another week

So.... yesterday, Sunday, 11/14/04 - I got another rejection by my sister. She just can't seem to figure out a way to come to the wedding that would reflect emotional maturity. I guess. Either she can't do it or she won't do it... Won't because of the past. Can't because she is just not yet old enough to get it. She is physically 51 years old but emotionally she is still Daddy's girl or something like that. Too bad she never got out of orbit. And as for me... am I still in their orbit when I grouse over this? Well... maybe and and then again maybe not or maybe This is IT! But - peace unto all.

So... I want to come up with a plan to really develop surragates for my old biological family. Someone to be my dad and/or mom and my sister, too. Maybe get a brother. And some local cousins. But REALLY. There could be a role for Linda Sternberg (sister) and Larry and Norma Rappaport (dad and mom?). And Neil Hollander (brother?). What about Bill Bowsky? And Linda and Stu, too. And Syma and Bruce. Lots of possibilities. Sign them up sometime! REALLY

Karen is out of town today and tomorrow. So... what is for dinner? I know - how about some hot italian sausage with wine or beer and salad and olive bread from Safeway! YES!!! Do I not eat what I want to sometimes? Maybe... and maybe not. I must lose some weight. Again! I must watch how I eat and what, etc... And I must enjoy it, too. Right!?!!???

I miss Karen. She is away at a meeting and enjoying some time at a beach in Ventura. Good for her!!! I can take it. Sure. Of course. On another hand I remember my dear departed friend David who did not like traveling. Some of that dislike may have been discomfort when away from home. He and I were born under the sign of Leo and we like our dens/homes. Another aspect of things was that his wife may not have been content alone back at home. Ah....

YEARNING!!! Do I yearn? For ??? The spiritual life! YES. Sure. Why not? How? When? Where? On a retreat????? Depression - the biggest bugaboo! So says Rabbi Nachman. I concurr. Talked w/Kristen today at lunch and she may be sliding, as she says, into depression. True - there has been much stress for her and confusion and such does not lead to happiness... Ah.... I hope she figures something out besides Paxel.