i have a secret

I have a secret. You may, too... Whoever you are!

You may know your secret or maybe not. Secrets are powerful! Secrets are sometimes so powerful they can prevent themselves from being known.

Ah.... I have a secret and I know it... Or at least I know one secret. Shall I tell you?

Of course.... if I tell you my secret then it is not longer a secret nor is it mine.

MY secret is MINE!... Only mine? MAYBE...

Maybe my secret is shared by someone. SomeONE!

Maybe my secret is a special gift... to be gotten, somewhat noticed... and then kept to myself - quietly. THEN it is a shared secret and precious to the ONE and to me......

AHhhhhh......

hopes and expectations

It is true, I think, that I can hope for ... anything. And I think it is not a good idea to expect anything, really. So many say and I agree... I do what I can.

BUT....

The truth is I often see my hopes and expectations closely linked to each other and twisted around and tied together. AND THEN sometimes (often?) -- whenever! -- the hopes twisted together with the expectations do NOT happen and then I am sad. And out of control!

Fortunately I get sad these days as different from the past when I used to be get angry and maybe vindictive. Now - I get sullen for a while. I mope. But then I get a night's sleep and the distance of some time and fortunately perspective returns and some equanimity and peace. During these sullen, mopey times I try to be by myself.

Change is necessary when my hopes are not met... especially those hopes I have come to think/feel I can expect. The tension of expectations... even those only rightly hopes HURT. I am pained and in anguish. I despair. I am sad. Something has to change. Sadness wears me down. Despair is not good to feel. Unhealthy!

Do YOU ever feel this way?

I used to get hurt and sad and then mad and angry. The anger never was useful and I hope I have given that up for good and for something new and different. And better.

We will of course... see... The future will show me, you, us ... if I have changed to at least endure with equanimity or change for something better.

Who am I... today.

I'm -- Kenneth Firestein - a simple, very regular person. Retired from being a Librarian - in a public library, a special library, and a university library.

I'm 69.... I belong to Rotary. I volunteer w/hospice. I drive for Meals on Wheels via Rotary. I sing with the University Chorus. I am a volunteer at my synagogue as a singer/Cantor and their librarian. I've been married twice, divorced twice, and have a girlfriend for a bit over 2 years. I have two adult daughters... one lives in NYC and one in California. Both work and take care of themselves. I'm on good terms with one ex-wife and not with the other. I'm a NY Mets and NY Giants fan... hard times there. I like the Golden State Warriors. I do some blogging (unnoticed I'm sure).  I own my home (with a mortgage payment each month) and have lived in that home in Davis, CA since 1980. I went to schools in NY State and grew up in Queens, NY. Went to Bayside HS. I  like to read and science fiction is one interest in books and other media. One of my favorite books and films is: "The unbearable lightness of being". I vote each time I can. I don't think I've missed any election and now use mail-in ballots for their convenience. I like to travel and i've been to countries in Europe, Asia, South America, and Africa. I am happy for the IT/computer revolution. I'm fairly happy, overweight, caring, generally healthy, and I work out regularly. Basically, I feel I'm just a regular guy... maybe a bit more urban and liberal then some. I like museums and theater and movies - of all types. I watch a bit of tv - thanks today to tivo-devices and streaming and downloading. I like all kinds of music. I like beer, wine, and hard-liquor as well as cannabis and I've enjoyed other drugs, too. I loath the idea of being addicted and I am not. I'm Just pretty regular and normal and American.

food around the world...Weekly, daily...

click here to see: What do people eat each week?

and

click here to see What people eat each day...

click for another view...

SO interesting....

AND for numbers information Click Here.

life and chances and coices

I was thinking about my life and how it is now. Now I am in a relationship with someone who just does wonderful things all the time for others, for me, and I hope for herself. Clearly others and me have our lives made easier/nice in many, many ways.

My life has been pretty good. It is an average long life at this time and my parents and wives and children and others have been blessings - for the most part. Some of those relationships continue in various ways and some have ceased. All have been easy and difficult and some relationships were good enough! Sometimes I was good enough and sometimes I was too much of a hassle, shit, no-goodnick, or in some people's opinion - terrible. Whatever!

Good enough is what we all are to most people. To some people one of us will be plenty or perfect or the best or all I've ever wanted. Whatever.

We are all at best - good enough. The extreme of perfection or best are possibilities in moments but only in moments. Being at the extreme can only be sustained for a while and then we return to some normalcy or even to the opposite extreme. I know, I think, both extremes and today I often am fortunate to hold my tongue and actions when I am at the extreme of bad, negativity, wrong, etc. I may have learned to wait til I get some rest and some time passes and I get back to the middle area of normalcy which when I am on the negativity side of the life's continuum means I am moving towards the positive. AND when I am on the positive side of things... I think if I moderate the great joy as I express my happiness then the person to whom I express my joy is not pressured/stressed by MY moment.

Today is the day after expressing my joy was moderated and I think maybe that was good for my dear partner.

Who is my dear partner? Ah... for now an unnamed lovely women with a great smile and a great heart.

I think and hope I am lucky! In the musical Pippin: n: "It's smarter to be lucky than it's lucky to be smart" YES says I.


The thing is... as said in The best exotic Marigold Hotel: ""Everything will be all right in the end. And if it's not all right, then trust me, it's not yet the end.""


I like to believe that is true and I recommend the thought to others, too. We are here NOW... It is the present - a present is the present. Eliminate in your mind regrets about the past and worries about the future and I think now is good and ok and fine! Right NOW... in the point of this MOMENT. But I am getting off my point.

My point is... I am fortunate to the max as I am in a clearly not perfect relationship. The lack of perfection is real - always for all people and everything. What is great about imperfections is with the understanding and acceptance of imperfections a person or a couple or a group then knows the directions available to them. As the Torah says: Choose life! Choose the good.

Deuteronomy 30:19

"I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:"

YES! Do good. Do your best. Do you.

Dehumanization - bad communications: RobCalls. call filtering by corporations, other?

SO... there are too many robocalls... made by robots and spoken by recordings and controlling them would alleviate a lot of frustration experienced by people.

These are dehumanized and dehumanizing.

They try our patience.

They have a negative effect of real communication amongst people...much more so then posting on Facebooks, etc...

SO STOP THEM...

And then there are the incoming call filtering systems one is up against when calling a corporation such as your bank, or Xfinity or ATT, etc... Those try one's patience, too, as you want to talk to somebody... a real person! But first - type you account number (long and easy to make a mistake) and this even as they know from what telephone number you are calling and thus who you are AND THEN -- if/when you get to a person you need to repeat that again (and sometimes again and again....). Another dehumanizing experience.

Terrible! And truly and really changeable WITHOUT adversely effecting privacy or free speech or humanity.

Robocalls can be stopped by legislation requiring callers to fully identify themselves and by allowing we who get the calls to opt IN if we want to.... rather then having some opportunity to opt out.

Call filtering is somewhat mitigated by those companies who give you the option of being called back when it is your turn so you don't have to wait listening to music and advertisements. That is the best solution I think. While it is true companies can hire and make available more customer service representatives I can understand there are limits to how many people companies want to have -- just in case. Call-backs are ok, by me.... as long as when the call back comes I get connected rather immediately to a person.

Daughter's book question/challenge..

TEXT OF CHALLENGE:

"The 10 day challenge- to post a book cover that has been significant, meaningful, important to me without further commentary."

HOWEVER -- I will comment on my choices...!!

AND THERE ARE MORE.... maybe later.... Thanks for your considerations. Thanks, Sarah -- for the impetus.

SO:

First I posted:

And my comments were:

ok... here is one book... and there will be commentary since books have lots of words and so do I... AND - hey -- someone took one of my 10 -- The Man Who Planted Trees... wow! Anyway here is one with an image from Amazon since while I think I have a hardback copy I did read it on my Kindle:

AND

furthermore... The several chapters about the Bishop/Priest really impressed me as well as the war story about The Battle of Waterloo... And love, love, love... AH - Victor Hugo. I've got to read The Hunchback of Notre Dame sometime.... soon.

AND THEN.... someone posted they liked the book: The Testament by Elie Wiesel... (W)RIGHT-ON. Yes a true favorite of mine which didn't come to mind on this challenge since I wend to a different area of my book. SO many by Wiesel are wonderful, of course!

I TOOK PICTURES OF THE FOLLOWING COVERS.... while at my bookshelves. 

He, she and it... is a book with two Golem stories (a Golem is being created mystically from clay to protect the Jewish community. He is considered to be an early version of Frankentein). This telling has two parallel story-lines - one the old Golem story from 16th Century Prague and then there is a fulture/sci-fi story about a robot. And there is LOVE.

Lost Horizon was also made into movies (old and new... good and maybe not so good). It was sort of one introduction for me to the world of Eastern Philosophy. A feel good story! And there is LOVE.

Mordecai of Monterey caught my eye because of its seemingly Jewish title character. It is an "art" book, I think.... and is about a man who has the opposite of paranoia... and what happens to him and his friends. Odd. Not a lot of love in this one.

This book... Unbearable ,,,,,, is very much about LOVE and sex and the sensual and POLITICS and I liked the movie, too (the author did not like the movie). And there is a hat.

The Man who planted trees came out first as a story titled: "The man who planted hope and harvested happiness". Enough said. No love... but compassion.

Lots of love in Stranger...free hippie love... and more. Sci-fi... one of my passions.

Escape from freedom is a VERY important book about how we are and are not as free as we might be. Published in 1941 it is, according to wikipedia, sometimes titled: Fear of Freedom. Read it

Uncomfortable...  is a real way to be and live and learn and grow. It was one of the first books I came across when I was connecting to Buddhism. The author has written many helpful books. I also read books by Thích Nhất Hạnh. 




AND 100 Years of Solitude seems missing from my shelves AND I do not have a hardback copy... Need to get one. Wonderful book -- for me the MAGICAL REALISM main deal. On the subject of "magical realism -- there are the stories by Jorge Luis Borges. Wonderful stories magical, mystical stories.

Be an American - Be Bravely compassionate

The United States of America is the home of The BRAVE. So let us stop being afraid and acting on fear. 
BE BRAVE! Be bold. Be good!

Bravery is not too difficult. It is a matter of knowing what is the brave thing to do... It is easy,  The brave thing is to do is the RIGHT THING to do, the good thing, the loving thing. 

In a word: COMPASSION.... Be compassionate to the stranger... to the immigrant... to the poor...  While it is not easy giving and accepting. While it is not easy sharing and trusting....  Giving, accepting, sharing, and trusting are the right, good, and loving things to do .... The compassionate things to do.

The American Thing To Do... Be bravely compassionate. 

Water cooler talk - NOT

So - I could begin by saying something I think could be true... such as: The SONY walkman and the 100's of TV stations now available... and email, texting, facebook, myspace, instagram, etc... etc... etc... explain why we the people are soo divided.  The fact is... being divided by these many, many distractions and fragmenting media opportunities seem to provide choice and freedom and diversity... AND THEY DO... and they ALSO fragment us so while once upon a time... 20 or 30 years ago... or maybe a bit more... people would go to work and then go home and at home they would watch one of three national news networks and several tv shows on any one night from maybe five or six stations... with the BIG THREE being most watched for their current/new shows... and then back a work -- people would share their recent viewings and feeling about the shows/news they saw. Today, however, there are so many possibilities our co-workers are often not on the same page, so to speak... and thus sharing conversations are less likely to take place face-to-face with people we actually see. SO -- onto Facebooks, etc... where we can find community... BUT in a certain way a mere (yes MERE) virtual community. A community of compassion and intellect but not a community of hugs and kisses and ???? Well... maybe I am on the wrong track..... Maybe all that compassion (the words and the offered feelings) is a good as one gets... even from a friend at work or next door or a live-in family member...

HOWEVER --- ideas from the media DO FRAGMENT US... and we all have lots of very different experiences each day if/when we watch tv or stream tv or listen to spotify or pandora or something on SiriusRadio, or NPR or PBS or ... etc. etc...

SO - in my experience we all need to know how to talk to and listen to others who do not share our experiences but with whom we want to connect. Good listening skills AND good STORY TELLING skills needed!

I began this with a thought about how I plan to "cut cable" and not necessarily see current tv shows - such as the new Doctor Who... and instead I will watch older seasons and other shows from the past... and so my "water-cooler" sharing will be complicated and disrupted by the old mixed in with the new with the new already overloaded and fragmentary...

AND so... welcome to the MANY NEW WORLDS OF THE 21ST CENTURY.

War war war...FEAR!

Can the President of the United States declare war? The Trump presidency seems to think/say: YES... we can make war on the economies of all the world... friends (partners?) and competitors (enemies?) ... OR are all "others" competitors and thus enemies in the mind of that guy?

IF the power of the Presidency does NOT include the power to declare war then President Trump is impeachable on that ground.

There are other grounds, too....  I think. I think he is harming the processes of law with criticisms of the Dept. of Justice and the Special Counsel and the FBI and Justices and Judges. I think his instructions to NOT argue for laws passed by Congress before the Supreme (and other? Federal courts) is derelection of duty. The job of the Executive Branch is to  execute and the defend the acts of Congress passed and signed into law. He may defend them minimally but defend them he must or he is not doing the job of the President and the Executive Branch.

All this goes without even addressing lies and other crimes committed now and in the past.

BUT WAR!!!..... Does anyone really want WAR? Economic war? Or war crimes... such as bombing the Syrians? The bombing of Syria was a job for the United Nations and not the United States. We were, oddly and with difficulty, right and wrong to to that bombing... and mostly we were lucky to not start World War 3.  He, Trump... is a bully. As President he has the United States acting as a bully. AND THE ONE THING ALLOWING US TO BE A BULLY IS... NUCLEAR WEAPONS. Does anyone want anyone to use them?

I'm afraid. Are you?

Bargains with G-d

Really - people make bargains with G-d?

Why NOT.....

1. G-d is all-knowing and knows what will be.... how can you bargain when the outcome is known?
2. Bargains are between equals or peers. And we are only a small part of that which is The One. While Eric Fromm made the case that our relationship with G-d has evolved towards contractual equality... we follow the mitzvot/commandments and G-d smiles and helps... that contract is with all people and/OR all Jews as a people and not a matter of equality of any human individuals with the Divine. ... In my "humble" opinion!

SO... TRUST G-d. Trusting G-d is what we can do. We can also have faith... AND we also need to DO GOOD.

I believe that G-d's plan is for good to triumph and for all to be well and that now and the future are fine. And even the past was fine .... with significant lapses of the good demonstrating, perhaps, how it is up to people to do things to bring forth the good.

YES there are people who are bad, evil, just neglectful, small, mean, violent, abusive, etc... etc... They and their behaviours are not to be accepted but are to be opposed in all ways.

From the sayings of HaRav Avraham Yitzchak HaCohen Kook:

"The righteous and pure of heart

do not cry out against wickedness,

They add justice.

They do not cry out against denial,

They add faith.

They do not cry out against ignorance,

They add wisdom."

A coming police state

A police state. . Or not. How??? 

Today's technology seems to allow us to head towards a police state with surveillance cameras and drones and smart weapons and police in dramatic body armour. We appear to be living in movies such as Robocop or Blade Runner or many other similar science fiction/speculative fiction movies. 

There is a lot of fear going around and around in the media... both fake and real. The quantity of frightening news does not necessarily reflect reality and the true statistical risks yet people/we/I am afraid with at least anecdotal evidence. 

Thus it is easy for me to not be worried about surveillance cameras because I am law abiding and most people I know are law abiding and is privacy so precious? 

Interestingly .. are those who willing give away their privacy to the cameras the same people who will not register or allow background check for guns?

I am worried that a "benign" police state is developing and that at some point it will be corrupted and will no longer be a "benign" state. As was said in "Blade Runner": "the score, pal. You're not cop, you're little people!" The guns of the State... the weapons and information... in general the resources of the State surpass that of individual and even groups of gun owners. So WORRY!

And ask and if you can answer - how do we avoid the development of a Police State in these United States of America? 

The questions needs asking and answering as today we see powerful persons who have legitimate power attacking important parts of their own legitimating institutions of power. In movies and on TV we see legitimate police groups having standoff against each other. Jurisdiction disputes, who gets control over suspects/prisoners, who gets ALL the information, undercover operations with no good oversight, etc... etc.. Such is SCARY for a mere, regular citizen who pays for a lot of those police. AND THEN... there are standoffs between police of the state (federal, state, local) and police of corporations! CRAZY!

What can be done? Who is in charge? Who has the power? What buttons are available to whom? What might set off something catastrophic? 

It is either a matter of when or a matter of change... Changing something(s) so a police state is not necessary or possible.

What to do... and why!? AND HOW !!!

I've seen a lot and heard a lot and I have many thoughts and ideas about what to do to make things better and better for all. As to why? The answer to that question is probably found in what people call "wisdom literature" such as The Bible, the Koran, the Buddhist writings, Greek philosophy, etc, etc... The REAL question is: HOW?

How can all people have a decent if not a great life. How can all people have a great life? How do we fairly and effectively and efficiently distribute goods and services to all.... How do we handle, peacefully and lovingly... differences in needs and abilities and wants and efforts?

I would agree that BASICALLY --- it would be nice, good, and POSSIBLE to live up to the saying: "To each according to their needs, from each according to their abilities". Needs are met first and then abilities and efforts and desires can follow based on individual choices. We can adequately feed and clothe and shelter everyone. Determining what is "ADEQUATE" is an important question since a certain amount of resources for private pleasures has to be part of "adequate". BUT - NO: bread and circuses!!!!

One key to a better future world, in my opinion, is a decrease in the global population and that will come either in peace or love or in war or some other catastrophe. Another question then is: who shall initiate the change? Shall the change be initiated in love or hate? In peace or in war? With medicine or with infection?

I put forth this challenge ... in this post and it will appear in other posts: DEMONSTRATE AND PROVE SOME WAY FORWARD.... WITH OR WITHOUT HORRIFIC DEATH AND SUFFERING. I think and hope it can be done!

Affirmation....affirmation...AFFIRMING PURPOSE

It is not that affirmations make things positive... Or do they?
It is not that being positive makes things positive... Or does it?

From Reb Nachman  of Bratslav:
One affirmation:

I believe I am very important in the eyes of G-d.

I believe I can return no matter how far I have strayed.

I believe I have in the inner strength to change.

I believe I can become truly devoted and close to G-d.

A second affirmation.... a set:

“When asked how things are and, despite hardships or suffering you answer “Good” then G-d says, “You call this good? I’ll show you what good really is!”

“When asked how things are, don’t whine and grumble about hardships. If you answer “Lousy” then G-d says, “You call this bad? I’ll show you what bad really is!”

SO -- both the affirmations above make sense to me.... G-d is most important AND G-d teaches... in a variety of ways... AND what we do, how we feel as we behave.... makes a difference. WE THE PEOPLE of this Creation!... establish the feelings and nature of this Creation. The feelings of creation is our purpose!!

a musician....

Me a musician ???? Maybe. And you??? Perhaps.

I was called a musician yesterday when I told someone I played the piano ... classical... and sang in a chorus... etc... I do know how to play piano and use it for help with my choral singing. I don't play too much.. or "practice"... but I think about doing it as it usually pleasant and rewarding personally while I hope to play for family, friend, friends, etc... if I ever get some pieces really together. As for my singing... I have been part of the University Chorus here in Davis, CA for many years and other chorus' in my life including the All-City High School Chorus in New York City - under the batons of Peter J. Wilhousky. and then John Motley in the mid-1960's Very nice! And for over 20 years I have helped at my Jewish congregation as an amateur cantor on the High Holidays and at other times during the year.  I guess I am musically inclined and do music "service" and "services".

NICE! Very nice!

Back to the PIANO.. I really "should" play/practice more/some! Saying it doesn't make it so -- doing it is the thing. Right after I finish this post??? YES... so I am now done with this post... and off to the piano (which came from winnings at Las Vegas years and years ago.... !!! - Thanks Stu, may you rest in peace, who gave me instruction in playing Craps).

squeaky clean... grossly grungy!

People say... all politicians are corrupt and tell lies and never keep promises, etc. etc...  In other words: all politicians are bad. They are never good.

These negative views about politicians have been gaining more and more public airing in the past several years and this negativity is, to begin with: NEGATIVITY. And such negativity is directly about our basic democracy and system of government.

This began, I think, during the time when Republicans gained control of Congress and began to vote as a block and often blocked legislation for which some compromise might have been found. This was, I think, the Newt Gingrich era and it was a turn away from American federal democracy towards a modified form of parliamentary democracy. The modification being there was no "votes of NO-confidence" resulting in new elections (as in Great Britain and other parliamentary democracies) and there was no monolithic opposition party as Democrats did not vote, at least in those earlier days, as a block and a blockage.

SO -- the American democratic system became more and more divided and grid-locked and just plain NASTY.

The nastiness has grown into probes of the personal lives of politicians and suspicions about politicians using the system for their own personal gain. In other words - politics has become personal. AND the personal nature of politics supports the idea that individuals act firstly for their own individual and personal interests. Personal politics often does not and will not look at the big pictures of the needs of the many. Personal politics will look for the needs and support of some effective and loyal few with the knowledge/evidence that fewer and fewer people vote in elections and so an active minority can win control of the system/government.

It was a minority of voters nationwide who voted in our current President. An old view of the American democracy which worried about the "tyranny of the majority" has changed into a modern problem of the "tyranny of the minority". Interesting?

To return to the point about corruption and bad morals and unethical behaviours being attributed to all politicians... I suggest the following:

Firstly - "all and never" are usually exaggerations.
Secondly - few  people are squeaky clean.
Thirdly - and MOST IMPORTANTLY ---  Being grossly grungy... doing bad things out loud and shamelessly is THE PROBLEM TODAY.

The current President and many in his administration lie, lie, lie... With impunity and out loud and with apparently few consequences. I rather think he lies more and is more corrupt then other politicians if for no other reason then if he is corrupt like all politicians then the usual hidden political corruption is there and then added to that is the gross, public, and shameless corruption and lies he tweets and asserts.

Trump said, before getting elected ... he could get away with shooting someone in Times Square.... And we are seeing that happening. Sad.

Experience

Experience... very important... And where do we get experiences? From our day to day lives and from stories our friends and family have... and from books and movies and plays...

And who has the most experience? Well... hard to tell and if you say to someone -- I have more experience then you... and I am older and wiser and you will never have more experience than me... that is POWER... and in fact a child gets hurt by such power... and it is not fair nor is it true.

SO many LIES.... I grew up with so many statements and assertions which were lies, power plays... and essentially abusive!

I was abused. I am older now and a good deal better... but I guess I have scars and maybe shame, too. I am more embarrassed then ashamed... I may not know the difference and I may not really get SHAME... but I was abused... psychologically and physically... Fortunately not sexual (really) but emotional and the physical and the psychological. It sucked!

Today - 50 or so years later that past still is remembered. Forgotten - NO. Forgiven -- well not so much as the perpetrators have never asked for my forgiveness nor do I expect they ever will. They think they were right, I'm sure... Nevertheless - I forgive myself since that is all that is possible AND I stay away from them (parents and sister... even as they are alive) ... for that distant past and for psychological stuff done even in the last 5 to 10 years.

It is interesting to think I was treated so badly partly because I was a male... and it is a question as to what my sister experienced... she who is 65 years old (I'm 69) and who is tied at the hip to her parents... and who never married or had a family of her own... Probably saved some children from the cycle of abuse... maybe... Who knows? I used to care... and I didn't do enough, I think, when I might have.. I didn't want the responsibility... for how she might have fared if she ever broke with her mom and dad... I guess I once was ashamed of shirking that task... that responsibility?

We are in many ways responsible for others.. some close, some distant, some family, some strangers... and I am ashamed of the many things I could/might have done for others that were not done..

EXPERIENCE... it comes from many sources and it comes in time... And maybe I am ok... Or good enough ... OR FINE.

Bully, bully.... - I'm sorry!?

Being a bully is possible especially if you are big and loud and can appear angry and have some willingness to be physical. The physical threat is possible because of size and sounds and also stories which are essentially threatening.

I remember hearing a story about how a father got so angry with his son he chased him, caught him, and beat him until other men had to tear him away .... before he might have killed his own child. Scary, maybe true, and certainly threatening.

I am in my late 60's now and I have learned to not be a bully. I never meant to be a bully and yet sometimes I am sure I was viewed as such. I am glad to have learned now rather then waiting til I was older and perhaps not able to be a bully.... though then there is always words which can be harmful.... and sometimes words can be as nasty as a strap/belt...

In the end --- sticks and stones may break bones ... but words - even words absurdly mean ... cannot harm me. OR WILL not harm me.

Words and sticks and stones, etc... do harm relationships and sometimes destroy them for all time.

Can recognizing the wrong done, expressing remorse, apologizing, making amends, and promising/actually never again doing that which was harmful... make things better? Maybe and maybe not. Some times amends cannot be made.... the harm meant was psychological... and spiritual... and the psych and soul are hard to heal. Can things be forgotten? Maybe, maybe not. Can there be forgiveness... of the other? of yourself... YES...

Forgiveness is very important for all parties and the best forgiveness is that which is given after being requested... with request composed of recognition, remorse, apology, restitution, and an end of the bad behavior... While it is possible to forgive oneself ... I don't think it is as good as a mutual coming together of aggrieved parties..  either for themselves or for others in their wider community. BUT - people in the 20th and now the 21st century have sets of personal problems with apologizing and forgiving. TOO BAD!

The (birthday) Trick

I posted the following on Facebook today, Aug. 2, 2018

"What is The Trick... Today, on my birthday.... as I have aged and maybe... "sage'd" The Trick is to learn, grow, get things better, maybe achieve some wisdom -- and then share all that carefully and appropriately... A word that comes to mind is: "subtle". Another word... "gentle". We ALL need help and getting it and giving it and accepting it.... is one of those things some do well and others not so well. FORGIVENESS for good intentions is a useful trait. Asking for Forgiveness is a good thing to do... and as the High Holidays arrive .... how to seek and give forgiveness is one of those annual things I think about. Best to you all - if its YOUR birthday - Happy Birthday - if it is not -- Happy Unbirthday! And many returns of the day."

And life is good... and GRATITUDE is good... and lots of things are good.

I know..... often - what is good and what is bad... what is better and what is worse. I know that and can act on that for myself. When I know that for an "other" ... it is primarily an ASSUMPTION... although it may be right, better, etc... REALLY -- it is always up to the "other" to find and do their way. THE problem is when there is pain what to do? Helping someone up... stemming the bleeding... JUST BEING THERE... so often seems inadequate and yet ... being there is SO BIG.... in so many cases. "To be or not to be" and Shakespeare has his ideas and we all have our ideas, too, from day to day, moment to moment.

Blessings.

what do you want?

You can't always get what you want... But if you try sometime .. You get what you need.

MAYBE...

But trying is to be in process... and it's the journey... the process forward... which is the point.

Right?

SURE.

Wants, needs... COSTS? You get what you pay for... And sometimes you are lucky.

I want to be fully independent. I need help from others. I pay for things... I use those things... What I pay helps s/he who I pay get things s/he needs.... Round and round we go...

Are there too many of us on this planet Earth shuffling stuff around and around. I think a case can be made we are overpopulated or nearly so.

Will the Moon or Mars or artificial satellites or other places off Earth provide an outlet for our progeny? Probably... since we genetically want to produce and produce and produce.

Production is SO IMPORTANT... More important then consumption. RIGHT?

emotional responding - and expressing sadness

When we are happy and things are going well... We share that with others and it is appreciated and we empathize for the good of another. YES... empathize with happiness.... Support happiness. Be thankful for the happiness of others.

Easy? Well -- maybe and maybe not...

What about when someone is sad and things are not going well for some other. Many suggest we empathize with that other. We should give support as appropriate. And be grateful, too?

Grateful for what?

And it seems easy... ??? to empathize with someone who is having a difficult time.

Maybe easier to empathize with someone's difficulties rather then with their joys.... ? Maybe?

I wonder why...

WHILE WONDERING....

Consider what you feel and what you tell people you are feeling. I imagine we all generally say -- I'm fine, I'm ok... etc. etc... and yet we may not be fully honest!? On the other hand those times we tell people we are sad, not doing well, feeling bad... etc, etc... are we not being more honest when we reveal our weakness? Granted, I imagine, we open up rarely and only to certain people. People who we hope (and even expect!) will care. People who may empathize. People who may be supportive as appropriate!

Therefore -- if we can truly empathize with those who are truly happy... it is also likely we can empathize with those who tell us their woes, worries, pains, sadness, etc.

Paying attention to our feelings and sharing our feelings and hearing the feelings of others is ??? What is it? Difficult? Life? Useful? REAL?!

These days .. I am sometimes sad, sometimes frustrated, sometimes happy, sometimes positively energized, etc. etc.. I try to feel what I am feeling instead of becoming to0 negative (angry) or too positive (manic). Being mindful... being in the here and now on one side or the other of contentment seems healthy .. for me and for people I care about.

AH .. CARING! Even for those people who are difficult!

BUT TO A POINT... I had in mind as I began this, to wit: telling someone you are sad is very, very difficult. Sure -- if you are happy and the person you share that with doesn't empathize .. well you still are happy. If you are sad and the person you share that with doesn't empathize then you may be even more sad and alone and unsupported. THEREFORE -- it behooves all of us to surely be empathetic when we are told of another's sadness, difficulties, etc... And it is also good practice and "nice" to be empathetic with someone who is happy!

REMEMBER ... please empathize with those in distress! And tell people when you have some distress so people can empathize.

We all get sad. We can share that. We all can use a little help. We can all give help. AND that is between us humans.

Between  us and G-d... that may be another thing... since we all are living G-d's plans.

Blessings.

Ken

facts and values

I'm writing this ... quickly... and it may not be tight logically - BUT I think the point is important.

Facts ARE important and today facts are abundant and selected and analysed variously by various points of views to prove points... Those points are then used to enact policies and elect candidates who will carry out programs such as separating immigrant families at the border and building a wall to keep those immigrants out in the first place.

Values ARE important. Helping neighbors and all other fellow human beings is valuable. I hope it is clear that one day I help you... and another day you help me... and essentially we are paying things forwards and backwards when we care. While it is true taking care of yourself is necessary - it is also VERY NECESSARY to take care of others... Others who grow our food, manufacture our cars, educate our children, protect our persons, heal our bodies, build our homes, maintain our roads and bridges... etc. etc.. EVERY DAY ... .WE ARE ALL TAKING CARE OF OTHERS.... And that is GOOD. And that is FACTUAL, too.

Individuality and community go hand in hand amongst humans and all humans are valuable. REALLY -- who would YOU KILL? Why? Under what circumstances?

Life and living is a basic and supreme value. Love and loving is another basic and supreme value. Bravery and courageousness is part of the American Way and supporting life and love and happiness is what makes America GREAT!

What values urge the use of children as hostages against their parents What values negate the realities of oppression in other countries and the hope and need people have to seek refuge in the US? FEAR IS NOT AMERICAN.

We are the HOME OF THE BRAVE... and we remembering and aspiring to bravery and goodness is radically most American.

Service - Rotary

SO - I am in Rotary. Specifically the Davis Sunrise Rotary Club, California. We meet every week at 7am on Fridays and many people work and go off to work after our 1-hour meeting. We sing a couple of songs. We have breakfast. We give happy bucks (stuff we are happy about our lives), we have announcements, Sargents call out members for what they have done publicly (pictures in newspapers, new big purchases, stuff done to be noted... etc). We listen to a speaker who tells us interesting things... AND as a group our purpose is to DO SERVICE.

We have a four way test:

• Is it the truth?
• Is it fair to all concerned?
• Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
• Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

This year, somehow, I have become chair of the Youth Services Committee and I hope after a while the various youth groups and services will be energized!

helsinki hell

Well hell is what showed up when POTUS, 2018, met with Putin in Helsinki.

SO... we either believe Putin or our own intelligence.
So... we either continue to listen and believe POTUS, 2018, who speaks out of both sides of his mouth.. providing himself with sound-bites on both sides of any issue...
SO ... it is time to rid ourselves of lies and mistrust and hypocrisy and distractions bad information... AND this means - rid ourselves of POTUS .. the leader of magically misleading and causing us to look another way... To look stupid and dishonorable to anyone with any sense.

Miserable

(an old note to myself… blogged today)

Some years ago I finished reading an English translation of the book: Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. I have seen the musical and it’s movie adaptation with Hugh Jackman, et al.

I love the musical which I have seen a couple of times and listened to many times. It always brings tears to my eyes, lumps in my throat, chills to my soul. Another book and movie which feels similar to me is The unbearable lightness of being by Milan Kundera. I recommend this to you, too. This movie based on the book is in English. I also want to recommend to you a version of Les Miserables which is on film, stars Jean-Paul Belmondo, is subtitled from the French, and came out in 1995. And there are many other versions of Les Miserables to see. The Belmondo version is set during World War 2 and uses the background of a Jewish family trying to escape the Holocaust. It is a wonderful film!

But let me digress a bit less and get back to the musical and its filmed version. The first production of this musical in America in English was in 1987 and now over 25 years later. I have often wondered why the world as we know it has not changed for the better after people saw the musical. I could say the same thing about the book which is something the author most probably hoped for. An answer could be that not enough people saw the musical or read the book. With the film version so many more people will be exposed to the thrilling revolutionary imperatives of the story and the music.

AND SO -- it may be hoped that all that the original book meant to convey will be understood since in the book the radical social ideas are clearly put forward while they may not be fully conveyed by the musical. And the ideas as summed up by the author in the book and in letters written after the book was translated into languages of other lands is that the oppression of women and children was and I must say still is the primary indication of the failure of society to be evolved to a level of mature goodness AND free and good universal education is absolutely necessary to bring the world to the time and place of peace and goodness.

In the Age of NO-Apology

We are in an age where apologizing is not done by many. Especially powerful people, such as The President, even when it is absolutely clear an apology and remorse and understanding are obvious and true. And many others do not apologize because they are above that... or because they do not feel responsible or They Just Don't Do That!

As a response to so many apologies not being made and with so many people hurt and harmed and traumatized, etc... the idea that Personally Forgiving has become very popular. I am calling Personal Forgiving either when one "forgives oneself" or "forgives the other" when no apology is made. It is a matter of either giving grace or letting go. And showing grace and/or letting go are both good things.

I say Dynamic Forgiving is much better. Dynamic Forgiving is the exchange of an apology for forgiveness. Dynamic Forgiveness is a gift by both parties to each other. Not always easy and in some cases not possible if one of the parties cannot participate (death, insanity, other?). When both parties do their parts comprehensively and well the result is peace in the community. The result includes the likelihood a similar bad event will not happen and a general understanding of what is bad and not to be done by others.

MORE on forgiveness in future...and maybe there have been some posts on this in the past. This a BIG and IMPORTANT subject for all and all times.

Trump... both ways... ?!! Always?

Sound bites.

Trump makes nasty with our allies and then says it was the best of meetings and all is terrific.

Trump says all is fine,  for instance with North Korea, while in fact nothing has changed. He said terrible, negative things about North Korea AND wonderful, friendly things, too.

Always there is a bit of truth or some way he can be understood.... but he pronouncements are essentially exaggerations, untrue, inaccurate, the opposite of one another, and confusing. SO why?

Wait for the next Presidential election and see all sides of his two-faced (multi-faced) self being shown in campaign advertisements to appeal to both/all sides of the political spectrum. Watch for targeted ads.

OR -- show all the opposing sound bites together and ask viewers to see from what they are choosing. And ask such questions as: who do you believe? - The CIA/FBI or KGB/FSB.  Who do you trust? Trump or Putin. Who are our allies and friends? Canada, Great Britain, France, Germany OR Russia, China, North Korea?

YES - keep your friends close and your enemies closer... Said Machiavelli. But is Trump Machiavelli or Mussolini?



OR

Good equals great.

What do YOU think? Is it easier to be good or bad? Kind or mean?

What does one show/project when he/she is good or bad; kind or mean?

We all need: power, connections, love.

Where does power come from? What connects us? What makes us loved?

We are great when we use what power we have to connect and to love.

Its that simple.

Our nation, The United States of America has the power to connect with other nations with love.

All people have the power to connect with love.

And yes -- it is that simple.

THE Four Freedoms

Let us remember... Franklin Delanor Roosevelt and his calling for recognition of The Four Freedoms... and the Norman Rockwell paintings of them:

We can all come together around this as Americans. These are very much American Ideals

Freedom of speech
Freedom of worship
Freedom from want
Freedom from fear

And hear are the paintings:

a few ramblings about forgiveness... essentially a draft

(this is definitely a draft/beginning... maybe something more will come!!!)

INTRO:

Why am I so interested in forgiveness...

One reason is when I was very young, perhaps as young as 6 years old, I did things for which I felt the need to say: “I'm sorry”. When I did that my father would say – that is not enough and you should not have done (whatever) that and don't do it again. I look back and think that was very insufficient and yet that was all I recall being told to do. Nothing about remorse or making things right which I later learned are two very important components of an apology for which one might receive forgiveness.

Another set of reasons for my interest are those things that I have done and for which I have tried to apologize and atone for and for which I have not had the gift from the “other” of forgiveness. And similarly I have not always been able to generously give such to others.

Then there is my preferred stating of the Golden Rule. THE golden rule is: “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”. An alternate stating of that rule is in the negative: “Do not unto others as you would not have others do unto you”. The Golden Rule begs such questions as who and how to love and what is love? The negative assertion may be easier to do since we can usually better identify those things which we do not like and which others will not like and which are harmful and hurtful (even “madly” loving someone who doesn't reciprocate and who may feel pressured by such love). Then an apology and forgiveness is required! And clear as to why. I recognise the hurt/harm.

Finally there are the many conversations I have had about the subject and much reading and viewings of many quotations on the subject.

What I write is based on my thinking and logic and is subject to scientific study by those who have the time and ability. My hope is to show and explain my thinking on the subject with the hope it will be useful.

Today (the early days of the Trump Presidency) there appears to be a need for many communities to come together and form that more perfect Union which is the United States of America. Forgiveness and reconciliation amongst many people and groups will be necessary I think. Forgiveness comes first. And before groups can forgive and reconcile pairs of individuals need to forgive and reconcile.

In my (humble) opinion.... In my opinion!

CHAPTER ONE:

Harm by one person unto another person is the beginning of the problem and sometimes harm may not be known to the actor/perpetrator. Sometimes the motivation of the actor is to do good. Sometimes the motivation may be to follow orders (see the book: The Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal). Sometimes the actor does something accidentally. Sometimes there IS intent.

In all cases the person hurt/harmed has the right to ask for an apology. And the person who did harm must request forgiveness. The request is important in those instances where the action was not done with intent and will be easier then when the harm done was intentional. When there was not intent the actor is likely to find it easier to apologize and when there was intent the actor has a choice to maintain and continue being hurtful or the actor can choose to re-evaluate the value of causing harm.

In a later chapter I will suggest the person hurt may even be obligated to ask for an apology. But I get ahead of myself.

MORE LATER. This is really rough... BUT important. Requesting forgiveness is much better than simply forgiving yourself... Though if the harmed person is not longer alive... and there is remorse and guilt... then maybe the only way is self-forgiveness. More and more... later.... and fixes to this...

Bravery... not slavery

Slavery - never really good from slaves point of view ...even bible abhors.

Drugs and slavery? Self-enslavement AND a tool to enslave the poor and keep them poor…!

In the Bible people are sometimes put into slavery. That slavery is usually for a limited amount of time and includes various rules and restrictions on the master of the slave(s) AND at some point the slave is set free! Sometimes the slave chooses to not go free and for that he has his ear pierced as sign that person is a slave for life by that person’s choice. I do not think that is a mark of honor! Origin or earings??? Maybe…??

And collars on shirts? Are they from slave collars?

In ANY CASE…. To be a slave… to someone else, to something else, to ideas? Not good.

Freedom is the opposite of slavery and in fact freedom can be frightening because a human being alone is not a very strong animal.

Balance !!! Some mid-point between devotion (self-chosen enslavement to a group and its ideas and ideals) and pure freedom (alone in the wilderness) is what all/most of us choose.

Who of you is purely free? Who grows all his/her own food? Makes his/her own tools and shelter and clothes? Who came into this world … magically?! by themselves? (how did you do that!?).

The Bible shows us Adam alone and then with Eve … in a garden… a gift of God. We all owe someone or God our lives.

Share with others. We are all in this TOGETHER. We are all together… And love is the linkage.. It is said… Love thine enemies… Well - at least stop hating, I say!

Hate destroys. Hate separates. Hate is FEAR IN ACTION. Stop it! BE BRAVE. Be an American…. Be free in the home of the brave.

NOW.

The Power of Trump

POWER is what is wrong with Trump;... He wants power. That is his primary goal, personally.

For the Nation? For the World? What he wants is to use both the Nation and the World to make him powerful Make his THE POWER!

And what about me? What about you? What about regular people who voted for and against him???

Power is a very big thing. It is said that “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely”.

The bottom line – why would any person want to have power? And power over whom?

Wealth, yes. Health, yes. Happiness, yes. Love, yes. Etc. etc..To get/have things some power is necessary.

Power over others is generally controlling others. Power over yourself is self-control. Power over others is greed. Power over yourself is frugality, living within ones means.

And for the powerless – living is the primary goal and either the powerless take what and when they can or they accept what is provided by those with enough for themselves.

SIMPLE!

Trump doesn't have power over himself. He seems quite greedy. He bullies others which is the way of controlling people. He says he gives … but he both lies and hides (i.e. what does his tax returns say?). He spends tax payer monies at a higher rate then any previous president (I think... you can check that and comment.. but with his two or three homes and the security necessary in NYC, Florida, the White House .. as well as wherever else he travels... He is costing the US, that's us... a lot, for sure!

I think... good leaders/Presidents say they want to serve ALL the people. They want to serve the WHOLE Nation. They recognize differences of opinions but they also recognize the truth and facts. They hope to bring people together. They don't frighten people. Good leaders try to bring peace... not war. Good leaders recognize who are friends and who are not.

REALLY – what's wrong with President Trump? He hates, he lies, he hides, he bullies, he takes, he befriends enemies and attacks allies, he makes bold, flashy moves and statements and the results are slight, quick, reversed, and gone. Just big news bites that are gone the next day and forever. Mostly lies and bad feelings are left in ones spirit... and we then excuse the President because we voted him in and we can't allow ourselves to admit OUR BEING WRONG... At least that is one explanation. Another explanation would be.. sadly... we actually think all his wrongs are in someway right!??? REALLY???

Oh no.. No. No. No.... A thousand times no.

Wrong IS wrong and will not be made right by repetition and loud bluster and fear-mongering. That was the way of Hitler. President Trump is not even that effective. He is more the buffoonish Mussolini. Do we Americans really want either type representing us at home and in the world?

()6/30/18) I have to stop now... I am sure I am rambling...

I may add to this... or repost with revisions... Things are not good... and We The People are better than this.

We are not a frightened people. We are brave and free!

Means or Ends?

Means or ends?

I remember considering the questions: Do the ends justify the means OR Do the means justify the ends?

I am nearly 70 years old and when I was about 14 years old in 1963 I wrote an essay about that question. As I recall I was in favor of “thje means justify the ends” as the American ideal and opposite of our enemies “ideals”. I assumed that our ends were good and possible and it was important we got to the good with good deeds and good beliefs. The alternative was to not ever get to some good if the means were bad and bloodied and muddied the way.

I continue to believe what we do should be good and right and moral and ethical and then the results, the ends, will be good and right and moral and ethical AND AMERICAN.

The other way was the way of extremists of any sort. There were the “godless communists” and today there are the “godfull religionists” of any religion. The defining characteristic of the godless and the godfull is their need to have EVERYONE believe the same thing in the same way – OR ELSE.

When we accept that “the means justify the ends” we have to be patient and tolerant and accepting that the “ends” may be different for different groups and what is really right and important are the gentle, loving, and kind means Not only do the means justify the ends – the means are the ends!

Ends are ends. Ends are deaths.

Means are ways of living and are life.

Today the President and the government of the United States is using children as hostages, breaking up families, and looking the away from torture and abuse. We ignore the truth of climate change and accept (do we really believe?) lies, exaggerations, brutish speech, greed, corruption, and on and on and on.

We are asked to Make America Great again. I ask – at what cost? By what means? How can breaking agreements, starting trade wars, polluting the air with coal, and so on and so on result in good ends. We are killing the planet while we feel and think we are healthy and strong yet we are committing suicide.

Our National Anthem says we are brave. Or, at least we live in “the home of the brave”. Let us live up to the ideals of our home and our heritage and bravery. We are Americans and we help people. We want to and try to do what is right and good and moral and ethical. We tell the truth. We believe in a G-d of truth. We want our leaders to be full of the truth and the goodness which comes from doing what is right.

The MEANS are goodness and truth and love. Lets Live Our National Dream.

The Middle Must Hold

THE MIDDLE is a hard place to be.

I think most people are close to the middle in all aspects of their lived.

Moderation in all things! So, we are taught to not be extreme. In a safe and peaceful and democratic place we can see other people's points of view, we  have time to reconsider new positions as new evidence is presented, we can be tolerant and accepting of others as we expect to be tolerated and accepted. When our environment is safe and secure and there is peace and prosperity for all then diversity of cultures and behaviours and points of views can flourish and find their niches. Folks in the middle - moderates - need not dominate. Domination of others, the use of force to control actions and beliefs of others is the way of those on the extremes. Those who don't have THE POWER OF CONSENSUS... Consensus is some general agreement on things such as truth and honesty and fairness and love and kindness. Consensus asserts that love is good but you don't have to love this particular person or thing. Consensus asserts fairness is good while in many instances the world is not fair. Consensus asserts truth and honesty are good things and can be known and their opposites - lies and corruption are wrong... AND WE ALL REALLY KNOW WHAT THE CONSENSUS IS...

We are always feeling the pull of the extremes. I think that is natural and its the way to new and better ways. THE Middle is not clearly balanced as people tilt a bit this way or that from time to time. THE MIDDLE CHANGES and is confusing and frightening. It is frightening as TILTS seem to go some particular direction for a while.... and that tilt may not feel right to the left or right to the right.

There is a general lack of certainty in the world with one certainty being there will always be a middle somewhere and there will always be extremes.

I've heard it said... "the middle will not hold" and that meant the battle was going to be lost. WELL - the middle must hold! The "battle" must be won. THE BATTLE IS FOR THE MIDDLE!... For all/most of us!

As has been the case... but changing?

I write VERY inconsistently here... and everywhere. AM I A WRITER? I think/hope and sometimes say: Yes, I am a writer. Proof is in many short drafts and notes and some writings yet what I mean when I say "I am a writer" is I want to be read... SO - READ ON!... and maybe I'll "write-on".

Coming soon.... now... will be posting of various drafts I have done in recent months and years. I expect to edit them a bit as they are published... but they may still be subject to changes, corrections, additions, even reversals of position. I am a middle of the roader. I will tilt left or right and sometimes the tilt changes while still staying generally near the middle. CHANGE is the most true thing I know.

In any case - I must write. For myself and for others. YOU?

Words make the world and its an "L" of a place!