... then OK.... Saying Kaddish is a should for the departed ... and a want for the living. For me as I do it -- I go through a lot of feelings - good, bad, positive, negative, regrets, etc... The process of Jewish mourning as Reform would have us do it... doesn't take into account moving the soul of the departed but is a matter of soothing the soul of the living. Conservatives probably do both... move and sooth the souls! I cannot/will not say what the Orthodox think/feel since I might be disparaging relative to roteness and gender issues.

Wednesday, March 11, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/11/2026 - at end of day

 I thought I had written something and needed to publish it today... but I didn't write anything so here goes:

It is almost 11:30pm... Got a haircut... had coffee and BK breakfast sandwiches w/Syma at Peets. Good discussions/conversaion... so she said... and i agree -- and it is always cool.

Then - shopped some cars in Davis ... drove hybrid camray, accord, and CR-V.  All pretty good. The camray was a luxury edition but the cost may not have been that much lower than a Lexus... SO - I've got more shopping to do... especially as I am looking at hybrids... and even sedans!

Zoomed to a presentation by Pannetta about state of the world... in his opinion. Basically - Prez has not clearly made the case for war... and certainly didn't before he acted. Now - catchup... try this, try that... VERY undemocratic/unconstitutional. We are in very bad times for our country!

Did workout ... just on elliptical... had some resistance to going ... but got there.. late in day - at about 6:30pm. Had a little to eat for dinner afterwards. I DO NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!

And that was my day!

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/10/2026

 just published yesterdays (it is 9am on the 10th).

Back from morning walk w/Ava.. invited her to Seder... maybe? Nice conversations ... listening time. She does get going!!  Walked in my newest shoes -- the goretext NB's. AOK! NEXT --- Rachel and going to Costco (hearing aids)...

Just sent Sarah Iris Pub idea for Saturday.

AND -- the Stock Market... swings!!! What can I tell you!!!!

Yesterday - paid big bill for landscaping . A good deal!!! I am happy. They were/are very good! I need to talk w/neighbor who recommended them. As for that young couple at corner house .. I hope all is well with them. That house was sold... so was work essentially cosmetic??? Who knows... All I know - CalGarden folks handled for me what I think was a moderately big job and one for the ages...!

Next week I will be on my way to Spain. I need to pack, talk w/Vic, check airline, check hold mail/paper (done ... except for Enterprise), and maybe get some Euros...(ordered 500 euros just now - should be here in a few days). Moving along!!! Need to print some stuff...
==========pause============

Stock market -- up, then down... not yet over today.

Thoughts about CBH --- and my request --- I can anticipate the negative... There has never been gratitude shown to me.... and while maybe things have changed... it has aHowlways seemed as if thanks, honors, etc... were given to chosen few... cliques, special friends.... and I was not in any of those categories.... SO - why now?  Well... we will see... if some general atonement will be considered and made. Don't expect it. BUT I ASKED... subtly for everyone's sake - mine, theirs,  his? her (well not her). Wll I send another note to Jeremy? HHmmmm...???

And about the UNVEILING... My sense it NO... Why? When, far, minor, not real (mausaleum), who  will attend? On the yes side of things...  I will compose and send a note to Shmary...  DID.......

=================

Rachel, Rehearsal

Talked w/Ellen

watched a few Doctor Who's.... ok...

now watching an old Letterman where/when Howard Stern us is intro'd.



2026 Daily - 03/09/2026

 (FYI - previous post written on the 8th and published, confirmed, just now - about 5:45am, 3/9/26)


Today I just heard CDC is recommending polio booster for Spain... I am about to request it from my health people... I hope I don't need to go up to Sacramento. Just sent request to Dr. Dima.

It is early -- and I am off to workout soon... get it done today. Maybe shop some shoes later in morning!

The Google News report about a half-hour ago was nothing new about WAR.... except, 8 US soldiers now killed. New hardliner to head Iran... and widening conflict w/Israeli troops entering Lebanon.

Issue of the Unveiling still on my plate, mind. Basically negative to going... because its a mausaleum, because of distance, because of Debbie and my parents and their relationship with me, because of her partner, because no one else will attend except Cindy and Arnold.... Essentially Florida and all the "family" there is not for me and I am not for them. SADLY but truly and really. Parents and sister didn't need or want me and my family. I've lived without them for most of my life. Now, in death, I can only remember and try to understand and clarify the stories from my perspectives. Sure... I can check with others about information, details, etc... but how much do others accurately and fully remember. My sister's recollections were seriously lacking - about me, about her, too, so about ???!!

Aaaahhhh... my struggles!

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Monday, March 09, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/08/2026 - amends, unveiling, mortality

 Had coffee w/Andrew and shared some stuff about New Zealand... I am not a great tour guide/presenter. I need to get better!!! Study, prepare, etc etc... He got something, I think. It was cool to hang and talk... about the congregation, the community, G-d, amends...

Talk w/Andrew --- on who does one depend? On The Community!!! - G-d is beyond.... I think he would say -- G-d is not dependable for everyday mundane things... I can agree... With BIGGER picture sutff - I see G-d as essential... But for personal progress, happiness, help, support... daily... it is The Community... and I guess I have to add: Under G-d...  In other words -- I am trying to get all the powers together in some way!

About Amends -- I had the thing w/Ellen which got me thinking about such things. I sent a note to the Prez of CBH and to R. Simon... and got back something... Not enough from either ... but CBH is pending and apologies from R. is just so difficult for anyone. 

About the unveiling... I am 95 percent sure I do not want to do it... Based on feelings, traditions, and stuff. I have not yet given my decision to Cindy ... I will let things perculate a few more days and maybe talk w/R. Stein... or not. Online info is interestingly mixed - especially about mausoleums. Confusing, actually!. It is very far to go... very few people would attend. The posting of a picture is disturbingly odd. My ideas about  changing things are barely appropriate. I was rejected so why do I do what I do??? No one of them really made any amends... though my mother and sister could have.... Interesting info from lawyer about father's will. This could drive ME CRAZY!!!

Why do unveiling: some sort of tradition... 

Why not do unveiling: distance, attendance will be minimal by others, what is unveiled at a mausoleum, Steve, what would my sister have done if it was me... (I doubt she would come)

Who cares??? Does this provide CLOSURE?? for me or for whom? It IS true -- in recent years - most of the years of my life -- I have done or tried to do ... for the three of them. Their reactions were always negative and not reciprocated. Serve me said they.. serve me... do what I want - said they for themselves. AND when I did do or try to do -- there was active disregard/disrespect and it may or may not have been intentional - but it was/happened.. YES - they did support my education - 4 years out of 5. AND they helped in the late 80's with a gift for fixing up my house .. but that gift was meant to be repaid with obedience and fawning gratitude.

A lesson to me... as I consider the gifts I give to my kids... AND a certain amount of minimal gratitude... BUT I gave a gift!!! It was a gift... not a purchase. However I do watch out for manipulations and a King Lear effect. I have not meant so much to support my adult children as much as give them the ability to not be financially stressed. I say that as I recently heard Amy is under financial stress as her abode-building is in need of a big repair/maintenance project. 

AND why am I fretting over making amends, having amends made, unveilings... etc etc... I think it is related to my thoughts about my personal mortality. Making PEACE on any level is VERY IMPORTANT... and there are areas of a lack of peace which could be, might be fixed... EVEN if it means my initiating more than I ought to.. like w/Susan R. And there continues to be people with whom I need to just leave things be... no matter what the past.... PEACE is best!

Today will be Celebration of Life... for Hannah Stein. Now is about 12:30pm ... coming up at 2pm

And now --- 5:20pm -- off to workout.


Saturday, March 07, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/07/2026

 VERY nice day.... awoke early - drove to services - saw Ellen - movie, hugs, dinner.. Came home (a few things tomorrow). A lot of good talk and understanding w/Ellen... Maybe ????!!!!

Heard from Cindy -- question of Unveiling ... probably a no-go ... for various reasons.. BUT I am considering and will check about tradition.... (will check online soon and/or w/rabbi)

Tomorrow -- biggish day.... walk and talk about New Zealand w/Andrew and Jan. Then Memorial Celebration for Hannah Stein. 

It is late as I write this... so -- good night!

2026 Daily - 03/06/2026

Went to Rotary via zoom this morning. Will go to Costco later for gasoline. I need water, too. And someday ??? send stuff to Amy!!

AND - I continue to consider a second (final?) note to R. Simons... after his response which was interesting, ok, insufficient - even with what he said. Apologies are sooo difficult and putting blame elsewhere is easier, sadly. So - I have been working on drafts... And I suppose it will go no where. BUT - once more into the breech...

Gasoline prices are rising. Stocks are falling. I need to fill up my gas tank. Crazy times!!!!!!

I've been watching the Atlas Shrugged 3-parter on Amazon. WOW -- some of that, a lot of that... seems like now.Controls on communication... laws by elites who have no care or connection with real poeple, fear mongering, labor unrest, and WAR.... There was not war in the show... so far... I am near the end of the program. AND - sharing and caring and taking care of ALL IS important as is - free will, freedom, TRUTH.

Friday, March 06, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/05/2026 - missed!!!!

 I did go (yesterday) to listen to the probable interim Rabbi for CBH. Fairly interesting.

Also - had a short session w/Owen from Fidelity and made some balancing changes in portfolio. More international now.

Had a workout, rehearsal.... all good. Finished the seventh series of Brokenwood on PBS... there are more on ACORN....???

Wednesday, March 04, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/04/2026

 Here I am ... about 9pm... tired... longish day. A zoom about Passover, waiting for bugman - who finally DID arrive, shopped Lexus - found their UX suv... hibrid... interesting and least expensive.... Zoomed w/friends heading to Spain, and a Brokenwood episode... NOW this.

Stock market recovered a bit today. All bills from garden/landscaping work arrived. Total = 53282.13. - 75 dollars is "convenience" fee...

Now -- what's the big idea(s)???? We are in a time of war and hate and anti-semitism and blame....  Is peace ever possible???

And there is the inadequate response from Rabbi Simon... I am not sure it/when I might try again. And of course others don't respond... I've been ghosted.... 

Then there is Ellen -- of not?

I need to be more positive!!! From early in morning ... through the whole day!!! HOW?? What to say/pray each morning!!!?? There is Modeh Ani and the Four Affirmations by R. Nachman.

BTW -- the music of: andre rieu is very very good... and accessible... and fun...

AND -- I have set an end to eating at 9pm.... Today - try IN BED ... at 10pm. Maybe change end to eating to 8pm... tomorrow..








Tuesday, March 03, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/03/2026 - war, war, war...

 The man-of-war - w/the orange face --- wants a peace prize???? Biblically -- the warriar King David couldn't build The Temple ... but his son Solomon who was without blood on his hands ... did. T-man is no David and t-man's sons are no where near who and what was Solomon... These are different days. And very difficult days. The NYTimes has a headline, front page, top left -- blaming Israel...!!!?? I think NOT... While Israel may be participating and may be pleased with effects ... the final results are yet to be known and I have doubts about how good they may be and how long whatever may last... AND - the deaths on both/all sides are I think - unnecessary and therefore tragic. Now - maybe they were/are necessary... nevertheless the ways of talk/negotiations could have been carried forward a bit more... AND t-man is breaking Constitutional Law and being allowed to get away with declaring warS.

On another hand - its Purim ... and what is there to do but drink! A bit of coffee w/Kaluah... and then onto bookclub, visit w/Rachel, chorus.

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Decent day..... did the various things. Discussion at bookclub about end of life planning. Stay in home? Residential setting? Where would one be more or less lonely?

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THOUGHTS..... I need to be way more positive!!!!! From morning waking!!!

Monday, March 02, 2026

2026 Daily - 03/02/2026 - the winner writes history

 so --- today is the Monday after the weekend of war on Iran in the Middle East. I wonder how many munitions were dropped by the US and how many by Israel... and how many casualties on both sides! Surely most casualities at this point are Iranian including their leadership.

THE QUESTION - do the ends justify the means? Or do the means justify the ends? The fact is, historically, the side with the power and that takes the initiatives chooses and I must say that the US and Israel - on one hand have chosen to justify the ENDS... with the use of undeclared warfare. On THE OTHER HAND -- it occurred to me, perhaps late, perhaps now that things are in motion, that would not the assassination of Hitler in the 30's been a good thing... and that would have been the ends justify means? 

Ahhhh... HISTORY!!! One thing people often say - we don't know and learn from history so we continue to make the same mistakes. On ANOTHER HAND... we do know history and we use various old models of action that seem time tested, fully formed, and ok ... if WE WIN!!!! So what is the value of learning from history? What really works in dealings with competing groups? Power? Negotiations? Cooperation? Fair competition? WHAT works for the LONG TERM? Unfortunately I must say -- there is not apparent lasting authentic answer. Peace and properity are the goals and peace is the necessary basis and sometimes peace lasts for a while... But nothing lasts forever. There is no infinity for a LIVING PEACE... unless it is death which comes to all and seems The End and Forever - except in memories of those left alive who in turn will die, too.  OY!  

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atended Death Cafe --

Made my point which came to me recently... The Present isn't THE THING that so many of us sort of depend on for feeling good... In The Moment... because the moment passes, was based on the past and becomes the past. The future is least certain and the most mystery... SO - is Curiosity the thing! Being open to what comes? Having hopes along with anxiety about the future??? Is that Most Real?

And about changing the past.... What was? Who says? Someone said or should say. 'The past isn't what is used to be'. For me I can now write/re-write the family history of my nuclear family since I am THE one left ... standing.... It may be true that others have other memories and interpretations .. but certainly there was little consultation with me and comparison of facts, figures, etc. AND there was that conversation w/Debbie where she clearly remembered things differently than I remembered them. Weirdly interesting.

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2026 Daily - 03/01/2026 - family dreams

 AAaahhhh.... if only I had a family!!! Or at least a past family... I DO have my daughters and that is wonderful... Just wish I had what others had ... with memories and all. IF I were to place responsibilities .. how much on me... and how much on them... mother, father, sister?  One way I think of things and which was supported by some therapists and friends and family... is that I did not respond well or react well after and while seeing them. Therefore -- to protect my fagile self ... I distanced myself ......ahhh... now to today/nextday....