TODAY: ride bike??? eat well... ?? (indian food w/Ava), usual workout....
Beginning of loose days of summer, i.e. - no anchor from chorus singing.\
AND see Jim... And some thoughts:
THOUGHTS:
It often seems to me there are at least two reasons for this, that and the other thing...
Aspirational feelings once upon a time. Now I am tentative... and also while stuff is good, easy... I am not sure of warmth. And politics is different between me and Ellen... Will that be the problem it seemed to be once... Will I be the bad guy insisting on at least discussionS. Or have I learned?
In the past ... I have jumped in early... aspiring. Did not learn enough to do what was right. I accepted not getting good responses... Didn't fully believe... NOW -- I am ... afraid.. to get it wrong... For my sake and the sake of the other...
Communication.... Will I try? What will happend? Can we find a way to get closer...?? Geographically? And physically?
WHAT DO I KNOW!!!! Am I warm or cool/cold? What is Ellen? We ARE comfortable, I think. We are something to each other. But - what??? For how long? Why? Where? OY!!!! More on this in next post.
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