It has been nine days since I last wrote something... I've not been thinking, having thoughts, being introspective... etc etc... BUT NOW....
In having some conversations w/Ellen... I have been asked stuff about my childhood and family ... and the facts are:
no board games played...
not a lot of doing stuff... we did go to movies and dinner out .... and sometimes a play (rarely) ... BUT I don't recall ever going to a museum with parents... Yes with my sister ... sometimes and late in life in florida as she tried to entertain me...
few baseball games (maybe not any...?)... no football games or basketball games... Father thought it was better on tv....
I don't recall much hygiene information - deodorant, shampoo.... I used soap and powder...
Info and conversations about sex -- minimal... and by a book or taken to a lecture... Father did assert sexual passion passed after a short while....
no instruction about cooking...
little instruction, except maybe the doing of a seders, about religious rituals .. though my mother did light a couple of candles on Friday night... without much sharing of why, etc..
Few to no conversations about anything with my mother... And conversations I had with my Dad were never something I liked... since he was not a great listener... and always asserted he was right because he was older and had EXPERIENCE... which later in life I realized was not a lot of experience.
Again reminded how all women-in-laws were not good, worthy, whatever. Not one of the sister-in-laws were good... either they insutlted or ignored or were not part of tribe... Some reason was always found and forgiveness was minimal and not long-lived. Tatie stayed away and Edith and Jerry were never liked.. and Dorothy was too much for her own family.... in the opinion and experiences of my mother and father...
And the idea my mother may not have really liked men came up ... her brother, her absent father... were not pleasant models for her.
I did not relate, play, ... with my sister.
My sister was the preferred child... as a girl and as younger...
Parents encouraged me to get out of house... a job, relationship... etc... though they did expect me to prefer them to others... bring home dates for my sister... etc.They didn't teach sharing!
And my father would have liked me to work with him, be his partner.... but I stayed away as it was seemingly not possible for me to be authentic....!!!!
AND so ... that is my history ... which was not a lot of history. Maybe more tomorrow...
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