BIG Day of Giving here in Davis/Yolo... Did some donating... and thinking: What would I like to support, help -- that I did not see? An organization that brings parents and children back together .... after their estrangement... whoever had responsibity and hopes. NOTE: children sometimes live now for extended periods of time with parents -- economics... ON THE OTHER HAND/SIDE - parents live with their children as parents age... economics, other? Where is one's tribe, village, community? Who is it? WHY Has this been invented yet? WHERE? Check and communicate, ask... how are you doing it? Is it being done?? Drugs may be involved by either end/generation. Resentments, missed opportunities, disappointments, other? I wonder....????
Toxic parents, difficult circumstances, changing norms (the times, the ages of people, other?), difficult children, Generational gaps.
GOOGLE Searches:
bringing parents and adult children together
Unhealthy parent-adult child relationship
Bringing parents and adult children together pros and cons
Healing parent and adult child relationships
Parent adult-child relationship Questionnaire
AND - my personal experiences and those of my daughters... and ???
Me and my parents, Bruce and his daughter(s), Linda/Phil, Deanne/Eliana, Dea/Ben, Ellen??, others? Marilyn Groth?
NOTE: I often felt shame, embarassment, WRONG... And I may have exhibited JUDGMENT about how others were dealing with such stuff. A QuESTION: With whom does one talk about such things? As a model - when is it ok to talk about marriage problems outside of the married couple? Some think - never.. I have wondered for myself as I have struggled committing in a relationship and with my daughters - what would be short answer(s)?
An answer to the question - is it the parent's fault???? - One answer is yes/always since children learn how to relate from their parents ... so - what goes around comes around!!!! WHICH I HAVE ESSENTIALLY REALIZED AND STRUGGLED AGAINST.. - sometimes poorly but often the point was in my mind ... I did not want a repeat of what was between my parents and me to be what defined the relationship I have with my children, adults!
On another hand ... but not really, fully is that as in my case I could have used warm supportive positive parenting but my father was sure that challenging me was THE WAY... it worked for him... if he was told he couldn't do this or that then he would prove whomever said that wrong... I understood that was my father's way and he was proud of himself for accomplishing what he did... BUT I was not him... and FYI he would say he understood and practice psychology in his business so he succeeded in selling people because he understood them and worked on their ways... MAYBE I realized I was being treated one specific way and as I didn't respond I also didn't know how to access any other way. We lived rather isolated.... minimal contact with two out of three uncles... no aunts or grandparents...except my mother's mom who was not well treated/respected by my mother... What goes around comes around!!!! My parents got what they made... an insensitive son who needed to get away and protect himself and his family which I did by limiting/not visiting!!!!
BIG OY!!!!
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today is a big day of people...
services, meeting w/UCD finance guy, lunch w/Ava at Korean Rest., rehearsal, beer w/David Copp.
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just saw finance guy... and seems I can setup an annuity that they get when I die... and which until then will generate non-taxable income... IF 7 percent annuity on 50K = that is 3500 per year. Paid quarterly... Interesting.
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Practicing Bernstein choral piece -- Make our garden grow... It is sad for me... at my age. Do I have a future when my garden can grow and will I see it's fruits! I hope so!!! AAaahhhh... LIFE!!!
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