It has been awhile since I last wrote. Lots has happened. Today is a beautiful day. So was yesterday. Weather-wise. Outside!
Inside - the weather has been rough. But I should not say that. I should say it has been.... Well I don't know what to say as I think about the way of R. Nachman who would have us getting more of the same we have. If we have joy - we will get more joy. If we have sadness we will get more sadness. Whatever we have and say we have will attract more of the same. This is like the little angels on ones shoulders on Shabbat. One angel is harsh and the other kind and loving. If one comes home and the house is not nice the harsh angels gives the blessing: may next Shabbat be like this Shabbat... and so that angel is saying may things not be nice next week. If on the other hand/shoulder one comes home to a beautifully set table and wonderful foods the other, kind angel give the blessing: may next Shabbat be like this Shabbat.... and that is wishing for the good!!
Ah... so what does one do when a rough patch has been slipped into ones life. IGNORE IT? MAYBE!!!
A rough patch is just a patch. It is passed and done with. Hmmm....
So... let me assert - I am happy. I am fine. I feel good. I did ok !!! last night, for instance. I barely lost my cool. I stopped and paused and carried on calmly. I ended my anger, no matter what size is was. As for my resentment I am trying to not be resentful or worried or bothered. I may be ever more careful. (and G-d says - you think this/that is being careful! - I'll show you careful.... hmmm what would that be like?)
(and of course... is ms. karen reading this?) - or my kids???
R. Hachman says - do anything it takes to not be depressed. Fake it if you have to. Making believe one is not depressed soon has you believing you are not depressed. Grammatically it works. In life - it works, too. (Whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune... and the happiness in the tune, convinces me that I'm not afraid.... etc...etc...)
I am thinking that I just want to have some peace and quiet. Some time to read and sit comfortably. Interestingly - the book: "Summer in Williamsburg" begins very depressingly! A suicide and then kids and all trying to figure out why??? BUT - reading was an escape from the rough patch....
And what was that rough patch. Why go into it. Why bother. Today is a new day. This moment is now. AAAAaaahhhhhhh.......
IF the past can stay in the past then the present and future are open to any and all possibilities. The past ..... I keep wondering about the value of the past. The past can teach and provide information and lessons but it can be quite intrusive if one is not careful. One can see now what really was once upon a time but is NOT now... but can become now and that is unfair to the present. Now is what it is. Now is not the past. The past is not the future. The present is not the future, either. The past is gone. GONE!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
After Chanukah
So it is now after Chanukah and after several days of guests and dinners and candles and all. Tonight, Wednesday evening, Karen and I will have time just to ourselves. We have things to think about such as:
1. More plans about the wedding.
2. House projects - for tonight and/or this weekend
3. We could check in on finance issues for this month.
Later this afternoon/tonight we get the new bed thingy for Karen's office which will be nice. A hi-riser which will take up less room when not fully in use. Karen then can better arrange and work in her office.
My office is rather neatened up after the terrible explosion caused by my computer crash. Things are still not fully fixed with my computer but it is working and now I am reloading files and programs. In the course of all this a did something to Amy's old computer and I need to get files off of her system!!! Mess after mess!!
AND - WORKOUT! I NEED TO WORKOUT AGAIN. I need to eat better and less and workout and stretch, etc. And meditate, too. MAYBE this evening!!! More blogging on this later and regularly!!!
1. More plans about the wedding.
2. House projects - for tonight and/or this weekend
3. We could check in on finance issues for this month.
Later this afternoon/tonight we get the new bed thingy for Karen's office which will be nice. A hi-riser which will take up less room when not fully in use. Karen then can better arrange and work in her office.
My office is rather neatened up after the terrible explosion caused by my computer crash. Things are still not fully fixed with my computer but it is working and now I am reloading files and programs. In the course of all this a did something to Amy's old computer and I need to get files off of her system!!! Mess after mess!!
AND - WORKOUT! I NEED TO WORKOUT AGAIN. I need to eat better and less and workout and stretch, etc. And meditate, too. MAYBE this evening!!! More blogging on this later and regularly!!!
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
choral crap
Is it crappy to have been barred from the chorus for the second half of the year? I think so and I expect to pursue this a bit. Just now I sent the fourth email to Jim McCormick who I think is the person I need to talk to. We will see if he answers now. My patience is at its end. Next????
Ahh.... so Jim finally got back to me... and was not helpful. In fact he was downright negative, accusatory, and inflexible. So.... we have agreed to exchange a check for the binder. And then????
SO... (writing in this a number of days later) - QUESTION - what do I want or want to do? Justice? Equity? What????
Ahh.... so Jim finally got back to me... and was not helpful. In fact he was downright negative, accusatory, and inflexible. So.... we have agreed to exchange a check for the binder. And then????
SO... (writing in this a number of days later) - QUESTION - what do I want or want to do? Justice? Equity? What????
Thursday, December 02, 2004
secular or cultural judaism
So.... most Jews are secular and so identify. Sounds right to me. Yet they as such and the civilization which they form and are part of is not studied or taught or disucssed. Generally. Here comes - Posen Foundation and the Center for Secular Judaism and its founder Alex Posen who talked this afternoon at the UCD Campus.
NOTE - from their web site: ( http://www.culturaljudaism.org/ccj/about )
"Mission of the Center
“I’m Culturally Jewish, But I’m Not Religious”
Cultural Jews have a passion for their Jewish identity, yet they struggle to express it in ways that are consistent with their beliefs. They are far from alone. In fact, a rapidly increasing number Jews throughout the world identify themselves as cultural, non-religious Jews.
According to an important study of the Jewish population released by the Graduate Center of The City University of New York (AJIS 2001) , nearly one-half of American Jews identify themselves as secular or somewhat secular. One-half of American Jews are completely unaffiliated, and do not even belong to a community center or other Jewish organization. Yet, cultural Jews are vastly under served by existing programs. We are working to fill this void."
Interesting talk by Alex Posen and also by David Biale. The question of who is a a secular Jew will be answered by the body of produced literature and art and all. I am not sure yet how this will work, look, feel, etc. The assertion that there are and were many Judaisms is interesting but what is CORE? IF the Tanakh is at the core what does it mean to put THE JEWISH Religious Book at the center of a secular culture also named Jewish and yet not be religious or anti-religious. BUT I think I ramble and am not as informed as I might be nor am I thinking outside the box of the Bible. I guess that the points might be that the mainstream secular culture includes as part of its heritage the Bible as well as the New Testament and other religious tomes and yet is secular. The question then may be the longevity of our Jewish Cultures - both religious and secular. This differs it is said from the longevity of other cultures but is that true? I wonder. Certainly the Christian culture has a call on longevity and so does the Greek culture. And Chinese culture, etc. The longevity of the Jewish Cultures which have survived without a homeland may be unique especially as a secular phenomenon OR some might argue that the secular culture is intricately linked to the religious culture. Maybe the secular depends on the religious. Maybe not. Maybe the other way around OR maybe the two co-exist and survive because there is the two! Ah... that would be a nice spin. BUT - how to determine the necessities?
More later, sometime!
NOTE - from their web site: ( http://www.culturaljudaism.org/ccj/about )
"Mission of the Center
“I’m Culturally Jewish, But I’m Not Religious”
Cultural Jews have a passion for their Jewish identity, yet they struggle to express it in ways that are consistent with their beliefs. They are far from alone. In fact, a rapidly increasing number Jews throughout the world identify themselves as cultural, non-religious Jews.
According to an important study of the Jewish population released by the Graduate Center of The City University of New York (AJIS 2001) , nearly one-half of American Jews identify themselves as secular or somewhat secular. One-half of American Jews are completely unaffiliated, and do not even belong to a community center or other Jewish organization. Yet, cultural Jews are vastly under served by existing programs. We are working to fill this void."
Interesting talk by Alex Posen and also by David Biale. The question of who is a a secular Jew will be answered by the body of produced literature and art and all. I am not sure yet how this will work, look, feel, etc. The assertion that there are and were many Judaisms is interesting but what is CORE? IF the Tanakh is at the core what does it mean to put THE JEWISH Religious Book at the center of a secular culture also named Jewish and yet not be religious or anti-religious. BUT I think I ramble and am not as informed as I might be nor am I thinking outside the box of the Bible. I guess that the points might be that the mainstream secular culture includes as part of its heritage the Bible as well as the New Testament and other religious tomes and yet is secular. The question then may be the longevity of our Jewish Cultures - both religious and secular. This differs it is said from the longevity of other cultures but is that true? I wonder. Certainly the Christian culture has a call on longevity and so does the Greek culture. And Chinese culture, etc. The longevity of the Jewish Cultures which have survived without a homeland may be unique especially as a secular phenomenon OR some might argue that the secular culture is intricately linked to the religious culture. Maybe the secular depends on the religious. Maybe not. Maybe the other way around OR maybe the two co-exist and survive because there is the two! Ah... that would be a nice spin. BUT - how to determine the necessities?
More later, sometime!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Wondering (family?)
So... I wonder if it is family that is at the core of soo many of my problems. Either I have been oppressed or I am being oppressed or I may have oppressed or I may be oppressing... HOW DEPRESSING!!!!
But - I shall not be depressed. I shall fight depression and its master - sadness by ??? Well I am not sure how I will deal with sadness but as they say - pain is real but suffering is optional. Pain = sadness and suffering = depression. Why suffer? How does one suffer? How does one free oneself from suffering?
"May I be free from suffering and the root of suffering."
And what is the root of suffering?
Suffering and the root of suffering in the Buddhist tradition is directly related to the fact that we are all going to die. We suffer if we grasp at life while keeping in mind that which was or will be AND!!! - because the past is no longer changeable and the future is not known - we suffer either regrets or anxieties. IF WE ARE ON THE NOW and the now is ever transient and if we do not GRASP THE NOW then we are here and all is all! We are not sad about the past or worried about the future and usually the now is ok. IF the now is not ok then the now will end and a new now will be and it may or may not be sad or glad, etc. All the nows are news! AaaHhhh!
So right now I am not with my family and they are not bothering me and I can hope they are well and I can wonder about them but since I don't really know what is happening with them now I don't have to be sad or worried or anything beyond OPEN TO WONDER. THEY would have me sitting here worrying and wondering. Or maybe they would not... but why should I and why should anyone, ever?
Years ago I learned a lesson about caring about my children. That lesson essentially was - there is often little I can do. I am not in control AND EVEN WHEN THEY ARE WELL CARED FOR... as when they were with their Mother - shit might happen. That is something to remark about but not worry about. Why worry? Me worry? Worry cannot be the correct word. I can wonder but to worry is to put a negative spin/expectation on the considering of things and that is a waste of feelings! When I used to say that I did not MISS my children I never meant I did not often/always wonder how they were. It is just that the word MISS seems negative and I didn't want to lay that on them or myself.
Wasn't that wonderful?
But - I shall not be depressed. I shall fight depression and its master - sadness by ??? Well I am not sure how I will deal with sadness but as they say - pain is real but suffering is optional. Pain = sadness and suffering = depression. Why suffer? How does one suffer? How does one free oneself from suffering?
"May I be free from suffering and the root of suffering."
And what is the root of suffering?
Suffering and the root of suffering in the Buddhist tradition is directly related to the fact that we are all going to die. We suffer if we grasp at life while keeping in mind that which was or will be AND!!! - because the past is no longer changeable and the future is not known - we suffer either regrets or anxieties. IF WE ARE ON THE NOW and the now is ever transient and if we do not GRASP THE NOW then we are here and all is all! We are not sad about the past or worried about the future and usually the now is ok. IF the now is not ok then the now will end and a new now will be and it may or may not be sad or glad, etc. All the nows are news! AaaHhhh!
So right now I am not with my family and they are not bothering me and I can hope they are well and I can wonder about them but since I don't really know what is happening with them now I don't have to be sad or worried or anything beyond OPEN TO WONDER. THEY would have me sitting here worrying and wondering. Or maybe they would not... but why should I and why should anyone, ever?
Years ago I learned a lesson about caring about my children. That lesson essentially was - there is often little I can do. I am not in control AND EVEN WHEN THEY ARE WELL CARED FOR... as when they were with their Mother - shit might happen. That is something to remark about but not worry about. Why worry? Me worry? Worry cannot be the correct word. I can wonder but to worry is to put a negative spin/expectation on the considering of things and that is a waste of feelings! When I used to say that I did not MISS my children I never meant I did not often/always wonder how they were. It is just that the word MISS seems negative and I didn't want to lay that on them or myself.
Wasn't that wonderful?
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Generosity
So... generosity. Ah - isn't real kindness a very generous thing. Generosity is a behaviour which is done with no expectation of a return of the favors.
OR... in the words of many others, many with which I agree but some I don't:
Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.
Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)
He who confers a favor should at once forget it, if he is not to show a sordid ungenerous spirit. To remind a man of a kindness conferred and to talk of it, is little different from reproach.
Demosthenes (384 BC - 322 BC)
That's what I consider true generosity. You give your all, and yet you always feel as if it costs you nothing.
Simone de Beauvoir
Generosity with strings is not generosity; It is a deal.
Marya Mannes
Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.
Margaret Cho, weblog, 03-11-04
To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness.
Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)
I have three treasures. Guard and keep them:
The first is deep love,
The second is frugality,
And the third is not to dare to be ahead of the world.
Because of deep love, one is courageous.
Because of frugality, one is generous.
Because of not daring to be ahead of the world, one becomes the leader of the world.
Lao-tzu (604 BC - 531 BC), The Way of Lao-tzu
In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
Tao Te Ching
Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.
Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)
We are here to add to the sum of human goodness. To prove the thing exists. And however futile each individual act of courage or generosity, self-sacrifice or grace-it still proves the thing exists. Each act adds to the fund. It needs replenishment. Not only because evil flourishes, and is, most indefensibly, defended. But because goodness is no longer a respectable aim in life. The hound of hell, envy, has driven it from the house.
Josephine Hart, "Sin"
He who gives what he would as readily throw away, gives without generosity; for the essence of generosity is in self sacrifice.
Henry Taylor
And that is that for today.... (except I might go over some drafts and publish them)
Love to you all! Ken
OR... in the words of many others, many with which I agree but some I don't:
Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.
Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931)
He who confers a favor should at once forget it, if he is not to show a sordid ungenerous spirit. To remind a man of a kindness conferred and to talk of it, is little different from reproach.
Demosthenes (384 BC - 322 BC)
That's what I consider true generosity. You give your all, and yet you always feel as if it costs you nothing.
Simone de Beauvoir
Generosity with strings is not generosity; It is a deal.
Marya Mannes
Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.
Margaret Cho, weblog, 03-11-04
To be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness.
Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)
I have three treasures. Guard and keep them:
The first is deep love,
The second is frugality,
And the third is not to dare to be ahead of the world.
Because of deep love, one is courageous.
Because of frugality, one is generous.
Because of not daring to be ahead of the world, one becomes the leader of the world.
Lao-tzu (604 BC - 531 BC), The Way of Lao-tzu
In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
Tao Te Ching
Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.
Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)
We are here to add to the sum of human goodness. To prove the thing exists. And however futile each individual act of courage or generosity, self-sacrifice or grace-it still proves the thing exists. Each act adds to the fund. It needs replenishment. Not only because evil flourishes, and is, most indefensibly, defended. But because goodness is no longer a respectable aim in life. The hound of hell, envy, has driven it from the house.
Josephine Hart, "Sin"
He who gives what he would as readily throw away, gives without generosity; for the essence of generosity is in self sacrifice.
Henry Taylor
And that is that for today.... (except I might go over some drafts and publish them)
Love to you all! Ken
Sunday, November 28, 2004
THE Ketubah
A couple of days ago - on Friday, Nov. 26, 2004 - the day after Thanksgiving we decided on the following:
Here is what our Ketubah looks like;
And here is the text we will use;
Karen also has found a wedding dress.
The next big thing is deciding on a band and we have several good leads, we think.
More to come, of course. CHECKOUT: www.geocities.com/kkaern2004
Here is what our Ketubah looks like;
And here is the text we will use;
Karen also has found a wedding dress.
The next big thing is deciding on a band and we have several good leads, we think.
More to come, of course. CHECKOUT: www.geocities.com/kkaern2004
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
moving along and something new
THE SOMETHING NEW is a new blog at: librarianken@blogger.com
Check it out.
Sheesh! Lost the first writing of this day... So to reiterate:
Settled the Ballroom thing. Put down a deposit yesterday.
Caterer needs confirming. Seems like Morrisons will be it.
I will ask Bruce to be my best man tonight and then Susan Rosenthal will be asked to be part of My Party.
Bands are being checked into. We will select one soon. Several seem good.
Flowers are being looked at, too.
Other things are coming together.
Tango lessons continue but I don't practice much.
My Family !!! - Who, what, where? etc....
So.. I was writing about the future and that it is an unknown and an unknowable, etc... etc... And yet we plan and hope and have expectations. And then we have miscues and mistakes and changes. When things began with Karen and me things got to changing immediately. A sign? An omen? A good thing? In any and all cases - IT WAS REAL.
The story - we decide to go out for dinner. We choose Sudwerk. It is too crowded and so we make a change. We go to California Cafe. We order drinks and the drinks we order are glasses of wine. We almost immediately find that we would both prefer Martinis and we change the wine to Martinis. And so it goes....
Other things are stable, so to speak. They continue as usual. And that is nice.
And changes can happen. And we are devoted to each other. And we can count on each other. And we are free, too. And we have made choices. ahh.... goooooodddd!!!
Check it out.
Sheesh! Lost the first writing of this day... So to reiterate:
Settled the Ballroom thing. Put down a deposit yesterday.
Caterer needs confirming. Seems like Morrisons will be it.
I will ask Bruce to be my best man tonight and then Susan Rosenthal will be asked to be part of My Party.
Bands are being checked into. We will select one soon. Several seem good.
Flowers are being looked at, too.
Other things are coming together.
Tango lessons continue but I don't practice much.
My Family !!! - Who, what, where? etc....
So.. I was writing about the future and that it is an unknown and an unknowable, etc... etc... And yet we plan and hope and have expectations. And then we have miscues and mistakes and changes. When things began with Karen and me things got to changing immediately. A sign? An omen? A good thing? In any and all cases - IT WAS REAL.
The story - we decide to go out for dinner. We choose Sudwerk. It is too crowded and so we make a change. We go to California Cafe. We order drinks and the drinks we order are glasses of wine. We almost immediately find that we would both prefer Martinis and we change the wine to Martinis. And so it goes....
Other things are stable, so to speak. They continue as usual. And that is nice.
And changes can happen. And we are devoted to each other. And we can count on each other. And we are free, too. And we have made choices. ahh.... goooooodddd!!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
serenity, equanimity
1. The serenity prayer....
(
G-d, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
or
2. Dwell in the great equanimity.... (may I dwell in the great equanimity free from passion, aggression, and prejudice)
Whatever!
3. Pain is real but suffering is an option.
Ladidah - - and that is all folks. for today.
(
G-d, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.
or
2. Dwell in the great equanimity.... (may I dwell in the great equanimity free from passion, aggression, and prejudice)
Whatever!
3. Pain is real but suffering is an option.
Ladidah - - and that is all folks. for today.
Monday, November 15, 2004
another week
So.... yesterday, Sunday, 11/14/04 - I got another rejection by my sister. She just can't seem to figure out a way to come to the wedding that would reflect emotional maturity. I guess. Either she can't do it or she won't do it... Won't because of the past. Can't because she is just not yet old enough to get it. She is physically 51 years old but emotionally she is still Daddy's girl or something like that. Too bad she never got out of orbit. And as for me... am I still in their orbit when I grouse over this? Well... maybe and and then again maybe not or maybe This is IT! But - peace unto all.
So... I want to come up with a plan to really develop surragates for my old biological family. Someone to be my dad and/or mom and my sister, too. Maybe get a brother. And some local cousins. But REALLY. There could be a role for Linda Sternberg (sister) and Larry and Norma Rappaport (dad and mom?). And Neil Hollander (brother?). What about Bill Bowsky? And Linda and Stu, too. And Syma and Bruce. Lots of possibilities. Sign them up sometime! REALLY
Karen is out of town today and tomorrow. So... what is for dinner? I know - how about some hot italian sausage with wine or beer and salad and olive bread from Safeway! YES!!! Do I not eat what I want to sometimes? Maybe... and maybe not. I must lose some weight. Again! I must watch how I eat and what, etc... And I must enjoy it, too. Right!?!!???
I miss Karen. She is away at a meeting and enjoying some time at a beach in Ventura. Good for her!!! I can take it. Sure. Of course. On another hand I remember my dear departed friend David who did not like traveling. Some of that dislike may have been discomfort when away from home. He and I were born under the sign of Leo and we like our dens/homes. Another aspect of things was that his wife may not have been content alone back at home. Ah....
YEARNING!!! Do I yearn? For ??? The spiritual life! YES. Sure. Why not? How? When? Where? On a retreat????? Depression - the biggest bugaboo! So says Rabbi Nachman. I concurr. Talked w/Kristen today at lunch and she may be sliding, as she says, into depression. True - there has been much stress for her and confusion and such does not lead to happiness... Ah.... I hope she figures something out besides Paxel.
So... I want to come up with a plan to really develop surragates for my old biological family. Someone to be my dad and/or mom and my sister, too. Maybe get a brother. And some local cousins. But REALLY. There could be a role for Linda Sternberg (sister) and Larry and Norma Rappaport (dad and mom?). And Neil Hollander (brother?). What about Bill Bowsky? And Linda and Stu, too. And Syma and Bruce. Lots of possibilities. Sign them up sometime! REALLY
Karen is out of town today and tomorrow. So... what is for dinner? I know - how about some hot italian sausage with wine or beer and salad and olive bread from Safeway! YES!!! Do I not eat what I want to sometimes? Maybe... and maybe not. I must lose some weight. Again! I must watch how I eat and what, etc... And I must enjoy it, too. Right!?!!???
I miss Karen. She is away at a meeting and enjoying some time at a beach in Ventura. Good for her!!! I can take it. Sure. Of course. On another hand I remember my dear departed friend David who did not like traveling. Some of that dislike may have been discomfort when away from home. He and I were born under the sign of Leo and we like our dens/homes. Another aspect of things was that his wife may not have been content alone back at home. Ah....
YEARNING!!! Do I yearn? For ??? The spiritual life! YES. Sure. Why not? How? When? Where? On a retreat????? Depression - the biggest bugaboo! So says Rabbi Nachman. I concurr. Talked w/Kristen today at lunch and she may be sliding, as she says, into depression. True - there has been much stress for her and confusion and such does not lead to happiness... Ah.... I hope she figures something out besides Paxel.
Monday, November 08, 2004
moving on...
Another Monday. Another four years. Another this and that. It was a nice weekend which passed. Karen and I put up a lot of pictures around the house and the house looks nicer. Saturday was a good day, too, and we checked with a potential/probable caterer. Good. And back a day further - we had a nice havurah Friday night dinner at Pearl's and Raymond's.
The book club I am in met last night and the discussions were interesting. How could someone be closely linked to the Holocaust and yet not be changed in some way? The character fortunately escaped the horrors but seems to have not been changed. IF he had remained in Germany and there had not been the Holocaust he would have been the same nebish-like person there that he grows into while living out his life in London. He doesn't really make contact with people.
AND.... is that at all what I am like? Do I make contact with people. The title of the book is/was "Making things better" and I may do that???!! but is there really contact between me and others? I do complain that I am not listened to by friends and family and others. I live with that distress. I am not sure it is getting better. Hmm...... Yiich!
What is happening?!!!???
The book club I am in met last night and the discussions were interesting. How could someone be closely linked to the Holocaust and yet not be changed in some way? The character fortunately escaped the horrors but seems to have not been changed. IF he had remained in Germany and there had not been the Holocaust he would have been the same nebish-like person there that he grows into while living out his life in London. He doesn't really make contact with people.
AND.... is that at all what I am like? Do I make contact with people. The title of the book is/was "Making things better" and I may do that???!! but is there really contact between me and others? I do complain that I am not listened to by friends and family and others. I live with that distress. I am not sure it is getting better. Hmm...... Yiich!
What is happening?!!!???
Saturday, November 06, 2004
soo long....
It has been several days since I have written and the country has re-elected GW Bush to a second term. And today is Shabbat and so am I to say and think and believe that G-d's plan is for Bush to be president. Well..... very interesting. And very debatable. The debate can be framed in many ways. Essentially the questions come down to who kwows who is in charge? We can say that G-d is in charge but before the facts it is our apparent free will which is in charge. Apparent because - who knows? And when would anyone know? G-d knows!
The number 18 means life. In a book I have - on page 17 - a number before the life-number Rabbi Nachman of Bratslov says two things:
1.
"Everything in the world - whatever is and whatever happens - is a test, designed to give you freedom of choice. Choose wisely.?
2.
"There is nothing very mysterious about free will. You do what you want to do, and you don't do what you don't want to do."
SOOOO....????
A Bush 2nd term is a test. We have all done what we want to do. We have all participated (and a lack of participation is also participation). We have all put various resources to the task and we always? get what we pay for. Right? Hmmm.... that is a point to pursue.
Back to the Rebbe - I like his stuff. I work with his stuff. To some extent I study his and others stuff. I love his stuff. His stuff helps! I think I must contact his Hasidic group!!!! I think I would like to become closer to that group and maybe that will help me come closer to G-d and All. Shabbat Shalom.
The number 18 means life. In a book I have - on page 17 - a number before the life-number Rabbi Nachman of Bratslov says two things:
1.
"Everything in the world - whatever is and whatever happens - is a test, designed to give you freedom of choice. Choose wisely.?
2.
"There is nothing very mysterious about free will. You do what you want to do, and you don't do what you don't want to do."
SOOOO....????
A Bush 2nd term is a test. We have all done what we want to do. We have all participated (and a lack of participation is also participation). We have all put various resources to the task and we always? get what we pay for. Right? Hmmm.... that is a point to pursue.
Back to the Rebbe - I like his stuff. I work with his stuff. To some extent I study his and others stuff. I love his stuff. His stuff helps! I think I must contact his Hasidic group!!!! I think I would like to become closer to that group and maybe that will help me come closer to G-d and All. Shabbat Shalom.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Monday, Monday
What a weekend. Ups and downs and all around!!! Saturday night's costume party was good. Karen and I went dressed with bathing suits and beach ball and sarong and goggles. Fun enough. I danced a little tango (w/Karen, Kim, Arlene). I did that ok. More soon. Met the teacher of tango so that was something, too.
Sunday was a full day. Most importantly we went Ketubah shopping in Berkeley and we found something we like and will continue to think about it and look a bit further, too. Nice text and pretty nice art. Wisteria and not grapes. Sarah and Margot joined us on our quest and had some good comments. Then Judy and Hillel showed up. We all had lunch (actually Sarah had to leave for work but she did really get that $20.00 - Margot was really into throwing money around! - including the issue of hiring a wedding coordinator which is a sore point with me at this time - but we shall see!!!).
Here is the Ketubah we like
Except for the fact that this year has had a World Series upset and the fact that what the Redskins do in football really has no relationship to the election - the Redskins DID lose their last home game and that has correlated precisely with the loss of the incumbant party in the upcoming election. We will see what tomorrow brings!
Halloween was last night and it was a bust in regards to how many kids came around. I returned some candy this morning to Longs.
Mundane, mundane, Monday! I am working on several things and staying fairly organized. Tomorrow I am off to SF for three days of training which I hope will be interesting and enlightening, etc. And I hope to call a Union meeting in the near future. It is very disturbing about the 2-day proferred vacation days which librarians may not get! We will see what we will see.
I am planning to not go to chorus tonight or for the rest of this "quarter". Soo much going on. And scheduling problems.
And now - what about a nice picture of something or other? Or a visual-oriented link?
So here is a Picasso
Sunday was a full day. Most importantly we went Ketubah shopping in Berkeley and we found something we like and will continue to think about it and look a bit further, too. Nice text and pretty nice art. Wisteria and not grapes. Sarah and Margot joined us on our quest and had some good comments. Then Judy and Hillel showed up. We all had lunch (actually Sarah had to leave for work but she did really get that $20.00 - Margot was really into throwing money around! - including the issue of hiring a wedding coordinator which is a sore point with me at this time - but we shall see!!!).
Here is the Ketubah we like
Except for the fact that this year has had a World Series upset and the fact that what the Redskins do in football really has no relationship to the election - the Redskins DID lose their last home game and that has correlated precisely with the loss of the incumbant party in the upcoming election. We will see what tomorrow brings!
Halloween was last night and it was a bust in regards to how many kids came around. I returned some candy this morning to Longs.
Mundane, mundane, Monday! I am working on several things and staying fairly organized. Tomorrow I am off to SF for three days of training which I hope will be interesting and enlightening, etc. And I hope to call a Union meeting in the near future. It is very disturbing about the 2-day proferred vacation days which librarians may not get! We will see what we will see.
I am planning to not go to chorus tonight or for the rest of this "quarter". Soo much going on. And scheduling problems.
And now - what about a nice picture of something or other? Or a visual-oriented link?
So here is a Picasso
Friday, October 29, 2004
a late night thought
So.... one realization I had today (not the one I forgot which is still forgotten) is that I am or have been ready ? and willing to help my parents and/or sister - i.e. my family with things. Big things.. maybe little things... BUT they don't think so because they have not gotten things/attention/etc from me which they demand such as - attendending to them whenever there may have been a potential conflict with someone else.... the first such thing was - where to spend a Mother's Day after I was married. With my mother or maybe my wife's. Such demands were/are tests, I am thinking. They are supposed to indicate loyalty. They felt to me to be arbitrary and unnecessary demands made to just be selfish and so.... I freed myself of that... and that is good.
Darn... forgot another profound thing
Well - earlier today I had a somewhat profound thought, I recall, but I don't recall what it was! So... I have lost it and I guess others lose such things, too. I should have recorded it... on my cell phone or something. I have such tools and I thought that this time I wouldn't forget. But I did. There is just soo/too much going on... cluttering and distracting and such.... Oh darn!
Anyway - I have not yet done anything in regards to my sister coming to the wedding. I will compose an email (or two) and communicate with her that way. Basically - the idea of putting ones money where one's mouth is could be applied to her, too. She is not poor or wanting. She has not paid real rent, I'm sure, for ever. She makes good money and she doesn't want to come out for any of a variety of other reasons... none of which bode well for our future (her's and mine). Oh well.
Nothing Is.
Last night Karen and I say - I "heart" huckabees. It was funny and an easy look. There was a lot of apparent profundities. Maybe it was profound. It WAS fun. And the actors were good and seemed to be having fun, too. Next on our watch list: The Motorcycle diaries. We have heard good things about it.
And tomorrow night we go to a costume party. With big butts! And then trick-or-treaters arrive and we need to get some good candies. Will probably do later today.
A massage later today is on my agenda. Terrific!!!!
Good shabbos.
Anyway - I have not yet done anything in regards to my sister coming to the wedding. I will compose an email (or two) and communicate with her that way. Basically - the idea of putting ones money where one's mouth is could be applied to her, too. She is not poor or wanting. She has not paid real rent, I'm sure, for ever. She makes good money and she doesn't want to come out for any of a variety of other reasons... none of which bode well for our future (her's and mine). Oh well.
Nothing Is.
Last night Karen and I say - I "heart" huckabees. It was funny and an easy look. There was a lot of apparent profundities. Maybe it was profound. It WAS fun. And the actors were good and seemed to be having fun, too. Next on our watch list: The Motorcycle diaries. We have heard good things about it.
And tomorrow night we go to a costume party. With big butts! And then trick-or-treaters arrive and we need to get some good candies. Will probably do later today.
A massage later today is on my agenda. Terrific!!!!
Good shabbos.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
a new day - another way?
So... today I have more information and new thoughts about my sister and the wedding. I began to lean away from paying for her trip since that really did not seem to be the real issue. She asserts problems getting the time off and traveling so intensely for so short a period of time. Reasonable, actually. Not completely without stuff to object to... but you know - this family is how this family is. Some people care only about themselves. And communicating thoughts, issues, cares... don't get done well. Everyone protects what they see as their turf as if such protection will give them a good hold on some kind of reality. But - who can hold onto what? Really! Grasping is just soo hard on everyone. Anyway - JetBlue reports that I could maintain "ownership' over the ticket's value. And the cost is only the $310.70 and yet I don't feel like buying my sister's presence. That would feel shitty. So... I will write her a note and give her the JetBlue info and some words of positive encouragement and she can then do what she wants. As for honors at the wedding - that is not/less likely. She is just not really into it and I am just not really into her. What can I say or do? Essentially - I don't find family with "my" family. Maybe it is me and what all I did or did not do... and maybe it is what I learned within that family. I mean - THEY are into cutting people off and while they may have thought they were not really doing it and/or there was a certain selectivity - their rhetoric and their apparent actions were mean-spirited (although based of course on their having been hurt first - always - OH REALLY!)
So - I am angry. I suffer. I feel compassionate towards myself - whatever compassion means. I feel the suffering. I don't have to be suffering beyond the moments of confrontation and specific events. I don't have to obssess. Meditation and this blog helps. AHHH....
CASA work is picking up. I saw Michael, talked with Laura, found and talked with the social worker and the eligibilty person. All is ok in that area. Michael will probably begin resisting being with Laura after his mom gets out of jail (in a couple of days). That is to be expected.... but that will not be his option until his mom gets well settled and checked in by social services and the court date is Feb. 9th.... which is a long way out! I wonder what will be?
Work at HSL is going full force. I have had some feedback from my lia's and from the college. More later.
And here are pics of my daughters:
Sarah:
Amy:
So - I am angry. I suffer. I feel compassionate towards myself - whatever compassion means. I feel the suffering. I don't have to be suffering beyond the moments of confrontation and specific events. I don't have to obssess. Meditation and this blog helps. AHHH....
CASA work is picking up. I saw Michael, talked with Laura, found and talked with the social worker and the eligibilty person. All is ok in that area. Michael will probably begin resisting being with Laura after his mom gets out of jail (in a couple of days). That is to be expected.... but that will not be his option until his mom gets well settled and checked in by social services and the court date is Feb. 9th.... which is a long way out! I wonder what will be?
Work at HSL is going full force. I have had some feedback from my lia's and from the college. More later.
And here are pics of my daughters:
Sarah:
Amy:
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Ego again
Well.... it is two days after the tif with sis. And one day after checking into some facts and solutions. I have not yet discussed this all w/Karen... Yesterday I was saying that I will just throw the money away, in my mind. Today I have a different idea which is to not exactly throw it away. I would have ms. debbie purchase the tik and when she arrives I will give her the money but if she doesn't arrive - the tiks and their costs are hers to deal with (and she can retain most of the value while it is not possible for me to get the value since I believe the tiks are not transferable).
So... that is that.
Karen and I went over the wedding list more last night. Added people rather than deleted. So... working, working, working.
It has been very nice watching baseball games w/Karen. Especially since she is so keen on the Boston Red Sox who have done wildly wonderful things in the playoffs! Tonight could be THE NIGHT! I hope so. We all hope so!!!
The election is coming right up. I have voted absentee. Now we all wait and see. I we hope. It is intelligence and flexibility and wonder vs thoughtlessness and rigidity and certainty. It is the thoughful vs believer. The academy vs the church. It is not necessarily good vs bad but it is cast in that light. Really it is the difference between looking positively towards the future vs looking backwards thinking things were better in the past. Progress vs withdrawal. In all/both cases it is looking NOT AT NOW but looking somewhere else. It is not being mindful of the moment but seeking to be elsewhere or elsewhen. This is normal but it is full of illusions. Even when we look and see the here and now we can be fooled by illusory perceptions. That is even more the case when we look away since for sure the imagination begins to work and play. And while the here and now may be perceivable that perception is still only for a moment and then the moment is gone and we are in the next moment and "this moment, this moment! is NOW.... and why should I worry, I'll be in the next moment, this moment, this moment, its now." (incredible string band song - about 1968 give or take a couple of years).
What is best, good, true, real? Who knows. And when will who know?
AH... uncertainty! Even a Bush re-election could be good. What will be will be. Que sera, sera. I am that I am. And I feel strongly that a Kerry victory can be best! WHY?
Only if Kerry wins can we have an admission of mistakes and corrections to those mistakes. Bush has shown he is not capable of admitting error and therefore will not be able to make corrections within a process which is true and open. Admitting mistakes is an essential part of the process which allows for real and lasting corrections to be made. Is it a sign of weakness to have made mistakes or is it a sign of being a human? Who has not made mistakes? Who has not admitted having made mistakes? Who has truly made corrections and changes? (this paragraph will be sent as a letter to the editor of the local papers - the Bee and the Enterprise) OR - actuall the next SECTION will go to the papers:
===========================================================
I think that admitting mistakes is an essential part of a process which allows for real and lasting corrections to be made. Is it a sign of weakness to have made mistakes or is it a sign of being a human? Who of us has not made mistakes? Who has not admitted having made mistakes? Who has truly made corrections and changes?
Bush has shown he is not capable of admitting error and therefore will not be able to make corrections within a process which is true and open. If Kerry wins can we have an admission of mistakes and corrections to those mistakes. My hopes for us all is with John Kerry as President.
=======================================================
done....
So... that is that.
Karen and I went over the wedding list more last night. Added people rather than deleted. So... working, working, working.
It has been very nice watching baseball games w/Karen. Especially since she is so keen on the Boston Red Sox who have done wildly wonderful things in the playoffs! Tonight could be THE NIGHT! I hope so. We all hope so!!!
The election is coming right up. I have voted absentee. Now we all wait and see. I we hope. It is intelligence and flexibility and wonder vs thoughtlessness and rigidity and certainty. It is the thoughful vs believer. The academy vs the church. It is not necessarily good vs bad but it is cast in that light. Really it is the difference between looking positively towards the future vs looking backwards thinking things were better in the past. Progress vs withdrawal. In all/both cases it is looking NOT AT NOW but looking somewhere else. It is not being mindful of the moment but seeking to be elsewhere or elsewhen. This is normal but it is full of illusions. Even when we look and see the here and now we can be fooled by illusory perceptions. That is even more the case when we look away since for sure the imagination begins to work and play. And while the here and now may be perceivable that perception is still only for a moment and then the moment is gone and we are in the next moment and "this moment, this moment! is NOW.... and why should I worry, I'll be in the next moment, this moment, this moment, its now." (incredible string band song - about 1968 give or take a couple of years).
What is best, good, true, real? Who knows. And when will who know?
AH... uncertainty! Even a Bush re-election could be good. What will be will be. Que sera, sera. I am that I am. And I feel strongly that a Kerry victory can be best! WHY?
Only if Kerry wins can we have an admission of mistakes and corrections to those mistakes. Bush has shown he is not capable of admitting error and therefore will not be able to make corrections within a process which is true and open. Admitting mistakes is an essential part of the process which allows for real and lasting corrections to be made. Is it a sign of weakness to have made mistakes or is it a sign of being a human? Who has not made mistakes? Who has not admitted having made mistakes? Who has truly made corrections and changes? (this paragraph will be sent as a letter to the editor of the local papers - the Bee and the Enterprise) OR - actuall the next SECTION will go to the papers:
===========================================================
I think that admitting mistakes is an essential part of a process which allows for real and lasting corrections to be made. Is it a sign of weakness to have made mistakes or is it a sign of being a human? Who of us has not made mistakes? Who has not admitted having made mistakes? Who has truly made corrections and changes?
Bush has shown he is not capable of admitting error and therefore will not be able to make corrections within a process which is true and open. If Kerry wins can we have an admission of mistakes and corrections to those mistakes. My hopes for us all is with John Kerry as President.
=======================================================
done....
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
EGO, egad!
Ego - who has got the ego? Late yesterday my sister called and we had a fight. She is a real work but what can one do? Hopes and expectations, etc.... what is to care about? First - she can't possibly make it... then she can IF - I pay for her flights and make it super easy (i.e. no plane changes, direct flights, etc...). Interesting that such would work for her. Ah.... but she was tired and she has her problems and I am sure she suffers or would if she really felt what there is to feel. BUT - she called, we fought, she called again and apologized (with accusations.... let us not simply apologize... lets attack, too). What can I say here? I will talk w/Karen and we will consider and do what is best and right.
(in fact... - I just checked JetBlue AND - I can get ms. debbie into Sacramento, direct from JFK - for $310.70.... NOT bad!!!)
Hmmmm.... so maybe I will through out the money... and see. I would have to essentially think I was throwing the money away since I would be fairly sure my sister would flake at the last minute. It is what I would expect and what I have experienced and why should anything have changed? Maybe I can get insurance? I will check.
Meditated this morning.... it felt good. I am happy to have my office, my personal space back again. I was on the cushion (pillow) and I did some chants, etc... OK!!!
(in fact... - I just checked JetBlue AND - I can get ms. debbie into Sacramento, direct from JFK - for $310.70.... NOT bad!!!)
Hmmmm.... so maybe I will through out the money... and see. I would have to essentially think I was throwing the money away since I would be fairly sure my sister would flake at the last minute. It is what I would expect and what I have experienced and why should anything have changed? Maybe I can get insurance? I will check.
Meditated this morning.... it felt good. I am happy to have my office, my personal space back again. I was on the cushion (pillow) and I did some chants, etc... OK!!!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Obsessions
Ah... to obsess! And about what? How about people and persons. How about family? Yeah... lets obsess again about family - or NOT.
In previous posts? - did I not suggest that obsessing could be handled by the meditating technique of labeling the topic(s) - THINKING. If I did not then let me do it now. In meditation we try to SIT and not "think" about anything but we try to get into the moment which when in "sitting meditation" is a moment of stillness and breathing and that is about ALL. BUT - we have busy minds and we find our thoughts to be active and the instruction is to gently? and without judgment LABEL the thoughts "Thinking" and thusly put them away as such and return to your breathing and to the moment AND THEN when a new or the same thought appears REPEAT. And I have tried to take that teaching and practice outside of the "sitting" and to thus deal with those many things I obsess about. It has been successful! Yeah!
BUT - ??? - certain obsessing thoughts do recur and recur, etc.
OR - maybe I am just currently confronting an old problem area of my life which seems to be an obsession. That would be my hopes? and EXPECTATIONS about my family. To wit, however - I should remember the following (this is coming from my file of quotes):
Dr. Albert Ellis says: " They (the human race) believe they must do well; that other people must treat them kindly, nobly and do their bidding; and that conditions must be absolutely just so - or else they become horribly depressed. It's deadly for people to feel that they MUST have these things. These things are contrary to the facts of life. They are preferences. I'm changing people's musts into preferences."
So..... musts or even preferences are to be turned into: maybes? Things I would like? PREFERENCES!!! Not musts or shoulds... not expectations but I would really, really, really like something to happen/be. And IF it does not happen that way - depression? OR what?
A what would be to limit exposure to things that are disappointing. To people who are disappointing. OR... are people or things DISAPPOINTING? I guess there is a lot to be said for NO - outside forces are not disappointing.. HMmm..... this is a hard one! I guess that inside I get disappointed and that results in my getting or being ??? - sad? depressed? unhappy? .... all that. To say that such and such or so or so doesn't HAVE TO DO OR BE whatever??? Does that make the thing less unpleasant?
On another hand - ONE CAN ONLY CONTROL ONESELF. Controlling anyone or anything else is such a awful thing!!! In fact - controlling oneself is somewhat questionable, too!!! Being in control is wholly questionable, so questions the Buddhists. Control equals grasping. AAAAHHH.....
So... THIS blog is a meditation. And - I really must really meditate!!!! And PRACTICE the NOW and also practice and recite the chants I have found and chosen. And find some more, too.
AAAAHHHH.....
In previous posts? - did I not suggest that obsessing could be handled by the meditating technique of labeling the topic(s) - THINKING. If I did not then let me do it now. In meditation we try to SIT and not "think" about anything but we try to get into the moment which when in "sitting meditation" is a moment of stillness and breathing and that is about ALL. BUT - we have busy minds and we find our thoughts to be active and the instruction is to gently? and without judgment LABEL the thoughts "Thinking" and thusly put them away as such and return to your breathing and to the moment AND THEN when a new or the same thought appears REPEAT. And I have tried to take that teaching and practice outside of the "sitting" and to thus deal with those many things I obsess about. It has been successful! Yeah!
BUT - ??? - certain obsessing thoughts do recur and recur, etc.
OR - maybe I am just currently confronting an old problem area of my life which seems to be an obsession. That would be my hopes? and EXPECTATIONS about my family. To wit, however - I should remember the following (this is coming from my file of quotes):
Dr. Albert Ellis says: " They (the human race) believe they must do well; that other people must treat them kindly, nobly and do their bidding; and that conditions must be absolutely just so - or else they become horribly depressed. It's deadly for people to feel that they MUST have these things. These things are contrary to the facts of life. They are preferences. I'm changing people's musts into preferences."
So..... musts or even preferences are to be turned into: maybes? Things I would like? PREFERENCES!!! Not musts or shoulds... not expectations but I would really, really, really like something to happen/be. And IF it does not happen that way - depression? OR what?
A what would be to limit exposure to things that are disappointing. To people who are disappointing. OR... are people or things DISAPPOINTING? I guess there is a lot to be said for NO - outside forces are not disappointing.. HMmm..... this is a hard one! I guess that inside I get disappointed and that results in my getting or being ??? - sad? depressed? unhappy? .... all that. To say that such and such or so or so doesn't HAVE TO DO OR BE whatever??? Does that make the thing less unpleasant?
On another hand - ONE CAN ONLY CONTROL ONESELF. Controlling anyone or anything else is such a awful thing!!! In fact - controlling oneself is somewhat questionable, too!!! Being in control is wholly questionable, so questions the Buddhists. Control equals grasping. AAAAHHH.....
So... THIS blog is a meditation. And - I really must really meditate!!!! And PRACTICE the NOW and also practice and recite the chants I have found and chosen. And find some more, too.
AAAAHHHH.....
Friday, October 22, 2004
hold it in....
So.... I guess people just are people... and psych (ologists, iatrists, etc) are different. When I say... I am stressed to people they tell me how stressed they are. Only the psychs listen and give the appearence of caring. That IS their job. Others... and I am sure I do it, fend off any negative feelings they encounter. REACT! Have an equal and opposite reaction. Blow it away. ahhh.....
So... I must/will keep negative feelings and thoughts to myself. No one out there is willing and/or able to listen. The psychs are not really acceptable since they are artificial. They are an artifice of everybody trying to remain untouched. Oh well.....
Being or showing sensitivity just won't do. that is what my pop taught.... Don't be soo sensitive. Another right thing for that right guy.
I guess I can try one more time....??? Sure... and get shot down again. Why not. I MUST LIKE FALLING!!!! So free. IT IS LIKE FLYING!
So... I must/will keep negative feelings and thoughts to myself. No one out there is willing and/or able to listen. The psychs are not really acceptable since they are artificial. They are an artifice of everybody trying to remain untouched. Oh well.....
Being or showing sensitivity just won't do. that is what my pop taught.... Don't be soo sensitive. Another right thing for that right guy.
I guess I can try one more time....??? Sure... and get shot down again. Why not. I MUST LIKE FALLING!!!! So free. IT IS LIKE FLYING!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Getting on....
FEAR... ah - yes being scared. It is so easy and real and possible to be afraid and fearful of ???????
If I pause a moment and contemplate where I am and who I am and all.... then I in fact have a sense of fear. There is a groundlessness which I can perceive. What some might call an abyse which I need to read about again amongst the Hasidic masters!
FEAR - and then - what about that thing: "fear and loathing"? I say that what I don't know or remember OR what makes me afraid - that I loath! OR at least don't like. I kiddingly say that... but there is a certain truth to that. But - Thompson's books might have meant something else.
FEAR - Weightlessness. Groundless. Falling. FREE. I am holding onto nothing and being held onto by nothing. All is uncertain. All is open. All is!!!
And that can be very frightening!
So... when someone (Karen) tells me she is afraid I am very concerned. And so much is stressing me... or scaring me... that her fear is scaring me, too.
IF we are both afraid... then what is to be...
And is anything STRESS or is it all FEAR?
Stuff below was written earlier...
So.... today, Thursday Oct. 21, 2004 - Karen and I are deep into it... Problems about a date and place for the wedding and OUR FINANCES. I went off on a rant - mostly to myself, and now here, about how we are not being very responsible. Kaybe another way of putting it is we are not aware of what is going on with our money and what we will be expending and where it is coming from!!!! While I have some ideas and while there really may not be any need to truly worry - I keep sensing that Karen is more ready to spend then to know where or what are the resources that are being expended. OR.. maybe I am CHEAP. Maybe so.... maybe I am not really looking forward to spending 20K on this wedding and glitches make me stop and think. The Rabbi's unavailability is/was such a glitch.
So... I am pausing. I would be happy if we got our day to day finances in order... which I think we will do this evening. I wish I had not felt the need to be somewhat heavy-handed in getting us to do that. I wish Karen had taken the initiative since it was her house-related stress which put this issue on hold and for me it is a basic essential issue (what we are doing together with our monies). But noooooo. I guess this is an example of couples have "issues" with money. yich!
Did I mention I had lunch w/Mike H. - Well I did. On Tuesday just past. Good. Some talk.... He has the Seed of Abraham project going. Spiritual roots thingy. Seems beyond the realms of possiblity, to me, that going to that level will have an impact on the day-to-day levels of reality. Just me, maybe. Or... is the question one such as: how do you fully impregnate the real world with the spiritual world? They are one and the same and yet different. They have a relationship but they are apart from each other. I guess there is something about kabbalistic emanations coming into the "real" world - and if just folks can remember and believe there is a spiritual world than we will truly be on to a good path!!! And one which will be diverse adn tolerated, I think, because the dogmas imply/suggest that there is some only/one way. How do the dogmas do that? By being complicated and secret? I don't know... but that is one guess.
Ah... Secrecy. Ahh.... SECRETS
If I pause a moment and contemplate where I am and who I am and all.... then I in fact have a sense of fear. There is a groundlessness which I can perceive. What some might call an abyse which I need to read about again amongst the Hasidic masters!
FEAR - and then - what about that thing: "fear and loathing"? I say that what I don't know or remember OR what makes me afraid - that I loath! OR at least don't like. I kiddingly say that... but there is a certain truth to that. But - Thompson's books might have meant something else.
FEAR - Weightlessness. Groundless. Falling. FREE. I am holding onto nothing and being held onto by nothing. All is uncertain. All is open. All is!!!
And that can be very frightening!
So... when someone (Karen) tells me she is afraid I am very concerned. And so much is stressing me... or scaring me... that her fear is scaring me, too.
IF we are both afraid... then what is to be...
And is anything STRESS or is it all FEAR?
Stuff below was written earlier...
So.... today, Thursday Oct. 21, 2004 - Karen and I are deep into it... Problems about a date and place for the wedding and OUR FINANCES. I went off on a rant - mostly to myself, and now here, about how we are not being very responsible. Kaybe another way of putting it is we are not aware of what is going on with our money and what we will be expending and where it is coming from!!!! While I have some ideas and while there really may not be any need to truly worry - I keep sensing that Karen is more ready to spend then to know where or what are the resources that are being expended. OR.. maybe I am CHEAP. Maybe so.... maybe I am not really looking forward to spending 20K on this wedding and glitches make me stop and think. The Rabbi's unavailability is/was such a glitch.
So... I am pausing. I would be happy if we got our day to day finances in order... which I think we will do this evening. I wish I had not felt the need to be somewhat heavy-handed in getting us to do that. I wish Karen had taken the initiative since it was her house-related stress which put this issue on hold and for me it is a basic essential issue (what we are doing together with our monies). But noooooo. I guess this is an example of couples have "issues" with money. yich!
Did I mention I had lunch w/Mike H. - Well I did. On Tuesday just past. Good. Some talk.... He has the Seed of Abraham project going. Spiritual roots thingy. Seems beyond the realms of possiblity, to me, that going to that level will have an impact on the day-to-day levels of reality. Just me, maybe. Or... is the question one such as: how do you fully impregnate the real world with the spiritual world? They are one and the same and yet different. They have a relationship but they are apart from each other. I guess there is something about kabbalistic emanations coming into the "real" world - and if just folks can remember and believe there is a spiritual world than we will truly be on to a good path!!! And one which will be diverse adn tolerated, I think, because the dogmas imply/suggest that there is some only/one way. How do the dogmas do that? By being complicated and secret? I don't know... but that is one guess.
Ah... Secrecy. Ahh.... SECRETS
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Nineth - Wednesday - hump day?
Stuff is sucking these days. A good marriage date has been nixed. But maybe Karen and I can come up with a way on the date we liked (because the Mondavi Center was available for us then). BUT.... lets see what other dates are possible.
What is going on? Well.... on one hand I want to do things around the house and on another hand Karen wants to go away for a weekend and on the third hand I want us to be happy. But, I am afraid MY ANXIETIES are getting the best of me. I am anxious about not getting stuff done. I am worried that I am having some trouble taking care of myself. I think I need some TLC!"
SO.... what will be will be. And that is yet to be.
Que sera, sera (if that is the correct spelling!)
Or, Maybe I need a bit of time off.... Maybe I need to heavily meditate, or medicate, or vacate, etc.... I need to check into Green Gulch and/or Tassajara or Esalen..... or something!
But I ramble....
Today is a busy one again. I think I may cancel the Edianne thing and just do the Michael and the CBH Committee thing. And tomorrow? - who knows what will happen tomorrow.
What is going on? Well.... on one hand I want to do things around the house and on another hand Karen wants to go away for a weekend and on the third hand I want us to be happy. But, I am afraid MY ANXIETIES are getting the best of me. I am anxious about not getting stuff done. I am worried that I am having some trouble taking care of myself. I think I need some TLC!"
SO.... what will be will be. And that is yet to be.
Que sera, sera (if that is the correct spelling!)
Or, Maybe I need a bit of time off.... Maybe I need to heavily meditate, or medicate, or vacate, etc.... I need to check into Green Gulch and/or Tassajara or Esalen..... or something!
But I ramble....
Today is a busy one again. I think I may cancel the Edianne thing and just do the Michael and the CBH Committee thing. And tomorrow? - who knows what will happen tomorrow.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Monday blues - whats the news
Geezz.... I had a weekend which was soooo... full and left me sooooo tired... I am thinking that today at work is a time to rest (just joking). But really - at least there are limits and clear expectations.
And tonight - we go to the Bob Dylan Concert at the Rec Hall (old facility) AND check out the BALLROOM in the new facility! (see notes below about the Mondavi for the wedding BUT it, too, may be too small and the Ballroom may be the right size).
But the weekend had wonderful parts to it. Sunday in the mid-afternoon I performed in my chorus and we did very well. On another hand - the day before, Saturday, was difficult since it followed a restless Friday night and was a full day of rehearsing!!!
Sunday morning was interesting but a bit stressful as I met some more of Karen's friends. These folks came by and we had brunch and then picked some olives and the time was limited since I had to get to my concert which, btw, was preceeded by my NOT finding my tie!!! STRESS!!!!
Back to Friday night.... that was when we looked at the Forest House where we slept over after a bit much to drink late at night (resulting in something of a hangover Saturday, etc). The place does not suit us. We do think that what will suit us is the Congregation plus the Mondavi Center. We talk with folks later today about Mondavi.
And... I am feeling as if I am not spending enough time at home doing things around the house. Nor am I working out - but I have that on my schedule for this week. And next Sunday morning I will work around the house. And in my home office. And on my computer. I might leave the operating system alone and see what happens when I hook up the 200gig drive, etc... And what about a new computer? And what about networking to the cable modem? SOO much to do!!!!
EXPERIMENTS:
1. a link to something? How about my professional development home at my office? GO HERE.
How does it look and work? GOOD (unless otherwise noted)
2. a link to a PICTURE
3. How about a picture right here --->
Enough today. Obviously I am not doing this everyday. Yet sometimes I catchup.
And tonight - we go to the Bob Dylan Concert at the Rec Hall (old facility) AND check out the BALLROOM in the new facility! (see notes below about the Mondavi for the wedding BUT it, too, may be too small and the Ballroom may be the right size).
But the weekend had wonderful parts to it. Sunday in the mid-afternoon I performed in my chorus and we did very well. On another hand - the day before, Saturday, was difficult since it followed a restless Friday night and was a full day of rehearsing!!!
Sunday morning was interesting but a bit stressful as I met some more of Karen's friends. These folks came by and we had brunch and then picked some olives and the time was limited since I had to get to my concert which, btw, was preceeded by my NOT finding my tie!!! STRESS!!!!
Back to Friday night.... that was when we looked at the Forest House where we slept over after a bit much to drink late at night (resulting in something of a hangover Saturday, etc). The place does not suit us. We do think that what will suit us is the Congregation plus the Mondavi Center. We talk with folks later today about Mondavi.
And... I am feeling as if I am not spending enough time at home doing things around the house. Nor am I working out - but I have that on my schedule for this week. And next Sunday morning I will work around the house. And in my home office. And on my computer. I might leave the operating system alone and see what happens when I hook up the 200gig drive, etc... And what about a new computer? And what about networking to the cable modem? SOO much to do!!!!
EXPERIMENTS:
1. a link to something? How about my professional development home at my office? GO HERE.
How does it look and work? GOOD (unless otherwise noted)
2. a link to a PICTURE
3. How about a picture right here --->
Enough today. Obviously I am not doing this everyday. Yet sometimes I catchup.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Luck Seven - A day at work....
Todays post is work-oriented as I seek the comic so to avoid the tragic. And tragic is what I think goes around when tools are kept from workers and communication is curtailed. Not that I couldn't communicate some or all of this to colleagues but I self-censor because I feel and think that it is hopeless to pursue fixing these problems. They are problems of power and not of good sense and I don't have the power.
Power is important BUT power is so often abused! As professionals we are demeaned by the limits placed on us as we work in an environment where information is the basis of our work, information is the essence of our wider workplace (the university campus), information is the rationale for the tools we use (computers), and information is the wave of our world and yet the tools which we have to work with that information are so mightily locked down.
Below is a note to myself which I may send to colleagues at work. (I work at a university library which at this time will remain nameless).
I will momentarily try to write a more generic type of note and the see where that might go, too. OR ... perhaps I will not send it to colleagues so that our office changes but will make it a journal article.... that is funny, witty, and somewhat significant? BUT - HUMOUR is the quest because pain and suffering is the alternative!
"Folks,
I wonder what it would be like to work in our Library without computers?
Why do I wonder? Please read on and then send me your ideas which relate
to the general issues presented. If nothing else - perhaps someone can
help me lighten up about all this. I really do want to laugh sometimes
because the alternative is to cry. So... give me what you got!
(I have not seen the movie... A day without mexicans... but that idea is
something of the source of this idea - although there are other
sources.... such as the weirdnesses of our various machine systems).
I sometimes feel as if I AM OR SHOULD BE working without a computer
since
computers I use pose various problems. In addition to listing "problems"
I
also might say that communications is difficult. If actual language
issues
are not actually a barrier then hanging on phones for minutes is and
finding the one person who might know the particular problem on the
particular machine or system is a difficulty.
The problems posed include:
I log into my office workspace from a ref. desk computer and then cannot
log off and I must reboot to protect my account (at least at the
MedCenter this holds true)
And... againg at the MedCenter - I cannot log on to my new network
workspace although I can log on to my old space which I am trying to not
use since it is old and may go away??? This is so even though with an IP
number supplied by Systems which is said to absolutely be ASH (the new
machine) I get connected to the old machine.
Printing from ref. desk machines is either to a local printer or the
public printer - but not another printer in the building such as our
color
printer.
Loading a small piece of software or java-script is not allowed and
therefore I get stopped from showing faculty and students stuff they can
see and use on their own machines.
New web pages go up and old ones are hard to find and what works is
sometimes here and sometimes not here. Things get done with our
computers
quickly or slowly but more often then not without proper checking and
testing. "
Power is important BUT power is so often abused! As professionals we are demeaned by the limits placed on us as we work in an environment where information is the basis of our work, information is the essence of our wider workplace (the university campus), information is the rationale for the tools we use (computers), and information is the wave of our world and yet the tools which we have to work with that information are so mightily locked down.
Below is a note to myself which I may send to colleagues at work. (I work at a university library which at this time will remain nameless).
I will momentarily try to write a more generic type of note and the see where that might go, too. OR ... perhaps I will not send it to colleagues so that our office changes but will make it a journal article.... that is funny, witty, and somewhat significant? BUT - HUMOUR is the quest because pain and suffering is the alternative!
"Folks,
I wonder what it would be like to work in our Library without computers?
Why do I wonder? Please read on and then send me your ideas which relate
to the general issues presented. If nothing else - perhaps someone can
help me lighten up about all this. I really do want to laugh sometimes
because the alternative is to cry. So... give me what you got!
(I have not seen the movie... A day without mexicans... but that idea is
something of the source of this idea - although there are other
sources.... such as the weirdnesses of our various machine systems).
I sometimes feel as if I AM OR SHOULD BE working without a computer
since
computers I use pose various problems. In addition to listing "problems"
I
also might say that communications is difficult. If actual language
issues
are not actually a barrier then hanging on phones for minutes is and
finding the one person who might know the particular problem on the
particular machine or system is a difficulty.
The problems posed include:
I log into my office workspace from a ref. desk computer and then cannot
log off and I must reboot to protect my account (at least at the
MedCenter this holds true)
And... againg at the MedCenter - I cannot log on to my new network
workspace although I can log on to my old space which I am trying to not
use since it is old and may go away??? This is so even though with an IP
number supplied by Systems which is said to absolutely be ASH (the new
machine) I get connected to the old machine.
Printing from ref. desk machines is either to a local printer or the
public printer - but not another printer in the building such as our
color
printer.
Loading a small piece of software or java-script is not allowed and
therefore I get stopped from showing faculty and students stuff they can
see and use on their own machines.
New web pages go up and old ones are hard to find and what works is
sometimes here and sometimes not here. Things get done with our
computers
quickly or slowly but more often then not without proper checking and
testing. "
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
sixth post - day nine
Tonight was the last Presidential Debate. Now we all will see and hope. And pray?
Karen's house is likely to close tomorrow. Tomorrow we look at Shot of Class as we are also looking at various brochures about wedding places. Friday night we go to Forest House, where we will be able to stay overnight and have a few drinks as we take a tour. Robbers Roost is a restaurant which Butch has recommended. And I think Karen heard of a place called? Zinfandel Grill. We shall see what we shall see.
Tired, tired, tired.....
And this weekend is the big concert weekend for me and my chorus.
Work is ok.... doing a powerpoint and going to meetings and working on realtime and looking at children's health literature, and so on.... Busy!!!
And so I am not doing this everyday. Not a big deal...
Realized that these blogs are like individual, personal newsgroups/bulletin boards of the past. Easy to get going, it is, and yet a proliferation of STUFF and therefore in a big way - just a lot more noise on the lines. And so... where is the real good stuff? It isn't necessarily mine! I know that. Ah well.
Karen's house is likely to close tomorrow. Tomorrow we look at Shot of Class as we are also looking at various brochures about wedding places. Friday night we go to Forest House, where we will be able to stay overnight and have a few drinks as we take a tour. Robbers Roost is a restaurant which Butch has recommended. And I think Karen heard of a place called? Zinfandel Grill. We shall see what we shall see.
Tired, tired, tired.....
And this weekend is the big concert weekend for me and my chorus.
Work is ok.... doing a powerpoint and going to meetings and working on realtime and looking at children's health literature, and so on.... Busy!!!
And so I am not doing this everyday. Not a big deal...
Realized that these blogs are like individual, personal newsgroups/bulletin boards of the past. Easy to get going, it is, and yet a proliferation of STUFF and therefore in a big way - just a lot more noise on the lines. And so... where is the real good stuff? It isn't necessarily mine! I know that. Ah well.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Fifth Post - Day seven - ahh... weekends!
So... this is my fifth post.... having skipped/missed writing on the weekend. Today is Monday, Oct. 11th, 2004. A beautiful day in this neighborhood of Davis. California. Sunny blue skies, wind is down, temperature moderate. Lovely.
This weekend was one where as it began we had a house guest from Mexico City. Interesting and nice. She left in the early afternoon on Saturday and for the first time in maybe a month? - Karen and I had time alone! We essentially spent that time cuddling in love. More loveliness!!! And when Sunday morning arrived we had some time together before our house guest returned and she and Karen went off to Berkeley for a bit of theater. I remained in Davis as I had a couple of things of my own for the day. I attended my friend Kristen's mazusah hanging party. I went to my monthly meeting with Jane and the spiritual guidance group.
ALL IS. G-D IS. I AM.
Listening with all of my self is a very effective path to becoming mindful of the present. A question is to what do I listen? To others? To ideas? To my heart? To chants? To ?????
This weekend was one where as it began we had a house guest from Mexico City. Interesting and nice. She left in the early afternoon on Saturday and for the first time in maybe a month? - Karen and I had time alone! We essentially spent that time cuddling in love. More loveliness!!! And when Sunday morning arrived we had some time together before our house guest returned and she and Karen went off to Berkeley for a bit of theater. I remained in Davis as I had a couple of things of my own for the day. I attended my friend Kristen's mazusah hanging party. I went to my monthly meeting with Jane and the spiritual guidance group.
ALL IS. G-D IS. I AM.
Listening with all of my self is a very effective path to becoming mindful of the present. A question is to what do I listen? To others? To ideas? To my heart? To chants? To ?????
Friday, October 08, 2004
Day Four - a Friday - some rantings today!
Tonight is Shabbat. A nice dinner, something to drink, maybe go to services? - a friend of Karen arrives (Rebecca). Ah.....
Soon, this afternoon, a massage. Aaaahhhh....!!!!
This all follows work and a weekly staff meeting where controversy arose. The issue is the availability of reference librarians at various hours. Specifically at hours which are on the periphery of our desk scheduled times and during which the appearance of patrons w/questions is from a low of infrequent to lower still, rare. How to provide some coverage is the question and innovative answers which use modern and not so modern technologies could be part of an answer. BUT the traditional answer of having a librarian in the building for face-to-face assistance seems to be the only answer being considered even though telephone and/or web(realtime) assistance might do. This experiment is not going to be allowed as of this morning's meeting while working from the circ desk and closing the ref. desk as an experiment IS being allowed. Go figure! At some point maybe there will be a real and new look taken of all the issues which to my mind means looking at what we do and how and also the costs of doing our work. Economics IS important and a business model is NOT what makes sense in our profession. Yesterday the medical profession was discussed with the authors of a new book by Donald Barlett and James Steele's titled "Critical Condition: How Health Care in America Became Big Business, and Bad Medicine". In the interview they note that some (much) of the cost controls used in "business" will not work in medicine. Go figure!!!
I thnk - bottom line --- people/workers must be responsible in whatever ways make sense in the jobs they do! In general RESPONSIBILITY is the needed and necessary key. By being responsible I mean being present and MINDFUL of what is going on. No matter what the science is of a thing - ART is necesssary and in art is mindfulness. Being "artistic" is being mindful in a wide, holistic, comprehensive manner. ARTFULL = MINDFULL..... don't you think?
And so... back to the art of my life. While I am a bit tired... and feel pretty good (both a verb and as a noun). Love is all around! Especially around Karen. Ah... dearest Karen. We went out to a movie last night (oy... a nice movie .... but last night I was tired and the movie was quiet and slow - it was: "The story of the weeping camel" ). Then, at home I watched the first half of "About Schmitd" and I hope to see the rest sometime. Pretty interesting.... a life-crisis movie... Schmitd retires and then his wife dies and he is very cheap and not too independent... BUT --- he seems on the verge of changes. I look forward to seeing what happens. It could happen here!!!!
I forgot to mention that I went to Yiskor services yesterday morning (end of Succoth) and while I mainly went to help ensure there was a minyan I also specifically memorialized: David, and Stu, and Louise.
LIFE, LIFE, LIFE.... LIVE - LIVE - LIVE!!!!
And how to live? That is always the question. What to do? Why do whatever? Where, when, etc... HOW!!!! HOW!!! HOW!!!
Now is the time of a continuing revolution in how things are at home. Where will we, Karen and I, live and when might we move or decide to stay. Why do what will be done? What pictures to put up and where? What should we do to the garden? Vegies? Flowers? BOTH OF COURSE! Pets - now two cats. What about a dog? Why do I think about a dog ever? And my office!!! Kitty litter! Cat food. SMELLY!!!
But - oh the weekend doth arrive. I have nothing on the calendar for tomorrow although we will have a house guest. And little on for Sunday until 4pm. SLEEP IN!!! I need some rest!!! I also need to begin working out regularly again!!! REALLY.
WORKOUTWORKOUTWORKOUTWORKOUTWORKOUTWORKOUT
And lose weight which has come back!!!!
That is all for today. I will get relaxed very soon..... and I will meditate after the massage. At least 21 minutes!!! Maybe a full 40.
Soon, this afternoon, a massage. Aaaahhhh....!!!!
This all follows work and a weekly staff meeting where controversy arose. The issue is the availability of reference librarians at various hours. Specifically at hours which are on the periphery of our desk scheduled times and during which the appearance of patrons w/questions is from a low of infrequent to lower still, rare. How to provide some coverage is the question and innovative answers which use modern and not so modern technologies could be part of an answer. BUT the traditional answer of having a librarian in the building for face-to-face assistance seems to be the only answer being considered even though telephone and/or web(realtime) assistance might do. This experiment is not going to be allowed as of this morning's meeting while working from the circ desk and closing the ref. desk as an experiment IS being allowed. Go figure! At some point maybe there will be a real and new look taken of all the issues which to my mind means looking at what we do and how and also the costs of doing our work. Economics IS important and a business model is NOT what makes sense in our profession. Yesterday the medical profession was discussed with the authors of a new book by Donald Barlett and James Steele's titled "Critical Condition: How Health Care in America Became Big Business, and Bad Medicine". In the interview they note that some (much) of the cost controls used in "business" will not work in medicine. Go figure!!!
I thnk - bottom line --- people/workers must be responsible in whatever ways make sense in the jobs they do! In general RESPONSIBILITY is the needed and necessary key. By being responsible I mean being present and MINDFUL of what is going on. No matter what the science is of a thing - ART is necesssary and in art is mindfulness. Being "artistic" is being mindful in a wide, holistic, comprehensive manner. ARTFULL = MINDFULL..... don't you think?
And so... back to the art of my life. While I am a bit tired... and feel pretty good (both a verb and as a noun). Love is all around! Especially around Karen. Ah... dearest Karen. We went out to a movie last night (oy... a nice movie .... but last night I was tired and the movie was quiet and slow - it was: "The story of the weeping camel" ). Then, at home I watched the first half of "About Schmitd" and I hope to see the rest sometime. Pretty interesting.... a life-crisis movie... Schmitd retires and then his wife dies and he is very cheap and not too independent... BUT --- he seems on the verge of changes. I look forward to seeing what happens. It could happen here!!!!
I forgot to mention that I went to Yiskor services yesterday morning (end of Succoth) and while I mainly went to help ensure there was a minyan I also specifically memorialized: David, and Stu, and Louise.
LIFE, LIFE, LIFE.... LIVE - LIVE - LIVE!!!!
And how to live? That is always the question. What to do? Why do whatever? Where, when, etc... HOW!!!! HOW!!! HOW!!!
Now is the time of a continuing revolution in how things are at home. Where will we, Karen and I, live and when might we move or decide to stay. Why do what will be done? What pictures to put up and where? What should we do to the garden? Vegies? Flowers? BOTH OF COURSE! Pets - now two cats. What about a dog? Why do I think about a dog ever? And my office!!! Kitty litter! Cat food. SMELLY!!!
But - oh the weekend doth arrive. I have nothing on the calendar for tomorrow although we will have a house guest. And little on for Sunday until 4pm. SLEEP IN!!! I need some rest!!! I also need to begin working out regularly again!!! REALLY.
WORKOUTWORKOUTWORKOUTWORKOUTWORKOUTWORKOUT
And lose weight which has come back!!!!
That is all for today. I will get relaxed very soon..... and I will meditate after the massage. At least 21 minutes!!! Maybe a full 40.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Day Three - Individualism
So - yesterday... ideas about places and socializing and the public domain/public commons were noted. Today I went to a lunchtime discussion group where membership in the Jewish people was the topic of discussion and non-membership was the angle from which that was looked at. In other words - what constitutes heresy and such.
Circumcision or its lack was noted a primary sign. It was also noted that such a sign was private and usually not seen. At least in todays world!!!! In Biblical times when the Greeks were ascendant there was much nudity. Furthermore, in the Middle East, the climate was such that nudity or near-nudity might have been somewhat normal. Or not.... The point is... that there was significant nudity at the time and now there is not. Why????? Hmmmm.....
The point I want to pursue... relative is relative to the privacy issue and contrasting privacy with the public display of group membership. There is power in numbers, right? There is comfort in knowing you are part of the group... or more specifically the right group. It is better to be in than out, right? etc.... etc...
Ones thinking is private. There is the secret ballot in our democracy.
There are mobs and mob behavours.
There is the common good.
There is one's private hell.
There is Spock and personal sacrifice for the group/crew/etc...
Circumcision or its lack was noted a primary sign. It was also noted that such a sign was private and usually not seen. At least in todays world!!!! In Biblical times when the Greeks were ascendant there was much nudity. Furthermore, in the Middle East, the climate was such that nudity or near-nudity might have been somewhat normal. Or not.... The point is... that there was significant nudity at the time and now there is not. Why????? Hmmmm.....
The point I want to pursue... relative is relative to the privacy issue and contrasting privacy with the public display of group membership. There is power in numbers, right? There is comfort in knowing you are part of the group... or more specifically the right group. It is better to be in than out, right? etc.... etc...
Ones thinking is private. There is the secret ballot in our democracy.
There are mobs and mob behavours.
There is the common good.
There is one's private hell.
There is Spock and personal sacrifice for the group/crew/etc...
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Day two...
Ah... so I have remembered to make a second post. Nothing much to say... Except I am suffering from a cold or something. Itchy eyes, sore throat, some congestion, and maybe some fever. It is now 3:30pm and I am feeling the worst so far today.
Of note: was sent a note about "third places" which talks about libraries as such. First places are homes, second places are workplaces, and third places are socializing settings (pubs, libraries, churches, etc.) The question is - what are the social anchors of the community today.
There is talk in the article about virtual third places. This might be interesting to try! Try at work? Try at CBH? Hmmm....
Then there is the other concept called: the Public Commons.... which seems somewhat related but which was noted and discussed in regards to knowledge sharing and the personalized manipulation of public domain material and the "creation" of something new.
And then there is/was/will be the question of the meaning of the word: CREATION and its use by so many when the word implies the bringing forth of something from ?nothing? - i.e. a G-d capability.
Of note: was sent a note about "third places" which talks about libraries as such. First places are homes, second places are workplaces, and third places are socializing settings (pubs, libraries, churches, etc.) The question is - what are the social anchors of the community today.
There is talk in the article about virtual third places. This might be interesting to try! Try at work? Try at CBH? Hmmm....
Then there is the other concept called: the Public Commons.... which seems somewhat related but which was noted and discussed in regards to knowledge sharing and the personalized manipulation of public domain material and the "creation" of something new.
And then there is/was/will be the question of the meaning of the word: CREATION and its use by so many when the word implies the bringing forth of something from ?nothing? - i.e. a G-d capability.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
First Time
Today I start.... and today is: Oct. 5, 2004.
I am using the diminutive of my name and that means...??? what?
It means:
Libraries !!!!!
I am using the diminutive of my name and that means...??? what?
It means:
- something else didn't work
- my mom, dad, and sister will know how to refer to me
- old/prior to doday days when I was younger and a kid are brought to mind
- sounds young and hopefully friendly
- whatever
Libraries !!!!!
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