Well... yes I am writing ... but what?
Services over. Breakfast was doubled oat bran -300 calories. And coffee, of course. Lunch? Dinner? We shall see... Weight was down.. that is good. See calendar for complete food info.
HIFU (High-intensity focused ultrasound) - Scheduled for late August... no biopsy this time. PET scan showed what and where and amidst confusions about drivers, etc... for biopsy - Doc said - lets just do the HIFU which would be very likely required and check w/Pet scan later. OK by me... I thought this would be workable myself.... SO... AOK.
AND today is/was the last time I will say Kaddish as it has been 11 months... and that is the right amount of time.
Walked the dog .. first thing this morning... about 30 minutes... may take her again at 10am... for same or longer walk. DID ... and then ended at Club.... but she didn't do much running and I didn't have any tennis balls, etc...
Went home... watched an episode of Spooks and had lunch... and now writing this.
WHAT IS THIS???? -- a log, a diary, thoughts, plans, histories... It is a lot of things. It is a record of me.
=======================
I sit here -- at about 10pm ... after reading some of Rabbi Noson's writing about Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlov... my hero??!!
AND I just talked with and touched Foxie who seemingly was having a bad dream.
THE POINT... I care! I am a caring person ... if/when I see someone who needs care or in some way become aware of a need for care... It is not easy for me to show care ... I can spend some time... some money... some conversation.. some compassion and empathy as well as some personal stories..
From the Nachman/Noson reading -- the idea of forgetting and starting FRESH.. was really important to me. The past cannot be changed... we are here in the present and the future is unknown... That is Buddhism... but R. Nachman finds value and joy in forgetting... FORGETTING... and STARTING EACH DAY ANEW... FRESH... LIVING! A wonderful base from which the present and future may authentically, warmly, lovingly flow!
I CARE... and I want to be cared for!! I have not been well cared for in the past... Close sometimes... BUT IT WAS ME.. who failed to take in whatever good came my way. I could have been more receptive and that would have been appreciated... BECAUSE -- the needs of anyone gives another anyone the opportunity TO CARE.... At least that is something I have recenlty thought about ... - When there are troubles... the troubles of others are opportunities for others to give, care, love... etc... We need opportunities to do Mitzvahs and we should take all opportunities.
And each day is NEW.. and no old regrets, grudges, mistakes need to enter TODAY. BE FRESH!
And now -- to sleep... good night... some reading before and maybe Ellen will call and we'll talk.. ABOUT??? (ahhhh.. tomorrow!)
No comments:
Post a Comment