It has been awhile since I last wrote. Lots has happened. Today is a beautiful day. So was yesterday. Weather-wise. Outside!
Inside - the weather has been rough. But I should not say that. I should say it has been.... Well I don't know what to say as I think about the way of R. Nachman who would have us getting more of the same we have. If we have joy - we will get more joy. If we have sadness we will get more sadness. Whatever we have and say we have will attract more of the same. This is like the little angels on ones shoulders on Shabbat. One angel is harsh and the other kind and loving. If one comes home and the house is not nice the harsh angels gives the blessing: may next Shabbat be like this Shabbat... and so that angel is saying may things not be nice next week. If on the other hand/shoulder one comes home to a beautifully set table and wonderful foods the other, kind angel give the blessing: may next Shabbat be like this Shabbat.... and that is wishing for the good!!
Ah... so what does one do when a rough patch has been slipped into ones life. IGNORE IT? MAYBE!!!
A rough patch is just a patch. It is passed and done with. Hmmm....
So... let me assert - I am happy. I am fine. I feel good. I did ok !!! last night, for instance. I barely lost my cool. I stopped and paused and carried on calmly. I ended my anger, no matter what size is was. As for my resentment I am trying to not be resentful or worried or bothered. I may be ever more careful. (and G-d says - you think this/that is being careful! - I'll show you careful.... hmmm what would that be like?)
(and of course... is ms. karen reading this?) - or my kids???
R. Hachman says - do anything it takes to not be depressed. Fake it if you have to. Making believe one is not depressed soon has you believing you are not depressed. Grammatically it works. In life - it works, too. (Whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune... and the happiness in the tune, convinces me that I'm not afraid.... etc...etc...)
I am thinking that I just want to have some peace and quiet. Some time to read and sit comfortably. Interestingly - the book: "Summer in Williamsburg" begins very depressingly! A suicide and then kids and all trying to figure out why??? BUT - reading was an escape from the rough patch....
And what was that rough patch. Why go into it. Why bother. Today is a new day. This moment is now. AAAAaaahhhhhhh.......
IF the past can stay in the past then the present and future are open to any and all possibilities. The past ..... I keep wondering about the value of the past. The past can teach and provide information and lessons but it can be quite intrusive if one is not careful. One can see now what really was once upon a time but is NOT now... but can become now and that is unfair to the present. Now is what it is. Now is not the past. The past is not the future. The present is not the future, either. The past is gone. GONE!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
After Chanukah
So it is now after Chanukah and after several days of guests and dinners and candles and all. Tonight, Wednesday evening, Karen and I will have time just to ourselves. We have things to think about such as:
1. More plans about the wedding.
2. House projects - for tonight and/or this weekend
3. We could check in on finance issues for this month.
Later this afternoon/tonight we get the new bed thingy for Karen's office which will be nice. A hi-riser which will take up less room when not fully in use. Karen then can better arrange and work in her office.
My office is rather neatened up after the terrible explosion caused by my computer crash. Things are still not fully fixed with my computer but it is working and now I am reloading files and programs. In the course of all this a did something to Amy's old computer and I need to get files off of her system!!! Mess after mess!!
AND - WORKOUT! I NEED TO WORKOUT AGAIN. I need to eat better and less and workout and stretch, etc. And meditate, too. MAYBE this evening!!! More blogging on this later and regularly!!!
1. More plans about the wedding.
2. House projects - for tonight and/or this weekend
3. We could check in on finance issues for this month.
Later this afternoon/tonight we get the new bed thingy for Karen's office which will be nice. A hi-riser which will take up less room when not fully in use. Karen then can better arrange and work in her office.
My office is rather neatened up after the terrible explosion caused by my computer crash. Things are still not fully fixed with my computer but it is working and now I am reloading files and programs. In the course of all this a did something to Amy's old computer and I need to get files off of her system!!! Mess after mess!!
AND - WORKOUT! I NEED TO WORKOUT AGAIN. I need to eat better and less and workout and stretch, etc. And meditate, too. MAYBE this evening!!! More blogging on this later and regularly!!!
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
choral crap
Is it crappy to have been barred from the chorus for the second half of the year? I think so and I expect to pursue this a bit. Just now I sent the fourth email to Jim McCormick who I think is the person I need to talk to. We will see if he answers now. My patience is at its end. Next????
Ahh.... so Jim finally got back to me... and was not helpful. In fact he was downright negative, accusatory, and inflexible. So.... we have agreed to exchange a check for the binder. And then????
SO... (writing in this a number of days later) - QUESTION - what do I want or want to do? Justice? Equity? What????
Ahh.... so Jim finally got back to me... and was not helpful. In fact he was downright negative, accusatory, and inflexible. So.... we have agreed to exchange a check for the binder. And then????
SO... (writing in this a number of days later) - QUESTION - what do I want or want to do? Justice? Equity? What????
Thursday, December 02, 2004
secular or cultural judaism
So.... most Jews are secular and so identify. Sounds right to me. Yet they as such and the civilization which they form and are part of is not studied or taught or disucssed. Generally. Here comes - Posen Foundation and the Center for Secular Judaism and its founder Alex Posen who talked this afternoon at the UCD Campus.
NOTE - from their web site: ( http://www.culturaljudaism.org/ccj/about )
"Mission of the Center
“I’m Culturally Jewish, But I’m Not Religious”
Cultural Jews have a passion for their Jewish identity, yet they struggle to express it in ways that are consistent with their beliefs. They are far from alone. In fact, a rapidly increasing number Jews throughout the world identify themselves as cultural, non-religious Jews.
According to an important study of the Jewish population released by the Graduate Center of The City University of New York (AJIS 2001) , nearly one-half of American Jews identify themselves as secular or somewhat secular. One-half of American Jews are completely unaffiliated, and do not even belong to a community center or other Jewish organization. Yet, cultural Jews are vastly under served by existing programs. We are working to fill this void."
Interesting talk by Alex Posen and also by David Biale. The question of who is a a secular Jew will be answered by the body of produced literature and art and all. I am not sure yet how this will work, look, feel, etc. The assertion that there are and were many Judaisms is interesting but what is CORE? IF the Tanakh is at the core what does it mean to put THE JEWISH Religious Book at the center of a secular culture also named Jewish and yet not be religious or anti-religious. BUT I think I ramble and am not as informed as I might be nor am I thinking outside the box of the Bible. I guess that the points might be that the mainstream secular culture includes as part of its heritage the Bible as well as the New Testament and other religious tomes and yet is secular. The question then may be the longevity of our Jewish Cultures - both religious and secular. This differs it is said from the longevity of other cultures but is that true? I wonder. Certainly the Christian culture has a call on longevity and so does the Greek culture. And Chinese culture, etc. The longevity of the Jewish Cultures which have survived without a homeland may be unique especially as a secular phenomenon OR some might argue that the secular culture is intricately linked to the religious culture. Maybe the secular depends on the religious. Maybe not. Maybe the other way around OR maybe the two co-exist and survive because there is the two! Ah... that would be a nice spin. BUT - how to determine the necessities?
More later, sometime!
NOTE - from their web site: ( http://www.culturaljudaism.org/ccj/about )
"Mission of the Center
“I’m Culturally Jewish, But I’m Not Religious”
Cultural Jews have a passion for their Jewish identity, yet they struggle to express it in ways that are consistent with their beliefs. They are far from alone. In fact, a rapidly increasing number Jews throughout the world identify themselves as cultural, non-religious Jews.
According to an important study of the Jewish population released by the Graduate Center of The City University of New York (AJIS 2001) , nearly one-half of American Jews identify themselves as secular or somewhat secular. One-half of American Jews are completely unaffiliated, and do not even belong to a community center or other Jewish organization. Yet, cultural Jews are vastly under served by existing programs. We are working to fill this void."
Interesting talk by Alex Posen and also by David Biale. The question of who is a a secular Jew will be answered by the body of produced literature and art and all. I am not sure yet how this will work, look, feel, etc. The assertion that there are and were many Judaisms is interesting but what is CORE? IF the Tanakh is at the core what does it mean to put THE JEWISH Religious Book at the center of a secular culture also named Jewish and yet not be religious or anti-religious. BUT I think I ramble and am not as informed as I might be nor am I thinking outside the box of the Bible. I guess that the points might be that the mainstream secular culture includes as part of its heritage the Bible as well as the New Testament and other religious tomes and yet is secular. The question then may be the longevity of our Jewish Cultures - both religious and secular. This differs it is said from the longevity of other cultures but is that true? I wonder. Certainly the Christian culture has a call on longevity and so does the Greek culture. And Chinese culture, etc. The longevity of the Jewish Cultures which have survived without a homeland may be unique especially as a secular phenomenon OR some might argue that the secular culture is intricately linked to the religious culture. Maybe the secular depends on the religious. Maybe not. Maybe the other way around OR maybe the two co-exist and survive because there is the two! Ah... that would be a nice spin. BUT - how to determine the necessities?
More later, sometime!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Wondering (family?)
So... I wonder if it is family that is at the core of soo many of my problems. Either I have been oppressed or I am being oppressed or I may have oppressed or I may be oppressing... HOW DEPRESSING!!!!
But - I shall not be depressed. I shall fight depression and its master - sadness by ??? Well I am not sure how I will deal with sadness but as they say - pain is real but suffering is optional. Pain = sadness and suffering = depression. Why suffer? How does one suffer? How does one free oneself from suffering?
"May I be free from suffering and the root of suffering."
And what is the root of suffering?
Suffering and the root of suffering in the Buddhist tradition is directly related to the fact that we are all going to die. We suffer if we grasp at life while keeping in mind that which was or will be AND!!! - because the past is no longer changeable and the future is not known - we suffer either regrets or anxieties. IF WE ARE ON THE NOW and the now is ever transient and if we do not GRASP THE NOW then we are here and all is all! We are not sad about the past or worried about the future and usually the now is ok. IF the now is not ok then the now will end and a new now will be and it may or may not be sad or glad, etc. All the nows are news! AaaHhhh!
So right now I am not with my family and they are not bothering me and I can hope they are well and I can wonder about them but since I don't really know what is happening with them now I don't have to be sad or worried or anything beyond OPEN TO WONDER. THEY would have me sitting here worrying and wondering. Or maybe they would not... but why should I and why should anyone, ever?
Years ago I learned a lesson about caring about my children. That lesson essentially was - there is often little I can do. I am not in control AND EVEN WHEN THEY ARE WELL CARED FOR... as when they were with their Mother - shit might happen. That is something to remark about but not worry about. Why worry? Me worry? Worry cannot be the correct word. I can wonder but to worry is to put a negative spin/expectation on the considering of things and that is a waste of feelings! When I used to say that I did not MISS my children I never meant I did not often/always wonder how they were. It is just that the word MISS seems negative and I didn't want to lay that on them or myself.
Wasn't that wonderful?
But - I shall not be depressed. I shall fight depression and its master - sadness by ??? Well I am not sure how I will deal with sadness but as they say - pain is real but suffering is optional. Pain = sadness and suffering = depression. Why suffer? How does one suffer? How does one free oneself from suffering?
"May I be free from suffering and the root of suffering."
And what is the root of suffering?
Suffering and the root of suffering in the Buddhist tradition is directly related to the fact that we are all going to die. We suffer if we grasp at life while keeping in mind that which was or will be AND!!! - because the past is no longer changeable and the future is not known - we suffer either regrets or anxieties. IF WE ARE ON THE NOW and the now is ever transient and if we do not GRASP THE NOW then we are here and all is all! We are not sad about the past or worried about the future and usually the now is ok. IF the now is not ok then the now will end and a new now will be and it may or may not be sad or glad, etc. All the nows are news! AaaHhhh!
So right now I am not with my family and they are not bothering me and I can hope they are well and I can wonder about them but since I don't really know what is happening with them now I don't have to be sad or worried or anything beyond OPEN TO WONDER. THEY would have me sitting here worrying and wondering. Or maybe they would not... but why should I and why should anyone, ever?
Years ago I learned a lesson about caring about my children. That lesson essentially was - there is often little I can do. I am not in control AND EVEN WHEN THEY ARE WELL CARED FOR... as when they were with their Mother - shit might happen. That is something to remark about but not worry about. Why worry? Me worry? Worry cannot be the correct word. I can wonder but to worry is to put a negative spin/expectation on the considering of things and that is a waste of feelings! When I used to say that I did not MISS my children I never meant I did not often/always wonder how they were. It is just that the word MISS seems negative and I didn't want to lay that on them or myself.
Wasn't that wonderful?
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