2026 Daily - 09/16/2026 -- Yom Kippur, awareness, Mindfulness!!! TONGLEN

 what i got from rabbi browstein's talk... The Day of Yom Kippur attones for all.. It is special and raises personal prayers... IF/as Intentional... Aware...Mindful.. or what the prayers mean.. what the apologies mean, what one's actions mean -- and how Actions are connected to G-d... G-d's will, ways, hope, intents, needs from us... etc etc..

BASICALLY - we are all good.. inside, basically, radically, fundamentally... Again - like TONGLEN

from wikipedia:

Tonglen

Tonglen is a Buddhist practice that involves breathing in the suffering of others and breathing out peace and healing. Its purpose is to cultivate compassion.

Tong means "giving or sending", and len means "receiving or taking".^[1] Tonglen is also known as "exchanging self with other."^[2][3]

Practice

In the practice, one exchanges the self with other, sending and taking should be practiced alternately. These two should ride the breath. As such it is a training in altruism.^[3]

The function of the practice is to:

reduce selfish attachment
increase a sense of renunciation^[4]
purify karma by giving and helping^[4]
develop and expand loving-kindness and bodhicitta^[4][3]

The practice of Tonglen involves all of the Six Perfections;^[4] giving, ethics, patience, joyous effort, concentration and wisdom. These are the practices of a Bodhisattva.^[4]

AND such was what I got from Rabbi's talk... which as based on Tanya, I think... or certainly Chabad stuff.

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OY -- and then -- what about more counseling w/Amy .. Why? What are the points to go into?  I guess I should ask her... and hope she will answer... Actually - in fact -- I would like to dialog with her without being in therapy .. without a "ref".... since that is what Amy always wants to have... And that continues to offend me ... and my having tried and essentially succeeded changes. INTERUPTING  still bothers me .. but why should I care? I can listen, or not listen... and wait for my being able to continue from where the interuption occurred. 

As for teaching her... ??? others""" stuff -- teaching adults.. There is a certain degree of futility in trying to do that... People are soo ingrained in their ways.. 

On the contrary -- I think of myself as being UnCentered... UnCertain.. Not locked into this that or the other... AND YET - I MUST SAY - I am probably mistaken in this self-assessment... As I have been mistaken in other things I thought were traits I had....  Pattern recognition comes to mind. Certainly SPIRITUALIY  is not my forte.. Or so I rather think... As I go through the world with minimal awareness of the Divine.... 

Being Mindful of the time, place, and G-d... That is what is wholeness in my opinion... As I've seen it in others... 

SEE quotes by Abraham Joshuah Heschel: AT THIS LINK... and following pages..

Quotes such as: 

“To be or not to be is not the question, the vital question is how to be and how not to be…”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel

“The primary purpose of prayer is not to make requests. The primary purpose is to praise, to sing, to chant. Because the essence of prayer is a song, and man cannot live without a song.

“Few are guilty, but all are responsible.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Prophets

“When I was young, I used to admire intelligent people; as I grow older, I admire kind people.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel

“This is one of the goals of the Jewish way of living: to experience commonplace deeds as spiritual adventures, to feel the hidden love and wisdom in all things.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel, God in Search of Man: A Philosophy of Judaism

“Racism is man's gravest threat to man - the maximum of hatred for a minimum of reason.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel

“G0d is of no importance unless He is of supreme importance.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel, I Asked For Wonder: A Spiritual Anthology

“These are the three pillars on which our prayer rises to God: our own loyalty, the holiness of Israel, the mercy of God.”
― Abraham Joshua Heschel, God in Search of Man: A Philosophy of Judaism

2026 Daily - 09/15/2026 - ok, routines and unusuals..

 ok day... Unusual in that I got a haircut and had a family zoom w/daughters.

Saw Rachel and Zahava... Postcarded... walked w/Ava -- was too tired to go to gym later.. so tomorrow -- a double workout, maybe?!!!

Still waiting to hear from Sarah about dinner on Kol Nidre Eve...

House was clearned...

Generally ok day.

2026 Daily - 09/14/2026 - watching to understand ... another...TREMBLING... and my needs..

 The movie I am finally watching, having heard about it years ago... is "Trembling Before G-d" - about homosexuals in or from the Orthodox communities...  Being shunned, become outsiders... becomng alone without community ... one problem... AND I WONDER -- who can do more? To be clear -- is it the community that can except or must the individual accceed (I think that is the right word). (haven't finished today... probably tomorrow)

Another issue brought in -- how can you trust, appreciate, respect, accept yourself if you are an observing Jew who is breaking a rather specific and clear "law"?  On one hand you accept and love the Law yet on the other hand you are always breaking at least one of those laws .. and in the 20th/21st Century -- homosexuality and genders are a major national/world issue. It is not longer easy to hide in a closet. Being true to yourSELF is highly valued... and the conflict of self and self is what is fundamentally difficulit/impossible for a Frum Gay Person. RIGHT????

For the community -- how much diversity can a community accept, deal with, tolerate... Where and when? What is the power of community over the individuals within it? What are the results of the applications of powers?

Must individuals bend to the requirements of community? Of what community?

How do people of any sort ... navigate the dynamic of good and not good -- or good and bad... when the bad is not necessarily bad.. At least not bad in some places... SO - some people abandon their home comuninity because of the conflict of ways and values. 

SO WHAT ARE THE BASIC VALUES...  Besides the stated Torah prohibition there is the positive commandment to be fruitful. Family and future generations are The Thing. 

What the individual loses is rather clear... On another hand -- What does the community lose? Where do those lost individuals go and what do they do? What is The Future... for all of us?

Once upon a time -- being banished might have been a death sentence so the power of the community was significantly more then. In the past to be bannished might mean living and trying to survice on your own without the help others could provide. Today -- the world is a big wide place with many opportunities for finding community... somewhere.. It is not a time of narrow confined needs.

Once upon a time ... the community was a positive supporting force... Protecting those inside from the outside... An outside that was not welcoming or accessable.

NOW -- the outside is generally available and inside the efforts are maintenance and perhaps - negative. A prison that some escape and others survive... and also thrive. BUT survival is confined and lacks broad and complete information from the Whole World.... Because even as all may be in Torah ... there is still tbings obviously beyond Torah and the insular communities. Hiding away .. in prisoned... are negatives. Are there enough simple positives to balance?

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MY NEEDS are in question ... see other posts... AND if I need a partner what is/are the need(s)?

One need is help remembering... I don't remember certain things well. Names, even events, places, movies... Can a partner with whom I have had experiences accept that I might not remember them well .. or at least need prompts and then maybe I can add something now to what is/was a past memory? I think this is BIG NEED/QUESTION...  And what is my memory when "clear" differs from the memory of my partner? OY!!!

Another need -- Kosher Intimacy... maybe... ??

Another need.... general understanding and respect... to get and to give... This is BIG, too, as I sometimes find myself wondering -- how can YOU think, feel, beleive THAT??? OY!!!!

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Chorale was good tonight... Will miss next week and maybe the week after... Videos?

AND the Stock Market... --- Very big DIP....today...

2026 Daily - 09/13/2026 - back to routine

 it is about 6pm - 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah... went to services, Sarah joined me, we heard shofar... and she met some of the people I know and appreciate at CBS... and then we left for lunch.

I came home -- and had a pretty good - full-upper-body workout. Not a lot of weight... and elliptical was usual slow/steady. Good.... My left arm is a bit weak.

Tomorrow - physical therapy appt for right knee. 

And tomorrow, Monday - full day... with visit to Jim and Davis Chorale 1st rehearsal. And maybe get myself setup for UCD Library resources. AND -- maybe walk first thing in morning... try to add that to daily routines. It can work if I get out to walk by 6:30.. except on Tuesdays when I walk at 8pm with Ava -- and then maybe I do the gym at 6:30??? - short warmup on elliptical and then weights...??  While other days the gym will be later in morning or even afternoon. Gym needs to continue... with addition of the walking.

2026 Daily - 09/11/2026 - 25 years ago... and stuff

 Memory... Patriotism... CARE, Heroics, suffering, mouning, RESPECT.. 

What unites people? Ofter it seems tragedy and fear and threats. THEN people get together to defend and preserve. If only the alternatives were effective and long lasting. I imagine love can last a lot longer than fear and hate. Love in constructive and productive while fear and hate destroy and waste. Basically fear brings people together for a while... but love can keep people together a long, long time. Love may be difficult but fear and hate take a lot out of a person... It is draining. Love is sustaining and growing.

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and NOW... it is just about time for Rosh Hashanah Eve to begin... 8pm on my computer clock. Rabbi begins. It was nice....

2026 Daily - 09/09/2026 - a function of anti-semitism

 Driven by anti=semitism to come together... perhaps all to/in Israel.. OR The Great Shofar will awaken all of us... as per the Rebbe of Chabad...

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The "great shofar" shall fan the essential Jewish spark within all Jews, so that each one, in accordance with his or her spiritual standing, will become better and more spiritually elevated in Torah and mitzvos life. When Moshiach comes, there will then be fulfilled that which is written:7 "You shall be to Me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation." For the birthpangs of Moshiach will have cleansed the Jewish nation from all our accumulated [corporeal] grime. The "great shofar" shall awaken [within all the ability] to truly perceive G‑d's holiness. Even "lost and banished" Jews who have fallen so low that they are ashamed of the name "Jews" and are angered when reminded of their Jewish ancestry, doing everything in their power to distance themselves from Judaism, even such Jews will come to recognize, through the sound of the shofar and the "southerly storm winds," that they are Jewish.

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2026 Daily - 09/08/2026 - medical, plus

 bit of a scare last night... blood in catheter... began/seen at 10pm persisted til about 2am... but now clear. I was a bit scared! I hope catheter comes out successfully soon!!!! I'm waiting to hear from UCDMC folks. Sent an mychart and did talk to reception at urology .. just now .. 9:08am and they were messaging Loraine.

AND - sent an email to patient relations about how difficult getting help has been! ---They got back to me saying they are sending it on to Urology...

I am going into Sacramento to see Urology on Thursday... 9am and 1pm... Hopefully this will be successful!

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Made deposit for Ireland trip... AOK... All on board!!!!
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Finished that book .. Humans by Matt Haig... quite interesting, really. Who are WE? Who am I?... What are things to do to be whole...

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Talked w/Mitchell -- and was reminded about Philip David Dropkin ... born about (exactly) two months ago... Will send something via Amazon...

2026 Daily - 09/07/2026 - staying in..

 loyualty, perserverance, persistance.... 

inertia, dislike or fear or change.....

WHAT keeps me going...; and going ... and going... on some path... with some group... with a particular person...

AND how OFF am I as to this self-perception?

OR is what is most OFF is the reason? Is it fear? FEAR seems to be most motivating - generally.  But in me? 

My Self-Perception has been - I am caring, supporting, somewhat interested (in others but not necessarily about the other to those others, i.e their  friends, acquaintences, etc), warm and approachable, LOVING (this is very compromized, I think), sensitive...

AHH --- SENSITIVE...  I do not like not being cared for... as shown by many people who just don't think about me (but that is normal, it is said).... And --- being SENSITIVE was beaten out of me... and that effects love and soo much. SO I think I am something that by training I am not... DON"T Love... Love doesn't last... etc etc 

Quite the connundrom! I believe in something and can't easily do it.

2026 Daily - 09/05/2026

 new dawn... new day...

New catheter.. working ok.. different... I may have a bill from Health Insurance... for the 12th === that would have been day of Kidney Stone event... and time at Sutter Emergancy.

About to texg/email Dad Joke... and done, daughters guessed, answers sent... They had some good guesses...

Watching a Jewish program on TV - on JBS... and someone's question/comment... made me consider: is there some value to anti-semitism? In Buddhism -- the way is to embrace all BUT not ATTACH... NO ATTACHMENT...  be free... Experience? Learn? and move on ... to the reality of the PRESENT... Mindfulnss!!

BUT - what is the value, if any, to anyone... of anti-semitism?

2026 Daily - 09/04/2026

 well today --- started off medically ok... catheter out.... some urinating... I would have thought -- enough ... BUT then urination stopped... pain increased.. and risk to the bladder became real.. After talking w/UCD Med folk (triage nurse Luanne..) I tried somethings, failed to get things moving ... and so went to Sutter Emergancy and had a new catheter put in... after being in agony... and ALL is Good now. 

Rotary in the morning on zoom had me seeing Andrew present about movie projection. Pretty cool.

I've got one more guess for wordle... hmmmm.....

2026 Daily - 09/03/2026 - only a DRAFT about Leadership...

 Morning ... at services...

Later now -- THOUGHT... Leaders want to lead... and will do what they need to do to WIN access to that role... And - fear is the best short term way to move voters - IT SEEMS... 

from AI, Google:

AI Overview

Talmudic leadership focuses on humility, shared responsibility, empowering others, and serving the community rather than seeking personal power.

Core Principles of Talmudic Leadership

Humility and Service: Leaders are taught to view themselves as servants of the community. True authority comes from modesty, mirroring figures like Moses and Hillel the Elder. [1]
Empowering Others: A great leader creates more leaders rather than passive followers, sharing knowledge and responsibility so the community can grow. [1]
Accountability to Truth: Talmudic texts emphasize that leaders must value truth above ego, meaning they should readily admit when they are wrong rather than protecting a false sense of infallibility. [1]
Rejecting Fear-Based Control: The Talmud warns that leaders who rule through intimidation for personal gain rather than for higher moral purposes will ultimately fail. [1]
Shared Wisdom and Education: Leadership involves continuous teaching, patience, and ensuring knowledge is deeply transmitted and understood across generations. [1]

Further Exploration

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Google AI question: ethics of the fathers about reluctance leadership and here is answer

Talmud/Ethics section says: AI Overview

In Pirkei Avot (The Ethics of the Fathers), the concept of leadership is approached with deep caution, strongly advocating for reluctant leadership. The text teaches that power, honor, and public office should never be pursued for personal gain or prestige. However, it balances this reluctance with an uncompromising obligation to step into leadership roles when the community truly needs it. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

The primary framework of reluctant leadership in Pirkei Avot is defined by several core principles:

1. Guarding Against the Traps of Power

The sages repeatedly warn that pursuing positions of authority can corrupt an individual's character and disrupt their personal peace. [1, 2]

Hating Lordship: Shemaiah famously counsels: "Love work, hate lordship [rabbanut/superiority], and do not make yourself known to the ruling authorities" (Pirkei Avot 1:10). True leaders view authority not as a privilege to be desired, but as a heavy burden to be handled carefully. [1, 2]
Distrusting Politics: Rabban Gamaliel adds a cautionary note about political power: "Be careful with the ruling authorities, for they only befriend a person for their own needs" (Pirkei Avot 2:3). [1]

2. Shunning Honor and Greatness

A foundational virtue of ancient Jewish leadership is a profound reluctance to occupy the limelight. [1, 2]

Fleeing Fame: Chapter 6 lists "fleeing from honor" and having a "reluctance to hand down rulings" among the essential qualities of a sage. [1]
Deflecting Praise: The text counsels: "Do not seek greatness for yourself, and do not lust for honor" (Pirkei Avot 6:5). A reluctant leader recognizes that true honor should be directed outward toward others and God, rather than consumed by oneself. [1, 2, 3]

3. Stepping Up Out of Necessity

Despite warnings to avoid authority, Pirkei Avot does not endorse complete passive withdrawal. Reluctant leaders must overcome their hesitation if a leadership vacuum puts the community at risk. [1, 2]

Filling the Void: Hillel states: "In a place where there are no men, strive to be a man" (Pirkei Avot 2:5). Commentators note this means that if no one else is willing or able to lead, an individual must sacrifice their preference for privacy and step forward. [1, 2]
Continuous Duty: Rabbi Tarfon offers reassurance to those overwhelmed by the magnitude of public service: "It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it" (Pirkei Avot 2:16). [1]

Summary Comparison of Leadership Postures

Action / Posture	The Ideal Mindset	The Pirkei Avot Source
Seeking Power	Avoid. View authority as a burden, not a prize.	"Hate lordship" (1:10)
Chasing Prestige	Avoid. Flee from personal honors and public glory.	"Do not lust for honor" (6:5)
Facing a Vacuum	Overcome reluctance. Step up if the community is floundering.	"Strive to be a man" (2:5)
Facing Massive Tasks	Stay committed. Do your part without needing total completion.	"Not at liberty to neglect it" (2:16)

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and an interesting take on leadership from Chabad: https://www.chabad.org/therebbe/article_cdo/aid/4423119/jewish/The-Requirements-of-Leadership.htm

More Jewish takes: https://scholar.valpo.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1435&context=jvbl

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