I'm not writing... nor playing piano... I've been reading .. On Repentance was the biggie... From that - FREEDOM, Creation, A New Me... Whatever/whoever that is, will be ... etc. etc...
AND - suffering?!!!???
Do/am I suffering? About what ... in regards to what?
If I suffer from a lack of various relationships ... What can I do? What should I do ... Why do not others do something!??? Why do I always think it has to be me to make initial steps? Why do the various others think they are just fine... They have not done harm. They are innocents? Is it the people I have chosen to be around? Are they that good!? OR - am I that bad?
I don't think I am arrogant ... I do think I have been harmed, abandoned, disrespected.... etc. etc... AND - complaining about it .. pointing it out to others -- has gotten me no where.
AND then -- on my mind --- relationships, intimacy, CHEMISTRY...., conversations, caring, and ... and ... loving???
..section edited out ... in draft....
TODAY earlier (it is now about 4:45pm) I attended services for the first time during the week In Person .. it was to bring a light breakfast to the group... and it was to mark the end of Shloshim for my sister.
How much do I miss my sister ... and my mother and my father? What do I miss? What did I miss? What is the/MY story now... It is all up to me!!!! What do I know? What do I think? What do I feel? What is true? What is false? ALL UP TO ME TO TELL!!!!
And what about remaining family... and what friends?
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