2025 Daily - 12/01/2025 - What I do...and should do...??!! IMPACT (revised)

Got ahead of myself ... publishing this on the 30th... dating it the 1st... Oh well. See end where there is an addition which is the revision..

 I think. I read. I write. And try to figure things out. I want to shine a light on good and important things!!!

So - in the recent New Yorker an article (not yet read by me) brings up the  issue of old stories -- worth reading and considering came to fore. There are old books worth reading ... and they don't need adaptations .... they need to be known. Sometimes they need to be translated. AND A LOT OF THE TIME for me ... it is worth finding what others have thought and said about the work.

STUDY!!!!... that is the thing. Then sharing that with people who have not heard or seen these things ... and we can save ourselves the trouble by not RE-INVENTING things. The stories have mostly been told. The issues characters wrestled with have been shown and solutions suggested. Up to us to know and then choose. CHOOSE!! We are free to choose!

What did I do in/during my life? How meaningful and effective.... was I? First that is a question for me to answer for myself... Then?? Next could be and are: my meaning and effect on my daughters? It is possible that once upon a time that question could be applied to mother, father, and sister... BUT now that is no longer an issue. HMMMM.. INTERESTING..

The bookclub I'm in is great. Good socializing once a month with some guys.

ANOTHER bookclub might be: The Classics and report on them! And I could look at Goodreads... and such to see if there are groups out there now... Probably there are!!! My ideas are rarely really original.... however - IF the old books are generally/basically being read and understood by old folks... TWO THINGS: one: what good does it do for how long if only the old folks learn issues and solutions that already are availalbe.... two: how to get young folks into these short cuts ...!!!???

I ALSO TRAVEL... and it would be nice to do it better.. Really connect with people. New people - far and wide and old people (back home, new, old, young) ... talk about trips).

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about the should... FIRST - Shoulds are ok... They are difficult but necessary if we are to be in society.... imho... and current thinking. We all want to have some expectations met... and if we act certain ways ... based on shared shoulds ... then there is less uncertainty.

For me - my PASSION has long been thinking about CONSERVATION... though I go it alone... in my head... and in some actions. And - Zero Population Growrh is part of that. THEN - TODAY - AI... and my thinking about AI is... 1. its here, 2. it will keep coming. 3. THE PROBLEM is short term... as is Population...

Short term in the sense -- hard to move to a lower population, economiclly, AND when/if people are displaced at work by AI ... what will they do? Create? Art? Play? Have we seen this with Roman bread and circus'? What was happening back then and how did it turn out? LEARN... The past is now and in the future ... Find the BEST... not the WORST!

Is the problem RE-DISTRIBUTION of wealth? Physical transfers? Real transfers. Sharing. Isn't there enough for all???

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Just read that Tom Stoppard died. I have seen many of his plays ... and will try to remember them. The Forward had an article which is why I found out about Mr. Stoppard and in that article they said:

"Much of Stoppard’s work revolved around the question of what it really means to live an important life — one that is not just full, but has some kind of identifiable impact on others. The main character of Travesties isn’t Joyce, Lenin or Tzara; he’s an endearingly self-satisfied British diplomat, Henry Carr, who briefly found himself in the same circles as those luminaries. As the play opens, decades later, he’s trying to conjure up a memoir about his time in the presence of the greats, with the implication that he deserves to be considered among their ranks."

It is the idea of IMPACT that IS MY QUESTION NOW.... What have I done, what do I do? What will I do?

I think I CAN give answer to past and present though the people and stuff on which I have had an impact will be the essential judges. As for the future? That is THE QUESTION, really.  See the Dec. 2, 20254 entry where I will try to fully get into it!!!!!

2025 Daily - 11/30/2025 - Justice and innocence from The World

SO -- I believe in Presumed Innocent... and Due Process ... 

It is good to learn, too... And unfortunately we have been learning bad stuff from other parts of the world... Just a thought... Why can't we learn good...???? What does the basic, real, essential majority want --- OR is it me and the Bell Curve -- and the ends justify the means - so to speak... The Mean Average is the big bulge in the middle... and the two ends - the right and the left -- move everything. Why? Is it necessary? Is there an alternative?

NOTE: more near end of Dec.1st... entry.... What To Do? Me? Otheres? ALL of us?

2025 Daily - 11/29/2025 - CBS or H??? Me, the community, SHARING?

Congregation B'nai Shalom or Congregation Bet Haverim?

House of Peace or House of Friends?

Distant or Near?

And who am I? Who was I? Who do I want to be?

It is easy for me to carry on at CBS ... I seem wanted, honored, aided, supported. Maybe needed, too. I have been involved with them for about five years ... maybe a bit more. I have not asked for much. I have been offered housing when I thought I would like to stay overnight for Kol Nidre Eve. People say they like/love me. It is inconvenient because it is an hour away by car when there is no traffic or weather (fog?) issues. I zoom to stuff when that is possible such as for some education programs anbd for services on Mon. and Thur. mornings. I miss certain melodies and enjoy new melodies. I like and respect the Rabbi and also the Hazzan. I'm comfortable and happy when I am there. And Ellen is part of my life, too. \

Returning to CBH is not easy. While there are some people who have, since I was ousted, invited me back and/or have expresses in interest in my being back and/or have said they miss me and such... the "powers that be" - the Board... has made no such entreaties. Also, over the 40 years I was a member -- including more than 30 years on the Bimah at High Holidays and on many Shabbats as a prayer leader and also often being Gabbai for many bnai mitzvahs there was NO or very minimal appreciation shown to me about what I did ... all of which was voluntary.

Ture and relative to being appreciated -  sometimes I was hurt, sometimes I was bothered and sometimes I didn't care about whether I was appreciated or not since it a service I did for the community and felt honored, too, to some extent. It is possible to say I should have expected nothing. However - I am not that righteous.

As for friends at Bet Haverim - well ... to some extent but also not as much as would have been nice. I had many people to my table and celebrations over the years and very little reciprocation done. Me? Others? The point is... not much reaching out to me. 

And I can wonder what spins some people may have put on my being dismissed. KNOW - I did nothing worthy of being dismissed from the Bimah and as for relationships with various people .... there were rough things between me and some.... especially those who sometimes did things right, sometimes not, and those who are arrogant and disrespectful. I spoke up a few times .. and the arrogance and how things were done were not well addressed ... but I tolerated things since things, people, I -- don't change ... or at least change can be difficult just as apologizing and atonement is difficult. SO - I could do penance if I knew for what... AND if the Board were to acknowledge I was wronged while they stood apart. I would say the married Rabbi couple did not have the power to keep me off the Bimah ... but they proclaimed I could not serve there and probably stood on "freedom of the pulpit" as their authority ... which I don't think is correct. But the Board did nothing at the time. They, though a new group of people, can represent the Congregation and apologize to me and others since I doubt I am the only one who was wronged by those Rabbis. HEALING is the IMPERATIVE... And as for future appreciation -- and any participation I might do ... a contractual monetary cost would be very nice! Perhaps necessary.

Also - I like the educated and authentic and personal leadership at Bnai Shalom ... and I wonder and think the Conservative movement is essentially like that. Well educated, welcoming, warm... interested and interesting. 

AND SO -- maybe there should be a division here in Davis ... a diminishing of the Reform group and the growth and establishment of a Conservative group... With sharing of Torahs. With a long-term (five year) paid leasing of space for the Conservative group. Shrinking the size of the Reform group would mean less dues to URJ and a need for either a half-time Rabbi or a lower-paid younger Rabbi. Certain committees might be shared across groups. Social Action for one. Not Ritual. Office services might be shared. Education MIGHT be shared. Pastoral counseling could be shared or separate... or somewhat costshared. Buildings and grounds upkeep would be the Reform groups responsibility while the Conservative group would be essentially be paying rent. SHARING would be the basis for use of the Campus -- which has already been paid into by people from both groups.. BUT a real separation would be made with authority over various things reserved by each group.

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IN ANY CASE....me.... ????? No matter the songs I know... but maybe ... tomorrow???!!! CHASE WHAT DREAM?

Who am I? To sit and wonder... to wait ... til the wheels of fate slowly grind themselves away...who am I? - As I recall it was another group that I heard do this... but Country Joe and the Fish do the words as I recall.....

LISTEN HERE...

Who Am I

Song by Country Joe and the Fish ‧ 1967

Who am I to stand and wonder, to wait
While the wheels of fate slowly grind my life away?
Who am I?

There were some things that I loved one time
But the dreams are gone I thought were mine
And the hidden tears that once could fall
Now burn inside at the thought of all
The years of waste, the years of crime
Passions of a heart so blind
To think that but even still
As I stand exposed, the feelings are felt
And I cry into the echo of my loneliness.

Who am I to stand and wonder, to wait
While the wheels of fate slowly grind my life away?
Who am I?

What a nothing I've made of life
The empty words, the coward's plight
To be pushed and passed from hand to hand
Never daring to speak, never daring to stand
And the emptiness of my family's eyes
Reminds me over and over of lies
And promises and deeds undone
And now again I want to run
But now there is nowhere to run to.

Who am I to stand and wonder, to wait
While the wheels of fate slowly grind my life away?
Who am I?

And now my friend we meet again
We shall see which one will bends
Under the strain of death's golden eyes
Which one of us shall win the prize
To live and which one will die
'Tis I, my friend, yes 'tis I
Shall kill to live again and again
To clutch the throat of sweet revenge
For life is here only for the taking.

Who am I to stand and wonder, to wait
While the wheels of fate slowly grind my life away?
Who am I?
Who am I?

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Joe Allen Mcdonald

2025 Daily - 11/28/2025 - Take for granted...

I think I recognize much common grounds amongst people. There are commonalities I see yet I wonder if I TAKE SUCH THINGS FOR GRANTED.... is that a good thing? I think I take a lot for granted.... The health and futures of my daughters... I didn't make a BIG deal about their births. It is not a good thing I don't make big deals about stuff. 

I also think that tragedies that happen to groups of people are NOT so big... The numbers don't get to me...often! Shit happens, they say, whoever "they" are. 

What else do I/have I taken for GRANTED... Loves? Friends? Family? Work/jobs... EVERYTHING!!! And so my feelings are muted... not present. Insensitive me. NO REACTIONS.... except there were days/times when ANGER was THE Reaction.  What a terrible way to be!!!

I write this on the 27th ... but publishing on the Friday after Thanksgiving! Grateful... ??? For what and HOW? How to be grateful and how to SHOW IT!!!

How to be expressive? Express love, appreciation, joy, gratitude, etc. BE BRAVE and speak up! About the good! Maybe about the bad, too. BUT DEFINITELY - about the GOOD

2025 Daily - 11/27/2025 - THANKS !!!??? and Democrats and shutdown

Being thankful, grateful, etc... VERY important. It is the basis for joy and/or happiness. SO - what am I grateful for? Or what am I thankful for? To whom do I give thanks?

Being grateful/thankful for me ... is the realization - sometimes/often --  being thankful, being grateful... is very possible for me. I had a pretty good life. Life is now pretty good. I have daughters and some other family. I have friends and acquaintences. I do things I like doing - such as singing and working out and traveling. I'm fairly healthy and I have some knowledge and some wisdom. I am able to bless and I am blessed. Bottom lines - I'm ok and even better than ok.

AND that is what I am thankful for and what I say this year and think I could have said that last year, too, and for most/all of the years of my life!

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about the shutdown ... and supporting Democrats...

I am on Social Security and I have a pension, too...SO the shutdown didn't directly effect me ... nor did it seem to effect my daughters (though education IS threatened!!!). Therefore - my thinking the Democrats should have hung in there and not caved to the Republicans is a strong thought and feeling but one I can't fully embrace for the sake of those who were going without! Rock and hard place ... NOW Affordability is an issue. Fairness should be an issue, too. Justice, too, for sure!!! And honesty and integrity ... YET I do not know if the Democrats will really put all that out there coherently and effectively. SO - I wait before contributing to their coffers!

2025 Daily - 11/26/2025 - who am I, am not?

 Who am I and how and when did I get there?

I think I differentiated from parental stuff -- relative to going to religious services, relative to politics, relative to racism... relative to being Jewish... ALL a matter of not following the FEAR suggested by father relative to all those issues. And that differentiation... that distinct set of values and positions I took stay with me today... I am loyal to my old self!!!

AHHHH... loyal to my OLD self... Not changing with new information... BUT I would say new information is vague and not clear and may not be true!!!  Fear though is still a feeling and worry and constrains me, I think! Do NOT LEAD!!!!

Do not teach... especially when the teaching is near "do what I say not what I do". And so relative to racism ... I know I fight that in myself from time to time... And live, I think, non-racist!!! When it some to anti-semitism .. I have rejected that as a link to other Jews.. and the same might be said for issues related to Israel... I try not fear anti-semitism .. or I did not -- but now, these days.. I do worry!!! As for Israel - I fully support its existance and even as a Jewish State... not fully democratic though I would like it to be tolerant and accepting .. as the Torah commands! Treat the Stranger Well!!!

And I think I am more Liberal than an old person might be... on the other hand -- maybe the old saying (Churchill??) that there should be a difference between a pre-40 year old and a post 40-year old ... is and was never? true.. Maybe it was a way of getting old folks to be more conservative than the stuff they experienced and saw in their lives would lead them to be!!!!

I am a died in the wool Liberal. I am a humanist. I am a Jew. I am a man. I am a feminist (maybe). I am for peace and GOODNESS.... Yes - be GOOD!!! And I believe most people want to be good... and yet their leaders are able to tap into fears and badness! Sad!

2025 Daily - 11/25/2025 - relationship list with qualities (revised 11/28/25)

 Relationships and the qualities of the people... and something about me... BIG NOTE: I need to know how I feel AND how the other person feels AND I need TRUST... to be trusted and to trust the other. AND what do each of us bring to the other? Complimentary, additive, new?

Susan1 - intelligent, independent, career oriented... successful - And pretty. FROM: children, career, good start in life...NOTE: reactive proposal... good idea, really... impulsive.

Mary - pretty, intelligent, available in house I was lmore living/room-renting... And she left town for work... and I was not fully into her.. at the time. She was a good egg! FROM: ????

Susan2 - met at rabbi search, nice, intelligent, successful, an ok mom... pretty.  FROM: some good eating habits. NOTE: some real fun and passion and youthfulness 

Karen - met at congregation, nice and feisty, intelligent, struggling with psyche, good mom - trying to make up for earlier stuff.  FROM: management of anger.  NOTE: pulled in... not really ready.

Diane - pretty, blond, tall, entrepreneurial... independent. not too successful... dream chaser without  good plan and/or support.  FROM: style? Interest in being appreciated. Stock advice (not really good, though, but ok).  NOTE: I wanted to get back in a relationship ... somehow did with her ... and it WAS very good... Probably should have stayed w/her even as she moved away.

Deanne - pretty, religious, mostly good values, hard worker, intelligent, VERY independent... too much really... Didn't need anyone .. or not me. FROM: some cooking, gardening, and charitable lessons.  NOTE: I wanted to love someone... BUT did not wait to find out if I WAS LOVED! Impestuous?!

now - Ellen - intelligent, pretty, religious/knowledgeable/observant... Judgemental!!!! and not my judgements in some cases... close but harsher than me. She is sort of, essentially, personally right . I don't fully match her sentiments. FROM: ??  NOTE: I seem wanted. I wonder about "chemistry". It could essentially be ME and my lack of sensitivity...

2025 Daily - 11/23/2025 - a Sunday...

 Found out about 2.8 percent increase in Social Security... 

And -- slept long... til 9:30am... about ...

Talked w/Bruce Haynes and have lunch plans on Tuesday.

Monday I have lunch plans w/Andrew.

Wrote a note to Sara Bowsky....

Practiced music for Davis Chorale...

Returned some stuff to Costco....

Productive day....Also shopped Mattress Firm...

2025 Daily - 11/22/2025 - Building Opportunity - Gaza

 After looking at imagined urbanscapes by Kelly Boesch AND adverts for modularfactory made houses (from Asia/China) both on Reels of Facebook... AND thinking of the devistated landscape of Gaza -- why not build the rebuilding in factories in a super modern fashion .. And/or with tradtional designs if they can be incorporated ... and make Gaza That Showcase suggested (by Trump)... for all the World to see. An OPPORTUNITY.. for a Future!!!

Combine with positive messages about Israel, Jews, good people from everywhere...  A TRUE AND NEW TRANSFORMATION... quickly, efficiently, inexpensively!!!!

Many factory made homes are currently looking One Story High... This will need to be changed.... several floors high ... MODULAR!!!! Dymanion Hanging structures? Other?

 

2025 Daily - 11/21/2025 - unequal love...

Rabbi Rob Scheinberg 

(comments?  rabbi@hobokensynagogue.org)  writes about this week's parsha -- and the competition for love by Jacob and Essau.... There seems to never be enough! SO - MY equal distribution while missing important distinctions between Sarah and Amy may actually been an important struggle/attempt by me. Maybe.

In any case -- learning and changing for me does happen. And for others?

And then -- LOVE... and me... Who do I love? Who have I loved? Who might I love? Present, past, future.... and where but most importantly - HOW... How will I love? It is SOO true, I fear, that I have loved poorly. Loved without really learning about my partner and learning how she wanted to be loved.... I therefore loved similarly and all were different.... so I was generally mistaken in the HOW. And now --- what will I do? Once at least -- I think I truly felt loving and that worked out least well of all... since - well whatever. NOW - do I have feelings for anyone? Where are those feelings? I am bereft I'm afraid.... OY!

 

2025 Daily (almost?) - 11/20/2025 - personal defense..

 At my age ... 76... I can look back with regrets. Some look back in anger (a book?). Some might look back with points to defend what happened. I can do all....

I very much choose to not be angry. It is not too difficult but sometimes for some people not very easy.

I have regrets.... many... specifically about letting certain relationships dissipate.

And as for defending my life... (a movie title) -- I could do that to explain angers and regrets.

THE PROBLEM -- my defenses might be/could be assertions of negative things about myself AND other people. Bringing up negatives about other people is something I rather not do... No one in my life was that bad...  Even complaints about my family while very difficult could be spun/construed in several ways and a lot of that would be me making assumptions and I essentially don't know a lot... I don't have sufficient evidence and even when I do have evidence ... the motivations are not or hard to know. 

I can say ... that when I was in college I probably was quite self-deprecating. After college I got less self-deprecating and I got angry and distant at various people... I became a distressed person. Perhaps a negative person in some ways. I certainly had bad moments that I didn't like... Once I remember being loudly angry... and suddenly realizing - why? And I stopped... immediately. That was sort of weird. And something I had seen others do... relative to telephone calls interupting an emotional eruption. I had models of behaviour... And many of those models were really not too good... It was teachers, teachings, readings, songs, movies.... and such where I learned some good things....

TODAY - the movies and songs are causing me to seek romantic love... and I am not seeing/getting that and really that makes sense for a man my age... Nevertheless - I wonder - where is The Chemistry. And I sometimes wonder where was the chemistry, too. Being sensitive is me... but not the expressive me. Its internal, hidden. It was taken away from me a long time ago! I don't cry and when I did last time (about 14 years ago) it was not effective though it was real. That is/was ok... The person who might have gotten "it" had reasons to not get it... And so it went/goes...

Writing a memoir or my legacy... ... Maybe ... With a Pollyannish touch! Later!

2025 Daily(NOT) - 11/19/2025 - Naivety.. and Jews lead...

can't really say my blog is "daily"... as its been about 10 days since last entry... Maybe better soon. I write THIS entry to hold on to an idea that just came to me... It is 2:30am.... 

FOR NOW: New PROJECT ... or writing project that is a whole and can take in the duality stuff and maybe more... TITLE: Naive Like Me...or the confessions/memoirs/aubiography/??? of a 76 year old guy...

Chapters"

intro - before ?? liberal/after ?? - conservative  - and why? and really ... 

one - old send young to war... for what?

two - racism - my earliest expererience - and if everyone is doing it .. why not me, too?

three - anti-semetism - but all the non-Jewish neighbors had houses - meaning seemingly wealthy ... as on tv

four: anti-ALL-WARS... but demoed against Vietnam -- for me and the ideal... First? compromise?

five - leadership ???  NO --- not for me... too big and outstanding and therefore THE target ... Generally seemed like a good, safe idea...So I followed... instructions ... BUT why did father teach that ... what was his EXPERIENCE... or fear?? And my later in life leader roles - wins and losses...

six - Deaths of my father, mother, sister...

seven - friendships... good, bad, ugly -- existant, non-existant?? What have they been? Does ONE real friend have to be there - the fatherly ideal... or just as teachers think they are suprems.. was my father meaning to be my supreme friend? What did HE miss? from this father, his mother, his brothers?

eight - a preview of the dualities... blog... NAME that is available - bad but meaningful mispelling: https://duelities.blogspot.com/

nine - lets do all this... all GOOD.... each of us - now - where we are - no matter how old -- or young... and KEEP AT IT...  Now that we KNOW...  For instance - lets know how things are made for us.. by whom... buy what you can watch being manufactured via real-time streaming ... Don't by if workers are not appropriately paid... If CEO's and owners are too greedy...VOTE with your pocketbook based on what you see and know....

ten - live with fun and feelings and some fear (of G-d?, of powers that be? etc) and freedom... There HAS to be plenty for all -- since the world's population has grown and grown ... AND we think growing the population is essential for a good economy ... no shrinking of the population tax base ... by the middle for the middle ... and for the poor.... and NOT by the rich .. what do they buy? What do they do with all their money?

ELEVEN - change things.... shrink, distribute, enjoy - eat, drink, be merry AND do good for your neighbors and mitigate fear ... or G-d, of powers, etc...

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now it is .... 4am...

Jews discovered The One G-d... and that is our great gift to the world... and G-d's most precious attribute WE need to use is it is for G-D to make all final judgements ...it is for US to prepare with many diverse good deeds and examples and ideas...  ONLY G-d knows the inner thoughts, dreams, secrets, etc etc.. of each and every one of us... We might stop someone with imprisonment. We might fight to defend ourselves... BUT to demand, insist, etc.. that any OTHER person or group should act, think, feel... some specific way is to suggest we know as much as G-d - and we do NOT. We DO know how to be good and how to be bad... How to build. How to destroy. WE CHOOSE... and finally G-d will JUDGE... It is simple and in some ways an abrogation of responsibility ... but do we ever really know!!???

2025 Daily - 11/09/2025 - cbh, love, purpose!!!!

 and then yesterday -- played poker ... and again the subject of CBH came up ... w/Hil...  I still basically say no... and have a good place I'm at now... and Convenience is THE issue... And what I need? Want?? -- will that really make a difference?

And relative to Romance... I'm romantic... I think... and when I watch tv and movies ... I see soo much romance and special stuff and I can't match it in my life... yet it is what I want...  SO - what do I do? With whom? When and where? 

It is most  true ... I'm looking to love and be loved.. I looking for a relationship where there is balance and mutual giving and receiving. Did I ever have it with anyone? I think ... almost. Maybe .... and probably not. When I was not right ... or when I felt trapped... that was ME failing to get it right. When I was better -- i didn't appreciate things lacking in the other... and couldn't accept the other... Even as the other may have been alright... fine, ok... 

So - here I am today ... going out with someone who is ok. Our political values to not mesh. Our intimacy stuff is not meshing either... or maybe it is. I need to check in with her about that ... very specifically.  And then is there any chance of living closer to each other or even together? Is living together what I want?

I think living together IS what I want to do... But with whom? Why? Where? AND how to get to that? Perhaps --- live together in a distant place ... not in either of our homes, places? Hmmm.. in Italy? Thailand? Spain? On a CRUISE SHIP? In Israel? In New York City? 

As for living ALONE .. how am I doing? Am I doing ok? Close to ok.. Sort of ok... It is all a matter of feeling useful AND appreciated. OR - should I just be satisfied with being useful??? Productive? Living a life with some MEANING? What would that Meaning be? 

WRITING... and getting read... That would be useful. My thinking and ideas have value, I think. I'm sure, actually... though external validation would support me thinking it was valuable.

2025 Daily - 11/08/2025

 ahhh... to be or not to be... somewhere, someone, something... etc. etc... Yesterday got into a discussion with Michael Hirsch relative to CBH and what is happening and what happened... AND - for me -- there is less community here in Davis then for others... I was generally less appreciated, I think... though some of that sources to Diane P's views which I do agree with but.... AND bottom line - at this point it would be nice to get an official apology from the organization ... and that is not likely to happen... AND even if it did - would it move me or just sooth me?! I would like to be soothed... BUT it is for me to get/be over it, so to speak ... and I am I hope .. but I really have little to return to ... and I have a nice place to bd... CBS!

2025 Daily - 11/06/2025 - Anti-semitism, Israel, the whole world!

 a thought today which I hesitate to share on Facebook, etc... because it can't be acceptable to all as I would like it to be... It is me thinking in what I view as A Middle Way... respecting various points of views and condemning some, too. NO to anti-semitism... YES to differing views about world politics. NO to double standards. YES to compassion for those deemed enemies...especially when mutual!

Clearly anti-semitism is wrong, bad, misguided, etc. etc... When it comes to policies amongst nations it is also wrong, bad, misguided, etc. etc.. to hold Israel to ways and means and standards no other nation is held to. AND in fact I would say that when Israel fights wars it does so in ways more humanely than seen elsewhere in this or last century. Humanely ... with warnings and attempts to get beyond the barriers of human shields... while missing the marks often... BUT -- wanting peace ... for all! YES - Israel and Jews and lots of others want PEACE.... And as with individuals .. sometimes Surrender is necessary.

Israel and Jews have a lot to teach others ... by example and by words, too. Discipline is necessary. A vision that respects the other is necessary. UNFORTUNATELY -- mutual respect has been severely harmed by the Oct. 7, 2023 masssacre and the taking and holding of hostages.. for more than two years. When will mending be possible... as mending relationships and building trust have to happen so will happen.

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and garden planning continues... getting VERY CLOSE... yea!!!!

2025 Daily - 11/05/2025 - Sacks book quotes. Pt. 1 plus Peace NOW????

Notes ... as I begin reading book by R. Jonathan Sacks, of blessed memory, titled: The Dignity of Difference. Quotes from the book.. sometimes from others...

Prologue:

p. 4 - Jonathan Swift: 'we have "just enough religion to make us hate one another but not enough to make us love one another'".

p. p. 8: 'Sir Henry Maine observed "War appears to be as old as mankind, but peace is a modern invention."'  YES I (Ken) note that the Torah/Talmud value peace! Maybe the world is catching up?

p. 13 - Sacks says: we need "Reverence, restraint, humility, a sense of limits, the ability to listen and respond to human distress".

AND BASICALLY --  Sacks is calling for OUGHTS.... which I think is the same as "shoulds" which I have been echewing recently on the advice of therapists...  THE point is .... the collective vs the individual... The Collective is very essential and is based on a set of oughts/shoulds... Right?

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PEACE NOW???

Peace for all and I would suggest for Jews especially is of prime importance. To be compaasionate requires peaceful thinking and feeling towards the "other".... be the "other" an individual or a group or a nation, etc. etc... We should be in a time of peace... but really we are not. There is no apparent world-wide war such as WW1 or 2... but there are all the wars as in the book "1984" and those wars truly serve to drain energy and resources from a the general Peace and Prosperity the world could have.

Armed camps are everywhere.... For us in the USA -- just look at our schools and churches/synagogues/mosques, etc.. and hospitals and regular places of business. And consider the billions spent in Afghanistan. And then there is the Deportation Days of ICE, etc. We were, once upon a time, the Policeman of the World... and now we are becoming a Police State. Troops in cities where there are no riots except those countering the troop deployments. A President has declared and engaged in economic warfare against friends and supposed foes. WHAT A WASTE...

And as a Jew I look and see other Jews supporting a fascist who may not be the 21st century Hitler but who is still less a guardian of our country and more a narscisistic grandstanding cheating criminal in so many ways. He certainly has been convicted of serious crimes... YET he now alsmost fully controls the most powerful parts of our criminal justice system... the FBI and the Courts. He represents and asserts deeply Conservative Republican values and interests that align with the rich.

On the other side of the political spectrum are Social Democrats which has always been, in my opinion, the essence of the Democratic Party yet the word Social is, I think, rather synonomous with Liberal... and to many being Liberal is a negative. However - Social rather than Liberal may be a clearer way of asserting what are the values and ways and means of these new Democrats. And Democrats must be maintained as a party since that is what our two-party political system has been in good/great days and those are days I hope will return. As a Jew -- this Social/Liberal side of our politics is problematic when/if the support of Israel is effected and today in NYC a newly elected mayor may be a forced around which anti-Israel sentiment and actions may coalesc. I can hope the new mayor, Mamdani, will work locally for his constituents and not waste energy and potential resources on international concerns beyond the needs of New York City.

The point here to remember -- Jews are in the MIDDLE... Jews support fascists and they support liberals. We can see values to us in both camps. THE TIME HAS COME for us Jews to be a light unto the nations... Lets show the world what can and should be ... YES - SHOULD!!! We need some changes and we need partners. Change is now more likely since now, after two years of war in Gaza, there is, I hope, more of a basis for security. THE PARTNER will have to be those with whom we have fought. IF only Palestinians and the many Muslim countries would cherish and make PEACE...!!! 

Jews and Israel have values and ways specific to ourselves... based on our history which includes The Land of Israel .. but limited to the region. We expanded under King Solomon ... but not to the entire world. And later in history we were a dispersed people without national powers. We had national aspirations - i.e. Israel. But not the world. Not converting others to our way of being, our religion. AND this is A WAY FORWARD FOR PEACE IN THE WORLD...  Let all aspire to their own selves and places and respect other selves and spaces... AND resolution of what goes on in the Middle East is a great challenge and as with all challenges - An Opportunity to get it RIGHT.

2025 Daily - 11/04/2025 - dream?

Aahhh.... a dream about kissing lips ... full and warm... and on ???--- Why her! Deanne!!! Why, why, why?!! Dare I regret... dare I think.. You never lose the one you love... you love the one you lose... - Or reverse the order of those two statements. Yes -- I suppose... as I also admit to not loving well. Maybe??? next time, this time... 

As for garden work... still trying to get west bushes down to a low level. And the garden-plans still to be coming in...

Bookclub today - A women of no importance -- by purnell... about 2nd WW spy.

I also await hearing from Ellen about David Broza -- I wonder if she knows him and dislikes his politics. Could be... Sarah is on.... though!

Meatloaf came out fine... a bit mildly flavored... I did forget to put in onion soup mix... But very edible and  good!

TOMORROW - big day.... maybe music in morning, Kabbalah in late morning. In afternoon -  Da Vinci HS thing, Jim, and aerobic workout... I need to find a good movie for long time on elliptical.

Today - visit Rachel, UCD chorus... and maybe some practice .. and laundry... and maybe cleanups??

BUT WHAT IS MY PURPOSE...  ????

And today = got and will begin reading Sacks' The dignity of difference". Look for writing based on this book... and its ideas. I wonder if it will be as I have recently been thinking -- that is: people have lots in common ... and -- maybe those common values include positives and negatives AND THE THING NEEDED is understanding and/or acceptance and/or tolerance and an end to fear and domineering and such.... In the book's Acknowledgement he notes at the end ... TODAY these are times when soo many people of soo many different cultures, etc ... are living near each other! My point is: a way to co-exist must be found... or mutual self-destruction will clear/clean up the mess!!!

And having lunch w/Michael on Friday...

2025 Daily - 11/03/2025 - D-cafe and distinctions! and Meatloaf

 Death Cafe ... is scheduled for 10am today at community church - fireplace room... Might go...

IF I go ... what I have to say ... My sister died in early August... She and others in my original nuclear family are for me difficult to have have feelings. Too much time was spent not in contact and with mutual rejection... me protecting myself and them not being pleased with what they were getting. Dysfunction was The Thing. Estrangement was the action...From both sides... especially from my father and then through him -- his wife and my sister... who has to be desribed as being more his daughter... than anything else. I talked about the dysfunction as did my father... and neither of us expressed much respect.

My father really had it bad for me... so it seems from his will (unread but reported on) and from asshole boyfriend of Debbie... Stephen... What my father said to me and about me... was not nice, good, true. SO - what do I do with remembering him? Or my sister - who followed or feared... and as for my mother -- she may have lead at some point (as per Barucha0... with all the nasty consequences.

SO what about LOVE...?? and other feelings and passions? They were all beaten (literally) out of me... so why would they expect love from me for them.... They discounted love and feelings... So I don't hate them .. nor am I really angry though I was abandoned by parents... It is my understanding that it is the responsibility of parents to connect, etc.. and if they want that they should teach that by actions. I was brought up with the idea... Do what I say - not what I do.... Be strong -- but don't lead. be loyal -- to your parents/family while three out of four brothers and all sisters-in-laws were not liked or care for... Connect on our terms ... or not at all... Tell the truth but lie with purpose... even when asked directly.

There is a psalm we Jews say during the High Holidays -- Psalm 27 where one line says: "Though my father and mother leave me, Adonai will care for me." Another translation is: "Though my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take me in." I WONDER -- leaving might refer to the death of parents - the normal way of the world... On the other hand Abandon is and I would say was -- a voluntary disturbing action. It is likely my father did not fully realize the consequences of his action but he did know there would be consequences. For me ... the lessons he taught about not have feelings is my basic radical burden. For him ... I cannot say... ALL I CAN SAY -- is parents should not abandon their children and any work done to connect should be a lesson to children and all. AHH... "should" ... It is hard to get away from that word... BUT "should" is the word to use when other lessons have not more simply and directly shown and taught how to best be!

MY ISSUE --  feelings, sensitivities, passion? Love..

Tomorrow is my younger daugher's birthday - Nov. 4th... and she and I have lived with abandoning and renewed connection. A blessing!!! I thank Amy and I hope she thanks me, too. It is MY responsibility to love and connect with my children... and I can hope they feel and act similarly... Thus teach the Rabbis, I've read.

AHHHH... I am such a sophomore when it comes to life and understanding. 

What if these thoughts are to be shared? 

I am not King Lear... I sort of get that lesson. AND - in any case I would not ??? - choose one of my children over the other ... Equality has always been my guiding light... OR so I would say, believe, think.. WHILE in recent years I realized the seeming equality of love, etc.. was not such a great idea since people are all different and they need, want, appreciate different things, feelings, etc. etc...  There is something equal... and there is something distinct is ALL OF US... Seeing, cherishing, acknowledging, etc.. the distinction IS THE THING!!!

AS FOR MEATLOAF...

Made one this morning and I'm about to have some for lunch. Had a nice phone conversation w/Sarah and meatloaf came up. She and Amy feared my meatloaf... because at least once I threw in the kitchen sink, so to speak... Sarah thinks it was when I was still w/her mom and that they got sick. I think it was later and no one got sick... Sure - it tasted weird, not good, abnormal -- but I don't think I ever poisoned or sickened anyone with my cooking. And I hope not moving forward!

2025 Daily - 11/02/2025

 SO - questions for today... for ever...

What DO I DO for fun?

movies, read, workout, write, eat, tv, and also cannabis, walking?, religous services, piano?, sing

What do I do for A PURPOSE.... - some volunteering (Meals on wheels, visiting via Yolo Cares, ???), my writing - though it is unread, 

NEEDS: shopping for shoes, clothes? a CAR, and get Garden/Backyard-DONE