The dry well of my life shall not have my blood, sweat, or tears.... not at this time. Patience! Ah... patience. Never will happen that which I want... even as I pare down to almost nothing that which I want. Oh well.... I can't give up everything for a likely nothing....
What do I have to lose? What do I have to gain? I know that there is nothing to gain. I have tried and tried and my experience is that those who will not bend sometimes don't break either. Sometimes that which is inflexible is also very strong and resilient. As for me... I think I have bent til there have been times when I have been twisted beyond recognition. SO - I can only be ever ready and ever mindful of now... and be ever soft and loving and kind and accepting -- as well as lost and hurting and suffering. My suffering over the dry well is deep but it is not debilitating. I can be happy even with that suffering. As the chant says: "May I not be separated from the great happiness devoid of suffering." While I am suffering I am happy. While I am happy I suffer. But again it is taught (and this has it opposite I must say) - "Remember: Nothing begets wholeness in life better than a heartfelt SIGH" --- AAAaaaaahhhhhhhhhh..........
Am I whole? Surely. What else could I be? Do I sometimes break down or up or otherwise become partial... YES - there are many moments when I am some specific THING. There are times when I put on armor and hide. I still cannot cry. MAYBE... someday? I doubt it.. but who knows?
Am I afraid... again the sage Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav teaches: "all of life is just a narrow bridge; we must remember the most important thing is not to fear. " And --- WE MUST BE HAPPY... NOT SAD...!!! So he says! Sadness and depression is a great destroyer! Dance, sing, be merry! Even drink a bit...
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