Aaaahhhhh... being care about? Can the care of others be too much? Not yet... but it is a bit new for me... Contrasts with some earlier people who threatened to leave if I did not eat healthier while they did not actively choose to be helpful. Its all on you they said and while that is true -- a partner can be supportive, I think, by not pushing food and accepting that I could eat less .. but if something is in front of me ... I eat it... no wasting... and if its free... etc etc... I remember one person who would actually suggest all-you-can eat buffets! I remember thinking .. yea I like it... but why is she liking it so much? And why put me in front of it? Some people are a bit schizo, I guess! And besides ... a lot of people offer food as love. My mother's expression of love was food and my appreciation was appreciated!
Neal talks about me wheezing and I go to cardiologist .... Mostly ok... maybe essentially ok. Still waiting on some results and a "stress" test.
Last night, early this morning... Ellen texted and wanted to talk and she was concerned I was ignoring my diabetes and not caring about living. I said .. I do care about living and I take medications religiously AND weight loss is the DIFFICULT path I need to pursue.
I must note... while I am not sure where I will travel and when... I have fixed my backyard and it is ready to be well gardened. Tending my garden is a long term consideration and endeavor. I did not invest in the backyard to sell the house. I did it for ME and my enjoyment and I hope to have many years there and many fruits and vegetables.
It is now about 9:30am and as part of my "health routine" I will soon go to workout ... some eliptical and some weights. It is what I do!
As for eating -- I had a couple of sausages and a banana for breakfast. I am eating thru bananas I bought before hearing a new medication doesn't mix well with potasium which bananas are known to supply. I will start taking that new heart medication a day or two after I've finished those bananas.
Today -- after workout .. a shower, then Rotary thing: Touch-a-Truck, and then maybe Tanya... but that is as always a black hole, I think. I DO have the reading of Tanya...and maybe I will attend class to be sure I am on the right page, so to speak.
THINGS TO DO: will top Monday blog... and DO !!!!
something related to one of the paragraphs of song.. - MY ARMOR!!!!
what is my purpose? TEACH.. what? PEACE?!!! "Braver Angels"
what do I like/want to see happen? What do I want fixed, specifically, in the world? - hhhmmmm... and idea: OFFER HS STUDENT A PLACE TO LIVE/STAY.. for a couple of years... Kinda - FOSTER.
SHARE.... what to whom? why?! - MONEY, TIME ....
Here is the song ... which maybe I can work on its parts one by one in coming days.
I Am a Rock
Song by Simon & Garfunkel ‧ 1966
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock I am an island
I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock I am an island
Don't talk of love
Well I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock I am an island
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock I am an island
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
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