INTRO:
Why am I so interested in forgiveness...
One reason is when I was very young, perhaps as young as 6 years old, I did things for which I felt the need to say: “I'm sorry”. When I did that my father would say – that is not enough and you should not have done (whatever) that and don't do it again. I look back and think that was very insufficient and yet that was all I recall being told to do. Nothing about remorse or making things right which I later learned are two very important components of an apology for which one might receive forgiveness.
Another set of reasons for my interest are those things that I have done and for which I have tried to apologize and atone for and for which I have not had the gift from the “other” of forgiveness. And similarly I have not always been able to generously give such to others.
Then there is my preferred stating of the Golden Rule. THE golden rule is: “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”. An alternate stating of that rule is in the negative: “Do not unto others as you would not have others do unto you”. The Golden Rule begs such questions as who and how to love and what is love? The negative assertion may be easier to do since we can usually better identify those things which we do not like and which others will not like and which are harmful and hurtful (even “madly” loving someone who doesn't reciprocate and who may feel pressured by such love). Then an apology and forgiveness is required! And clear as to why. I recognise the hurt/harm.
Finally there are the many conversations I have had about the subject and much reading and viewings of many quotations on the subject.
What I write is based on my thinking and logic and is subject to scientific study by those who have the time and ability. My hope is to show and explain my thinking on the subject with the hope it will be useful.
Today (the early days of the Trump Presidency) there appears to be a need for many communities to come together and form that more perfect Union which is the United States of America. Forgiveness and reconciliation amongst many people and groups will be necessary I think. Forgiveness comes first. And before groups can forgive and reconcile pairs of individuals need to forgive and reconcile.
In my (humble) opinion.... In my opinion!
CHAPTER ONE:
Harm by one person unto another person is the beginning of the problem and sometimes harm may not be known to the actor/perpetrator. Sometimes the motivation of the actor is to do good. Sometimes the motivation may be to follow orders (see the book: The Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal). Sometimes the actor does something accidentally. Sometimes there IS intent.
In all cases the person hurt/harmed has the right to ask for an apology. And the person who did harm must request forgiveness. The request is important in those instances where the action was not done with intent and will be easier then when the harm done was intentional. When there was not intent the actor is likely to find it easier to apologize and when there was intent the actor has a choice to maintain and continue being hurtful or the actor can choose to re-evaluate the value of causing harm.
In a later chapter I will suggest the person hurt may even be obligated to ask for an apology. But I get ahead of myself.
MORE LATER. This is really rough... BUT important. Requesting forgiveness is much better than simply forgiving yourself... Though if the harmed person is not longer alive... and there is remorse and guilt... then maybe the only way is self-forgiveness. More and more... later.... and fixes to this...
Why am I so interested in forgiveness...
One reason is when I was very young, perhaps as young as 6 years old, I did things for which I felt the need to say: “I'm sorry”. When I did that my father would say – that is not enough and you should not have done (whatever) that and don't do it again. I look back and think that was very insufficient and yet that was all I recall being told to do. Nothing about remorse or making things right which I later learned are two very important components of an apology for which one might receive forgiveness.
Another set of reasons for my interest are those things that I have done and for which I have tried to apologize and atone for and for which I have not had the gift from the “other” of forgiveness. And similarly I have not always been able to generously give such to others.
Then there is my preferred stating of the Golden Rule. THE golden rule is: “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”. An alternate stating of that rule is in the negative: “Do not unto others as you would not have others do unto you”. The Golden Rule begs such questions as who and how to love and what is love? The negative assertion may be easier to do since we can usually better identify those things which we do not like and which others will not like and which are harmful and hurtful (even “madly” loving someone who doesn't reciprocate and who may feel pressured by such love). Then an apology and forgiveness is required! And clear as to why. I recognise the hurt/harm.
Finally there are the many conversations I have had about the subject and much reading and viewings of many quotations on the subject.
What I write is based on my thinking and logic and is subject to scientific study by those who have the time and ability. My hope is to show and explain my thinking on the subject with the hope it will be useful.
Today (the early days of the Trump Presidency) there appears to be a need for many communities to come together and form that more perfect Union which is the United States of America. Forgiveness and reconciliation amongst many people and groups will be necessary I think. Forgiveness comes first. And before groups can forgive and reconcile pairs of individuals need to forgive and reconcile.
In my (humble) opinion.... In my opinion!
CHAPTER ONE:
Harm by one person unto another person is the beginning of the problem and sometimes harm may not be known to the actor/perpetrator. Sometimes the motivation of the actor is to do good. Sometimes the motivation may be to follow orders (see the book: The Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal). Sometimes the actor does something accidentally. Sometimes there IS intent.
In all cases the person hurt/harmed has the right to ask for an apology. And the person who did harm must request forgiveness. The request is important in those instances where the action was not done with intent and will be easier then when the harm done was intentional. When there was not intent the actor is likely to find it easier to apologize and when there was intent the actor has a choice to maintain and continue being hurtful or the actor can choose to re-evaluate the value of causing harm.
In a later chapter I will suggest the person hurt may even be obligated to ask for an apology. But I get ahead of myself.
MORE LATER. This is really rough... BUT important. Requesting forgiveness is much better than simply forgiving yourself... Though if the harmed person is not longer alive... and there is remorse and guilt... then maybe the only way is self-forgiveness. More and more... later.... and fixes to this...
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