2025 Daily - 09/29/2025 - yiskor/remembering... and LOVE

 I've been thinking.... how shall I remember my parents and sister...? What is real? What is authentic? What is nice? Good? Bad? Ugly?

What were some of the last things my sister said and were some meant to hurt? Bring up a few old points that were digs? Interesting that the lawyer said -- Ken... .do not look at your dad's will.... it contains nasty things about you.... Aaaahhhh... Of course! He was who he was til the end.... AND if as he died he meant to change he didn't have the strength. Let THAT be a LESSON -- change while you can. And when my sister talks about the Tallit... is she just wanting to be sure I remember the disrespect she showed it AND the threat she made if she had it? Lovely person. And some other things I hesitate to mention... BUT to be sure -- her memory was always good and precise so what she said was meant, I think and feel sure, to hurt. Why not? She was hurt... she said... She was not the center of attention whcnever she was anywhere... And my father didnt' get from me what he wanted... i.e. a partner in business who was obedient in every way. I was certainly not obediant and being kicked under the table was not a way to control me. As for my mother -- well on fairly good authority I am told she was the Queen... and everyone essentially did what she wanted... except me...!!!  SO - bad Ken!

So what and how to remember? And with whom do I share any of this? People think that all mothers and parents love their children. While that may have some truth the bigger truth I have come to is that LOVE IS DIFFICULT....  To remember is one small way to love!

There are many ways to love. There are many dynamics to love. There is reciprocated love and there is unrequited love. There is love of beauty and love of mind. There is love of goodness and love of strength. There is love of flexibility and love of firmness... To list just a few. There is love of one's parents, one's mate, one's children, one's friends, etc etc.. There is love of country. Love of G-d. AND on the other hand there are the opposites... since love and life and everything are matters and anti-matters. EXCEPT -- can we ever hate G-d? Some people do. However I suggest that in all things we can instead of hating or loving we can relate or shun.... If we relate there is a chance for anything. If we shun then we isolate ourselves and limit our opportunities. 

Being connected... relating... is to be preferred. Yet - what am I doing with my local Jewish community? With some old friends? With family - now and in the past?

Protecting myself has been a theme even as I feel strong enough... Protection limits one's life. Protection is one way to deal with being afraid. FEAR is an amazing and terrible feeling. 

SO - today - what am I afraid of? I like to think... I am not afraid ... of anything, of anyone... anytime... YET - there is anti-semitism. There is white supremacists. There is possible death. Possible destruction. Possible loss...

Recently I read someone's saying -- being alone is the better thing. It is where freedom lies. It is where one will not get hurt or do harm.  I WONDER....  and will write more sometime, I guess.

2025 Daily - 09/27/2025 - Ethnic Cleansing - NOT - but....

 To be clear .... I am NOT a fan of ethnic cleansing.PERIOD....

Genocide and ethnic cleansing are different. While ethnic cleansing may have some appearences to genocide they are not the same... imho. One, genocide is the killing of all who are part of some group. Ethnic cleansing is the clearing out of some group from some area. When ethnic cleansing is done the subjected group has some place to go. When genocide is committed the end is the end for the people in that group.

Jews have experienced genocide. While it may be possible to find some evidence that first Germany wanted to cleanse itself of all Jews.. it later choose to kill all Jews. AND when "cleansing" may have been in mind the world beyond Germany was filled with lots of antisemitism so there was no really safe welcoming place for Jews. 

Palestinians have been subjected to pressures to "clear out" since the late 1940's. Who applied the pressure is something to discuss and understand when it happened in the 1940's however in the 21st century, since 2005 when Israel cleared out of Gaza, the people living in Gaza had choices as to how to live. Those choices can be discussed, too, and when I say discussed I mean debated as there are competing stories and realities. Today, in 2025 and post Oct. 7, 2023, things are different and are being handled differently. IF the people living in Gaza when the current war is over will not commit to peace then either ethnic cleansing or severe police state control are options. The option of genocide is NOT real and it is not happening now and must not happen.  All those killed are a sad and terrible and horrible consequence of a war that could be mutaully ended or could be ended by one side immediately. Israel could end the war BUT the consequence would be Israel would have to fight another day sometime in the future. Hamas could end the war by laying downs their weapons and giving up their demands to remove, ethnically clearnse, kill... all Israelis and Jews AND THEN the people of Gaza can commit to peace and also to prosperity!

Hamas and its sympathizers must go and be replaced by people and powers who see peace and humanity and tolerance and acceptance as real and right. On the Israeli side it may also mean a group of people and powers with the same vision be in place, too.

2025 Daily - 09/28/2025 - power, powerliessness

 (this was begun yesterday)

AAaahhhhh..... The Great Century of Power.... that is what the 21st Century is about. Who's got the power. THE power... or POWER???

It used to be in a democracy -- The People had The Power.... A Person needed a group to support and help with maintaining power... Unions thrived. Countries coalesced. It was a time of The Majority.

Now -- individuals who have amassed enough money to isolate themselves from others can be free in personal enclaves. AND they can influence others with distractions and fracturing issues. Those with money can get more money and maintain their positions/places/ENCLAVES and they do not have to conspire with others who share their ways and means - others just go/come along naturally. Two or more separate worlds, essentially. 

I regularly wonder -- how much money does anyone need? For what?  A some point the amount of money a person or family (spread across a certain number of persons) has becomes impossible to spend in any meaningful way. 

AHHH..... what is meaningful? Productive? Creative? Supportive (of those hungry, unsheltered, unclothed).

What is the meaning of any of our lives? 

I for one am searching for my personal meaning, PURPOSE, way to be useful!!!!

On the way to my PURPOSE....  I want to be secure, safe, comfortable, happy, able to be joyful, and healthy.

===========and now======a pause in this convoluted thinking for a drink============

MAYBE....?? more later, today (tomorrow)... etc. etc... There are BASIC problems in our world and  there could be... should be... ARE?? - SOLUTIONS that are POSSIBLE!!!!

=====================================================

2025 Daily - 09/19/2025

 Nothing big today... except maybe conversation with dr. paul... who told me not to worry about what is probably:

"Diastasis Recti (Abdominal Separation)

One of the most common conditions that can be confused with a hernia is an abdominal wall defect, such as diastasis recti. Diastasis recti is a separation of the rectus muscles without a defect (or hernia) in the abdominal wall.  This commonly occurs with or after pregnancy, chronic straining, obesity, or older age. The separation can cause a bulging or protrusion which can resemble a hernia.  However, diastasis recti is only visible when the patient is actively sitting up or straining. Diastasis recti does not require any surgical intervention. We usually recommend weight loss and abdominal core health exercise exercises and occasionally physical therapy.

Seeking Proper Diagnosis

While a hernia is a common condition, it’s important to remember that other conditions can present similar symptoms. From muscle strains to ovarian cysts, the causes of abdominal or groin bulges can be varied. If you notice any unexplained lumps, swelling or discomfort in your abdominal or groin area, it’s important to seek medical attention. Only a healthcare provider can diagnose the cause of your symptoms and recommend the appropriate treatment to ensure your health and well-being."

That is/was good to know and the scheduled ultrasound should confirm what it really is. Hopefully - Diastasis Recti.

And the rest of the day did include a decent workout... as well as conversation w/Steve and dinner and conversation w/Neal. 

NOTE: apologies don't happen... people just do what they want to do... and rationalize what they need to rationalize. No getting through to most people. 

On another point .. I need to go to a Braver Angels thing and see up close and personal what it is! Nothing clear otherwise. 

Politics really in bad times .. Jimmy Kimmel offed. Steven Colbert was offed. The folks in DC are doing the worst they can do to all who do not agree with them. CRAZY!!!

At end of day got some PhishFood Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream. Four pints. VERY good!!!

Still need to do paperworks AND get a massage person... And a car????

And a good night's sleep!!!!!! Aaaahhhhh SLEEP!

2025 Daily - 09/18/2025 - the privileged?

 Today was a good day... services, paperwork (visa appl filled out, picture gotten, air flights arranged...) and went to beer choosing meeting... for Rotary...

AND - talked w/Jim ... at our visit... AND a new idea developed...

SO - it is asked --- what do the poor, homeless people do all day... what would they do all day ... ??? Without resources -- they forage.... work... etc.. IF they had reasonable food, clothing, and shelter... and didn't HAVE TO Forage, work, etc... what would they do? Play at what? Eat, DRINK, ---- WHAT?? Since we don't want them "squandering" their time ... we do not fill their reasonable needs - whatever reasonable might be... 

HOWEVER -- what about the rich and well housed people... what do they do all day? Assuming they are not necessarily continuing to amass wealth... Why would/do they? THEN - what do they do? What about that child, grandchild, etc... who never has had to work... and doesn't work... What do they do????

Can the poor and the rich be similarly provided for... Even if the State provides for the poor and the Family provides for the privileged?

OF COURSE -- sure -- doing meaningful work is important... It is mentally healthy... etc etc...

BUT -- do not a lot of people do not so meaningful work ... for instance in the Health Fields... Doctors, nurses, and such do important meaningful work... What about all those people pushing papers around for insurance companies??? 

OY!!!!!

Today was a good day... Talked/listened to Pam... 

Thought about my sister and parents...  Not a lot to really think about there... In various ways we all get the last laugh!! I will be soo very surprised if the Tallit shows up... I begin to think .. the suggestion it was found along with other things ... were just sister, et al, trying to get one more DIG in... And that is ok... I don't really have any reason to react.

And so IT goes... It=Life... and Life goes on....!!!!

2025 Daily - 09/17/2025

 again ... a journal entry...

today - went to doctor... had my back x-rayed... nothing much, I think. Normal degenerative stuff.

Tried to get psa -- turns out it wasn't authorized.

Will go back in two weeks for psa at time of ultra sound for herniated stomach thing. 

Good kabbalah class ...

no workout today.

some Unforgotten episodes...

Laundry.

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO THAT IS MEANINGFUL?????!!!!!

Made a plan for backyard... Now - get someone to do it.

AND A NEW CAR.... already!!!??? LEASE??? Or - what will 2026 cars be like?

Arranged stuff to take care of Foxy..

Made contribution for one dinner at Hillel... - World Series Friday.... see notes for that day - Oct. 24th...!!!

2025 Daily - 09/16/2025

 The suggestion is .. journal each night... and stretch and/or do some yoga... SO - here goes.

Today - visited Rachel... cleaned and had house cleaned. Worked out -- only extended/double elliptical. Tomorrow.. back into some weights - if I have the time.

Went to a Rotary Community Services Committee meeting. Good! And I contacted people at the Davis Chorale and The Pence Gallery relative to getting money for them from this committee. Working on it..!

Watched some TV. AND got current Covid vaccine and flu shot. And spoke briefly w/Ellen. She had a long day... and was tired. AAAhhhhhh... I would like to be less tired. I would like to sleep in -- OR take scheduled naps!

AOK.... Waiting on the sale of the car in florida. Waiting to be done with all that... soon.

Planning to take care of Sarah's dog - Foxy -- looking forward to that. 

And now -- cut my toe nails and off to bed ... and sleep in tomorrow - at least until 11am when Kabbalah class is scheduled.

2025 Daily - 09/12/2025 - Common or Distinct... in Divisive Times

 (obviously this writing has become IRREGULAR... - sorry!)

These are times of great division in our country and our world. To counter that people of good will try to bring people and groups of people together to talk, communicate... AND find Common Ground.... While that clearly seems like a good idea.. the idea to share common interests and goals and passions, etc. etc.. THUS bridging the differences and gaps ... I have another idea!

My idea is similarly based on there being common grounds upon which most people stand... BUT rather than search and demonstrate that --- let us accept that such commonalities exist such as: all people want peace and security. All people want food and shelter. All people want love and affection. All people want to be healthy and maybe wealthy, too. AND ALSO - while there clearly is hate and hostility and anxiety -- most if not all people do not want to hate and kill and worry. I understand that people in various parts of the world, in various situations... feel hate and worry and act with hostility... Those are reactions to very bad situations AND young people learn to hate and act agressively because of their situations and the situations of their parents and their parent's parents and their families... and so a cycle of hard times builds up anxiety and hostility and hate. YET -- given times of peace and security and good shelter and plenty of food -- I think people will and can turn towards the positive commonalities we all essentially share! And the positives are more likely to be sustainable than the negatives which include violence!

SO - to summarize and be comprehensive all people want:

peace

security

food

shelter

love

affection 

AND all people can:

hate

be hostile

have anxieties

A POINT TO CONSIDER:  when people of good will try to bridge divisions and bring people together I think the negatives are ignored and the positives are emphasized... and the consequence of feeding the positives and ignoring the negatives is a lack of results because the authentic reality is a mix of all the good and the bad. What is common to us all are ALL OUR EMOTIONS, NEEDS, WANTS. 

So - ASSUME THE COMMONALITIES... and then work on the differences. Consider the differences DISTINCTIONS. Share the special things, ways, food, etc.. that The OTHER has, does --- that is different. Learn to understand differences and see them as distinctions to be appreciated and respected. THE DIFFICULT thing to do is to learn how to see and understand and either tolerate or accept The Other and all they bring to our world. 

There are two similar but different teachings most of us have heard and I've been wrong about which is more important - OR they both are...

One I have thought was easier is:

Don't do to others that which you would not like done to you...

The second is:

love others as you would like to be loved.

The first thought seems easier since we may all know what is harmful to us and what harms us is also likely to harm others. The second thought seems more difficult since there are so many ways to love... Love yourself, your spouse, your child, your neighbor, etc etc... Hard is simpler and somewhat limited while love is expansive and complex and nuanced and so very, very varied!

Bottom line is - do no harm AND love, love, love!

2025 Daily - 09/5/2025 AND a new todo for ME

 Another Friday -- singing at Rotary, ok program, hanging in the park w/Steve....

Maybe --- workout... soon... after lunch (it is now about 1:20pm). Then maybe dinner w/Neal. I wonder if he will remember, be there, whatever.

THOUGHTS.... for today? I am into remembering stuff from father, mother, sister.  And I wonder when/if I will hear from Cindy ... or I will call her sometime next week. 

I am still not getting great sleep.... not enough, interrupted, etc. etc... Maybe Sunday morning I will sleep IN!!! 

And maybe later this afternoon, after working out and showering --- write some Thank You's....

The NEW TODO....

become a COACH to help people in families get together before it is too late, so to speak. Tell stories, share thoughts, etc etc... For young people especially... But also for elders. And peers at any age. FIRST part... 

Based on my missing my sister and mother and father... and now that they are all "gone" -- what can I do?  SECOND part...

2025 Daily - 09/4/2025 - with questions to answer...!!!!

 I'm not writing... nor playing piano... I've been reading .. On Repentance was the biggie... From that - FREEDOM, Creation, A New Me... Whatever/whoever that is, will be ... etc. etc...

AND - suffering?!!!??? 

Do/am I suffering? About what ... in regards to what? 

If I suffer from a lack of various relationships ... What can I do? What should I do ... Why do not others do something!??? Why do I always think it has to be me to make initial steps? Why do the various others think they are just fine... They have not done harm. They are innocents? Is it the people I have chosen to be around? Are they that good!? OR - am I that bad?

I don't think I am arrogant ... I do think I have been harmed, abandoned, disrespected.... etc. etc... AND - complaining about it .. pointing it out to others -- has gotten me no where. 

AND then -- on my mind --- relationships, intimacy, CHEMISTRY...., conversations, caring, and ... and ... loving???

..section edited out ... in draft....

TODAY earlier (it is now about 4:45pm) I attended services for the first time during the week In Person .. it was to bring a light breakfast to the group... and it was to mark the end of Shloshim for my sister. 

How much do I miss my sister ... and my mother and my father? What do I miss? What did I miss? What is the/MY story now... It is all up to me!!!! What do I know? What do I think? What do I feel? What is true? What is false? ALL UP TO ME TO TELL!!!!

And what about remaining family... and what friends?