well... here i am - in davis --- going to florida and arriving there early friday morning. I am not getting a lot of info from Steve ... but I think things are better.
Worked out today - double elliptical ... and saw Jim.
I have several movies to watch as per recommendations from Sarah. Yesterday, based on a mention in Alice and Jack -- I watched Seven Beauties... ok... full of violences.
I expect to go to Anticipated Bereavement ... and may or may not speak...
THE QUESTIONS
why do I do the things I do?
why do I feel the things I feel?
And then - isn't there cognitive dissonance between the feelings and the actions? And THERE'S THE RUB!
As I felt long ago ... shame, embarrasment, guilt. Even as I continue to not fully understand shame. A definition of shame from Wikipedia's long article titled Shame - and one I think I "like":
"Psychoanalyst Helen B. Lewis argued that, "The experience of shame is directly about the self, which is the focus of evaluation. In guilt, the self is not the central object of negative evaluation, but rather the thing done is the focus."[23] Similarly, Fossum and Mason say in their book Facing Shame that "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person.""
Under the above definition ... and others that talk about privately harboring shameful thoughts and feelings while guilt is more about things said and done in public ... I have sometimes exposed my personal shame and become embarrassed and maybe guilty, too! Public vs Private ...and I generally think being open and public about myself is a good thing since I am not guilty of anything ... On another hand -- I do have regrets relative to things I have done that have been ineffective.. even hurtful to others... and certainly things that did not serve me well in the short or long run! Therefore I question my sociobilities! Do I know how to relate and to whom? When? Where? etc. etc..
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