been awhile....

It has been awhile since I last wrote. Lots has happened. Today is a beautiful day. So was yesterday. Weather-wise. Outside!

Inside - the weather has been rough. But I should not say that. I should say it has been.... Well I don't know what to say as I think about the way of R. Nachman who would have us getting more of the same we have. If we have joy - we will get more joy. If we have sadness we will get more sadness. Whatever we have and say we have will attract more of the same. This is like the little angels on ones shoulders on Shabbat. One angel is harsh and the other kind and loving. If one comes home and the house is not nice the harsh angels gives the blessing: may next Shabbat be like this Shabbat... and so that angel is saying may things not be nice next week. If on the other hand/shoulder one comes home to a beautifully set table and wonderful foods the other, kind angel give the blessing: may next Shabbat be like this Shabbat.... and that is wishing for the good!!

Ah... so what does one do when a rough patch has been slipped into ones life. IGNORE IT? MAYBE!!!

A rough patch is just a patch. It is passed and done with. Hmmm....

So... let me assert - I am happy. I am fine. I feel good. I did ok !!! last night, for instance. I barely lost my cool. I stopped and paused and carried on calmly. I ended my anger, no matter what size is was. As for my resentment I am trying to not be resentful or worried or bothered. I may be ever more careful. (and G-d says - you think this/that is being careful! - I'll show you careful.... hmmm what would that be like?)

(and of course... is ms. karen reading this?) - or my kids???

R. Hachman says - do anything it takes to not be depressed. Fake it if you have to. Making believe one is not depressed soon has you believing you are not depressed. Grammatically it works. In life - it works, too. (Whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune... and the happiness in the tune, convinces me that I'm not afraid.... etc...etc...)

I am thinking that I just want to have some peace and quiet. Some time to read and sit comfortably. Interestingly - the book: "Summer in Williamsburg" begins very depressingly! A suicide and then kids and all trying to figure out why??? BUT - reading was an escape from the rough patch....

And what was that rough patch. Why go into it. Why bother. Today is a new day. This moment is now. AAAAaaahhhhhhh.......

IF the past can stay in the past then the present and future are open to any and all possibilities. The past ..... I keep wondering about the value of the past. The past can teach and provide information and lessons but it can be quite intrusive if one is not careful. One can see now what really was once upon a time but is NOT now... but can become now and that is unfair to the present. Now is what it is. Now is not the past. The past is not the future. The present is not the future, either. The past is gone. GONE!