2025 Daily - 10/30/2025 - humanity .. for all

missing deadlines... the Daily Write...

Well -- Working to describe My Legacy -- a cool idea. AND - to work on those Dualities...

AND what about a Novel about "being a light unto the nations". Thats THE thing!!! IF we are meant to be such... now is a good time to do it... Our world is full of positive opportunities for good lives for all ... yet hate is building up everywhere, it seems, for no necessary good reasons.

An ASIDE - got a bid for my back yard... and it looks pretty good. Might get a second bid ... waiting. THE POINT -- do my writing in my new backyard - in sunlight and good air and colors, etc etc...

Remember - HUMANITY ... be HUMANE... TO ALL!!!!

Ubunto -

Ubuntu (Zulu pronunciation: [ùɓúntʼù];[1][2] meaning 'humanity' in some Bantu languages, such as Zulu) describes a set of closely related Bantu African-origin value systems that emphasize the interconnectedness of individuals with their surrounding societal and physical worlds. "Ubuntu" is sometimes translated as "I am because we are". In Xhosa, the latter term is used, but is often meant in a more philosophical sense to mean "the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity".

AHHH... shared connections... Connections implying all possibilities... Possibilites are described in our Ecclesiasteswhere where we learn - there is a season for all things... opposites... and also: from Wikidpedia article: "In light of this perceived meaninglessness, he suggests that human beings should enjoy the simple pleasures of daily life, such as eating, drinking, and taking enjoyment in one's work, which are gifts from the hand of God. The book concludes with the injunction to "Fear God and keep his commandments, for that is the duty of all of mankind. Since every deed will God bring to judgment, for every hidden act, whether good or evil."

And so ... enjoy, observe, know there is judgement!

YES..

2025 Daily - 10/29/2025

 This was begun the night before...?? as noted in previous post dated: Oct. 23, 2025

WELL Legacy is it... 

Who am I and who was I and who do I dream to be...???!!!

Past, present, future... What else is there!!!!???

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2025 Daily - 10/28/2025 - peace!!!! peace... PEACE and a Light unto the nations!

 The post of: 2025 Daily - 10/23/2025 --- was published today, the 28th...

This is written as I try to get back into some regularity of writing. AND after reading a bit about Noah and Israel and being a "light unto the nations".... something I have thought about a little... My thoughts being related to the many wars in the Middle East ... and most recently the war in/on Gaza and all the things the IDF (Israeli Defence Forces) did to both eliminate Hamas while trying to minimize civilian casualties..

It is (must be?) true there were many many civilian casualities. It is also/must be true that Hamas did little to nothing to protect the people of Gaza AND may have used many as human shields. There are NO reports of a line of defense by Hamas to protect citizens on their side of the line. There are reports of Israel warnning people that attacks in areas were imminent. There are reports of tunnels under homes and hospitals. There are reports that so-called civilians on the Gaza side were combatents. There were attacks by air and ground forces of Israel that were destructive and mortal. Bottom line - this was an urban guerillla type of war... rather new -- with lines of combat not easily drawn and seen. This was a war complicated by hostages taken who needed to be protected from attacks while their "jailors" treated them very badly! On balance I would say - Israel did the best it could with the goal of ridding Gaza of Hamas and the genocidal threats of Hamas. 

SO - what about "A LIGHT UNTO THE NATIONS"? First let me suggest that often the "nations" are blind. Second - the "nations" and their people SEE what they want to see. That means - the "nations" are blind to the good attempts made by Israel to minimize civilian casualities in a way never before seen during the wars in the whoel world. Furthermore, the "nations" want to see a weak Jew rather than a strong Isreali Jew. The "nations" think Israel wanted genocide or ethnic cleansing while not believing Hamas and their supporters announced, said, and wanted genocide and ethnic cleansing.

The war in Gaza and all wars Israel has fought and fortunately won where all essentially wars of defense. Invaded by Arab countries in 1948, threatened by the closing of the Suez Canal in ????, massing of Arab armies in 1967, some success by Arab armies in 1973, continuous terrorism from the West Bank and Gaza for years until walls and other defenses were erected, and finally the event of Oct. 7, 2023. Enough had to be and is enough. 

The "nations" of the world and their people need to be better educated about the historis and realities. The truth is ... as always... in my opinion, the regular people want to lead regular lives of peace and love and families and growth and production. On another hand - leaders and followers want to amass personal power and wealth. From within Israel we see objections and demonstrations for peace while we never see that from Gaza or the West Bank. A balance is needed where both sides work towards love and prosperity. The current balance is for war. What is needed is a real peace... that brings security for all and forever! Let Israel and all the Middle East show the world what can be... and maybe the world will see that the good can be made real!

2025 Daily - 10/23/2025 - My questions... again...!!! Plus - addition on love on the 28th

 Do I ... need to work... Be Productive...

WELL - yes I need a purpose -- something to do which is meaningful...

Does my Random Voluteering - work for me and others???

What is MY TALENT, Passion, ????

What special something do I bring to anyone? - How am I ... and I am ... selective? For instance today ... based a bit on a person not doing what they could to make things easier for themselves... was not offered some help I could have given... essentially my time.

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO??? WHERE, WHEN, HOW, ETC...

Am I trying to gussy up backyard so I can be outside and writing!! Is it WRITING I most want to do... associated closely with BEING READ... Being noticed... Being heard.... my many!!!!

Become a minstrel... without an instrument beyond just my voice??? - Poetry reading, too...   with some amplification???

FROM YESTERDAY .... but perhaps ALL/EVER SO ON POINT...  along with being read...

AHHHHhhh... movie: LA Story --  PASSION!!!!! and magical music... and magic!!!!

It LA Story THE story I want to live in my life.... --- and what is the Rest of the Story.... after the sign says -- All Clear (or whatever).

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What about love? What about passion... for me....

What am/was I passionate about...One - not to lose my kids... as my parents lost me.. and, I guess... I lost them. 

Do I miss them? Will my daughters miss me. Not know me? Hmmm.... Write some of that on the 29th... of Oct. 2025.. MAYBE it is The Legacy Writing - once suggested by a counselor/therapist... Maybe that IS THE TICKET... Give me meaning... and provide meaning, too.!!!!

2025 Daily - 10/22/2025

 OY.... longish night at dinner w/Pam and Rick last night..... not a lot of communication but a lot of talk ... issues? I don't know -- she was very tired.... and today they are taking care of some stuff this morning. Do I really get listened to... of MY stuff!!!

As for Foxy to the dog and me ... all ok... She played a bit in back yard, had morning meal, played a little more ... I went to a zoominar... and have another soon (kabballah at 11am) ... it is now 10am -- maybe a walk!??? YES -- let me go ... back again later...

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Had lunch w/Pam... she is SO busy... too busy really.... And so she keeps moving, moving, moving... And of course does things her way which sometimes makes for extra time/work... BUT she is doing well and getting Rick to do things well, too. 

As for me... I must got my MRI setup. AOK with that.

Read New Yorker article on Mamdani... and sent an email w/idea ... city pay for maintenance on rent-control bldgs....

AND - talked w/Vic about Spain trip ... all coming together!

And in morning did two zooms - one by Tikvah w/Egyptian women; and two-Kabbalah by R. Stein

Seemed like a full day... 2nd walk, short, w/Foxy, some TV.

AHHHHhhh... movie: LA Story --  PASSION!!!!! and magical music... and magic!!!!

It LA Story THE story I want to live in my life.... --- and what is the Rest of the Story.... after the sign says -- All Clear (or whatever).

2025 Daily - 10/21/2025

The news ... after the No Kings event on Oct. 18, 2025, is continuing to be disheartening, scary, worrisome, BAD.... No respect for millions of Americans. More hate and lies and all is fragile! No negotiations on Shutdown... No plans from the other side except lets spend on a ballroom?!!!  I can feel very distressed !!!!!

On another hand --- walked w/Ava and Foxy today. Foxy is getting more accustomed to being petted!!! Really?? !!! Nice.

I'm wondering how to handle Foxy during Costco trip w/Rachel today... IF I bring Foxy - I will not go into store. As of now ... pending asking Rachel if Zahava is coming, too..... AHHH... Zahava IS coming and Fozy can sit in back w/her.... all ok... 

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2025 Daily - 10/20/2025

 6 days since last writing... No Kings Day.... and other stuff... - Ellen on Saturday, too. We had I think good moments at No Kings Day and a nice lunch at an Irish Pub... then saw some of those Israeli tv shows about lottery winners getting counseled... and some time alone and a good dinner and an early time to bed -- She was very tired. Tried to watch LA Story ... and maybe she finished watching it...

This weekend -- Hillel Dinner - baseball theme... And Satursday Octoberfest - Rotary. Ellen may come...

AND - a BIG WOW -- on Friday, Oct. 17, 2025 --- my bar mitzvah tallit/tallis arrived in the mail. It was found!!! I have it now. I am happy to have it... It was lost, disrespected, but now found. And now I am anxious about losing it/forgetting it... somewhere... But I used it on Oct. 18th when Bereisheet was the parsha... and that seemed significant. I asked for an aliyah... and told the congregation of my happiness. At the very least I will wear it each year when we do Shofetime which was my parsha....

SO what do I think of now ... when I think of my sister and mother and father... A little better feelings... but nothing is perfect but things could have  been better...

Talked w/Ellen about what happened in our marriages... Mine to Susan was a marriage not of an absolute committment - as the times taught us not to stay together just for the children. I still don't really recall what the issues were that we fought about and which caused me to give up and leave. As for Karen - by then I was certainly feeling, I think. a sense of being trapped. I may have been a little pushed into loving her and marrying her... If left  up to me ... I wonder... ?? THOUGH she was quite good, nice, lovely, warm... etc.. There were family issues that came into our relationship... And that related, in fact, to who owned the house... ME... and she had less say... or so it seemed. I think I wouldn't and didn't play that card, so to speak, but she did feel it... herself. Oh well.... 

And then not addressed were Susan G, Diane, and Deanne... Nor did I bring up the issue of volutility .. because while I did bring up anger and fights.. Ellen is/was subject to volutility and that IS A DIFFICULTY... that I had ... but which I think I am over... but perfection ??? who can be sure?

LOVE is the question... PASSION is part of that question. CARING IS IN MY DNA.... when I know what and how to care ... which I think I can/sometimes do ... sense. 

And then there is appreciation of what the other person is and does... Criticism is difficult .. and maybe at this time in our lives... inappropriate... Criticism may generally not be a good idea... but at this stage with the idea that we are Well Developed... so to speak... or Set In Our Ways... then respect and acceptance and tolerance and APPRECIATION is The Way! Relative to Ellen -- I do appreciate her, and respect her... while not fully agreeing with her... on some things... sometimes nuances... sometimes bigger that nuances... I need to maintain awareness and interest ... and see where that leads.

AND there are/were subjects I considered writing about ... but the topics escape me at this moment. SO -- when they occur again I hopefully will keep them in mind.

AND then there is the car -- To Buy What?

And the garden will be getting some BIDS... Backyard!!!

What will tomorrow bring!?

2025 Daily - 10/14/2025

 it is late on Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2025 --- AND - I'm muddling along... I think that's what I'm doing.. Muddling ... just getting by... Getting through the day(s).... OR - maybe I'm just a bit frustrated about my deciding on some car...

The car issue brings up the idea of my limited time remaining driving! Another 10 years on the road... 15 at best??? Maybe an all electric... Maybe put aside at least in my mind money, etc to buy another car in about 8 years . or whenever cars REALLY can self-drive!!! That's the thing.

And now - LUXURY... !!! That Lincoln Nautilus seemed like a real possibility... I guess next - look at Lexus.... etc. etc... OR a Cadillac???!!!??

BRANDS -- anti-semites, old foreign enemies, others?

AND THEN - why am I driving? Where? Isn't there something closer...??? - Places, groups, individuals. etc. etc...

NOTE:  Looks like my Bar Mitzvah Tallis is on the way to me....  I'll beleive it soon... For now - hope. 

2025 Daily - 10/13/2025 - Hostages FREE

 TODAY I awoke to news... the hostages taken on Oct. 7, 2023, are on Israeli soil... Safe, Free, Alive... there are some dead hostage bodies yet to be returned... Closure... needed/wanted by all... PEACE!!!

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Off to zoom services... and today we need not say the prayer for the return of the hostages... at least for the living.

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2025 Daily - 10/12/2025 - Jewish divisions...headlines...

 Zoom - people can come into sanctuaries....... or come onto zoom

Who is vs What is --- a Jew?

Sex/gender divisions - bases -- Who?

Matrilineal descent - why??

Mechizta - why?

Minyan counting - Why?

What is basis for WHAT?

Israel?

Ethics?

ONE/Alone G-d?

Beliefs vs actions?

2025 Daily - 10/09/2025

 write today??? went to Burger PT - back was feeling ok, knees still hurting, and stomach hernia like thing looked at... Got some advice on stomach so good...

I won't be a song leader in Davis ... on the 18th --- timing not good. I will be counted in Walnut Creek and will march there then.... And then I hope to be with Ellen and then next day I will get Foxy.

Chorus today was good. Eating was ok... a bit more then needed.

Ordered some seeds from amazon - chia, sesame, and poppy. The chia will get used in a drink for health. I hope it is good choice. Also ordered some hersheys syrup ... that might go with the peanut butter I have...OY... stretching in two directions!

Canceled my app for a new credit card... didn't want to unlock my credit places...  AOK.

And sent email to chorale person, Katie, with draft application for funding to be considered by Rotary.

AND NOTE: today was big day for Israeli Hostages who may be coming home in a couple of days!!!!! HOPE!

2025 Daily - 10/08/2025 - the day after and a UN solution?

 Day 1 of the 2nd year of captivity for the Israeli Hostages .... with some real hope on the horizon. I just wish my way would have been done ... which would have been to have released, at least all who are alive, yesterday - on the anniversary of the Massacre.

I use words like massacre because while that word is extreme on the other hand/side -- including main stream media - words used are often more extreme than the reality and they inflame. The idea of fighting Fire With Fire has merit and in a "marketing" world ... RopeADope doesn't work. In a world where it truly seems as if many leaders are wrong and willing to do wrongs ... the violence of words is the least of the problems. 

WHERE is the Humanity? Where is Compassion? On "our" side -- how did Menachem Begin come to make peace? 

How did Arafat almost come to peace ... and he did get somewhere.  The loss of the Palestinians when Rabin came to an agreement was due, it is said, to the Arabs missing an opportunity BUT as I recall that was the Israeli Arabs who boycotted the election - not the Palestinians. PERHAPS it was really up to the Jewish Israelis to have voted right, left, PEACE.. and the Parlimentary way of democracy didn't work for peace that time!

And... today -- US National politics and world politics and access to resources/money is terribly effected byt 9/11 and Afghanistan and Iraq and Lebanon and also the Ukraine and Korea and Pakistan/India and Israel and Palestinians... AND THE SOLUTION...??? 

The United Nations could provide an answer IF the major powers could essentially Stand Down in various ways. What is needed is an independent and fair and reasonable agency with appropriate resources (money, soldiers) to take control of disputed areas... OF course that means Disputed Areas are well defined.. which is often lacking and therefore the basis reason for conflict. What parts of the Israeli/Palestinian areas belong to whom? Who has rights to Crimea, etc. Where should the borders be between India and Pakistan? Etc Etc... AND - what are the "facts on the ground"?

2025 Daily - 10/07/2025 - TWO YEARS!!!

This is the two year anniversary of the Oct. 7, 2023 massacre and hostage taking AND -- maybe it is about to end... Because the warring by Israel and the support - crazy and scary by Trump.  I HOPE!!! And I think it is Israel who has brought this about and Trump's help may be significant but it cannot be The Issue which I will vote on.  It has long been the right thing for all the parties in the Middle East to come to peace and coexistance. Peace is in the short term... Coexistance is the long term and only time will tell.

Today my bookclub met here. And it was preceeded by a walk w/Ava. Succeeded by Cali Garden - Vicky and Amanda here to figure out something for my backyard. Hope springs eternal ... for the Spring!

Taxes are finalized and just need to be mailed... w/a check for California.\

Water and shopping with Rachel on deck. Then UC Chorus rehearsal ... and maybe Ellen??? Or Ellen tomorrow.

AND I do need to find someone to give me massage(s)... and I need to do the Five Wishes thing. And I await word on visa... for Vietnam.

AND -- w/garden people measuring now after bookclub and Ava -- I'm feeling ok/alive.. etc... And - hernia exam was negative and psa is sort of within range... now.

I DO NEED TO WALK MORE!!! AND I DO NEED NEW SHOES!!!!! A trip to Vacaville for shoes and a look at the Lincoln Nautilus ... is to be done!

2025 Daily - 10/04/2025

 ah.... what a day ... ended w/talk w/Eric -- who wanted to know about me and CBH... It is one nasty conversation... one I should not engage in ... as it brings up pain and hurt. Noted that until Conservative Movement reconsiders Matrinlineal Descent... the Reform Movement is "safe"...  From competition.. at least, unstated but imho, in Davis.

Did see Philip today w/his glock... and I shot a handgun for the first time in my life. And their honor system means I may easily bring my carbine sometime.

Worked out.... talked w/Sarah... Went to October Block Party... Neighborhood Night Out...

Gave non-commital answers to Shmary's invite to a fabringin... 

2025 Daily - 10/04/2025 - father, mother, sister... AND presentation of mySelf....

 this morning i write... and am going, soon, to Jan and Andrew's - activism training session. I wonder what ALL it will be?

in my continuing quest to figure out my past life... specfically at the moment relative to my parents and sister the idea of Cognitive Dissonance has come forward/been remembered by me. It, CD, and Rationalization are two things I am thinking about as I evaluate and re-evaluate my thinking SINCE it is all on/in me now with no one really to check with. No one really knew my side which contained a lot of harshness and those who perpetrated the harsh Nastyness are not here to defend themselves... or to really tell their side with my side in mind. It is all on me... I GET TO INVENT THE HISTORY! I'm the last man/one standing.

That HISTORY is for answering the questions in consideration of the general estrangement. What did I gain? What did I lose? And do I answer that for others such as my daughters.

So - about me... and where I was and where I am... 

Politically I actively was different from my father... He may have thought some liberal things but he also thought conservative things and was fearful of being noticed so he may not have ever really expressed his thoughts and feelings. When he was racist it may have been to protect/promote me... As he noted - with integration came competition for the jobs available and controlling that competitition for oneself was a good idea. It was not ... do your best and do it well and do it better --- it was limit the competition. I MUST SAY -- I went with that idea. I generally did not seek or want leadership roles and the profession I went into was pursued with the idea I would have limited competition so I appreciated that and also got certificates (degrees, licenses) as needed. I DID do well in my profession... well enough. But essentially - just enough. I was not inspired and I was not inspiring. 

I was raised by a father who thought negatively challenging someone .... me... was The Way. IT WAS THE WAY... for him as per his stories. He knew his job as a shipper, he would respond to someone who said he couldn/t do something by doing it...And so, in my opinion, I would have done better with real positive understanding and support. Instead I was raised essentially to be a contrarian ... and chose instead, I think, to be a positive Pollyana. And to do that I needed to be free and distant from his influence as it was not for me. I think IF he could have seen it would be different and better to be inspiring instead of counseling "be careful" he might have done it and I might have turned out differently. For him -- be a dentist ... not a doctor. As for a lawyer -- I think he wanted to be that himself and might have liked me to become one... or maybe... he rather I did not fulfill what was his dream, i.e. show him what he might have been??

Certainly I did not get the message - be more than your father ... be all you can be... whatever that is.

ALSO - money was an issue. He had some.... He shared some (mostly paid for my education and gave me a gift when I asked for a loan for house enhancement). Ah... money!? A controlling thing, I think. Bar Mitzvah money not given til I was in my 20's and married and didn't need it... though it was immediately promised to me at the time of my bar mitzvah. I often wondered it I would ever get it. Money in the end was denied to me in his will(s)... I use the plural since I think my mother's and sister's wills, giving ... were established by him... OR by my mother. It was often unclear who really called the shots!!!! Especially after overhearing what was reported differently than was said. 

AHH.... money for my father was something special. Something he never fully got, I think. He didn't get his family a home, only a very small apartment (coop), when we were growing up. He was ever uncertain, he said, of his annual income since he was a commissioned salesman. AND - I didn't join him and his work... which I think he wanted.... The kick under the table to shut me up ... when I was clearly able to be careful in political conversations ... was The Kicker... I have long hated being shut up ... and essentially today do not feel listened to. Could be I don't communicate well in some way(s).

Ahhh.... money. For my father it was important. For me... important, too, to Not Overextend myself. SO - get ye to a government job ... if you want security and you are not too interested in money. NOT - do service ... but Be Careful.

For now I am going to stop writing ... but let me conclude with the realization that I was always counseled to Be Careful and so with relating to him ... I was ever careful! Being distant, not in communication, etc... was The Way to Protect Myself.... He actually might have gotten that! And appreciated I was doing what he thought a person should do! Even as it may have hurt him to not have a son ... and grandchildren, too. Therefore -- I am saying I did the right thing for me... as per his ways... and protected myself and my family as best as I knew how. It will always be a question - could I have changed him? Could I have made him SEE ME? Could he have treated me differently AND how much of his ways was based on what my mother was about ... who was a women who may have had problems with men... even her son? 

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I hope to read the above... and go forward a bit more... relative to other family (mother and sister) and other relatives and friends and colleagues and acquaintences...

FOR NOW -- the Idea of Who Am I? is worth asserting:

I am someone who can converse compassionately... with sincerity and authenticity... BUT I sometimes will not remember well all that was shared so the next time that person and I converse I may appear to not have been paying attention. I would say that I was there In The Moment!

I am someone who thinks most people have similar positive ways and means of living and tolerance and/or acceptance may be challenging sometimes and it well worth the efforts!

I enjoy consuming the arts and food.

I enjoy being part of chorus'. A chorus for me is The ONE team I am good on/with.

I would like to be supported and admired... even if it is for more than I have shown. Could I have been a politician, president? Was that support and admiration issue (politics) the reason I got divorced the first time and ??? In later relationships I did not seek that kind of support and admiration but maybe ... I did? The idea of Being TRAPPED was something I settled on once in couneling but was that the negative side of what I really wanted, meant to be? Was that why ... Diane was seen by some as a really good person...  For ME?? Maybe!!! As for others -- they may have been more realistic but I DON'T LIKE REALISM...!!!  Do I?

Ahhh... who am I? A person looking for love... while offering love, too. The problem is/was - I didn't necessarily give the love needed by the other. WOW - That was how I was badly raised by parents...i.e. they did not see WHO I WAS ... and their one size didn't fit me as well as another size might have fit me and nourished me and helped me to flourish.

AND ALL THIS --- figured out when I am 76 years old? As I have said before -- better late than never!!!

SO - now what??? That is the question!

2025 Daily - 10/03/2025 - w/yiskor reflections...

 nice day..... left clayton after  nice night. Got home and steve came here since there was some rain. We talked about being different in different stages of life... us oldies... And we talked about the moment, some zen, R. Freedman's talk... uncertainty/CHANGE and prayer - FINDING THE SPARK WITHIN AND REACHING OUT... and Israel new name for Jacob... meaning STRUGGLE... and that fits, too, with today two years since The Oct. 7th, 2023 - terror!!!

I did a full workout.

Will be at a program at Jan's tomorrow late morning... Then in evening Valarie's event. What will I do in afternoon???? nap? maybe local car trials...

AND COSTCO - for Saturday AND Sunday night events.

And now... after dinner (it is almost 8pm) - a movie.... It will be noted... I think, somewhere!

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NOTE: Yiskor and about saying Kaddish for my sister... well -- I did it for my father and mother... I didn't know about what the lawyer says was very negative stuff in my father's will... I GUESS.... I was/probably - right to protect myself from him... even at the end!!!!  As for my mother -- she was important but ineffectual... while constantly stirring the pot, so to speak.. AND as for my sister -- she was either fully on the team or she was afraid to stand up for herself..... She was THE Dutiful Daughter ... the traditional female.... girl, women, whatever. SO - I guess she deserves and may need a full 11 months or a year of Kaddish... As did my parents. 

AND CERTAINLY I was who I was and I kept away and that was essentially as wise as I could be... I was not very strong, powerful, smart, etc.. i was a somewhat tightly tied up ball of feelings and thoughts and traits... Much as asserted and then denied to me by my parents. I was told I was a person with a great memory BUT then when I remembered this/that/the other thing I was told I remembered WRONG... Especially when what I remembered was not desireable, I would say! So did I have a good memory... I think today my memory was never too good... for names/faces, certain details such as titles of books, names of authors... and such.  I think it is like when a child is told - you can't sing/keep a tune ... then they don't. WHO KNOWS...  And my father taught -- Ken - you will someday blame me for this/that/the other things.... and you really can't... SO - what did he teach me? He taught me to not count on what he said and did... and to take care of myself ... to ONLY count on myself... Which I do/did - while realizing in recent years/decades -- it is good to ask for and get help. It is said asking for/getting help is good for the person in need and the person who helps... It's an opportunity to perform a mitzvah.

2025 Daily - 10/01/2025 - added - Yom Kippur thought...remembering the bad

 We atone, apologize, etc... on Yom Kippur. We also remember. And I wonder --- when the day of Yom Kippur is over... or when other days when we remember, review, apologize, atone... as best we can... what do we say and do on The Next Day(S)....???

I suffer from hurts done to me... and clearly others suffer, too, from their pasts. In some case two or more people suffer over the same thing. The deeds done and the reciprocation OR the deeds done and some apology with repair... That suffering continues more, I imagine, in the person who was harmed. In future does the suffering, harmed person get to bring IT up again? I would suggest - NOT.... Maybe I suggest not as I think of harms I did and have tried to stop and correct ... and I do not want to be reminded of how I was bad, wrong, etc. etc... Is that reasonable? Is that fair? Is that wise? I think so... if we remember the past wrongs might we not remember how and why to do them again? Maybe ... When we atone we mean to not do again what we did ... and if as we more into the future we are positive and supported in being positive isn't that better than bringing in negatives? Again - I, myself, think that ... as it so often seems I have been wrong, harmful, etc... And even if not intentional and even if intentional ... what is the best path forward? THEY (whoever they are) say that addicts and criminals who return to the environment where they are surrounded by people and memories and maybe more deeds that are addictive or ciminal will do again those bad things... but if when clean and innocent and they go to a new place where the old ways are not happening then they successfully live good lives.... Is that not a model for interpersonal relationships? ONE way is to not relate to people who have been bad and another way --- if/when the bad person has reformed... to not remind them of their misdeeds --- wouldn't that be a way to carry on a relationship that was marred once upon a past time?

I HOPE SO... I HOPE FOR A GOOD FUTURE... A GOOD PRESENT...  As for remembering the past -- that may need to be done from time to time --- but in a special and safe place... wherever that might be.

2025 Daily - 10/01/2025 - politically - what do I want ... and yiskor....

First .. about Yiskor --- I am not really sure how to think really positively when remembering my father (lawyer's warning), mother (whatever her issues were with men!), and sister (final digs.....I think!). SO that is tomorrow....

MOVING ON...

Action-wise Saturday morning "thing" at Jan Newmans.... 10am - noon.... What am I passionatel about? Her questions in her last email goes:

"My(her) personal goal is to grow community connection, resilience, and resistance one friend at a time.

Besides a little eating and chatting, we'll take a look at:

• the moment we're in
• the need for mass defiance
• the 'pillars' framework and our influence
• effective tactics applicable to your specific interest

We'll also have an activity and leave time for conversation. I have postcards if you'd like to take some home, too."

So - what is MY specific interest? Or interests....

LIFE ... I'm against captial punishment

Humanity -- (and see more below about what I wrote earlier)  I question the idea ... that any living being is not a human with whom I can talk and live. That goes against ideas such as: It is not Americans we hate ... it is your leaders... OR - it is not the Palestinian people... it is Hamas and such leaders and terroists... etc. etc.. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO A ARE NOT HUMAN .... ARE THE DEAD. The point is... let us not look back but let us look forward. How can we find the humanity is those who seem to be the worst possible!!!! Haman, Hitler, Hezbollah, Hamas, ???? - How can we take the "H" out those baddies and leave "H" in Human?

FAIRNESS...  An end to greed and the great multiples of money paid to CEOs etc...

I wrote earlier....

SO - to summarize and be comprehensive all people want:

peace

security

food

shelter

love

affection 

AND all people can:

hate

be hostile

have anxieties

AND ALSO:

People can be greedy and magnamouis... The point is to learn how to be good AND recognize the good AND understand the good of OTHERS.... Others are different... while we share commonalities ... we differ in what some of those commonalites look like and then there are  BIG OTHER WAYS...

MY PASSION - UNDERSTANDING AND BEING UNDERSTOOD. Find the good! And as they used to say: Give Peace A Chance!

That is also my problem ... as I sometimes do not ask questions, I sometimes forget answers, I am often misunderstood and I am too often left alone.

 With Peace would come the Peace Dividend... There would be money to feed and clothe and shelter all appropriately, fairly, rationally. Consider what could have been done with all the money spent in Afghanistan, Vietnam, the Middle East, etc, etc... Wars are great distractions from creating a good, fair, equal world.