To be sure - I am a solid heterosexual who has always found dating difficult so I understand:
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Woody Allen
Having said that I remain a simple heterosexual and by simple and solid I mean I never had the feeling for another man to lead me to ask him out. And no one ever asked me out... in fact some folks noted my "aura" or whatever showed me to be a hererosexual.
SO -- my life has included and does include people who are homosexual and herein I want to tell you some of my history with gay people since it may be interesting to someone somewhere.
(btw - spoiler alert -- a crazy idea about labeling is somewhere in this story.... when you get to it know that it has always been viewed by others as crazy, silly, etc)
I grew up in the 50's and 60's and in 1965 was nearly finished with high school. Amongst my friends were two Michaels. I have not kept track with them since high school so some of what I think could be incorrect. We sang together in chorus (I think both of them did) and one didn't date but did go to many Broadway plays by himself. He, Michael-2, was gay I heard later... and believe to be true. Michael-1 may or may not have been gay but it was him I had an experience when I seriously wondered it he was. So - once we were hanging out, it got late, and I slept over at his house. There was one large bed and we shared it. I remember feeling uncomfortable. I had never before slept in a bed with another peer (I had, when a little kid slept in a bed with my grandmother when she visited). I was uncomfortable because I thought maybe he was gay.... I had no sexual experiences with anyone at that time and nothing happened however I obviously was impressed.
It should be noted I had no idea about homosexuality or any of the issues surrounding homosexuality. I knew nothing about laws or people's assumptions or religion or anything. I look back on that time I must wonder how did I even come to think/feel it was weird to be in a bed with another man? Yet I did!? I wonder?!
Next - flash forward 7 years. During the 7 years I went to college and then enrolled in Library School. I had no experiences I noticed in the gay world. People in those days, I think, were quiet (in the closet?) if they were gay. I felt no vibes from friends or acquaintances and then I found myself without a career or life direction. I worked as a postman and a cab driver in NYC. Then I stopped working and did a little traveling. At the beginning of my travels I visited friends who mentioned the profession of librarian to me and noted, significantly to me, the profession had a lot of women and homosexual men and a heterosexual man such as myself might do very well in that profession (I will not get into the good and bad ideas about these demographics - it was of the times). I have always liked books (for what that was/is worth) and I also enjoyed helping people and I liked learning all kinds of things AND I thought a library job would be great at a college or university since I could there study something else, such as psychology, and move into another profession. As things turned out I spend my life working in libraries and am happy I did.
Flash forward again - this time about two years. Met some people in library school. Met my wife to be. Met a young man who my fiance and I were friends with and who we essentially thought of as either homosexuial or asexual. Upon graduating from library school we were all together one afternoon driving around when this young man came out to us and told us he was having a problem with his family and their views about his boyfriend and maybe he was having some questions about his relationship with his boyfriend and I remember very clearly carrying on the conversation with him about relationships and prejudices and such without direct concerns about homosexuality. To say things differently -- we talked about family and relationships as problems we all have without addressing the "special" issue of homosexuality. I have always thought this was a natural and humane way to talk about and think about issues of personal/intimate relationships.
Note: I have not written or thought much about this scene for a long time. My recollection is that the naturalness of the problems of family and relationships without including the issue of homosexuality was a good thing. We might have talked about homosexualty a bit ... maybe more then a bit... AND now looking back I can think maybe talking about it more might have been a good thing.
Since those days I have worked in libraries and lived in places where generally homosexuality and now LGBT+ people are accepted and issues such as marriage have come a very long positive way and that is good! There are people I know who are gay. There are people I know who are not. I don't know the sexual proclivities of some people. I am still simply a solid heterosexual. The only time I wonder about another person's sexuality is when I am thinking about dating which today I am not doing as I have a wonderful partner.
I look back at My History relative to gay people and see I never questioned by sexuality, I don't recall ever being told to worry about homosexual seductions nor to think about them in any way, AND I had what I would call easy and gentle incremental contacts with homosexuals that I internalized peacefully. And that is my story/history.
A message to my reader: Don't worry. Don't be afraid. Don't hate prejudicially. Be humane. Be accepting. If you can't be accepting then at least be tolerant. Know that life is full of variations in interests, intelligence, understanding, knowledge, spirituality, and more. And know there are TRUTHS... (today, in the Trump era one has to speak about Truths....)
We can all get along together AND in our separate groups/spaces. We have reasons to be separate and distinct and we have some important overarching issues with which we all have problems. Who marries/loves someone might be a way of life that is distinct and separate for some people. Climate change is a worry for us all. Pluralism is the American way and that means groups getting along with other groups for the good of everyone... and The Planet Earth!
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