Defense of "the wicked child".

In defense of the Wicked Child

(son, daughter, they)

at Seder and beyond!

For years I have defended “the wicked child” with a short and basic point. I simply pointed out that s/he was present and curious and that should be good enough.

Consider additional thoughts inspired by reading in The Jewish Journey Haggadah by Rabbinit Adena Berkowitz, who I think is a Chabad women as there are many teachings from Rabbi Schneerson and other Chabad rabbis.

What jumped out at me were the sources for the section about the four children. The source for the wicked child is The Book of Exodus 12:26; “And when your children ask you, What do you mean by this rite?' You shall say 'It is the passover sacrifice to the Lord, because He passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt when he smote the Egyptians, but saved our houses.'” A clear and simple answer and not excluding anyone. Relative to simplicity, the question from the simple child comes from Book of Exodus 13:8; “ And you shall explain to your son on that day, 'It is because of what the Lord did for me when I went free from Egypt.'” A personal response using the pronoun “me” yet not excluding anyone. We see in the Torah personal answers given with patience and clarity. The Lord anticipates the questions and gives a clear and straightforward answer without criticizing the person asking the question or suggesting the question was bad or stupid or insulting. G-d answers with great patience. We who answer questions may learn from the Torah more then from the Haggadah! The lesson is: Patience is very important!

I understand the section about the four children is a pedagogical construct to make some points and yet the answer given to the wicked child is clearly alienating while the the question may not be. Patience is a pedagogically important trait for teachers and students! Empathy and patience are character traits that are both difficult and essential.

The emphasis placed on the pronoun “you” is responded to with patience and empathy by G-d in the Torah. A lesson for us. Many of us are told it is unwise to talk about certain issues. One of those issues is religion and even though the Seder is a religious event full of questions and answers the strict structure of the Haggadah sets limits to the discussion. We patiently tell the story and yet are we connecting with each other today? The pronoun “you” is seen in the Haggadah as hostile and challenging as it can be viewed as an invasive and intrusive way to ask a question. For examples: “What do YOU think?” or “What do YOU feel?” I for one have a real curiosity about how others think and feel about religion and G-d and yet such questions are difficult to ask or answer as they are very personal sometimes unclear even to myself. Thus when confronted by such a question I may call it “wicked” or rude or impertinent so as to deflect it. The “wicked child's” question, however, may be viewed as a challenge to forging a personal and deep connection between me and you!

Finally, we modern parents are often told to not call our children bad or wicked. We can teach better when we talk about bad or wicked acts but that doesn't make them bad or wicked. Such an understanding and way of responding to things we do not like is, I think, a good way to approach children and all people so that we can continue to see within all that which is good and G-dly.

Furthermore, there are those who talk about a fifth child and herein the fifth child I would like to consider is the assimilated child. This is a Chabad idea as their big public mission is to find and bring in assimilated and/or unconnected Jews of all ages and especially youths. It is unwise to talk of wicked persons as any of us try to connect to the assimilated or disconnected fifth child.

Blessings and love and hope.

Ken Firestein

2019/5779