forgiveness - so hard!

Forgiveness is the most important ability that anyone can have. Or... the ability to forgive is one of the very important qualities that a person needs. And - to be forgiving is very difficult. To be sorry and/or apologetic is also difficult.

SO - who said living was easy? Most people say that life is a struggle. Suffering is said to be everywhere. Joy may also be everywhere. Neither may be anywhere.

Being forgiving is not easy. So - is the opposite easy? Is it easy to hold a grudge? Is it easy to continue to do wrong things to somebody (a lover, a parent, a child) even when you know what you do is not good?

Well - I think it is not any easier to hold a grudge than it is to be forgiving. Furthermore, it is not easy to really be apologetic, which would mean that the bad thing(s) one is apologizing for will NEVER be done again as it is difficult to correct bad behaviors.

NOTHING is easy. Everything is difficult. Help is needed by all.

People who get hurt can help by not holding those grudges and memories and certainly not throwing things up in a person's face again and again and again. I don't mean that a person should forget and suppress memories of what happened or what was done but a certain amount of forgetfulness can help with forgiveness. The victim and the perpertrator can work together to do the difficult task of changing. A so called "perp' doesn't need to be reminded of how s/he acted. The victim can be kind and supportive of new thinking and behaviors which the perp is trying to make into new habits.

All this is known to sociologists and psychologists who have seen people with deep seated problems change in treatment settings only to revert to old ways if they return to the old community. It takes a community to change and to maintain change. Individuals can do a lot but they can only achieve so much in the face of peers and communities which challenge them, especially when the challenge is not out there as a challenge but is out there as a powerful and secret seductive force which is asserted unseen and somewhat unknown. The Unknown is something to be anxious about because until it becomes known you don't know what you are up against. The Unknown is a difficulty to move beyond. It is, perhaps, just one of those things that are not easy to get beyond. It is hard to get to know .....

So... it is hard to know what might happen if forgiveness is given and accepted.

It is hard to know what will happen if we hold our hard and bad memories and feed our unforgiving grudges.

Stuff is hard. Stuff is not easy. (I am sounding like the parodies of the president - so maybe it is true for him... and maybe Bush's assertion that things are hard is something which resonates with people since we all have things that are hard.... but this political diversion is not for this post).

Blessed are those who ask and receive forgiveness. Blessed are those who give and take forgiveness. Blessed is the act of forgiving. Amen.