nice day..... left clayton after nice night. Got home and steve came here since there was some rain. We talked about being different in different stages of life... us oldies... And we talked about the moment, some zen, R. Freedman's talk... uncertainty/CHANGE and prayer - FINDING THE SPARK WITHIN AND REACHING OUT... and Israel new name for Jacob... meaning STRUGGLE... and that fits, too, with today two years since The Oct. 7th, 2023 - terror!!!
I did a full workout.
Will be at a program at Jan's tomorrow late morning... Then in evening Valarie's event. What will I do in afternoon???? nap? maybe local car trials...
AND COSTCO - for Saturday AND Sunday night events.
And now... after dinner (it is almost 8pm) - a movie.... It will be noted... I think, somewhere!
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NOTE: Yiskor and about saying Kaddish for my sister... well -- I did it for my father and mother... I didn't know about what the lawyer says was very negative stuff in my father's will... I GUESS.... I was/probably - right to protect myself from him... even at the end!!!! As for my mother -- she was important but ineffectual... while constantly stirring the pot, so to speak.. AND as for my sister -- she was either fully on the team or she was afraid to stand up for herself..... She was THE Dutiful Daughter ... the traditional female.... girl, women, whatever. SO - I guess she deserves and may need a full 11 months or a year of Kaddish... As did my parents.
AND CERTAINLY I was who I was and I kept away and that was essentially as wise as I could be... I was not very strong, powerful, smart, etc.. i was a somewhat tightly tied up ball of feelings and thoughts and traits... Much as asserted and then denied to me by my parents. I was told I was a person with a great memory BUT then when I remembered this/that/the other thing I was told I remembered WRONG... Especially when what I remembered was not desireable, I would say! So did I have a good memory... I think today my memory was never too good... for names/faces, certain details such as titles of books, names of authors... and such. I think it is like when a child is told - you can't sing/keep a tune ... then they don't. WHO KNOWS... And my father taught -- Ken - you will someday blame me for this/that/the other things.... and you really can't... SO - what did he teach me? He taught me to not count on what he said and did... and to take care of myself ... to ONLY count on myself... Which I do/did - while realizing in recent years/decades -- it is good to ask for and get help. It is said asking for/getting help is good for the person in need and the person who helps... It's an opportunity to perform a mitzvah.
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