2026 Daily - 04/4/2026 - Caring?

Who cares? What does who care about

?
Who/What Do I Care About????

• my daughters
• capital punishment
• myself
• Judaism
• friends...
• lady friends

THEN - how do I care? 

• time
• thoughts
• money

THE INSTRUCTION: FROM R. HILLEL:

• On Self-Responsibility & Time: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?" — Pirkei Avot 1:14

AND AGAIN - from/about me... and how do I feel -- now, usually ..... in the past?

Was I well cared for as a child... I say no and then there were the words of parents who said yes... SO what was the reality? In terms of money - pretty good. In terms of time - well Pop saw and did what he wanted but did not see ME. Mom was obviously present as she was a stay-at-home mother but she and I did not talk or really relate... I think because I as a male was distressing to her from her experience growing up without a father and with an older brother. And her preference for Debbie. Back to my Pop... Did he like Debbie because he was told to by mom? Did she protect Debbie... Was anger my pop had towards women (his mother died earlier than he wanted, he was middle child of three boys, etc????) deflected onto Debbie in a reversal of how he treated Mom?  He liked sports but had bad feet, he watched sports ... without a lot of commentary or challenging me to remember stuff (stats, names, etc). Was he a master of distraction?

Was my father a Very Angry man? And at/to whom did he direct that anger? He wasn't much in clubs, community.... and at home he yelled a mom when she did not do what he wanted (typing, cooking, ???). He yelled and hit me when angered by things I did which he thought I should not do... even to getting bad grades in school! Who hits a kid for not doing well in school? 

I did grow grow up thinking I could did wrong while my sister could do no wrong. About my sistrer I cannot be sure ... but as for me -- I was always criticised clearly and praised generically. Whatever my interests, passions, etc were was looked at as something I might do as a fad, a short term thing..... barbells, telescopes, etc.

So - CARING.... and Being Cared for... --- not easy for me... to do or feel. I try and I do ... but not as consistantly and easily as it seems to be for others.

Today, this year... I am sort of paying attention to how I am, feel, think, etc... It is the year of mourning the loss of all in my original nuclear family. The Beard ... which "ages" me may be a tool and may be removed.... maybe ... in August.. on my birthday... the day after my sister dies a year ago from that date.... INTERESTING!!!????

My year of repair!!!! And hopefully my health will hang in so I can enjoy my new backyard and soon a new bed and some more traveling and more service to others and a fix of the guest bathroom and ?????