I have wondered and wonder again... why do I take so long "getting it". By "getting it" I mean understanding some basic things and accepting and doing what makes sense... NOW.
Lots of people grow up and become adults after some kind of childhood and they live their lives with consistency and success based on their past and their education and the models of behaviors and ways of analyzing and making decisions. Their lives appear successful and they appear happy, content, and FINE.
As for me -- well - I didn't get a lot of things for a long time. I can list some of those things but TODAY.... May 9, 2020 ... I write after what I call The Event.
"The Event" was the explosion in my body of Pulmonary Embolisms beginning with Deep Vein Thrombosis in my left calf. The Event could have been the end of me. It could have exploded while I was driving or just sleeping in bed and I might have died and even killed others in an accident.
However -- I WAS LUCKY... Everyone tells me I was lucky. Some talk about a guardian angel. I say -- THANK YOU... Thank you all who helped by finding me, caring for me, and doctoring me in the ER and hospital and now at home. THANK YOU!!!!
So - I now have a second chance in life. This was A WAKE UP CALL and I am doing what I can to honor this new lease on life.
This writing and other writings (in draft and in my mind) will be done as they are thoughts I hope worth sharing.
I am eating better. I am getting help from my partner Deanne who knows foods and knows me and is very, very supportive and loving.
I am getting back into walking and other exercise.
AND I going to get through the thoughts about WHY it took me so long to be and get better. I have been overweight. I have eaten quantities of food I didn't have to eat. I like all kinds of foods and plan to eat all kinds of foods - in moderation. With portions controlled by my brain and not my stomach or difficult emotions or whatever. I will control myself!
I will always wonder -- why has it taken so long. I hope it is not too late to get it all better. I hope for the best.
I also hope to get other things in my life right/better ... sooner rather then later while knowing ALL IN ITS OWN/PROPER TIME. can come any sooner then its own time. Time is of the essence and NOW is JUST FINE.
No regrets. Lots of wonder. And the instruction to others -- do it/whatever NOW.... Waiting is ok and waiting is under your control. DO IT NOW.
So - I don't know why it takes ME so long. Does anyone know what time comes and goes and is used or abused by themselves? Self-awareness is cool... and using that awareness to motivate actions is most cool... by which I mean -- most important and effective and personal and a matter of ok-self-control.
Don't waste time. Don't let others waste your time. TIME, TIME, TIME... and NOW IS WHAT IS AND WHAT WILL BE AND ITS OK ABOUT THE PAST ... AND THE PRESENT IS HERE.
My sense about stuff. All subject to reconsideration, discussion, and change. I generally do not think or feel absolute about anything which is a character flaw or a way of remaining open to new information and possibilities. OTHER POLITICAL STUFF is blogged by me, too, and along the right side are links. Check them out! Note: some may be daft and that is me. Copyright claimed (who knows - maybe a book deal someday?)
Saturday, May 09, 2020
Monday, May 04, 2020
Day ???? - it is Monday eve -- May 4, 2020 - after HOSPITAL, etc..
S0 - below is two to Facebook explaining where I've been and why and where I am ... which is an OK place... It seems I am mending.. so the first of the two posts is the mending post and the second is the STORY....
And maybe tomorrow - back to regular writing... Today I walked about 3/4 of a mile... easy peasy... Soo - tomorrow should be better, etc...
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ONE from Sunday, May 3rd.....
Today is one week since leaving HOSPITAL.I just took a little nice walk. Felt GOOD.. Tomorrow - around the block and more, maybe. I know this is not a 26 mile marathon but for me and my condition (bunches of pulmonary embolisms) this is BIG. I walked by myself, with not great foot gear and needing to make a rest stop from the get-go. With those two points and not wanting to push to much first time out I went about a block distance and it was GREAT! Got home, not winded, not tired... Just Fine
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TWO - from Thursday, April 29, 2020
After being fairly consistent writing several blogs (one on The Omer spiritually and one a personal daily Virus Diary and another an essay area --- either/or, essentially) I went off the air, so to speak, last Thursday morning, April 23rd, 2020. I could have written Sunday the 26th of April but it has really taken me awhile to get back FROM MY STAY to everything since RETURNING HOME FROM HOSPITAL.
That is where I was and now I am back home w/Deanne, sheltering in place.
What happened was - I had, for several days before that Thursday, a pain in my left calf. I thought it was an unresolved muscle cramp but as the days went by I wondered if there was a blood clot and if it was clot could it move to the heart, brain, or lungs and cause serious problems. So I communicated with my doctor who made a special point of seeing me that morning (thank you!) so he could then have me get an ultrasound that day. So, I left his office on the 2nd floor of the clinic with the referral and as I walked down the hallway towards the staircase and elevator I began to feel very lightheaded and dizzy. When I got near the stairs and elevator I looked for some seating but there was none so I held on to a banister near the elevator. I pressed the button for the elevator, the doors opened immediately, I saw a blue floor of the elevator and then the next thing I remember I am on the floor being tended by EMT’s, my doctor, and several other people (nurses?. I had passed out and when someone saw me on the ground rushed to get my doctor and help. THANKS! I later learned that the time between passing out and when I saw the EMT’s I was breathing and somewhat responsive and apparently had a couple of EKG’s done until the EMT’s arrived. Now I begin remembering some things such as am I hurt? I was asked and I remember saying I was not feeling hurt or bruised though I had bit my lip and blood from that was on my ear. It became a question of where to go and how. Should I drive myself? Should the ambulance take me to Sutter Davis or Sacramento. The decision was to go to Sutter Davis by ambulance as it was closer and I was not in good shape! In fact when I was put on the gurney and was in the elevator my heart and breathing stopped for a while as my doctor was holding my hand and he was about to bring on the “paddles”... but then I revived…. So getting to the nearest ER was important!
Off to Sutter Davis ER where I got tests such as ultrasound, CT, and X-ray. I was given very good care at all levels of Sutter Davis. I was admitted to the ICU where I spent the rest of the day Thursday and Friday until I was moved to a less intensive area on Saturday.
Yes - the pain in my leg was a blood clot/embolism…. And it moved and got into my lungs so I am suffering from Pulmonary Embolisms - also known as PE.
The question the docs have is was this a provoked or unprovoked event, their terminology. Provoked includes:
You recently were on a long airplane trip and you were seated and stationary and clots can form. Though not absolutely immediately before this event I traveled in December to Hawaii, in January to NYC, and in late February to Belize. Those could be counted.
Or:
You have suddenly become more sedentary. I have been sitting more as I shelter in place and do not have access to my gym. I have walked and done some stomach crunches and a little stretching but I think there has been a difference.
And:
I am overweight and diabetic which are risk factors…
SO ? Provoked or Unprovoked… the answer is important relative to how long I stay on blood thinner (in hospital I was on a heparin drip and now at home I am taking Eliquis). Will it be 3-6 months or for the rest of my life? At this point my doctor is calling it Unprovoked so I will be using Eliquis for the rest of my life.
That is the basic story! I am back home with Deanne where we have been sheltering in place at her house for a while. My daughters have been extraordinarily concerned and caring and supportive. Sarah has offered to come to Davis for a while to help. Amy has monitored and asked questions at a couple of phone calls with doctors. Deanne has been wonderful and caring and supportive and she and I have most everything covered at this time. We will see how the future unfolds.
I am weak from being breathless. It is like when I carry a large weight up stairs. I tire easily. I DO feel basically well otherwise.
This was, I am thinking, my wake up call to better health. I was lucky to have had the event when and where I did. I could have been on the highway going to the ultrasound. AND I am very fortunate to have the care and prayers and help and supportive messages, texts, and calls from friends and family. Very heartwarming.
My future plans are to lose weight so to be non or less diabetic and get back being active (I have missed the gym this whole time of sheltering in place and I look forward to getting back to a gym and the social energy there). In the short term more fresh air and walking would be nice. This is THE WAKE UP CALL… and I hear it! Good Morning!
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