So many ways to be RIGHT and WRONG

This morning my partner and I discussed a problem area of the world and as we went back and forth and differed in many ways we came to a point of saying -- is this issue a matter of black and white OR are their gray areas to consider and perhaps find common ground? I think we recognized there is common ground to find and ways forward on the issue being discussed as well as other issues. At least I hope so.

Additionally I remembered something about my views. I remembered my belief that there is at least two sides to any question and in reality, in my opinion, there is often many, many sides to most issues. Perhaps an infinite numbers of points of view. I do think the simplicity of there being two sides to any issue is important as it is easier, perhaps, to find some middle ground. On the other hand the belief there are ONLY two sides to an issue and the reality of many, many more may be why common ground is diffictult to find!

For example, if I vote for some candidate in some election based on some single issue of importance to me while ignoring or even actively dismissing other interests and things that are important what results? I am not sure what results however I think they problem in our times is based on single-issue voting/politics and people locking themselves into silos that are limited, suffocating, and alienating (for both themselves and to others). 

An old answer to this silo-locking phenomenon usually bring up ideas such as tolerance and acceptance. Those two concepts are very different yet they may be considered the same when a person finds it difficult to do either. These two concepts also are outcomes/goals.

Another answer is empathy. The idea of empathy is to understand the feelings and thinking of the "other" and also be aware of your own thinking and feeling so you might relate on emotional and intellectual levels and find consensus in process. Process is ongoing and inconclusive.

Comfort is important to many of us and I suggest outcomes/achieved goals are more comfortable then a constant process of caring and empathy. This is understandable yet it  THE PROBLEM. It is The Problem because all things change all the time. There is growth and decay and chaos and order and movement and stillness, etc, etc.. Consider your birth and death and all of life in between. Change is THE MOST CONSTANT THING.... So outcomes, conclusions, achieved goals ARE important and FLEETING. THE way to deal with change is to notice changes and consider change.

CHANGE.... It is what is in your (wallet) being!

Title for this could be/have been... or What's wrong with me? or or Gray matters while infinity seems to exist. or or Infinity and the individual... or etc. etc.. etc...

My personal "problem" is in not coming to final conclusions. I feel like apologizing for being inconclusive yet I can't help myself. I have seen a lot of absolutes missed. A primary absolute I generally assert is... No More War... and so as I joined in the Anti-Vietnam War movement I realized it was not a "pure" anti-WAR movement but something smaller and achievable. Also, defensive wars/killing are acceptable to me as I think about World War Two and other wars. The American Revolution is another "good" war, maybe! The Civil War can probably be questioned as can many other wars. For me -- problems. For me I can look back and wonder if some other ways and means might have produced acceptable results for all. 

People with optimism look to the future and see things improving in most ways for most people. The arc of history is upward meaning towards the good. Some people, as I have in this writing, think most highly of PROCESS and others with good intent and intelligence remind us to remember the GOALS, too. 

THE final answer is to respect and believe in the process as we move towards goals beneficial to all. This is something I learned while training for community mediation. Mediation! YES.

Worry, worry, worry....

Tim McMahon said: "risk taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking."

While we might say - who is Tim McMahon - I must say simply: the statement is a truism not often said. So what is on MY mind with that statement in mind? So many things - from do I buy a new car to which side of the street do I walk on to how I relate to people to my relationships with people to relating to several very important people such as my partner and my daughters and to friends and relatives... etc etc...

One of my favorite statements is by Rabbi Hillel who said:""if I am not for me who is for me, if I am only for myself what am I, and if not now when.".

And then there is: "if we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin." said by Ivan Turgenev.

Who these people are and the context within which they stated these things are all very important and also not so important.

Beginning whatever NOW is usually a good thing. Understanding risks and how they effect me and others are good things, too.

AND YET -- I wait until some time after tomorrow to begin writing again since I have certain things to say about certain issues which I do not want to put into the mix relative to the November 3, 2020 United States of America election. All things effect all of us and NOW IS IMPORTANT and yet it is true, too, that patience has merits. Though a favorite quote in my compendium of quotes is from "Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce (which suggests something) "PATIENCE n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue." and on another hand - "never despair...............(be) a “prisoner of hope”—holding tight to its vital force no matter what."

This election is consider by most to be a major moment for our nation. On one hand people think it is better for our country to .... WELL -- I really don't know what those who support the current President really think or want. The other side, those who support Joe Biden and the Democratic Party could say the name of their party essentially says what they AND I hope for and that is democracy as well as civility and humanity and fairness and bravery instead of fear and much more I support and think is GOOD!

Further writings will address pressing issues and constituencies needing to be addressed in major and immediate ways. Those will include climate change, and law and order, and economics, and community. Stay tuned!

                          

The Continuum....

Today I was writing or struggling to write when I came up a draft email I began about PROCESS while also reading some arguments/discussion on a difficult issue. SO ...

So -- there are two views on process. One current and popular view is:

"It is good to have an end to journey toward but it is the journey that matters, in the end." ~Ursula K. Le Guin~

Another view is:

"We have perhaps a natural fear of ends. We would rather be always on the way than arrive. Given the means, we hang on to them and often forget the ends."~ Eric Hoffer ~

I think there are often two views on anything, or at least two views, for instance:

To be or not to be...

To believe or not to believe..

To do or not do...

Here and there

Now and then... and later on!

etc, etc, and absolutely.

An alternate view of things and one which might be less divisive would be to consider a Continuum. Are most issues on some kind of continuum? We think about good and bad... or Right and wrong... etc.. yet there is GRAY. Plain ordinary gray. Not White. Not Black. A continuum might look like the Bell Curve. Or is could be a Rainbow!

With a GRAY Continuum there are extremes. With a Rainbow Continuum we can recognize many places to rest and enjoy some preference we have as we recognize we have a preference. Some may go to Red/Infra-red and some may go to Violet/Ultra-violet while others will rest at orange or yellow or green or shades of red or blue. I can't say what the various colors mean to you or me but I can respect the individuality of the differences and wonder about the beauty of the possible combinations. 

An Experiment at this time

I am wearing my glasses now as I sit in the backyard at Deanne's and watch hummingbirds and flowers and swaying of grass along the back fence. An experiment would be to not wear my glasses for some time... A day? Two days? More?

I could not see hummingbirds, I think but I could see the swaying grass and the colors of the flowers. I could read and write but not really watch tv nor drive a car. Walking could be difficult... though not impossible. AND THEN - there is Deanne who walks with me and could be the driver and such things as cooking and cleaning I can do and she generally does.

A day or so without glasses could be done. It would feel weird... almost an altered state of consciousness I would think. I have done it for minutes at a time and my experience has been altered. I have not done if for long but NOW I HAVE SOME TIME... and I am a bit bored or something at this time.... Maybe - 90 days into sheltering-in-place.

SO - maybe start tomorrow? Or Saturday or Sunday. Monday might be THE day.... OY -- so much happening at this time.... (dinners and father's day).

As has been said... IF we wait for the perfect time to start we will never begin!

The Virus Day 90

Actually - today or yesterday the comic strip: Pearls before swine..... had a bit about a family together for 90 days.... SO - is THIS THE 90th Day?

Not sure... but it has been a while and I have not been writing as regularly as I want to be writing SO -- maybe today will begin the next "streak".

In the meantime -- not the other post written today... An Experiment at this time.... I might do it as noted in that post.

FYI... I have logged into MyFitnessPal 50 (fifty) days in a row. SO - for 50 days I have been working to lost weight with success!

FYI... it was April 23 - about 55 days ago when I had my Pulmonary Embolism Event and I awoke to my health issues. Waking Up is the thing in so many areas and as first taking care at home... of myself -- then I have begun. NEXT? - Politics - the thing for 2020!

Gratitude - finally!!!

I sometimes don't get it because I am dense. Until today I thought when listing things in a journal for which I am grateful I needed to have an infinite number of things for which I was grateful. Today I realized I don't need to have an infinite number of things for which I am grateful.  It is OK and normal to be grateful for the same things or similar things each and every day. In fact my Jewish traditional daily prayers are a perfect and clear example of that ..... BUT I AM DENSE....

To digress a moment... I am DENSE about a lot of things. I have realized the right or better ways to be, etc... at a later age then many other people realized certain things. This is not a place to list all those things but I just want to say, as is said: "Better late then never".

Getting back to gratitude: As Father's Day, 2020 approaches I realize my gratitude attitude and list is real and important and maybe limited and maybe it is a longer list then I realize at the moment. However - I mean to begin journalling a gratitude list on this Father's Day after getting for myself and my daughters and some friends a journal designed for the purpose from one of my favorite shopping spots: Amazon.

Father's Day is a week away. Along with being VERY VERY grateful to have two wonderful daughters I often think I was not a great or even good enough father. So I continue to try to be better and do some fathering now even though my daughters are responsible and independent adults. Yet they suffer in these days of political and economic and health turmoil. I am a father to them still. I might be a friendly father... I might sometimes appear to a be friend ... but at the end of the day I hope and think and feel I am basically a father to Sarah and Amy who can be heard and helpful as a father and an elder.

A GRATITUDE ATTITUDE is something I and many have heard about for a long time. IF you haven't heard the phrase check it out on the Internet. In my life I have certainly had much for which I am grateful and many people to which I have not given credit and acknowledgement. In recent years I think and hope I have gotten better about communicating my gratitude. I have not been perfect! I CAN ALWAYS DO BETTER... And I can always learn more and get more tools to help me do what I have learned.

Relative to a tool I have ordered a gratitude journal which will prompt ideas and provide a place for the list of people and places and things for which I am grateful. I am giving copies to my daughters and a few other with the hope it will be useful and used. It is something I can do as a father and friend and lover.

The specific journal being sent is:

• Good Days Start With Gratitude: A 52 Week Guide To Cultivate An Attitude Of Gratitude: Gratitude Journal by Pretty Simple Press

I think GRATITUDE is a base on which we all may stand with happiness as we realize we all are connected in a web of doing, giving and getting from our World.

The Virus - Day 85

Done... maybe... on June  14, 2020

And so it goes... tomorrow... maybe more ... and maybe some things about compassion and hope.

Actually -- I am going to skip this at this moment... about 1:40pm Pacific time in favor of a post on "Gratitude - finally!!!" See that ... and maybe below if I come back to this...

The Virus Day 80, approx

An earlier post from April 23rd was for day 38 and today, June 11, 2020 - is about 42 days later... (AHHHH... number 42!!!).

And I have not been writing daily though I have several posts done in the past week or so and in fact have several posts in draft form.

Of course -- to remind me (and you) I had an event I call The Event -- about which you can read HERE.

This was a wake-up call and so - Hello!

The days/times we are living in are amazing with fears and anger and anguish and suffering and HOPE. I for one must hope and hope is a good thing along with gratitude and compassion.

I am thankful for a lot. For the luck and the guardian angel who helped me when The Event occurred and the stranger and my doctor and the many medical people who helped. I am also deeply grateful to my daughters for all their care and love and support and hopes.  Then there is my very deep gratitude to Deanne who with her knowledge and feelings have helped me get on track with walking and eating and I am much better, health-wise and relationship-wise, because of her. I have gratitude for friends and family - even my parents who passed on to me genetics I think are important relative to my health and recovery.

And so it goes... tomorrow... maybe more ... and maybe some things about compassion and hope.

2020 - my birth family and truths

What do I want? Maybe to be somewhat, just a little, clearly and simply - HEARD?

What do I know... what is really true ... and certain. What, what, what.... by who, who.

SO.... here are some thoughts and if any are sent I will note which ones are sent and when. NOTE: this post is begun on June 10, 2020.

For Father's Day:
On every Father's Day know: your son is a father.
OR
Well - it is Father's Day -- for you and for me.
OR
SENT:
Albert,
On Father's Day remember:
I am a father
and you are a father.
Kenneth


Backtracking to Mother's Day ... I would say:
Mothers love right. (new word and punctuation .. .interesting!)

On my mother's birthday:
You were there when I was born.
OR
My Baba was there when you were born.
following SENT ON JUNE 25... yes
My Baba was there when you were born June 30th, 1926. Right?
Kenneth

For me on my birthday:
I do things as I do things and certainly could have done things differently.

TO BE SENT ON JULY 25
For my sister on her birthday:
I was told we are biological brother and sister.
or
SENT:
I was told we are brother and sister. Me born, Aug. 2, 1949 and you born Aug. 3rd, 1953. SO close...BUT....



(HMMM>>> ????I remember saying before you were born: I want a brother. I have been told, but I do not remember, I proudly proclaimed... I have a sister. MAYBE both things are true.HHHHH)

For my father on his birthday:
What certain fathers know.


And more...????:

2020 - Seeing clearly

Occurred to me... it is the year... 2020 and when we talk of good vision... of seeing clearly - we talk of 2020 vision. We also talk of hindsight. We talk of many things to see clearly and IN TRUTH... This post is the introduction to a series of posts beginning with "2020" and then will be either numbered or something so as to publish each new thought or set of thoughts separately. There may be one more or two more or many more... Not sure today.

Today I begin as I think about Father's Day and being a father and having a father and a mother and a sister and an ex-wife/mother and two beautiful and wonderful daughters AND my battle against the proverbial-type statement: What goes around comes around!

In 2020 I continue to wonder if what I have done will haunt me.

Specifically I have in mind my relationship with my parents and then my relationship with my daughters. I think my parents would harshly criticize me for how I relate and have related to them and so I have to wonder if my daughters harshly criticize me for how we relate. I may write more on this but for now...

For now I have just sent a Mother's Day card, as I often have, and then received a telephone call from my mother acknowledging her appreciation for getting that card. The appreciation included a request for me to keep in touch/call AND this time asked me to be sure to call my father on Father's Day. Also soon will be my mother's birthday, then my birthday, then my sister's birthday, then my father's birthday. And tonight/this morning ... I wonder - what do I know is true and what do I want to communicate to them honestly and yet not too harshly and certainly without expectations or hopes about them seeing and/or doing anything.

SO -- this 2020 series.... Check out the next one.

The demonstrations - May and June, 2020 and ????

It goes without saying… but I’ll say it: I am in favor of the issues of the demonstrators - racism, specifically at this time.

My basic response to the protests is concern about the looting and other violence. My secondary response is to understand the truth about reports of so-called outside agitators.

I am dismayed at the looting and violence and can barely tolerate it since while dramatic it may generally be counterproductive as the most people may be threatened and become defensive no matter what the correctness of issues.

  

Relative to outside agitators – that is a very interesting phenomenon since who is outside the issues of racism and the pandemic and all the social and economic issues which are problems for so many people.

Bottom line for me – I support the demonstrators. I hope their health in this pandemic is not adversely affected. I hope the violence and looting has come to an end and we will now have continuing sustained peaceful demonstrations until fixes and justice are realized.

The stupid economy

James Carvelle said … “It’s the economy, stupid…” when he strategized for Bill Clinton’s election campaign… And as I said during check-in (this was written and shared at a writing group) – my diet is data-driven and that means it measures and records numbers and the dismal science that is economics… is a matter of numerical data…. And so when you ask me this question today I am inclined to say – the economy is most important and I would demonstrate relative to the economy – whatever that is…  The questions today are… what economy and who’s economy?

I am not a great participant in today’s economy whatever that economy is since I don’t really behave routinely as the consumer our capitalist system requires. While I do buy things I also hold onto and re-use things a lot longer then, I think, others do. I keep my automobile for 10 to 14 years. I am not a fashionista and changing the style of clothing I wear is, I think, a very fundamental aspect of the consumer economy. I only subscribe to Amazon Prime to watch movies and tv shows even as I know of many interesting shows on Netflix and Hulu and CBS Express, etc… The books I read come from the public libraries (I was a professional librarian and I have always used public libraries). I live in a house bought in 1980 … and I don’t go into debt, essentially. SO – I am not the greatest participant in the economy.

Yet I believe the economy is the basis for how many police we put on the streets with what training, what kind of health care we have for whom, what shelter is available to most people, etc.  When all these things are in short supply the result is racism and genderism and other prejudices resulting in all kinds of group competitions.

So – it is the economy.. or some new economy … which I would demonstrate for as it is a new economic order which can address and hopefully fix the myriad of problems currently on the streets and in the world today.

Fires of discontent

There are fires of discontent in our country and throughout the world. The Minneapolis killing and subsequent demonstrations there and in many, many places is the thing of the moment. And the THING IS... will this only be of the moment or can and will there be real changes. We are all burning in the fires of The Virus and maybe something very new and really new or DIFFERENT can develop.

I do believe there is not a lot new, perhaps nothing new, under the sun and with that in mind and the thousands of years of history the human race has experienced I hope some system has been tried and found to be true, good, and certain.

One such system which only lasts a while is Repression... Authoritarian and repressive and oppressive management of people by fear and power. This is one simple and quick way to restore some kind of order. That kind of order is not free for all and usually includes extreme poverty for some, even enslavement, and great benefits and luxury for some... with a middle worrying about falling and not likely having a real chance to rise towards the top. This kind system is fostered by irrational fear and hate often exploited by leaders in the elite. In such systems most people may be comfortable so there seems to be comfort in accepting limitations such as little privacy, controlled speech, few travel options, essentially no personal space and escape. Today we are in a time with The Virus and the economic tragedies for so many and the demonstrations in the streets relative to power inequities may mean this repressive authoritarian system may be introduced... even more then it is in place now.

Yes -- we are in a repressive time, even in these United States of America. Journalists are threatened and fired upon! Peaceful demonstrations are hijacked by agitators and then threatened by a mercurial President who only wants to find a way to remain in office... A man who publicly incites people to harm others. A man who is afraid to be seen as mortal and afraid. A man who lies and cheats and is not moral but who does for some what they want done, no matter by whom. Senators and Representatives mostly of the Republican Party who have sold their souls to a devil. Sickening!

Are there alternatives? There is American Democracy and it is being put to the test. I hope it will pass muster and we will return to leadership respectful of PEOPLE and the truth and of science and of deliberative government. I also hope that certain deliberations on such things as health and wealth will be acted on very, very quickly. While fixing our economy is complex and difficult I hope it can be done soon! I dare say it must be done soon. There are people actually dying unnecessarily. There are people losing their homes and businesses. Their very lives! None of this has to happen if we all share and if those with the most share the most!

I am content and all around me are essentially content people. I live in a bubble of intelligence and respect and basic resources and support. It is a small'ish university town and so far most is pretty good for most with food banks helping and churches helping and individuals helping. Lots of help!

And there is also discontent here. The fires are burning quietly and low as we hold to our basic grounds and help those in need. We help for the sake of those in need and we help to help ourselves, too. We stay safe when we help others who would otherwise have to take what we have to give.

SO - give, give, give... Of yourselves and your stuff. AND LOVE!

well, well, well

You can't always get what you want --- but if you try? sometime -- you get what you need....?!!!

Try for what? What do I want? What do I need? What do I get? What do I now get....

I CAN make a list... albeit a short list of what I don't get ... or can't do.. and so feel unfulfilled.

That is IT... Being Unfulfilled. What would fill me up?

Happiness is THE THING and I am responsible for my own happiness and so I try, these days more then ever, to keep on smiling and keep steady and calm and FINE.

Anger doesn't get me anywhere... that is a lesson well learned. Sadness doesn't get me anything either.

I truly find myself at a loss for how to get what I want... beyond that which I need. I am not fulfilled and yet I am good, ok, fine, essentially happy in comfort and ease of living.

I am WELL... And I am getting better as I am now, suddenly at age 70 somewhat disciplined in several ways. Most recently and noticeable -- I am being disciplined about my eating. I eat anything I want but within limits of daily calorie intake. Other nutrients are looked at such as salt and carbs and fiber but bottom line which tends to carry all those other details is CALORIES. I am losing weight and I am recording good sugars. Earlier I heard myself -- only give me a small piece of that cake. WOW! I amaze myself. It is making me more well, healthwise, and also well relative to sensing I have some control over myself.

I have been vocal about this new way and starting tomorrow I think I will be more quiet since it doesn't matter what I say publicly. It matters to me what I do in the privacy of my own self.

Well... I am well... and more well! YEA! And I wrote THIS and that makes three days in a row writing again.

Is it all in the moment?

Now - This Moment - is clearly what we all have to experience and now, this moment, the present is most real. It can be touched and felt and our brains can see and hear NOW. These moments change as they are repeated by the next moment and then the next moment, etc, etc....

True we can bring to this moment the past for its memories and regrets and joys once felt, etc. True we may consider futures when things will be better or worse. I can give examples of snarky ways of viewing the future and the past as well as romanticized views of the past and the future while all those ways are here and now in the present as I consider them and feel them.

Now is where we always are, for sure. We may think we live in the past or we may be anxious about the future but This Moment Is Now and is paramount. Without This Moment there would be no pasts or presents.

So - it is all in this moment.

When we consider the pasts we have experienced we remember them with today's eyes and sometimes we color them rosie and sometimes black. When we consider the future we may worry with fears or hope for the best with joyful expectations. In any case we just don't absolutely experience the past or the future since they are either gone or not yet here and it is how we think and feel NOW that colors the other times. If we are well rested and optimistic and with resources we may look back with nostalgia and forward with happiness expected. If we are tired and pessimistic and poor and hungry and oppressed with troubles then what was past will not necessarily help us as we consider a future with anxiety and fears.

NOW is NOW and our being here how is most real no matter our circumstance. In the absolutely specific moment of now we can feel the pricks of pain or joy or hunger or poverty, etc... or a combination of each of those or others. We can also focus on individual feelings and thoughts in each moment. We can concentrate and notice and think and feel about some specific thing AND THEN LET IT GO TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT....  The next moment. The next feeling. The next thought. The next stimulus from outside us such as the news, for instance, or our regrets or hopes or memories or expectations. The point is ... notice all and move on to the next things to notice as there is a lot in the world for all of us to think about and feel.

The thing NOT to do is GRASP onto anything. Do not grasp the bad as the pain when held becomes suffering. Do not grasp the good as things change and get worse and better. The truth is now and the truth is to a large extent a choice we can make. We can choose to worry or fear or hope or expect and in the end what will be will be and then it will change. Our primary choice is to live and move and continue AND stay open to what is happening. If this moment is terrible move to another moment and hopefully it will be better. It will be different even if you bring worry and negativity to it from your heart. If this moment is wonderful you will find yourself in the next moment and even if you are positive the next moment may bring sorrow. And then then next moment will come ... and you will either bring to the new moments personal negativity or positivity and all the time the new moments will have their own colors of hopes and fears to be experienced for what they are. So we can bring, by choice, optimism or pessimism really This Moment Will Change how we feel if we stay open to now.  Then not grasping and holding on to the good, the bad, or the ugly allows us to move on. 

Stay open. Be open. Do not hold on and grasp the good or the bad. Things change all the time. Now is different from when I began this sentence. Now is NOW.

I feel good. I feel productive as I have written this ... for the purpose of being helpful. I hope it is helpful. I know we all need help. I know we all get help and give help and our connections bring all kinds of things to our souls, our hearts, our minds. There is pain and suffering and joy and love and peace and war and, basically - good and bad... Our experiences of all this make us humans and grow our humanity and our connections let us share and support each other.... NOW.

And now -- June 1, 2020 - Restart

I feel and hope - TODAY will be the day i restart my writing on a regular, maybe daily, basis! I was doing that, almost, before The Event. I am not mostly better, maybe even better! and I miss writing even though it essentially entails SITTING.

"The Event" was my pulmonary embolism which caused me to pass out and taken to the emergency room by ambulance where I was transferred to the ICU for a couple of days, then to a regular room, then after getting tested for COVID-19 to their ward to COVID-19 patients in case I had The Virus, and then discharged and to my shelter in place place - and where I was having breathing trouble for about a week until something changed I began a little walking then more walking and now I walk everyday for over three miles (even on a short walk day) and finally took a day off working on Saturday, Shabbat, which is how I like to do things... workout 5-6 days a week and not on Shabbat.

SO - a return to normalcy with some health/medical caveats.. I still have health issues. Those health issues are diabetes, a heart flutter, obesity, and possibilities of kidney stones recurring. For the diabetes and obesity I am taking sugar-meds and testing my sugar daily and I am really watching my eating, measuring my portions and I am losing weight. For the heart flutter I am considering and probably will do a heart ablation which I understand is a burning of something in the heart and a resetting of the heart beat to stop the flutter and this is the gold-standard permanent solution (as opposed to simply using 'paddles" to reset the heart beat).  I also have tests, mostly various scans, to check inside for progress. I am now on Eliquis for life and I continue to take my other prescribed medications for diabetes and for blood pressure, too.

I am a very lucky fortunate person. First, I have good medical insurance. Second, The Event essentially took place in my doctor's office. Third I have was found passed out. Fourth I have a great and caring doctor. Fifth I have a wonderful and caring and loving partner. Sixth, and this one is not really number six but is really higher up and radically basic to me - I have two wonderful daughters who care and support me and do what they can for me. Also I have many friends who care and have been checking in and I feel generally supported and loved. Our time includes being lead from Washington, D. C. by a President who doesn't know what is means to be a unifying, compassionate, honest, and service-oriented President in a democratic and diverse nation. Further afield from my home in Davis, CA there is terrorism and political upheavals in so many parts of the world including anti-semitism and anti-Israel forces blaming Jews for things we did not do. There is also similar blame being layed on Chinese. There is "fake-news", poor reporting, people who are anti-science, etc. I don't even know what more to list or what the names are of the general demise of centrist consensus on an array of issues we really all can agree on. Too many people really be able to share a set of values and certain single issues should not be made priorities to shake apart a worthy CENTER.

And so - there is me and there is the world around me and dare I also say there is the world beyond this world and that include the Moon, Mars, Space as well as the spiritual realms. There is A LOT to know, study, experience, live. The attitude I and you and all of us bring to each moment, day, time of our lives is most important as we are in each new moment. Crying is something. Smiling is something. Being sad or being happy are feelings we can have some ability to choose. YES it is sad to be hungry and oppressed and hurting for ourselves and others for the deprivations we experience and others experience. And YES it is possible to not care and be glib. It is also possible, I think and hope, to do what can be done where we are to help ourselves and others and at the end of such a day find enough energy to be happy for what good we have done.

I personally have been on the sidelines and can attribute this position to COVID-19, my being a member of an at-risk population, and The Event I experienced, too. HOWEVER -- tomorrow I will do some work at the local Food Bank I hope that goes in such a way I can continue to do something there going forward. Food is so basic. Will I give blood, too... Yes as they will take something even as I am on blood thinners.

Times change. I have changed. What I call The Event seems like a major WAKE-UP call for me and I feel awake and energized to be better, healthier, more.

Onto Tomorrow.

Why so long???

I have wondered and wonder again... why do I take so long "getting it". By "getting it" I mean understanding some basic things and accepting and doing what makes sense... NOW. 

Lots of people grow up and become adults after some kind of childhood and they live their lives with consistency and success based on their past and their education and the models of behaviors and ways of analyzing and making decisions. Their lives appear successful and they appear happy, content, and FINE.

As for me -- well - I didn't get a lot of things for a long time. I can list some of those things but TODAY.... May 9, 2020 ... I write after what I call The Event. 

"The Event" was the explosion in my body of Pulmonary Embolisms beginning with Deep Vein Thrombosis in my left calf. The Event could have been the end of me. It could have exploded while I was driving or just sleeping in bed and I might have died and even killed others in an accident.

However -- I WAS LUCKY... Everyone tells me I was lucky. Some talk about a guardian angel. I say -- THANK YOU... Thank you all who helped by finding me, caring for me, and doctoring me in the ER and hospital and now at home. THANK YOU!!!!

So - I now have a second chance in life. This was A WAKE UP CALL and I am doing what I can to honor this new lease on life. 

This writing and other writings (in draft and in my mind) will be done as they are thoughts I hope worth sharing.

I am eating better. I am getting help from my partner Deanne who knows foods and knows me and is very, very supportive and loving. 

I am getting back into walking and other exercise. 

AND I going to get through the thoughts about WHY it took me so long to be and get better. I have been overweight. I have eaten quantities of food I didn't have to eat. I like all kinds of foods and plan to eat all kinds of foods - in moderation. With portions controlled by my brain and not my stomach or difficult emotions or whatever. I will control myself!

I will always wonder -- why has it taken so long. I hope it is not too late to get it all better. I hope for the best. 

I also hope to get other things in my life right/better ... sooner rather then later while knowing ALL IN ITS OWN/PROPER TIME. can come any sooner then its own time. Time is of the essence and NOW is JUST FINE.

No regrets. Lots of wonder. And the instruction to others -- do it/whatever NOW.... Waiting is ok and waiting is under your control. DO IT NOW.

So - I don't know why it takes ME so long. Does anyone know what time comes and goes and is used or abused by themselves? Self-awareness is cool... and using that awareness to motivate actions is most cool... by which I mean -- most important and effective and personal and a matter of ok-self-control.

Don't waste time. Don't let others waste your time. TIME, TIME, TIME... and NOW IS WHAT IS AND WHAT WILL BE AND ITS OK ABOUT THE PAST ... AND THE PRESENT IS HERE.

Day ???? - it is Monday eve -- May 4, 2020 - after HOSPITAL, etc..

S0 - below is two to Facebook explaining where I've been and why and where I am ... which is an OK place... It seems I am mending.. so the first of the two posts is the mending post and the second is the STORY....

And maybe tomorrow - back to regular writing... Today I walked about 3/4 of a mile... easy peasy... Soo - tomorrow should be better, etc...

-------------------------------------
ONE from Sunday, May 3rd.....

Today is one week since leaving HOSPITAL.I just took a little nice walk. Felt GOOD.. Tomorrow - around the block and more, maybe. I know this is not a 26 mile marathon but for me and my condition (bunches of pulmonary embolisms) this is BIG. I walked by myself, with not great foot gear and needing to make a rest stop from the get-go. With those two points and not wanting to push to much first time out I went about a block distance and it was GREAT! Got home, not winded, not tired... Just Fine

==================================

TWO - from Thursday, April 29, 2020

After being fairly consistent writing several blogs (one on The Omer spiritually and one a personal daily Virus Diary and another an essay area --- either/or, essentially) I went off the air, so to speak, last Thursday morning, April 23rd, 2020. I could have written Sunday the 26th of April but it has really taken me awhile to get back FROM MY STAY to everything since RETURNING HOME FROM HOSPITAL. 

That is where I was and now I am back home w/Deanne, sheltering in place.

What happened was - I had, for several days before that Thursday, a pain in my left calf. I thought it was an unresolved muscle cramp but as the days went by I wondered if there was a blood clot and if it was clot could it move to the heart, brain, or lungs and cause serious problems. So I communicated with my doctor who made a special point of seeing me that morning (thank you!) so he could then have me get an ultrasound that day. So, I left his office on the 2nd floor of the clinic with the referral and as I walked down the hallway towards the staircase and elevator I began to feel very lightheaded and dizzy. When I got near the stairs and elevator I looked for some seating but there was none so I held on to a banister near the elevator. I pressed the button for the elevator, the doors opened immediately, I saw a blue floor of the elevator and then the next thing I remember I am on the floor being tended by EMT’s, my doctor, and several other people (nurses?. I had passed out and when someone saw me on the ground rushed to get my doctor and help. THANKS! I later learned that the time between passing out and when I saw the EMT’s I was breathing and somewhat responsive and apparently had a couple of EKG’s done until the EMT’s arrived. Now I begin remembering some things such as am I hurt? I was asked and I remember saying I was not feeling hurt or bruised though I had bit my lip and blood from that was on my ear. It became a question of where to go and how. Should I drive myself? Should the ambulance take me to Sutter Davis or Sacramento. The decision was to go to Sutter Davis by ambulance as it was closer and I was not in good shape! In fact when I was put on the gurney and was in the elevator my heart and breathing stopped for a while as my doctor was holding my hand and he was about to bring on the “paddles”... but then I revived…. So getting to the nearest ER was important!

Off to Sutter Davis ER where I got tests such as ultrasound, CT, and X-ray. I was given very good care at all levels of Sutter Davis. I was admitted to the ICU where I spent the rest of the day Thursday and Friday until I was moved to a less intensive area on Saturday. 

Yes - the pain in my leg was a blood clot/embolism…. And it moved and got into my lungs so I am suffering from Pulmonary Embolisms - also known as PE.

The question the docs have is was this a provoked or unprovoked event, their terminology. Provoked includes:

You recently were on a long airplane trip and you were seated and stationary and clots can form. Though not absolutely immediately before this event I traveled in December to Hawaii, in January to NYC, and in late February to Belize. Those could be counted.

Or:

You have suddenly become more sedentary. I have been sitting more as I shelter in place and do not have access to my gym. I have walked and done some stomach crunches and a little stretching but I think there has been a difference.

And:

I am overweight and diabetic which are risk factors…

SO ? Provoked or Unprovoked… the answer is important relative to how long I stay on blood thinner (in hospital I was on a heparin drip and now at home I am taking Eliquis). Will it be 3-6 months or for the rest of my life? At this point my doctor is calling it Unprovoked so I will be using Eliquis for the rest of my life. 

That is the basic story! I am back home with Deanne where we have been sheltering in place at her house for a while. My daughters have been extraordinarily concerned and caring and supportive. Sarah has offered to come to Davis for a while to help. Amy has monitored and asked questions at a couple of phone calls with doctors. Deanne has been wonderful and caring and supportive and she and I have most everything covered at this time. We will see how the future unfolds.

I am weak from being breathless. It is like when I carry a large weight up stairs. I tire easily. I DO feel basically well otherwise.

This was, I am thinking, my wake up call to better health. I was lucky to have had the event when and where I did. I could have been on the highway going to the ultrasound. AND I am very fortunate to have the care and prayers and help and supportive messages, texts, and calls from friends and family. Very heartwarming.

My future plans are to lose weight so to be non or less diabetic and get back being active (I have missed the gym this whole time of sheltering in place and I look forward to getting back to a gym and the social energy there). In the short term more fresh air and walking would be nice. This is THE WAKE UP CALL… and I hear it! Good Morning!

The Virus - Day 38 - Thursday

YOU do know ... the day count is when I started this. The whole thing has been going on longer. Just an FYI...

Today news tells us of more efforts and steps being taken to open things up again... To return to "normal" and then there are comments by people who way it will be a NEW NORMAL. I hope so and I hope it is a "new normal" where the best values and ways and means are implemented.

What would be better then the old? What is really new and improved and better?

• Health care seems to be one area along with better "just in case" preparation. We have been living in a "just in time" world and that has not and in many cases will not serve us well. "Just in time" sounds good .. and in fashion.. ok... but not in areas such as health and welfare.
• What other kinds of WELFARE changes? Schools and the ability to educate in a variety of ways to a variety of populations. Better internet access to all so that those living far from the best teachers can get some access and, when disasters such as this Virus strike, education can continue.
• Financial security and equity needs to be addressed and fixed. Too much disparities in apparent access and care to all kinds of resources and sanctuaries.
• More community togetherness in cooperation and collaboration. Help each other. Do for others. Protect and support and sacrifice for all.
• Climate change has been positively effected by this drop in usage of carbon based fuels. CARRY ON! Move on to renewables.

So. .. that are some issues.  Others?

see for #36 herein, too - on WEDNESDAY... Day 37 - yes - THIRTY SEVEN....!!

37, thirty seven... a special number. A favorite number... Of many!??

I wrote the following on another blog .. but I like it soo much - here it is here:

"MY COMMITMENT: Commit to a more sane world for all. For safety, food, clothing, shelter, and health for all. On a planet we can call Mother Earth and in a universe looked over by a Creative Father. Do right by our Mother and our Father will do right with Mother. Male and Female together engendering all varieties of peoples in all places.... thriving as per location and cultures.

RADICAL MIDDLE... I am in the middle with my maleness and femaleness. I really can't distinguish between my maleness and femaleness without judging one or the other and judgment is not the point... The point is -- I am multi-faceted... and I believe we all are multi-faceted and that variety, diversity, plurality... is what makes humanity great. I commit to cherishing all. "

Also put out on Facebook...

And while I cannot always say what is great about the Number Thirty Seven -- I can say the Number Thirty Six is a great number.. the Hebrew number is Lamed Vov... and there are people (men... and today women, too???) who are called Lamed ///////vavniks. The Hidden Righteous Ones - Tzadikim Nistarim.

From Wikipedia:

"The source is the Talmud itself, explained as follows:

As a mystical concept, the number 36 is even more intriguing. It is said that at all times there are 36 special people in the world, and that were it not for them, all of them, if even one of them was missing, the world would come to an end. The two Hebrew letters for 36 are the lamed, which is 30, and the vav, which is 6. Therefore, these 36 are referred to as the Lamed-Vav Tzadikim. This widely-held belief, this most unusual Jewish concept is based on a Talmudic statement to the effect that in every generation 36 righteous "greet the Shekhinah", the Divine Presence (Tractate Sanhedrin 97b; Tractate Sukkah 45b).^[1]"

SO -- let us live and be well and strive for personal goodness and righteousness as who knows who he/she really and fully is? It could be anyone... any of us... and besides -- The Lamed-Vav Tzadikim can surely use all they help and support they can get! it IS a big world with lots of people and suffering and resources and possibilities. BLESSINGS TO ALL.

What do i want?

So -- THE Question I need to ask myself when I think about calling folks.. such as my parents -- what do I want? What do I think will result from the call? Something new? Something different? Something good? OR - same old, same old....

MOSTLY the answer certainly is - same old same old... Nothing new. Nothing different and nothing good.

I am constantly battling my urges to ... go to that old dry well OR I am expecting a different result THIS time even as I/we do the same thing - and that is the way to madness. It is one of the defining characteristics of insanity some say.... "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This would certainly apply to scientists... and to other rationalists. Irrationalists might believe in MIRACLES... And there may be miracles ??? Somewhere and sometime. For those people and situations who are very special, different, extraordinary. Miracles are absolutely NOT THE NORM... And I am rather normal, hopefully not insane and SO... I need to not do certain things....!!

I am getting much better at that! Hurrah!

Besides --  in some situations I am not sure I want anything ... really... SO why do something where no results I desired and where danger lies? No reason. That would be crazy, too.

Anger and reconciliation

IF reconciliation is a hope - don't harbor anger in yourself. It will not serve you well now or later.

I really don't recall or know how many times I have written about anger and sadness ... and reconciliation. Yes - SADNESS...

Sadness is a primary emotion along with frustration and distrust - if those are emotions - leading us to be angry. It is said anger is useful, important, and sometimes necessary. I am not here to argue that.

I am here to ADD A POINT about anger relative to reconciliation. For some people and situations it is hoped that reconciliation will occur where there has been a break in a relationship. Breaks often leave people sad and lost and frustrated and out of control and who knows what else... My point is - ANGER DOES NOT SERVE THE HOPE FOR RECONCILIATION.

I think, in fact, the more anger the less possible will be a good reconciliation. I think when some kind of reconciliation may occur the old anger will present itself in various ways... Snide comments. Off-hand recollections of things lost with anger having been the response. Anger is outward directed and once a person has some contact with the "other" even with reconciliation in mind - isn't it likely the anger will want some expression?  I imagine so and anger is hurtful.

SADNESS is different and may or may not be brought into a time of reconciliation. Why bring forward sadness and be sad again. Sadness is inner-directed and can lead to suffering but as they say pain is real, suffering is optional. Sadness happens. Suffering can be avoided after some time, short or long. When the pain is no longer being inflicted a person need not feel hurt and sad.

Anger seems different. Anger is said;

“Buddha quote: "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."”
OR 
Buddha also said;
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent to throw it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned".

These seem true. Someone else may get hurt, too, but if reconciliation is the hope... is it wise to hurt the other?

SO - bottom line -- IF reconciliation is a hope - don't harbor anger in yourself. It will not serve you well now or later.

The Virus - Day 34 - Sunday, April 19th, 2020

Here I am .. .Sunday morning. I've looked at the Davis Enterprise. There are enforcement requests by citizens for the police to enforce social distancing. Young folks on these nice spring days want to play basketball, etc... It is hard to keep folks in. Also there was a report in the paper about our first Virus case and how she was treated, diagnosed, released, etc... It was early.... and the system didn't know how to do things AND there was misinformation published about who the person was (an elderly women with underlying health conditions was the description of  a 58 year old fit athletic professional) so things have had to get better!!!

Today looks like another lovely day in California which means many people will want to be out and about exercising and playing so .. .enforcement?!!

ARE WE A COMMUNITY... and where are the boundaries of community? Is it our city? Our county? Our state... Our nation? The news is talking about protests since the impact is not seen nor felt by many... and it seems to us who are fine sheltering-in-place that those who want to end this shut-down and wrong, etc.. HOWEVER -- who IS ok with sheltering in place and who is not? Retirees with a nice pension .. fine. Workers still working ... fine. As long as they can work safely. In other words - those not fully effected by The Virus... which leaves a whole lot of people starting with people out of work and the homeless, then - or maybe first... the health care workers especially in the earliest days when they didn't know what was about to happen and what they needed to do - while now they still need appropriate resources.... then - kids out of school or adjusting to online school, stay-at-home parents who have to stay inside more then ususal, AND ???

THERE ARE A LOT OF POINTS OF VIEWS...  And we see States-rights in conflict with Federal-control. There has been, is, and will be competition between states and regions and that is going to be unfortunate and unnecessary. Unfortunate when safe, recovering, recovered regions could help other places and unnecessary if there was proper coordination on a national and even international level.

Cooperation and community VS competition and selfishness (or self-centeredness or ???). There will come a time when our scary leader will criticize those places continuing to try to control by various levels of quarantines  those areas that open up and for a while may not be suffering. There will be bad information, gaps in time between opening and new outbreaks, and people will die who need not have died. And rarely will the dead include the wealthy and privileged.... even as poor and middle class folks fuel pre-mature openings of our economy, etc. ALL In My Humble Opinion....

I have generally not been a RISK-TAKER... and I am a self-declared RISK-AVERSE PERSON...  and I hope to stay safe and also help others - close to me and strangers, too.

Today's Davis Enterprise (Davis, CA) and last night's MSNBC music program supporting efforts to combat The Virus especially by heroic health care workers who are now stressed and possibly burning out... The program organized by Lady Gaga titled: "One World: Together At Home" (if the link to the left doesn't work - try searching the name on YouTube and another full copy may come up OR individual scenes will be found) was beautiful and meaningful and motivational. All together wonderful and hopeful, I HOPE. I think the concert was good and positive. Real and serious. A blessing. THANKS!!!!

------maybe more later------------

The Virus - Day 33 - Saturday, night

SO... The Virus continues and some of my energies may be applied to giving more help.. after a talk w/some criticism (I seemed too detached) from Sarah and the Concert tonight on MSNBC...

SO

• I have made some calls to people and more calls can be made.
• I have given platelets (blood help) and plan to give more.
• I have some work definitively scheduled w/the Food Bank
• I have put in for more work with the Food Bank.. and we will see if that is a go.
• There is the Rotary health aid thing to look for ... I signed up, I think, but have not heard back. Maybe I need to check-in somewhere
• AND I have been doing the right things... as prescribed by the knowledgeable public health people... which IS something.

Today was a red-letter day - Deanne's BBQ got used for the first time and the chicken came out wonderfully.

Tomorrow -- I/we will put together the shelving thing for "my" bathroom. I was too tired to work on it today (and is WAS shabbat).

I was talking about minyans at services and discovered that some people (Susan R...) are very uncommitted to requiring the TEN person minimum than me. Strange, true, interesting... and not something I agree with nor accept. Without certain things - such as The Minyan - would we still be Jews? What about a Bris? What about ???? - WELL clearly I have let things go such as kashrut. I do try to observe Shabbat and many aspects of other holidays. Interesting what doesn't hold importance for some people.

AH... the Minyan -- I have run across several YouTube parodies/music things about The Minyan.. and there is the Northern Exposure episode (Season 4, Episode 22 - Kaddish, for Uncle Manny). And then - the Pam issue (a women saying Kaddish for her father is not sufficient...!)

These days of The Virus gives time for more conversations about more things then usual. Interesting stuff. AND - Kaddish is an important issue at this time with so many people dying.

The Virus - Day 32

Friday morning w/Rotary. People still giving happy bucks... and I gave some for platelets donation with NutterButter cookies!

The day will include a walk, a therapy session... PIZZA!!!, and dinner w/with fresh challah. NICE...

The pizza is apre-Passover food. Back to bread stuff. Relative to eating pizza today -- it is not about 9am and I have not had anything to eat. I will try not eating until "lunch"... early as possible. I am thinking of either the Stuffed Chicago from Papa Murphy's or if they have it today - a pair of $5.99 pizza's which I will combine and make my own less expensive stuffed pizza. DONE... for 11am -- one pepperoni and one sausage -- to be combined!!! If this works as expected - will be awsome.

I find that writing in the morning... better then at end of day... I think.

BTW -- NYTimes has n come three days in a row. YEA!

Soon -- cleanup/putback of passover dishes and silverware. THEN -- maintain, clean, etc... AOK...

Deanne is fine though we need to check in and talk about each other and her daughter (she found out yesterday Eliana graduated last June... no one told her! Anger and sadness!). I need to get a copy of my Anger book to peruse and share, perhaps.. Several meditations to share such as:

By: Thich Nhat Hanh - from book; Anger

one:
Seeing the roots of anger in wrong perceptions and ignorance - I breathe in.
Smiling to my wrong perceptions and ignorance - I breathe out.

two:
Seeing myself burned by the fire of anger - I breathe in.
Feeling compassion for myself burning with anger - I breathe out.

three:
Contemplating the damage from anger to self and others - I breathe in.
Seeing that anger burns and destroys happiness - I breathe out.

THERE are more meditations of various sorts. The Meta (lovingkindness) Meditations are very good, too.

==========maybe more later... ==============

And now???

The Virus - Day 31 -- end of day ... 4/16/2020 - Thursday

Yes... it is the end of the day. I have been walking and meeting w/some people. I had some phone conversation), too. All in all a good day with some connecting. Syma, too. My daughter Sarah... and she I will have cocktails tomorrow afternoon on Whatsapp. Stuff to look forward to... And as Steve said about himself -- he is fine sheltering-in-place as it gives him the time he seeks to do the reading and exercise and seeking he likes a lot. ME TOO... Though I would like access to a gym!

That is all for now... BTW -- I love Deanne! She is very good to me. And she is just very good. And I wish things could be better for her in those areas where things are not so good. I wish I could fix things... and therein lies madness... for me and for her... SO -- I will try to just be here.

The Virus - Day 30

Woke up ... singing??!!!
Songs like - Day Oh by Harry Belafonte...and others by him I know. I need to compile some lyrics of his songs...
Had breakfast... last of the "special" matzo and some other stale matzto... in my matzo brei.. w/cheese. Onto other uses for matzo... or matzah as I usually spell it. Depends on the box and brand.

Good looking day out there. Thought I have is to walk to blood source for platelets donation. It is listed as 32 minutes on google. I would allow for 45-50 minutes as I stroll - I will let you/this know later.

Finally got the NY Times delivered to Deanne's address. Missed yesterday's Science section. Times has obits... as usual... but has added special section for about a half-dozen selected Virus victims included today was a 22 year old new father and an 89 year old Rabbi. Also there were a slew of interesting tweet-type posts from China honoring Dr. Li Wenliang who first alerted the world of The Virus. Poignant stuff. Sad and hopeful and just messages, too.

Last night... as I was getting into bed and talking w/Deanne - I had to leave and go read in the other room since I couldn't bear hearing her reports from the news on her phone of all the idiots and stuff related to The Virus. It was on top of the days shit about it... and the sad/tense book I'm reading - The Goldfinch by Donna Taart. I am mid-way through that book and the young man, Theo, has just returned to NYC after the death of his in-debt gambling father who seemed to be a committed deadbeat. Two things -- one - too much sadness/tension for me... and two - not in bed at the end of the day, please, when we need to rest and process via dreams. We already have enough difficulties getting good sleep and rest. When I returned later I went to sleep pretty well. Awoke this morning -- singing.

So.. it is about 8:30am and the day will include a walk (maybe to blood bank), platelets donation at the blood bank (as long as pressure is ok, emails to local JHS and HS's about Rotary scholarship. That's all on calendar. After emails I will read, watch tv (last of free available Inspector Morse, other) and some telephone calls/or zooms. Also may stop at Breton for a few things. (did I bring a lock for bicycle which is now at Deanne's?)

More later --- ===============================

The Virus - Day 29

Another day... a good day... Talked with some folks (Sheera, Rich Halen, Michael and Valerie).
A short walk.... very windy.
Watched some Inspector Morse...  I have one more free-bee...
Went to my house and picked up a few things (onions, shirts, chocolate, spices...)
A quiet day... and now I will do a few things for Deanne relative to the masks...
Then sleep.,,, dreams... rest... I am tired... That has a little to do with the pumpkin kahlua I had in the middle of the afternoon... modeling the behavior of Inspector Morse.

The Virus Day 28 - Monday

Monday was yesterday... it was a good day. Legacy writing (see) and then NYC Torah study - which was rather interesting. Rabbi Jo has lots of information about Christianity!
Evening meal nice... evening soft hanging out .. nice.
Had a nice walk .. listened to a podcast -- milgram experiment about how can a person cause pain to another ... for some reason... And how can a researcher allow it... !!??? Related to why Germans did such horrible things on orders... Bottom line - people are more likely to say yes... and people like to be told what to do... and saying NO is difficult. Resistance is hard. As the Borg said -- Resistance is Futile...  Really? Maybe! Unless you are brave and confident and FREE.... Free in spirit and mind.

The Virus - Day 27

Well... it continues... the shelter-in-place with reasonably good results. Some flattening happening and so hospitals may be able to keep up with the enormous demands. Very tough on medical personnel who are surprised at the risks they are facing. Time magazine had a cover emphasizing the feelings of being drafted into this war.....

On other fronts.. did not take a walk today nor did I stretch... but aok... Went to my house and picked up some stuff and brought back some stuff. Things getting more comfortable, normal?, standard, routine... here. I think and hope;

EVERYTHING IS A WORK IN PROGRESS.....!!!!

Watched the first Inspector Morse... and two more from first season to see, soon. THEN???

Might BBQ here tomorrow at Deanne's... Outdoor kitchen may be done... or at least functioning.

Since I ma three glasses of wine in... and it is late.. BYE...

The Virus - Day 26

Today is Saturday.... nice day. Went to services online in Davis, left early, went to Walnut Creek services, online, with Deanne... AOK.... Next I will be in/online in Davis as gabbai for a bnai mitzvah... first at CBH since The Virus shutdown/shutout... Should be fine.

Had a nice walk... nice day - sunny, warm, no breeze at time of walk. Deanne on an errand to deliver some of her mask... Later - "cocktails" with NY Susan and Amy. Stuff and stuff... They are back in The City... for a while.


Dinner - light after the cocktail snacks. Reading (The Goldfinch) outside in back of house. NICE...

The first couple of episodes of Inspector Morse on Prime for a while. I'm happy.

That is all for now. Til tomorrow...

The Virus - Day 25, Friday, April 10, 2020

It is bright (well  still dark) and early (yes - 3:21am) Friday morning as I write this. I slept for a while and then since I could... I have awoken to come do some writing. A moment ago I did days 23 and 24 with the Passover script I used for the 2nd night of Passover.

SO - it is the beginning of the 1st day of the counting of the Omer... See my blogging of the Omer is at an old barely used blog called Do Teshuvah. which I hope to keep up for the next seven weeks with its spiritual practice. MAYBE this year I will be DISCIPLINED!!!

Also - I have a blog called: "Think about it..or forget about it" where I discuss dueling ideas. I hope to now, in this New Year, write regularly!

So - there are three new years on the Jewish calendar. Rosh Hashannah is best know as a New Year and memorializes the Birth of the World. We have a new year for Trees -- L'ag B'Omer. And Passover is the new year .. the first month of the calendar... the beginning of spring and the renewal of life.

I hope I will do the writings in at least the two blogs noted about as well as this blog.

Maybe more later today..........--------------------------------

The Virus - Days 23 and 24

Actually writing this very early on Friday, the 25th day... at about 3:15am....

These days - Wednesday and Thursday... the 23rd and 24th day of these notes about The Virus were spent doing preparations for Passover. Cooking and setting a script were things I did. I made my persian style charoset. It came out ok... a bit dry and not so finely chopped as sometimes but tasty with ginger and cayenne and lots of dried fruit and nuts. I also made a potato kugel and that was very good.... not excellent but very good.

And i set the script for my/our 2nd night seder. We went to George and Hila's for 1st night. Both night were ZOOM Seders for the health of all and for connecting in spite of The Virus.

For the "record" here is my script which everyone got as an attachment. When we did the 2nd night Seder we went through all on the script.. pretty much as noted. There were discussions and additions and input from others. Those who came were - Nancy and Bill, Arnie and Fern, Sarah, Amy, Susan Hildreth, Michael Hirsch, Jonathan and Joojeung, Deanne and me, Al Sokolow. and Denise.

And here is the script:

PASSOVER, 2^ND NITE, 2020

INTRO: A little housekeeping…

ZOOM… mute a lot and unmute as you need to and I may mute all along the way. Unmute and speak up… wave hands as you want to say something.

NOW - First of all – Thank you all for being here. Passover is the ultimate home Jewish celebration and this year some homes only have one person. I hope that those people who are not here and are alone know… it is ok to celebrate alone.

It IS nice we are all together in THIS special year of sheltering in place for the safety and health of all. Thank you for doing that! Our Seder tonight, on zoom, may be, a bit shorter and abridged and maybe re-ordered and with time for discussion and comments, too. AND – when it is time for the Festive Meal we will consider how to proceed.

In a moment we will have a check in but let us first light the Festival Candles…

THE PRAYER.. for the candles.

We begin all our holidays with the lighting of candles… So we may see the new Jewish day that begins at night.. So we may see what we are doing. So we may see happiness and suffering in our world. So we can see to do good with great joy.

Now that we can see each other in the lights of the festival – let’s check in… as they say… Whoever wants to say how they are doing and IF any help is needed.

PAUSE..

ALSO – now that we can see … let me show you the Seder Plate…..

SO  -- THE FIRST STEP… of our journey …. FILL YOUR GLASSES…

We will have the first of four glasses of Wine – the symbol of joy and happiness. We thank God that we are able to gather together again with friends and family to observe this Festival. Let us say The Kiddush:  FROM THE HAGGADAH….

ASK SOMEONE TO READ TRANSLATION…. From haggadah…

And… Shehechy-yanu… from haggadah

The four cups of wine we drink this evening honor G-d’s four promises to us in Torah as G-d says: ONE: “I will take you out from under the burdens of Egypt; TWO  I will deliver you from their bondage; THREE: I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great judgments; and FOUR: I will take you to Me for a people.”

In drinking the first of the four cups of wine, we thank God for giving us life, for sustaining us, and allowing us to reach this moment. We know that life is fragile. Each day is a gift to be cherished and no moment should be taken for granted. We thank God for helping us maintain a life of meaning and we are thankful for having opportunities to sanctify our lives by performing good deeds that make a difference in the world.

THE SECOND STEP is a symbolic washing of our hands so we are cleansed before our service and I feel sure we have all done this… especially in these days of The Virus..

THE THIRD STEP … is the eating of greens and the first DIPPING to honor spring and the sweat of work and the tears of the suffering of slaves.

OUR STEPS FOUR AND FIVE have us breaking one of the three ceremonial Matzahs and recognizing Matzah as the Bread of Affliction and welcoming all into our homes who are in need. At this time we will open our door to welcome in hospitality all who may be hunger and tonight we will also welcome Elijah who we hope will come in our days with blessing of peace.

SING Ha Lachma…..

Sing – Eliyahu hanvavie…

Next are the QUESTIONS and the types of people who question, and the Story in answer..

There is a lot to know and remember… and be curious about… There are the traditional FOUR QUESTIONS and in the haggadah a listing of the FOUR CHILDREN.

SING:

Mah Nish-tana… etc. etc..  and then in English..

A new version – for these times of The Virus – of the four children:

The inquisitive child – wise?

The worried child – does not trust?

The compassionate child – loving.

The resilient child… - we will all be ok!

AND MY FOUR QUESTIONS, which are for me and maybe you have others?

Why is this YEAR different from any other?

What does FREEDOM mean and/or what are the many faces of Freedom as we shelter in place?

To what have we been enslaved and now miss, need, or find truly and really UNnecessary?

AND: How are we all living in this special time? Stress of many types are real for many of us. How are we doing?

MY ANSWERS in full for your to read at your leasure… - I will highlight.

This year is one of a great crisis – for our personal health, our economic health, our national health, and our planet’s health. Health for all people is in terrible crisis.

Freedom is a hard thing to define. Like art we like when we see it – do we know freedom when we see or have it? Reb Nachman of Bratzlav says “Freedom is the world of joy”.

As for being a slave – I have been a slave of many thoughts and behaviors and this time of The Virus is providing time for reflection and change as basic routines and activities are in disarray. I must take long walks instead of doing the elliptical at the gym. I have time to write… and read… and can watch more TV or movies…. With no excuses necessary. And I am not snacking in the middle of the afternoon or late at night, by choice.

Finally – the stress of these days       means I have a consciousness of how I live and think and behave and feel. These days I both express more care to more people and am shown and accept more care from more people and it feels good to give and accept and to get and to take. The best in people has come out – as Anne Frank said:  “in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

QUESTIONS FROM OTHERS????

AND NOW – LET’S TELL THE STORY…..which is THE TORAH task of our Festival of Passover.

The story is essentially this:

The Children of Israel… Israel being third patriarch - Jacob son of Issac who was the the son of Abraham – goes to Egypt with all his family to escape the ravishes of a great famine. Egypt becomes a place of refuge for the Israelites. Joseph the son of Jacob the patriarch has risen to power and grants land to his father and family in Goshen where they live and prosper.

After several hundred years the Israelites have become numerous and the Egyptians begin to fear them and that fear gives them the idea to enslave and subjugate the Israelites to weaken and destroy them.  (SING – V’HE-SHAY AMDAH) The Israelites in their suffering call up to G-d who hears their cry and sends a redeemer, Moses, who with signs and wonders causes the Pharoah, the King of Egypt to let the people of Israel, GO…!!!

THE SIGNS AND WONDERS.. WERE THE PLAGUES… LIST THE TEN…. AND DEPLETE SOME WINE FROM YOUR SECOND GLASS OF WINE.

The Israelites leave quickly and their bread does not have time to rise … and so today we remember the time of their rushed leaving by eating a flat, un-risen bread – the unleavened bread we call Matzah. Matzah may also have been eaten by the Israelites as slaves as we call Matzah the Bread of Affliction.

There IS more to the story… there is the frightening scene at the Reed Sea as the Egyptians, haveing changed their minds about letting the people go are pursuing the Children of Israel to kill and/or take them back into slavery. On one side is the sea and coming on the other side are the soldiers of Egypt… And then the miracle of the parting of the sea allows the Israelites to cross and then the parting of the waters ends and drowns the Egyptian soldiers. While Miriam, the sister of Moses, leads the people in a song of happiness and joy .. G-d quiets his angels in heaven because those Egyptians are his children, too, and their deaths may have been necessary but are not to be celebrated in Heaven. We humans were not heavenly then and today we are not heavenly enough, in my opinion. We all have a ways to go towards true freedom for all.

Gratitude was and is part of the human psyche and is a way, I think, to become more free and we now will sing the song of gratitude – Dayenu, which essentially recounts the story of Passover…

AND NOW… we will do as Rabban Gamliel said when he taught we must explain the following three symbols of Passover.

NOW WE COME TO JUST BEFORE THE FESTIVE MEAL OF OUR SEDER –

We have the second glass of wine

We taste the matzah

We dip the bitter herbs into the charoset

We eat the Hillel sandwich of matzah and bitter herbs…

AND NOW WE EAT…..

All are invited to remain on zoom and chat… or let us say our good byes, our good nights.. with NEXT YEAR… IN JERUSALOM … AND/OR NEXT YEAR IN PERSON!!