One could wonder, I could wonder, Do I wonder? About - Mothers Day.... now that my mother is no longer alive and neither is my sister. Last year Debra would have celebrated Mothers Day or at least thought about it, I imagine. Today I NOTE it. I think about Susan Hildreth and other mothers I know. They all did what they did... best they could, I imagine, and the outcomes are very good I think and hope. We don' choose our mothers and we are generally powerless in regards to them for quite a while... Then when we find our own power, our own strengths -- what do we then think and feel about our mothers?
For some reason I was asked when I was a child -- who do you like, love better - mom or dad? My answer was my father - for some reason. And the idea that my father ruled ... was not necessarily true... though that was the assertion and I generally accepted that... and I had little to do with my mother and not a lot to do with my father. WHO knows??? - Maybe I realized the truth!
In my life as a father and husband I did what looked like what my father successfully did - however maybe it was all bluff, all ???? I yelled and was an angry husband and then to some extent ... an angry father. I certainly did not give a lot of praise to my daughters .... and I realized too late they needed that... or at least could have benefited from more praise. I often have expressed appreciation but that is not the same thing... Bottom line -- I was not a person who loved well... neither my wife or my children or girlfriends, etc etc..OR so I think, feel, say to myself.
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Just off tanya class... Seemed impossible for me to follow and understand, etc I've got to NOT attend these...it almost hurts.
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