It is true, I think, that I can hope for ... anything. And I think it is not a good idea to expect anything, really. So many say and I agree... I do what I can.
BUT....
The truth is I often see my hopes and expectations closely linked to each other and twisted around and tied together. AND THEN sometimes (often?) -- whenever! -- the hopes twisted together with the expectations do NOT happen and then I am sad. And out of control!
Fortunately I get sad these days as different from the past when I used to be get angry and maybe vindictive. Now - I get sullen for a while. I mope. But then I get a night's sleep and the distance of some time and fortunately perspective returns and some equanimity and peace. During these sullen, mopey times I try to be by myself.
Change is necessary when my hopes are not met... especially those hopes I have come to think/feel I can expect. The tension of expectations... even those only rightly hopes HURT. I am pained and in anguish. I despair. I am sad. Something has to change. Sadness wears me down. Despair is not good to feel. Unhealthy!
Do YOU ever feel this way?
I used to get hurt and sad and then mad and angry. The anger never was useful and I hope I have given that up for good and for something new and different. And better.
We will of course... see... The future will show me, you, us ... if I have changed to at least endure with equanimity or change for something better.
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