forgiveness for what?

I think a lot about forgiveness. There have been and will be more that I will write about forgiveness and today I wonder:  what do I or anyone have to forgive? What needs to be forgiven? I do something, something is done to me, something happens to me, accidents happen, etc, etc.. Stuff (shit?) happens! Regretting that something happened or was done is one result of our actions. When does forgiveness come to be or seem to be necessary? What do I have a right or need to demand forgiveness?

One thought that comes quickly to mind is that I have no control over the actions of others nor can I control random acts, events, etc. If I do not have control over anything or anyone except myself then how can I hope for or expect an apology and the forgiveness that comes from that exchange.

I strongly think forgiveness is a negotiation between parties. Self-forgiveness is useful and maybe necessary and is also a negotiation between a person's inner selves, past, present, future, etc. Forgiveness is a feeling that sooths and promotes hope for the future. Forgiveness is always a matter of the past dealing with the present for the sake of the future.

Some say (Albert Ellis, et al) that we all have too many shoulds and it would be better for our mental health if we had, instead, preferences. Should that are not met engender the need for forgiveness. Preferences are a lot less absolute and demanding of forgiveness. Preferences may engender personal feelings of regret and as I hear people say they have no regrets I really wonder if regrets are a true and useful rationalization.

Regret is personal and we can control what and how we regret something. Forgiveness I argue is interpersonal and each of us does NOT have control over another who we may think needs to apologize. And while we can forgive ourselves I think getting over our regrets is the better issue and work.

More later, sometime.