Our conversation ranged from how Kyra was quickly accepted and trusted as the goto person for Tom, his son, Edward, and Tom's now dead wife, Alice. Kyra got things done... and was a go-between perhaps, in the family between father, wife and sone. She was treated badly by her father as was Edward, Why does she become a teacher and why does she choose to live in an impovershed area and why does she need to justify these actions to anyone is asked. I ask my own daughter, Sarah, such questions sometime and that needs to be stopped or modified if it hasn't changed already.
Back to the play - how did the three adults live up until the "The Affair" of Tom and Kyra was discovered? It did seem quite intentional that Tom let it be discovered. That was foolish and maybe a test or maybe a cry for change but he loses Kyra. What was the depth of the relatiotnship between Tom and his wife, Alice? Was he then, as he appears now, a FIXER which is something "men" do and women do or don't want and, more importatnly, is something which cannot be done! No matter how hard a man tries!
Then there is the theme of the Rich and Poor... the great diviide which the rich really cannot cross to understand... but the poor suffer on their side of the divide with some knowledge and understanding of what it could mean to be rich. Or do they understand or not understand?Certinaly the poor suffer and don't have choices and the rich suffer with choices? Who is better off?
Who are real people? To whom are others real? And if you are relatively ok and then listen secretly to poor folks on the lower level of the bus you take to and from a good job (?) - where you get to leave those poor suffering folks... to some extent because you probably are not soo poor and you DO have choices - then what does that mean, really. When I have been in the role of "uncle" / grandparent who leaves at the end of some time with a child and I don't have to spend the night with a crying baby.... etc, is that similar?
There is Tom the micromanaging almost listening almost aware fixer man who cannot or will not admit to really understanding the divide. Nor can he express his feelings readily accept as anger and rage. Just like a "man".
The world consists of all types of people and all are due respect and understanding. Which comes first -- respect or understanidng? RESPECT first as respect creates the connection and ultamitely requires empathy and with empathy comes nderstanding. Then after understanding what might come? Cooperation? Collaboration? I can hope that all of us can do what we can and get treated fairly and support each other's wants and needs.
AND that is what is NOT happening now as the income gap is so wide and a living wage is not available to many full-time workers, and gentrifcation is good while also bad..
But back to the play which was so esseentially personal. Would the suffeirng rich guy and suffering poor girl renew their realtionship? How? Why do they have sex? Why does Edward, the son, arrive soon before his father arrives? Edward's visit softens up Kyra, and why does Edward return after his father leaves bringing goodies. The son's visits are short and are the bookends of the play and discussions/arguments of the two adults who can't seem to be together except in secrecy. With the affair revealed they cannot go on... especially with Tom blaming both women for his pain and not taking personal responsibility or ownership of how things evolved. Others hurt Tom and he thinks he is some kind of do-gooder for his chosen people if they will stay in their places. When his wife, Alice, gardens she is in the wrong place. When Kyra leaves she is wrong for abandoning Tom. Poor Tom.
But Tom is hurting. He has suffered. Maybe in an inadequate married relationship which needed to be supplimented with Krya. He was loyal and caring for his wife but he couldn't bare too much closesness. He couldn't watch his dying wife at the very end. He did what he could without seeing and feeling his essential self. His own feelings were generally foreign to him. Grief was real but for someone else. He was too busy. His external busy-ness/business kept him from seeing his true self, whatever that was. At the end I think he still doesn't know who he is or what he needs and he is needy. He is needy at the same time he has so many, many resources. Kyra is a resource for him. He has money. He has a son who also is in need and generally if one helps another person then one helps oneself. Krya has needs, too, but she has chosen to live so that she takes care of her basic needs and wants no more. She seems rather satisfied and satisfying, i.e. she is helping her poor students. She is minimizing her suffering as well as she can by not knowing the news (she doesn't have a tv nor does she read the newspapers nor does she listen to the radio). She suffers where she is and she limits what is her environment. She neither leads nor folliows. She lives but may only be surviving. She may sound liberal to the liberals in the audience but she has narrowed her vision as has Tom. We may like her more or less then Tom in their narrow-mindedness but living separated from most others does not bode well for real and peaceful changes in our world and for me that is what I want!
How do I see myself in these characters? I am a man and so what Tom does has been what I have done to some degree. I want to fix things and I want recognition and approval and accolades. At least that was what I wanted and hoped for in the past. Now I want to present more of my self-effacing side. I know I cannot fix things for others. I still comment too much on what I think are problems others make for themselves. Someday I hope to really get in touch with my feminine-EMPATHETIC side. Maybe someday I will fully feel the shame for things I did which I can be ashamed. Someday, maybe, I will be more silent in the face of the suffering of another while also being caring and supportive and warm and loving. Maybe someday I will finally like myself and where I am. Maybe today.
If not today then I will continue to work on myself so the world at least in my local area will be better. Things can improve! Things can change. At least in our lifetimes. And while there may be eternal cycles which will bring us down who knows how high we can rise first! Perhaps there is an escape velocity which can be acheived!
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