monday in NYC - march, 2015

I had breakfast w/Sarah near her school and then went with her to observe her advisory group thing. The students there were cool... and very articulate. It was wonderful seeing them express their issues. Great opportunity to hear and listen.

Then - I walked to Museum of Natural History which is now my go-to museum on future visits. It is huge, diverse, and great!

I am still not 100 percent healthy! Maybe only 85 percent. The visit to the museum was shortened due to not feeling energetic. I am looking forward to getting home and really resting. That will happen tomorrow. Yippee.

SO .. not much of a post....

The play Skylight... written for my daughters, friends, and others who have seen the play - I seek comments.

After seeing and some talk with daughters about the play - Skylight:

Our conversation ranged from how Kyra was quickly accepted and trusted as the goto person for Tom, his son, Edward, and Tom's now dead wife, Alice. Kyra got things done... and was a go-between perhaps, in the family between father, wife and sone. She was treated badly by her father as was Edward, Why does she become a teacher and why does she choose to live in an impovershed area and why does she need to justify these actions to anyone is asked. I ask my own daughter, Sarah, such questions sometime and that needs to be stopped or modified if it hasn't changed already. 

Back to the play - how did the three adults live up until the "The Affair" of Tom and Kyra was discovered? It did seem quite intentional that Tom let it be discovered. That was foolish and maybe a test or maybe a cry for change but he loses Kyra.  What was the depth of the relatiotnship between Tom and his wife, Alice? Was he then, as he appears now, a FIXER which is something "men" do and women do or don't want and, more importatnly, is something which cannot be done! No matter how hard a man tries!

Then there is the theme of the Rich and Poor... the great diviide which the rich really cannot cross to understand... but the poor suffer on their side of the divide with some knowledge and understanding of what it could mean to be rich. Or do they understand or not understand?Certinaly the poor suffer and don't have choices and the rich suffer with choices? Who is better off?

Who are real people? To whom are others real? And if you are relatively ok and then listen secretly to poor folks on the lower level of the bus you take to and from a good job (?) - where you get to leave those poor suffering folks... to some extent because you probably are not soo poor and you DO have choices - then what does that mean, really. When I have been in the role of "uncle" / grandparent who leaves at the end of some time with a child  and I don't have to spend the night with a crying baby.... etc, is that similar? 

There is Tom the micromanaging almost listening almost aware fixer man who cannot or will not admit to really understanding the divide.  Nor can he express his feelings readily accept as anger and rage. Just like a "man". 

The world consists of all types of people and all are due respect and understanding. Which comes first -- respect or understanidng? RESPECT first as respect creates the connection and ultamitely requires empathy and with empathy comes nderstanding. Then after understanding what might come?  Cooperation? Collaboration? I can hope that all of us can do what we can and get treated fairly and support each other's wants and needs.

AND that is what is NOT happening now as the income gap is so wide and a living wage is not available to many full-time workers, and gentrifcation is good while also bad..

 

But back to the play which was so esseentially personal. Would the suffeirng rich guy and suffering poor girl renew their realtionship? How? Why do they have sex? Why does Edward, the son, arrive soon before his father arrives? Edward's visit softens up Kyra, and why does Edward return after his father leaves bringing goodies. The son's visits are short and are the bookends of the play and discussions/arguments of the two adults who can't seem to be together except in secrecy. With the affair revealed they cannot go on... especially with Tom blaming both women for his pain and not taking personal responsibility or ownership of how things evolved. Others hurt Tom and he thinks he is some kind of do-gooder for his chosen people if they will stay in their places. When his wife, Alice, gardens she is in the wrong place. When Kyra leaves she is wrong for abandoning Tom. Poor Tom.

But Tom is hurting. He has suffered. Maybe in an inadequate married relationship which needed to be supplimented with Krya. He was loyal and caring for his wife but he couldn't bare too much closesness. He couldn't watch his dying wife at the very end. He did what he could without seeing and feeling his essential self. His own feelings were generally foreign to him. Grief was real but for someone else. He was too busy. His external busy-ness/business kept him from seeing his true self, whatever that was. At the end I think he still doesn't know who he is or what he needs and he is needy. He is needy at the same time he has so many, many resources. Kyra is a resource for him. He has money. He has a son who also is in need and generally if one helps another person then one helps oneself. Krya has needs, too, but she has chosen to live so that she takes care of her basic needs and wants no more. She seems rather satisfied and satisfying, i.e. she is helping her poor students. She is minimizing her suffering as well as she can by not knowing the news (she doesn't have a tv nor does she read the newspapers nor does she listen to the radio). She suffers where she is and she limits what is her environment. She neither leads nor folliows. She lives but may only be surviving. She may sound liberal to the liberals in the audience but she has narrowed her vision as has Tom. We may like her more or less then Tom in their narrow-mindedness but living separated from most others does not bode well for real and peaceful changes in our world and for me that is what I want!

How do I see myself in these characters? I am a man and so what Tom does has been what I have done to some degree. I want to fix things and I want recognition and approval and accolades. At least that was what I wanted and hoped for in the past. Now I want to present more of my self-effacing side. I know I cannot fix things for others. I still comment too much on what I think are problems others make for themselves. Someday I hope to really get in touch with my feminine-EMPATHETIC side. Maybe someday I will fully feel the shame for things I did which I can be ashamed. Someday, maybe, I will be more silent in the face of the suffering of another while also being caring and supportive and warm and loving. Maybe someday I will finally like myself and where I am. Maybe today.

If not today then I will continue to work on myself so the world at least in my local area will be better. Things can improve! Things can change. At least in our lifetimes. And while there may be eternal cycles which will bring us down who knows how high we can rise first! Perhaps there is an escape velocity which can be acheived!

in nyc - hanging.. and stuff

Been to two plays since I got here -- 

Kinky Boots (really very good! - even if you have seen the very good movie) 

and The Heidi Chronciles - which I had not seen and which is, imho - a very good play which holds up over time. BE HUMANE! And there are other themes such as - protest and change requries tie and people and both dissapate over time. One gets inpatience and groups fall apart as individuals find and pursue individual goals and needs. Things change. Change is the primary constant with a question being - do things cycle around and around again and again. Do things eventually repeat?

Tonight, Saturday, the girls and I will be seeing a new play - Skylight - which is supposed to be very good. Stay tuned.

This trip has included a visit to the Met Museum which had a special wonderful exhibit about the Plains Indians. I also dropped in a Bonhams and saw what is going to auction from the Lauren Bacall Estate. Interesting stuff and I may try to bid on some.... from a distance.

The girls and doing ok. We have spent a bunch of time (including seeing the Heidi Chronicles).

I saw a couple of relatives and that was nice and good. Catching up and reconnecting.

AND I have a cold which is slowing me down as is the weather which is undecided between moderate and cold. A liltte snow today!

NOTE: the New Agenda has not been followed during this vacation But this writing IS sort of partof it and I have done some meditating... which I really need and like to do. Excercise has been walking although one eve I went to a yoga class with Amy. I could barely do that yoga and I do need to lose weight and regain flexibility. 

LOSE WEIGHT!!!! LOSE WEIGHT!!!!

Day two - new agenda

It is now about 9:30am, Monday, 3/16/15. Yesterday I tried and did my "new agenda" which I revised immediately after to give more time to most segments. The new total is 3.5 to 4 hours long and should work. I am doing it today (this is part of the writing period) and we shall see. I am actually ON target! SO - if "free" by noon that will be cool.

Writing today included drafting an idea for grandparenting/fostering play, story, whatever as suggested by a friend. I DO like kids and mentoring and being seen as a wise elder... Can't help knowing what I like and I HAVE known that for a while but have not really pursued it consciously. Now that I am retired -- got to get on with it! Right?

Also copied and sent to my kindle the Metta/Love meditation from "Happiness" a book by Thich Nhat Hanh - someone I consider my teacher. Will I ever meet him? I was given a book by him a long time ago (11 years ago) titled: "Anger" and got a lot our of that, I think. Not enough to save my second marriage and yet a book full of ideas and mediations I still think about and which enrich my life and help me. This "Happiness" book is very, good, too! This "copying" and saving may not be real writing but this will be the time to record important stuff I am reading and is/as necesary - carry in to some new realm.

FYI -- I am reading "War and Peace" again as it IS interesting and long so I will have it for a while. My new kindle now is ok again as I got a case for it so I hold it like an open book rather then like a tablet.

There is a whole lot on my mind... but most is well under control. No new obsessions which disturb me. And in these blog writing not everything will be recorded. Some things need to be private for the sake of others. Not for me... I can be fully public but one has to keep secrets so others do not get harmed. I have been to that bad place... taken and took there... and I will not put people in harms way. So -- THIS is not EVERYTHING!

Where is everything? Well my mind has a lot. Some things in my mind may not be fully or accurately remembered... But that is how it is!!!!

note: I had ended this, did some facebook writing/reposting, did a little more on foster parenting play/story, and now STOPPING. Off to breakfast and workout... the rest of the new agenda. I hope to be done by noon! (got all done with the new agenda by 12:17 - not too bad).

THE new agenda for each day - maybe... - not very different.

Two meals a day????


Sunday through Friday - revised 3/15/15 after beginning on 3/15/15, Sunday - "generous" estimates

awake (good start!) - 10 minutes
coffee and newspaper - about 30 minutes
meditate - 30 minutes (with getting there and ending)
WRITE and second cup of coffee... 45 minutes (or at least sit in front of a page/screen... with intent to write!)
(meal one) Breakfast - 20 minutes
walk over to club and workout and walk home a shower - 90 minutes
TOTAL time = 225 minutes; 3.75 hours - let us say FOUR HOURS
SO - awake by 8:00am to be done by noon.

Noon and after:
email and facebook and phone calls - friends, relatives, others.
watch taped tv show and/or movies
go to movies
walk to .... ???? or ride bike to ....???
(meal two... sometimes) lunch w/friend on some days
massage every other week on one day
t-3 on one day
GARDEN ....  in front - after it is brought up to speed... and in back -- now....
Volunteer work at ???? CBH library, daycare?, senior center?, other?

(meal three sometimes) dinner
READ, study, learn.

ON Saturday - SHABBAT -- rest, pray, meditate, study/learn, socialize....

and now for something completely different???

What, for me, would be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT??????? Really???

I have been to schools and learned. I have traveled to many places. I have raised a family... and even had grandchildren for a while with my 2nd wife. I have earned money and spent some. I sing with a chorus and sometimes do "solo" work at my synagogue, like a cantor. I have taught and do teach. I drink and have done etc's. I talk and I am silent. I have worked for money and I have done volunteered work.I have lived in apartments and in several houses. I live in a house now. I have camped with and without a tent. I have cooked out. I have never hunted but I have fished (deep sea fishing) and I have eaten of what I caught (with a LOT of help from Wayne!). I drive a car, I have driven a motorcycle, I have driven motoboats, I may be able to sail myself, too, I bike, I walk, I do NOT run....I excercise. I have played some sports and would like to take up tennis again and will at least bang balls against the wall. I go to museums, the theater, ballet, jazz, some opera, and sports events, too.

What would be very different if not completely different?

Relative to travel what would be different would be to do volunteer work oversears and/or live for a while in one place overseas. Would I like to live in Paris for a month or more? London? Athens? Would I like to live at the beach for a while here in the US or in Costa Rica or somewhere?

Relative to grandchildren I am seriously considering foster parenting. Any age would be fine!

Relative to earning money -- I would like to write regularly, get read, and even sell what I write!

Singing would be nice to expand upon at the/a synagogue. Being a teacher at the synagogue would be nice.

(I DO have to get back into the Library at CBH!)

OTHER? What would be really different? Weird? Wild?

My story up to now...

What is my story "up to now"? It is:

born
early years in Brooklyn living in Grandma's apartment
sister born and we lived and I grew up in garden apartments at the end of Queen in New York City
graduated high school and went to college
graduated college
"wandered"/"squandererd" two years - drove taxi cab in NYC, delivered mail, hitch-hiked a bit....
went to graduate school to become a librarian
graduated and got married to Susan H.
moved to New Jersey
had two kids - one in NJ and one in California
lived in California from1980 until now (today is 3/14/15 --- pi day)
got a job in the University (UC Davis)
got divorced after about 11.5 years
raised kids - shared custody
had a couple of girlfriends after divorce
had a 10 year relationship with a girlfriend (the 3rd I think) - with Susan G.
broke up
after a year - met women who becomes my second wife - Karen ???
divorce after about seven years of marriage
now it is about two and a half years after the breakup (technically now almost 1 year since official divorce) - today is 3/14/15
been with Diane for a bit over two years
AND NOW IT IS TODAY!
What next? What might be something unusual for the next chapter... final chapter... tomorrow?