6 days since last writing... No Kings Day.... and other stuff... - Ellen on Saturday, too. We had I think good moments at No Kings Day and a nice lunch at an Irish Pub... then saw some of those Israeli tv shows about lottery winners getting counseled... and some time alone and a good dinner and an early time to bed -- She was very tired. Tried to watch LA Story ... and maybe she finished watching it...
This weekend -- Hillel Dinner - baseball theme... And Satursday Octoberfest - Rotary. Ellen may come...
AND - a BIG WOW -- on Friday, Oct. 17, 2025 --- my bar mitzvah tallit/tallis arrived in the mail. It was found!!! I have it now. I am happy to have it... It was lost, disrespected, but now found. And now I am anxious about losing it/forgetting it... somewhere... But I used it on Oct. 18th when Bereisheet was the parsha... and that seemed significant. I asked for an aliyah... and told the congregation of my happiness. At the very least I will wear it each year when we do Shofetime which was my parsha....
SO what do I think of now ... when I think of my sister and mother and father... A little better feelings... but nothing is perfect but things could have been better...
Talked w/Ellen about what happened in our marriages... Mine to Susan was a marriage not of an absolute committment - as the times taught us not to stay together just for the children. I still don't really recall what the issues were that we fought about and which caused me to give up and leave. As for Karen - by then I was certainly feeling, I think. a sense of being trapped. I may have been a little pushed into loving her and marrying her... If left up to me ... I wonder... ?? THOUGH she was quite good, nice, lovely, warm... etc.. There were family issues that came into our relationship... And that related, in fact, to who owned the house... ME... and she had less say... or so it seemed. I think I wouldn't and didn't play that card, so to speak, but she did feel it... herself. Oh well....
And then not addressed were Susan G, Diane, and Deanne... Nor did I bring up the issue of volutility .. because while I did bring up anger and fights.. Ellen is/was subject to volutility and that IS A DIFFICULTY... that I had ... but which I think I am over... but perfection ??? who can be sure?
LOVE is the question... PASSION is part of that question. CARING IS IN MY DNA.... when I know what and how to care ... which I think I can/sometimes do ... sense.
And then there is appreciation of what the other person is and does... Criticism is difficult .. and maybe at this time in our lives... inappropriate... Criticism may generally not be a good idea... but at this stage with the idea that we are Well Developed... so to speak... or Set In Our Ways... then respect and acceptance and tolerance and APPRECIATION is The Way! Relative to Ellen -- I do appreciate her, and respect her... while not fully agreeing with her... on some things... sometimes nuances... sometimes bigger that nuances... I need to maintain awareness and interest ... and see where that leads.
AND there are/were subjects I considered writing about ... but the topics escape me at this moment. SO -- when they occur again I hopefully will keep them in mind.
AND then there is the car -- To Buy What?
And the garden will be getting some BIDS... Backyard!!!
What will tomorrow bring!?
No comments:
Post a Comment