2025 Daily - 10/30/2025 - humanity .. for all

missing deadlines... the Daily Write...

Well -- Working to describe My Legacy -- a cool idea. AND - to work on those Dualities...

AND what about a Novel about "being a light unto the nations". Thats THE thing!!! IF we are meant to be such... now is a good time to do it... Our world is full of positive opportunities for good lives for all ... yet hate is building up everywhere, it seems, for no necessary good reasons.

An ASIDE - got a bid for my back yard... and it looks pretty good. Might get a second bid ... waiting. THE POINT -- do my writing in my new backyard - in sunlight and good air and colors, etc etc...

Remember - HUMANITY ... be HUMANE... TO ALL!!!!

Ubunto -

Ubuntu (Zulu pronunciation: [ùɓúntʼù];[1][2] meaning 'humanity' in some Bantu languages, such as Zulu) describes a set of closely related Bantu African-origin value systems that emphasize the interconnectedness of individuals with their surrounding societal and physical worlds. "Ubuntu" is sometimes translated as "I am because we are". In Xhosa, the latter term is used, but is often meant in a more philosophical sense to mean "the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity".

AHHH... shared connections... Connections implying all possibilities... Possibilites are described in our Ecclesiasteswhere where we learn - there is a season for all things... opposites... and also: from Wikidpedia article: "In light of this perceived meaninglessness, he suggests that human beings should enjoy the simple pleasures of daily life, such as eating, drinking, and taking enjoyment in one's work, which are gifts from the hand of God. The book concludes with the injunction to "Fear God and keep his commandments, for that is the duty of all of mankind. Since every deed will God bring to judgment, for every hidden act, whether good or evil."

And so ... enjoy, observe, know there is judgement!

YES..

2025 Daily - 10/29/2025

 This was begun the night before...?? as noted in previous post dated: Oct. 23, 2025

WELL Legacy is it... 

Who am I and who was I and who do I dream to be...???!!!

Past, present, future... What else is there!!!!???

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2025 Daily - 10/28/2025 - peace!!!! peace... PEACE and a Light unto the nations!

 The post of: 2025 Daily - 10/23/2025 --- was published today, the 28th...

This is written as I try to get back into some regularity of writing. AND after reading a bit about Noah and Israel and being a "light unto the nations".... something I have thought about a little... My thoughts being related to the many wars in the Middle East ... and most recently the war in/on Gaza and all the things the IDF (Israeli Defence Forces) did to both eliminate Hamas while trying to minimize civilian casualties..

It is (must be?) true there were many many civilian casualities. It is also/must be true that Hamas did little to nothing to protect the people of Gaza AND may have used many as human shields. There are NO reports of a line of defense by Hamas to protect citizens on their side of the line. There are reports of Israel warnning people that attacks in areas were imminent. There are reports of tunnels under homes and hospitals. There are reports that so-called civilians on the Gaza side were combatents. There were attacks by air and ground forces of Israel that were destructive and mortal. Bottom line - this was an urban guerillla type of war... rather new -- with lines of combat not easily drawn and seen. This was a war complicated by hostages taken who needed to be protected from attacks while their "jailors" treated them very badly! On balance I would say - Israel did the best it could with the goal of ridding Gaza of Hamas and the genocidal threats of Hamas. 

SO - what about "A LIGHT UNTO THE NATIONS"? First let me suggest that often the "nations" are blind. Second - the "nations" and their people SEE what they want to see. That means - the "nations" are blind to the good attempts made by Israel to minimize civilian casualities in a way never before seen during the wars in the whoel world. Furthermore, the "nations" want to see a weak Jew rather than a strong Isreali Jew. The "nations" think Israel wanted genocide or ethnic cleansing while not believing Hamas and their supporters announced, said, and wanted genocide and ethnic cleansing.

The war in Gaza and all wars Israel has fought and fortunately won where all essentially wars of defense. Invaded by Arab countries in 1948, threatened by the closing of the Suez Canal in ????, massing of Arab armies in 1967, some success by Arab armies in 1973, continuous terrorism from the West Bank and Gaza for years until walls and other defenses were erected, and finally the event of Oct. 7, 2023. Enough had to be and is enough. 

The "nations" of the world and their people need to be better educated about the historis and realities. The truth is ... as always... in my opinion, the regular people want to lead regular lives of peace and love and families and growth and production. On another hand - leaders and followers want to amass personal power and wealth. From within Israel we see objections and demonstrations for peace while we never see that from Gaza or the West Bank. A balance is needed where both sides work towards love and prosperity. The current balance is for war. What is needed is a real peace... that brings security for all and forever! Let Israel and all the Middle East show the world what can be... and maybe the world will see that the good can be made real!

2025 Daily - 10/23/2025 - My questions... again...!!! Plus - addition on love on the 28th

 Do I ... need to work... Be Productive...

WELL - yes I need a purpose -- something to do which is meaningful...

Does my Random Voluteering - work for me and others???

What is MY TALENT, Passion, ????

What special something do I bring to anyone? - How am I ... and I am ... selective? For instance today ... based a bit on a person not doing what they could to make things easier for themselves... was not offered some help I could have given... essentially my time.

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO??? WHERE, WHEN, HOW, ETC...

Am I trying to gussy up backyard so I can be outside and writing!! Is it WRITING I most want to do... associated closely with BEING READ... Being noticed... Being heard.... my many!!!!

Become a minstrel... without an instrument beyond just my voice??? - Poetry reading, too...   with some amplification???

FROM YESTERDAY .... but perhaps ALL/EVER SO ON POINT...  along with being read...

AHHHHhhh... movie: LA Story --  PASSION!!!!! and magical music... and magic!!!!

It LA Story THE story I want to live in my life.... --- and what is the Rest of the Story.... after the sign says -- All Clear (or whatever).

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What about love? What about passion... for me....

What am/was I passionate about...One - not to lose my kids... as my parents lost me.. and, I guess... I lost them. 

Do I miss them? Will my daughters miss me. Not know me? Hmmm.... Write some of that on the 29th... of Oct. 2025.. MAYBE it is The Legacy Writing - once suggested by a counselor/therapist... Maybe that IS THE TICKET... Give me meaning... and provide meaning, too.!!!!

2025 Daily - 10/22/2025

 OY.... longish night at dinner w/Pam and Rick last night..... not a lot of communication but a lot of talk ... issues? I don't know -- she was very tired.... and today they are taking care of some stuff this morning. Do I really get listened to... of MY stuff!!!

As for Foxy to the dog and me ... all ok... She played a bit in back yard, had morning meal, played a little more ... I went to a zoominar... and have another soon (kabballah at 11am) ... it is now 10am -- maybe a walk!??? YES -- let me go ... back again later...

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Had lunch w/Pam... she is SO busy... too busy really.... And so she keeps moving, moving, moving... And of course does things her way which sometimes makes for extra time/work... BUT she is doing well and getting Rick to do things well, too. 

As for me... I must got my MRI setup. AOK with that.

Read New Yorker article on Mamdani... and sent an email w/idea ... city pay for maintenance on rent-control bldgs....

AND - talked w/Vic about Spain trip ... all coming together!

And in morning did two zooms - one by Tikvah w/Egyptian women; and two-Kabbalah by R. Stein

Seemed like a full day... 2nd walk, short, w/Foxy, some TV.

AHHHHhhh... movie: LA Story --  PASSION!!!!! and magical music... and magic!!!!

It LA Story THE story I want to live in my life.... --- and what is the Rest of the Story.... after the sign says -- All Clear (or whatever).

2025 Daily - 10/21/2025

The news ... after the No Kings event on Oct. 18, 2025, is continuing to be disheartening, scary, worrisome, BAD.... No respect for millions of Americans. More hate and lies and all is fragile! No negotiations on Shutdown... No plans from the other side except lets spend on a ballroom?!!!  I can feel very distressed !!!!!

On another hand --- walked w/Ava and Foxy today. Foxy is getting more accustomed to being petted!!! Really?? !!! Nice.

I'm wondering how to handle Foxy during Costco trip w/Rachel today... IF I bring Foxy - I will not go into store. As of now ... pending asking Rachel if Zahava is coming, too..... AHHH... Zahava IS coming and Fozy can sit in back w/her.... all ok... 

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2025 Daily - 10/20/2025

 6 days since last writing... No Kings Day.... and other stuff... - Ellen on Saturday, too. We had I think good moments at No Kings Day and a nice lunch at an Irish Pub... then saw some of those Israeli tv shows about lottery winners getting counseled... and some time alone and a good dinner and an early time to bed -- She was very tired. Tried to watch LA Story ... and maybe she finished watching it...

This weekend -- Hillel Dinner - baseball theme... And Satursday Octoberfest - Rotary. Ellen may come...

AND - a BIG WOW -- on Friday, Oct. 17, 2025 --- my bar mitzvah tallit/tallis arrived in the mail. It was found!!! I have it now. I am happy to have it... It was lost, disrespected, but now found. And now I am anxious about losing it/forgetting it... somewhere... But I used it on Oct. 18th when Bereisheet was the parsha... and that seemed significant. I asked for an aliyah... and told the congregation of my happiness. At the very least I will wear it each year when we do Shofetime which was my parsha....

SO what do I think of now ... when I think of my sister and mother and father... A little better feelings... but nothing is perfect but things could have  been better...

Talked w/Ellen about what happened in our marriages... Mine to Susan was a marriage not of an absolute committment - as the times taught us not to stay together just for the children. I still don't really recall what the issues were that we fought about and which caused me to give up and leave. As for Karen - by then I was certainly feeling, I think. a sense of being trapped. I may have been a little pushed into loving her and marrying her... If left  up to me ... I wonder... ?? THOUGH she was quite good, nice, lovely, warm... etc.. There were family issues that came into our relationship... And that related, in fact, to who owned the house... ME... and she had less say... or so it seemed. I think I wouldn't and didn't play that card, so to speak, but she did feel it... herself. Oh well.... 

And then not addressed were Susan G, Diane, and Deanne... Nor did I bring up the issue of volutility .. because while I did bring up anger and fights.. Ellen is/was subject to volutility and that IS A DIFFICULTY... that I had ... but which I think I am over... but perfection ??? who can be sure?

LOVE is the question... PASSION is part of that question. CARING IS IN MY DNA.... when I know what and how to care ... which I think I can/sometimes do ... sense. 

And then there is appreciation of what the other person is and does... Criticism is difficult .. and maybe at this time in our lives... inappropriate... Criticism may generally not be a good idea... but at this stage with the idea that we are Well Developed... so to speak... or Set In Our Ways... then respect and acceptance and tolerance and APPRECIATION is The Way! Relative to Ellen -- I do appreciate her, and respect her... while not fully agreeing with her... on some things... sometimes nuances... sometimes bigger that nuances... I need to maintain awareness and interest ... and see where that leads.

AND there are/were subjects I considered writing about ... but the topics escape me at this moment. SO -- when they occur again I hopefully will keep them in mind.

AND then there is the car -- To Buy What?

And the garden will be getting some BIDS... Backyard!!!

What will tomorrow bring!?

2025 Daily - 10/14/2025

 it is late on Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2025 --- AND - I'm muddling along... I think that's what I'm doing.. Muddling ... just getting by... Getting through the day(s).... OR - maybe I'm just a bit frustrated about my deciding on some car...

The car issue brings up the idea of my limited time remaining driving! Another 10 years on the road... 15 at best??? Maybe an all electric... Maybe put aside at least in my mind money, etc to buy another car in about 8 years . or whenever cars REALLY can self-drive!!! That's the thing.

And now - LUXURY... !!! That Lincoln Nautilus seemed like a real possibility... I guess next - look at Lexus.... etc. etc... OR a Cadillac???!!!??

BRANDS -- anti-semites, old foreign enemies, others?

AND THEN - why am I driving? Where? Isn't there something closer...??? - Places, groups, individuals. etc. etc...

NOTE:  Looks like my Bar Mitzvah Tallis is on the way to me....  I'll beleive it soon... For now - hope. 

2025 Daily - 10/13/2025 - Hostages FREE

 TODAY I awoke to news... the hostages taken on Oct. 7, 2023, are on Israeli soil... Safe, Free, Alive... there are some dead hostage bodies yet to be returned... Closure... needed/wanted by all... PEACE!!!

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Off to zoom services... and today we need not say the prayer for the return of the hostages... at least for the living.

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2025 Daily - 10/12/2025 - Jewish divisions...headlines...

 Zoom - people can come into sanctuaries....... or come onto zoom

Who is vs What is --- a Jew?

Sex/gender divisions - bases -- Who?

Matrilineal descent - why??

Mechizta - why?

Minyan counting - Why?

What is basis for WHAT?

Israel?

Ethics?

ONE/Alone G-d?

Beliefs vs actions?

2025 Daily - 10/09/2025

 write today??? went to Burger PT - back was feeling ok, knees still hurting, and stomach hernia like thing looked at... Got some advice on stomach so good...

I won't be a song leader in Davis ... on the 18th --- timing not good. I will be counted in Walnut Creek and will march there then.... And then I hope to be with Ellen and then next day I will get Foxy.

Chorus today was good. Eating was ok... a bit more then needed.

Ordered some seeds from amazon - chia, sesame, and poppy. The chia will get used in a drink for health. I hope it is good choice. Also ordered some hersheys syrup ... that might go with the peanut butter I have...OY... stretching in two directions!

Canceled my app for a new credit card... didn't want to unlock my credit places...  AOK.

And sent email to chorale person, Katie, with draft application for funding to be considered by Rotary.

AND NOTE: today was big day for Israeli Hostages who may be coming home in a couple of days!!!!! HOPE!

2025 Daily - 10/08/2025 - the day after and a UN solution?

 Day 1 of the 2nd year of captivity for the Israeli Hostages .... with some real hope on the horizon. I just wish my way would have been done ... which would have been to have released, at least all who are alive, yesterday - on the anniversary of the Massacre.

I use words like massacre because while that word is extreme on the other hand/side -- including main stream media - words used are often more extreme than the reality and they inflame. The idea of fighting Fire With Fire has merit and in a "marketing" world ... RopeADope doesn't work. In a world where it truly seems as if many leaders are wrong and willing to do wrongs ... the violence of words is the least of the problems. 

WHERE is the Humanity? Where is Compassion? On "our" side -- how did Menachem Begin come to make peace? 

How did Arafat almost come to peace ... and he did get somewhere.  The loss of the Palestinians when Rabin came to an agreement was due, it is said, to the Arabs missing an opportunity BUT as I recall that was the Israeli Arabs who boycotted the election - not the Palestinians. PERHAPS it was really up to the Jewish Israelis to have voted right, left, PEACE.. and the Parlimentary way of democracy didn't work for peace that time!

And... today -- US National politics and world politics and access to resources/money is terribly effected byt 9/11 and Afghanistan and Iraq and Lebanon and also the Ukraine and Korea and Pakistan/India and Israel and Palestinians... AND THE SOLUTION...??? 

The United Nations could provide an answer IF the major powers could essentially Stand Down in various ways. What is needed is an independent and fair and reasonable agency with appropriate resources (money, soldiers) to take control of disputed areas... OF course that means Disputed Areas are well defined.. which is often lacking and therefore the basis reason for conflict. What parts of the Israeli/Palestinian areas belong to whom? Who has rights to Crimea, etc. Where should the borders be between India and Pakistan? Etc Etc... AND - what are the "facts on the ground"?

2025 Daily - 10/07/2025 - TWO YEARS!!!

This is the two year anniversary of the Oct. 7, 2023 massacre and hostage taking AND -- maybe it is about to end... Because the warring by Israel and the support - crazy and scary by Trump.  I HOPE!!! And I think it is Israel who has brought this about and Trump's help may be significant but it cannot be The Issue which I will vote on.  It has long been the right thing for all the parties in the Middle East to come to peace and coexistance. Peace is in the short term... Coexistance is the long term and only time will tell.

Today my bookclub met here. And it was preceeded by a walk w/Ava. Succeeded by Cali Garden - Vicky and Amanda here to figure out something for my backyard. Hope springs eternal ... for the Spring!

Taxes are finalized and just need to be mailed... w/a check for California.\

Water and shopping with Rachel on deck. Then UC Chorus rehearsal ... and maybe Ellen??? Or Ellen tomorrow.

AND I do need to find someone to give me massage(s)... and I need to do the Five Wishes thing. And I await word on visa... for Vietnam.

AND -- w/garden people measuring now after bookclub and Ava -- I'm feeling ok/alive.. etc... And - hernia exam was negative and psa is sort of within range... now.

I DO NEED TO WALK MORE!!! AND I DO NEED NEW SHOES!!!!! A trip to Vacaville for shoes and a look at the Lincoln Nautilus ... is to be done!

2025 Daily - 10/04/2025

 ah.... what a day ... ended w/talk w/Eric -- who wanted to know about me and CBH... It is one nasty conversation... one I should not engage in ... as it brings up pain and hurt. Noted that until Conservative Movement reconsiders Matrinlineal Descent... the Reform Movement is "safe"...  From competition.. at least, unstated but imho, in Davis.

Did see Philip today w/his glock... and I shot a handgun for the first time in my life. And their honor system means I may easily bring my carbine sometime.

Worked out.... talked w/Sarah... Went to October Block Party... Neighborhood Night Out...

Gave non-commital answers to Shmary's invite to a fabringin... 

2025 Daily - 10/04/2025 - father, mother, sister... AND presentation of mySelf....

 this morning i write... and am going, soon, to Jan and Andrew's - activism training session. I wonder what ALL it will be?

in my continuing quest to figure out my past life... specfically at the moment relative to my parents and sister the idea of Cognitive Dissonance has come forward/been remembered by me. It, CD, and Rationalization are two things I am thinking about as I evaluate and re-evaluate my thinking SINCE it is all on/in me now with no one really to check with. No one really knew my side which contained a lot of harshness and those who perpetrated the harsh Nastyness are not here to defend themselves... or to really tell their side with my side in mind. It is all on me... I GET TO INVENT THE HISTORY! I'm the last man/one standing.

That HISTORY is for answering the questions in consideration of the general estrangement. What did I gain? What did I lose? And do I answer that for others such as my daughters.

So - about me... and where I was and where I am... 

Politically I actively was different from my father... He may have thought some liberal things but he also thought conservative things and was fearful of being noticed so he may not have ever really expressed his thoughts and feelings. When he was racist it may have been to protect/promote me... As he noted - with integration came competition for the jobs available and controlling that competitition for oneself was a good idea. It was not ... do your best and do it well and do it better --- it was limit the competition. I MUST SAY -- I went with that idea. I generally did not seek or want leadership roles and the profession I went into was pursued with the idea I would have limited competition so I appreciated that and also got certificates (degrees, licenses) as needed. I DID do well in my profession... well enough. But essentially - just enough. I was not inspired and I was not inspiring. 

I was raised by a father who thought negatively challenging someone .... me... was The Way. IT WAS THE WAY... for him as per his stories. He knew his job as a shipper, he would respond to someone who said he couldn/t do something by doing it...And so, in my opinion, I would have done better with real positive understanding and support. Instead I was raised essentially to be a contrarian ... and chose instead, I think, to be a positive Pollyana. And to do that I needed to be free and distant from his influence as it was not for me. I think IF he could have seen it would be different and better to be inspiring instead of counseling "be careful" he might have done it and I might have turned out differently. For him -- be a dentist ... not a doctor. As for a lawyer -- I think he wanted to be that himself and might have liked me to become one... or maybe... he rather I did not fulfill what was his dream, i.e. show him what he might have been??

Certainly I did not get the message - be more than your father ... be all you can be... whatever that is.

ALSO - money was an issue. He had some.... He shared some (mostly paid for my education and gave me a gift when I asked for a loan for house enhancement). Ah... money!? A controlling thing, I think. Bar Mitzvah money not given til I was in my 20's and married and didn't need it... though it was immediately promised to me at the time of my bar mitzvah. I often wondered it I would ever get it. Money in the end was denied to me in his will(s)... I use the plural since I think my mother's and sister's wills, giving ... were established by him... OR by my mother. It was often unclear who really called the shots!!!! Especially after overhearing what was reported differently than was said. 

AHH.... money for my father was something special. Something he never fully got, I think. He didn't get his family a home, only a very small apartment (coop), when we were growing up. He was ever uncertain, he said, of his annual income since he was a commissioned salesman. AND - I didn't join him and his work... which I think he wanted.... The kick under the table to shut me up ... when I was clearly able to be careful in political conversations ... was The Kicker... I have long hated being shut up ... and essentially today do not feel listened to. Could be I don't communicate well in some way(s).

Ahhh.... money. For my father it was important. For me... important, too, to Not Overextend myself. SO - get ye to a government job ... if you want security and you are not too interested in money. NOT - do service ... but Be Careful.

For now I am going to stop writing ... but let me conclude with the realization that I was always counseled to Be Careful and so with relating to him ... I was ever careful! Being distant, not in communication, etc... was The Way to Protect Myself.... He actually might have gotten that! And appreciated I was doing what he thought a person should do! Even as it may have hurt him to not have a son ... and grandchildren, too. Therefore -- I am saying I did the right thing for me... as per his ways... and protected myself and my family as best as I knew how. It will always be a question - could I have changed him? Could I have made him SEE ME? Could he have treated me differently AND how much of his ways was based on what my mother was about ... who was a women who may have had problems with men... even her son? 

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I hope to read the above... and go forward a bit more... relative to other family (mother and sister) and other relatives and friends and colleagues and acquaintences...

FOR NOW -- the Idea of Who Am I? is worth asserting:

I am someone who can converse compassionately... with sincerity and authenticity... BUT I sometimes will not remember well all that was shared so the next time that person and I converse I may appear to not have been paying attention. I would say that I was there In The Moment!

I am someone who thinks most people have similar positive ways and means of living and tolerance and/or acceptance may be challenging sometimes and it well worth the efforts!

I enjoy consuming the arts and food.

I enjoy being part of chorus'. A chorus for me is The ONE team I am good on/with.

I would like to be supported and admired... even if it is for more than I have shown. Could I have been a politician, president? Was that support and admiration issue (politics) the reason I got divorced the first time and ??? In later relationships I did not seek that kind of support and admiration but maybe ... I did? The idea of Being TRAPPED was something I settled on once in couneling but was that the negative side of what I really wanted, meant to be? Was that why ... Diane was seen by some as a really good person...  For ME?? Maybe!!! As for others -- they may have been more realistic but I DON'T LIKE REALISM...!!!  Do I?

Ahhh... who am I? A person looking for love... while offering love, too. The problem is/was - I didn't necessarily give the love needed by the other. WOW - That was how I was badly raised by parents...i.e. they did not see WHO I WAS ... and their one size didn't fit me as well as another size might have fit me and nourished me and helped me to flourish.

AND ALL THIS --- figured out when I am 76 years old? As I have said before -- better late than never!!!

SO - now what??? That is the question!

2025 Daily - 10/03/2025 - w/yiskor reflections...

 nice day..... left clayton after  nice night. Got home and steve came here since there was some rain. We talked about being different in different stages of life... us oldies... And we talked about the moment, some zen, R. Freedman's talk... uncertainty/CHANGE and prayer - FINDING THE SPARK WITHIN AND REACHING OUT... and Israel new name for Jacob... meaning STRUGGLE... and that fits, too, with today two years since The Oct. 7th, 2023 - terror!!!

I did a full workout.

Will be at a program at Jan's tomorrow late morning... Then in evening Valarie's event. What will I do in afternoon???? nap? maybe local car trials...

AND COSTCO - for Saturday AND Sunday night events.

And now... after dinner (it is almost 8pm) - a movie.... It will be noted... I think, somewhere!

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NOTE: Yiskor and about saying Kaddish for my sister... well -- I did it for my father and mother... I didn't know about what the lawyer says was very negative stuff in my father's will... I GUESS.... I was/probably - right to protect myself from him... even at the end!!!!  As for my mother -- she was important but ineffectual... while constantly stirring the pot, so to speak.. AND as for my sister -- she was either fully on the team or she was afraid to stand up for herself..... She was THE Dutiful Daughter ... the traditional female.... girl, women, whatever. SO - I guess she deserves and may need a full 11 months or a year of Kaddish... As did my parents. 

AND CERTAINLY I was who I was and I kept away and that was essentially as wise as I could be... I was not very strong, powerful, smart, etc.. i was a somewhat tightly tied up ball of feelings and thoughts and traits... Much as asserted and then denied to me by my parents. I was told I was a person with a great memory BUT then when I remembered this/that/the other thing I was told I remembered WRONG... Especially when what I remembered was not desireable, I would say! So did I have a good memory... I think today my memory was never too good... for names/faces, certain details such as titles of books, names of authors... and such.  I think it is like when a child is told - you can't sing/keep a tune ... then they don't. WHO KNOWS...  And my father taught -- Ken - you will someday blame me for this/that/the other things.... and you really can't... SO - what did he teach me? He taught me to not count on what he said and did... and to take care of myself ... to ONLY count on myself... Which I do/did - while realizing in recent years/decades -- it is good to ask for and get help. It is said asking for/getting help is good for the person in need and the person who helps... It's an opportunity to perform a mitzvah.

2025 Daily - 10/01/2025 - added - Yom Kippur thought...remembering the bad

 We atone, apologize, etc... on Yom Kippur. We also remember. And I wonder --- when the day of Yom Kippur is over... or when other days when we remember, review, apologize, atone... as best we can... what do we say and do on The Next Day(S)....???

I suffer from hurts done to me... and clearly others suffer, too, from their pasts. In some case two or more people suffer over the same thing. The deeds done and the reciprocation OR the deeds done and some apology with repair... That suffering continues more, I imagine, in the person who was harmed. In future does the suffering, harmed person get to bring IT up again? I would suggest - NOT.... Maybe I suggest not as I think of harms I did and have tried to stop and correct ... and I do not want to be reminded of how I was bad, wrong, etc. etc... Is that reasonable? Is that fair? Is that wise? I think so... if we remember the past wrongs might we not remember how and why to do them again? Maybe ... When we atone we mean to not do again what we did ... and if as we more into the future we are positive and supported in being positive isn't that better than bringing in negatives? Again - I, myself, think that ... as it so often seems I have been wrong, harmful, etc... And even if not intentional and even if intentional ... what is the best path forward? THEY (whoever they are) say that addicts and criminals who return to the environment where they are surrounded by people and memories and maybe more deeds that are addictive or ciminal will do again those bad things... but if when clean and innocent and they go to a new place where the old ways are not happening then they successfully live good lives.... Is that not a model for interpersonal relationships? ONE way is to not relate to people who have been bad and another way --- if/when the bad person has reformed... to not remind them of their misdeeds --- wouldn't that be a way to carry on a relationship that was marred once upon a past time?

I HOPE SO... I HOPE FOR A GOOD FUTURE... A GOOD PRESENT...  As for remembering the past -- that may need to be done from time to time --- but in a special and safe place... wherever that might be.

2025 Daily - 10/01/2025 - politically - what do I want ... and yiskor....

First .. about Yiskor --- I am not really sure how to think really positively when remembering my father (lawyer's warning), mother (whatever her issues were with men!), and sister (final digs.....I think!). SO that is tomorrow....

MOVING ON...

Action-wise Saturday morning "thing" at Jan Newmans.... 10am - noon.... What am I passionatel about? Her questions in her last email goes:

"My(her) personal goal is to grow community connection, resilience, and resistance one friend at a time.

Besides a little eating and chatting, we'll take a look at:

• the moment we're in
• the need for mass defiance
• the 'pillars' framework and our influence
• effective tactics applicable to your specific interest

We'll also have an activity and leave time for conversation. I have postcards if you'd like to take some home, too."

So - what is MY specific interest? Or interests....

LIFE ... I'm against captial punishment

Humanity -- (and see more below about what I wrote earlier)  I question the idea ... that any living being is not a human with whom I can talk and live. That goes against ideas such as: It is not Americans we hate ... it is your leaders... OR - it is not the Palestinian people... it is Hamas and such leaders and terroists... etc. etc.. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO A ARE NOT HUMAN .... ARE THE DEAD. The point is... let us not look back but let us look forward. How can we find the humanity is those who seem to be the worst possible!!!! Haman, Hitler, Hezbollah, Hamas, ???? - How can we take the "H" out those baddies and leave "H" in Human?

FAIRNESS...  An end to greed and the great multiples of money paid to CEOs etc...

I wrote earlier....

SO - to summarize and be comprehensive all people want:

peace

security

food

shelter

love

affection 

AND all people can:

hate

be hostile

have anxieties

AND ALSO:

People can be greedy and magnamouis... The point is to learn how to be good AND recognize the good AND understand the good of OTHERS.... Others are different... while we share commonalities ... we differ in what some of those commonalites look like and then there are  BIG OTHER WAYS...

MY PASSION - UNDERSTANDING AND BEING UNDERSTOOD. Find the good! And as they used to say: Give Peace A Chance!

That is also my problem ... as I sometimes do not ask questions, I sometimes forget answers, I am often misunderstood and I am too often left alone.

 With Peace would come the Peace Dividend... There would be money to feed and clothe and shelter all appropriately, fairly, rationally. Consider what could have been done with all the money spent in Afghanistan, Vietnam, the Middle East, etc, etc... Wars are great distractions from creating a good, fair, equal world. 

 

2025 Daily - 09/29/2025 - yiskor/remembering... and LOVE

 I've been thinking.... how shall I remember my parents and sister...? What is real? What is authentic? What is nice? Good? Bad? Ugly?

What were some of the last things my sister said and were some meant to hurt? Bring up a few old points that were digs? Interesting that the lawyer said -- Ken... .do not look at your dad's will.... it contains nasty things about you.... Aaaahhhh... Of course! He was who he was til the end.... AND if as he died he meant to change he didn't have the strength. Let THAT be a LESSON -- change while you can. And when my sister talks about the Tallit... is she just wanting to be sure I remember the disrespect she showed it AND the threat she made if she had it? Lovely person. And some other things I hesitate to mention... BUT to be sure -- her memory was always good and precise so what she said was meant, I think and feel sure, to hurt. Why not? She was hurt... she said... She was not the center of attention whcnever she was anywhere... And my father didnt' get from me what he wanted... i.e. a partner in business who was obedient in every way. I was certainly not obediant and being kicked under the table was not a way to control me. As for my mother -- well on fairly good authority I am told she was the Queen... and everyone essentially did what she wanted... except me...!!!  SO - bad Ken!

So what and how to remember? And with whom do I share any of this? People think that all mothers and parents love their children. While that may have some truth the bigger truth I have come to is that LOVE IS DIFFICULT....  To remember is one small way to love!

There are many ways to love. There are many dynamics to love. There is reciprocated love and there is unrequited love. There is love of beauty and love of mind. There is love of goodness and love of strength. There is love of flexibility and love of firmness... To list just a few. There is love of one's parents, one's mate, one's children, one's friends, etc etc.. There is love of country. Love of G-d. AND on the other hand there are the opposites... since love and life and everything are matters and anti-matters. EXCEPT -- can we ever hate G-d? Some people do. However I suggest that in all things we can instead of hating or loving we can relate or shun.... If we relate there is a chance for anything. If we shun then we isolate ourselves and limit our opportunities. 

Being connected... relating... is to be preferred. Yet - what am I doing with my local Jewish community? With some old friends? With family - now and in the past?

Protecting myself has been a theme even as I feel strong enough... Protection limits one's life. Protection is one way to deal with being afraid. FEAR is an amazing and terrible feeling. 

SO - today - what am I afraid of? I like to think... I am not afraid ... of anything, of anyone... anytime... YET - there is anti-semitism. There is white supremacists. There is possible death. Possible destruction. Possible loss...

Recently I read someone's saying -- being alone is the better thing. It is where freedom lies. It is where one will not get hurt or do harm.  I WONDER....  and will write more sometime, I guess.

2025 Daily - 09/27/2025 - Ethnic Cleansing - NOT - but....

 To be clear .... I am NOT a fan of ethnic cleansing.PERIOD....

Genocide and ethnic cleansing are different. While ethnic cleansing may have some appearences to genocide they are not the same... imho. One, genocide is the killing of all who are part of some group. Ethnic cleansing is the clearing out of some group from some area. When ethnic cleansing is done the subjected group has some place to go. When genocide is committed the end is the end for the people in that group.

Jews have experienced genocide. While it may be possible to find some evidence that first Germany wanted to cleanse itself of all Jews.. it later choose to kill all Jews. AND when "cleansing" may have been in mind the world beyond Germany was filled with lots of antisemitism so there was no really safe welcoming place for Jews. 

Palestinians have been subjected to pressures to "clear out" since the late 1940's. Who applied the pressure is something to discuss and understand when it happened in the 1940's however in the 21st century, since 2005 when Israel cleared out of Gaza, the people living in Gaza had choices as to how to live. Those choices can be discussed, too, and when I say discussed I mean debated as there are competing stories and realities. Today, in 2025 and post Oct. 7, 2023, things are different and are being handled differently. IF the people living in Gaza when the current war is over will not commit to peace then either ethnic cleansing or severe police state control are options. The option of genocide is NOT real and it is not happening now and must not happen.  All those killed are a sad and terrible and horrible consequence of a war that could be mutaully ended or could be ended by one side immediately. Israel could end the war BUT the consequence would be Israel would have to fight another day sometime in the future. Hamas could end the war by laying downs their weapons and giving up their demands to remove, ethnically clearnse, kill... all Israelis and Jews AND THEN the people of Gaza can commit to peace and also to prosperity!

Hamas and its sympathizers must go and be replaced by people and powers who see peace and humanity and tolerance and acceptance as real and right. On the Israeli side it may also mean a group of people and powers with the same vision be in place, too.

2025 Daily - 09/28/2025 - power, powerliessness

 (this was begun yesterday)

AAaahhhhh..... The Great Century of Power.... that is what the 21st Century is about. Who's got the power. THE power... or POWER???

It used to be in a democracy -- The People had The Power.... A Person needed a group to support and help with maintaining power... Unions thrived. Countries coalesced. It was a time of The Majority.

Now -- individuals who have amassed enough money to isolate themselves from others can be free in personal enclaves. AND they can influence others with distractions and fracturing issues. Those with money can get more money and maintain their positions/places/ENCLAVES and they do not have to conspire with others who share their ways and means - others just go/come along naturally. Two or more separate worlds, essentially. 

I regularly wonder -- how much money does anyone need? For what?  A some point the amount of money a person or family (spread across a certain number of persons) has becomes impossible to spend in any meaningful way. 

AHHH..... what is meaningful? Productive? Creative? Supportive (of those hungry, unsheltered, unclothed).

What is the meaning of any of our lives? 

I for one am searching for my personal meaning, PURPOSE, way to be useful!!!!

On the way to my PURPOSE....  I want to be secure, safe, comfortable, happy, able to be joyful, and healthy.

===========and now======a pause in this convoluted thinking for a drink============

MAYBE....?? more later, today (tomorrow)... etc. etc... There are BASIC problems in our world and  there could be... should be... ARE?? - SOLUTIONS that are POSSIBLE!!!!

=====================================================

2025 Daily - 09/19/2025

 Nothing big today... except maybe conversation with dr. paul... who told me not to worry about what is probably:

"Diastasis Recti (Abdominal Separation)

One of the most common conditions that can be confused with a hernia is an abdominal wall defect, such as diastasis recti. Diastasis recti is a separation of the rectus muscles without a defect (or hernia) in the abdominal wall.  This commonly occurs with or after pregnancy, chronic straining, obesity, or older age. The separation can cause a bulging or protrusion which can resemble a hernia.  However, diastasis recti is only visible when the patient is actively sitting up or straining. Diastasis recti does not require any surgical intervention. We usually recommend weight loss and abdominal core health exercise exercises and occasionally physical therapy.

Seeking Proper Diagnosis

While a hernia is a common condition, it’s important to remember that other conditions can present similar symptoms. From muscle strains to ovarian cysts, the causes of abdominal or groin bulges can be varied. If you notice any unexplained lumps, swelling or discomfort in your abdominal or groin area, it’s important to seek medical attention. Only a healthcare provider can diagnose the cause of your symptoms and recommend the appropriate treatment to ensure your health and well-being."

That is/was good to know and the scheduled ultrasound should confirm what it really is. Hopefully - Diastasis Recti.

And the rest of the day did include a decent workout... as well as conversation w/Steve and dinner and conversation w/Neal. 

NOTE: apologies don't happen... people just do what they want to do... and rationalize what they need to rationalize. No getting through to most people. 

On another point .. I need to go to a Braver Angels thing and see up close and personal what it is! Nothing clear otherwise. 

Politics really in bad times .. Jimmy Kimmel offed. Steven Colbert was offed. The folks in DC are doing the worst they can do to all who do not agree with them. CRAZY!!!

At end of day got some PhishFood Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream. Four pints. VERY good!!!

Still need to do paperworks AND get a massage person... And a car????

And a good night's sleep!!!!!! Aaaahhhhh SLEEP!

2025 Daily - 09/18/2025 - the privileged?

 Today was a good day... services, paperwork (visa appl filled out, picture gotten, air flights arranged...) and went to beer choosing meeting... for Rotary...

AND - talked w/Jim ... at our visit... AND a new idea developed...

SO - it is asked --- what do the poor, homeless people do all day... what would they do all day ... ??? Without resources -- they forage.... work... etc.. IF they had reasonable food, clothing, and shelter... and didn't HAVE TO Forage, work, etc... what would they do? Play at what? Eat, DRINK, ---- WHAT?? Since we don't want them "squandering" their time ... we do not fill their reasonable needs - whatever reasonable might be... 

HOWEVER -- what about the rich and well housed people... what do they do all day? Assuming they are not necessarily continuing to amass wealth... Why would/do they? THEN - what do they do? What about that child, grandchild, etc... who never has had to work... and doesn't work... What do they do????

Can the poor and the rich be similarly provided for... Even if the State provides for the poor and the Family provides for the privileged?

OF COURSE -- sure -- doing meaningful work is important... It is mentally healthy... etc etc...

BUT -- do not a lot of people do not so meaningful work ... for instance in the Health Fields... Doctors, nurses, and such do important meaningful work... What about all those people pushing papers around for insurance companies??? 

OY!!!!!

Today was a good day... Talked/listened to Pam... 

Thought about my sister and parents...  Not a lot to really think about there... In various ways we all get the last laugh!! I will be soo very surprised if the Tallit shows up... I begin to think .. the suggestion it was found along with other things ... were just sister, et al, trying to get one more DIG in... And that is ok... I don't really have any reason to react.

And so IT goes... It=Life... and Life goes on....!!!!

2025 Daily - 09/17/2025

 again ... a journal entry...

today - went to doctor... had my back x-rayed... nothing much, I think. Normal degenerative stuff.

Tried to get psa -- turns out it wasn't authorized.

Will go back in two weeks for psa at time of ultra sound for herniated stomach thing. 

Good kabbalah class ...

no workout today.

some Unforgotten episodes...

Laundry.

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO THAT IS MEANINGFUL?????!!!!!

Made a plan for backyard... Now - get someone to do it.

AND A NEW CAR.... already!!!??? LEASE??? Or - what will 2026 cars be like?

Arranged stuff to take care of Foxy..

Made contribution for one dinner at Hillel... - World Series Friday.... see notes for that day - Oct. 24th...!!!

2025 Daily - 09/16/2025

 The suggestion is .. journal each night... and stretch and/or do some yoga... SO - here goes.

Today - visited Rachel... cleaned and had house cleaned. Worked out -- only extended/double elliptical. Tomorrow.. back into some weights - if I have the time.

Went to a Rotary Community Services Committee meeting. Good! And I contacted people at the Davis Chorale and The Pence Gallery relative to getting money for them from this committee. Working on it..!

Watched some TV. AND got current Covid vaccine and flu shot. And spoke briefly w/Ellen. She had a long day... and was tired. AAAhhhhhh... I would like to be less tired. I would like to sleep in -- OR take scheduled naps!

AOK.... Waiting on the sale of the car in florida. Waiting to be done with all that... soon.

Planning to take care of Sarah's dog - Foxy -- looking forward to that. 

And now -- cut my toe nails and off to bed ... and sleep in tomorrow - at least until 11am when Kabbalah class is scheduled.

2025 Daily - 09/12/2025 - Common or Distinct... in Divisive Times

 (obviously this writing has become IRREGULAR... - sorry!)

These are times of great division in our country and our world. To counter that people of good will try to bring people and groups of people together to talk, communicate... AND find Common Ground.... While that clearly seems like a good idea.. the idea to share common interests and goals and passions, etc. etc.. THUS bridging the differences and gaps ... I have another idea!

My idea is similarly based on there being common grounds upon which most people stand... BUT rather than search and demonstrate that --- let us accept that such commonalities exist such as: all people want peace and security. All people want food and shelter. All people want love and affection. All people want to be healthy and maybe wealthy, too. AND ALSO - while there clearly is hate and hostility and anxiety -- most if not all people do not want to hate and kill and worry. I understand that people in various parts of the world, in various situations... feel hate and worry and act with hostility... Those are reactions to very bad situations AND young people learn to hate and act agressively because of their situations and the situations of their parents and their parent's parents and their families... and so a cycle of hard times builds up anxiety and hostility and hate. YET -- given times of peace and security and good shelter and plenty of food -- I think people will and can turn towards the positive commonalities we all essentially share! And the positives are more likely to be sustainable than the negatives which include violence!

SO - to summarize and be comprehensive all people want:

peace

security

food

shelter

love

affection 

AND all people can:

hate

be hostile

have anxieties

A POINT TO CONSIDER:  when people of good will try to bridge divisions and bring people together I think the negatives are ignored and the positives are emphasized... and the consequence of feeding the positives and ignoring the negatives is a lack of results because the authentic reality is a mix of all the good and the bad. What is common to us all are ALL OUR EMOTIONS, NEEDS, WANTS. 

So - ASSUME THE COMMONALITIES... and then work on the differences. Consider the differences DISTINCTIONS. Share the special things, ways, food, etc.. that The OTHER has, does --- that is different. Learn to understand differences and see them as distinctions to be appreciated and respected. THE DIFFICULT thing to do is to learn how to see and understand and either tolerate or accept The Other and all they bring to our world. 

There are two similar but different teachings most of us have heard and I've been wrong about which is more important - OR they both are...

One I have thought was easier is:

Don't do to others that which you would not like done to you...

The second is:

love others as you would like to be loved.

The first thought seems easier since we may all know what is harmful to us and what harms us is also likely to harm others. The second thought seems more difficult since there are so many ways to love... Love yourself, your spouse, your child, your neighbor, etc etc... Hard is simpler and somewhat limited while love is expansive and complex and nuanced and so very, very varied!

Bottom line is - do no harm AND love, love, love!

2025 Daily - 09/5/2025 AND a new todo for ME

 Another Friday -- singing at Rotary, ok program, hanging in the park w/Steve....

Maybe --- workout... soon... after lunch (it is now about 1:20pm). Then maybe dinner w/Neal. I wonder if he will remember, be there, whatever.

THOUGHTS.... for today? I am into remembering stuff from father, mother, sister.  And I wonder when/if I will hear from Cindy ... or I will call her sometime next week. 

I am still not getting great sleep.... not enough, interrupted, etc. etc... Maybe Sunday morning I will sleep IN!!! 

And maybe later this afternoon, after working out and showering --- write some Thank You's....

The NEW TODO....

become a COACH to help people in families get together before it is too late, so to speak. Tell stories, share thoughts, etc etc... For young people especially... But also for elders. And peers at any age. FIRST part... 

Based on my missing my sister and mother and father... and now that they are all "gone" -- what can I do?  SECOND part...

2025 Daily - 09/4/2025 - with questions to answer...!!!!

 I'm not writing... nor playing piano... I've been reading .. On Repentance was the biggie... From that - FREEDOM, Creation, A New Me... Whatever/whoever that is, will be ... etc. etc...

AND - suffering?!!!??? 

Do/am I suffering? About what ... in regards to what? 

If I suffer from a lack of various relationships ... What can I do? What should I do ... Why do not others do something!??? Why do I always think it has to be me to make initial steps? Why do the various others think they are just fine... They have not done harm. They are innocents? Is it the people I have chosen to be around? Are they that good!? OR - am I that bad?

I don't think I am arrogant ... I do think I have been harmed, abandoned, disrespected.... etc. etc... AND - complaining about it .. pointing it out to others -- has gotten me no where. 

AND then -- on my mind --- relationships, intimacy, CHEMISTRY...., conversations, caring, and ... and ... loving???

..section edited out ... in draft....

TODAY earlier (it is now about 4:45pm) I attended services for the first time during the week In Person .. it was to bring a light breakfast to the group... and it was to mark the end of Shloshim for my sister. 

How much do I miss my sister ... and my mother and my father? What do I miss? What did I miss? What is the/MY story now... It is all up to me!!!! What do I know? What do I think? What do I feel? What is true? What is false? ALL UP TO ME TO TELL!!!!

And what about remaining family... and what friends? 

2025 Daily - 08/28/2025

 yes ... i remembered to write .. but i have nothing to write about... except -- well finished Huckleberry Finn... didn't much like Tom Sawyer character. Gamey and not honest/open.... Caused delays and trouble. 

Eh....

2025 Daily - 08/27/2025 - more reading on repentance

 Ahh... free will... and two kinds of repentance .... and Kol Israel.... forever!

2025 Daily - 08/26/2025 - CERTAINTY!!!

(his was started last night... as I could not get to sleep worrying I would forget this....)

SO:

I want peace ... in the world. I am pretty certain I want peace... for myself and for others and for all. A prayer will say is translated to ask G-d to "grant universal peace". There are other ways to translate it .. but I have often thought -- WOW - might that mean a end to all life as life is never? generally -- at peace. There is always a fight... a struggle..

So - certainty is something many want... I'm pretty certain. But where in this wide world will we ever find certainty?  Some say - the only things that are certain is death and taxes. Others will note that there are many people who evade taxes and as for death - many believe in life after death or resurrection or rebirth, etc... So - what is certain?

The only thing that is certain is CHANGE... and even change is challanged by the idea there is nothing new under the sun... However - cycles do recur throughout history and so change seems to certainly happen. And sometimes there is peace and sometimes taxes get paid... and sometimes ????

SO - no absolute certainty .... EXCEPT??? - momentary certainty about what is here and now for me. Simple and fleeting. The moment passes and is gone. Plans made in the moment for the future are changeable by us and by others. NOW, for the moment is what is most real. The past does feed the present and the present feeds the future. AND then there is the idea that such linear thinking about time is not the only way to view time. 

So - I say - Aaahhhh... and OY!

It is 8:45am -- and I wonder about the rest of my day. Breakfast now. Then piano. Then Rachel. Then workout. Then zoom w/Portugese fellow travelors/FRIENDS. And then ????

2025 Daily - 08/25/2025 - When all Jews loved Israel

I wonder when was a time all Jews loved Israel?

In the 19th Century there were the first Zionists. Before then -- Jews dreamed of Israel and Jerusalem but rare was the pilgrim or emi/imigrant. In the 20th Century some Jews were Internationalists or somesuch and were not for nation-states. At these times deeply observant/Orthodox Jews were more for the establishment of Israel IF/When the Messiah arrived and absent the Messiah they did not support Zionism. I think Reform Jews were indifferent. Conservative Jews probably followed the Orthodox. The general population of Jews dreamed but did not act. Then there was the Holocaust and things changed in most/all movements as a HAVEN was needed... And today - that haven is a mighty stronghold with diverse opinions about what should be included, land-wise, as the State of Israel along with other issues such as Jewish State vs Democracy or a Jewish Democracy (whatever that might be) or something!!??

Outside of Israel there is much fragmentation. There is also today, almost two years after the horrow of Oct. 7, 2023 - or simply October Seventh ... there is fragmentation in Israel, too. SO - who is the good Jew? The right Jew? Who is wrong? Who is bad? 

There is not easy answer or answers. In addition to anything authentic about Israel there is Anti-Semetism and/or anti-Judaism. It is impossible to escape anti-semetism and converts out of Judaism may think the problem is anti-Judaism BUT then - where is G-d? 

G-d is essential to Israel and Jews everywhere. I think we must accept and deal with G-d always and if that means arguing vigorously with G-d's representatives and directly with G-d - LETS DO THAT.. Fight with the almighty. I think a case can be made that G-d really likes a GOOD FIGHT!!!! A fight about how to best treat our planet and how best to be human and how to be compassionate to all that lives is the fight to have with our selves, with the G-od within us, and with G-d!

On the way, during the fight ... we live, we build, we work, we create, we have families, we amass wealth, we carry on, we have fun, we suffer, we die.... BUT FIGHTING is essential as long as there are imperfections to be fixed in this world. IT is all not FAIR ... but before we die -- lets do what we can to make things fair, come close to fairness for all... DO WHAT IS RIGHT!!!! 

Israel is an example for all. Israel really tries to do what is right... The people mean to do what is right. Power is a problem that too often stands in the way of the Right Way... However - the people really do have the power - when united around truths and good will and love and compassion. 

We didn't get here by following the Yetzer Hara (the evil inclination). We got here by fighting our Yetzer Hara and bringing forth the Yetzer Hatov (the good incliniation). Who amongst us really wants to do evil? Who amongst us really wants to do good? We are inclined in many ways for many reasons... but ultimately I hope, think, pray we all want to do good!

Israel now more than ever is struggling with how to do good and that path includes destruction and construction. Life and dealth. It is as is said in the Book of Ecclesiastes: "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to ..."

Another contemporary poet/singer, Joni Mitchell wrote in 1966:

"the seasons they go round and round

And the painted ponies go up and down

We're captive on the carousel of time

We can't return we can only look behind

From where we came

And go round and round and round

In the circle game"

For a very long time things have cycled up and down, to good and then to evil, and then back...I would like all to always be up and good, etc.. Reality may simply be chaotic and changing and uncertain! We can hope. We can pray. We can work at the good. And we can only do what we can and leave for those who follow to do more!

2025 Daily - 08/24/2025 - a people apart?

 We Jews have long been a people distinct, separate, special, different from the peoples around us. In part it is we are Chosen. In part we have asserted our separatness and in part we have been made separate - excluded, hated, oppressed, even preserved!  And our own choices to be separate have fostered our preservation.

What then about our In-House separation? The In-House separation of which I speak is Matrilineal Descent, the idea that to be born Jewish a person must be born to a Jewish woman. A Jew needs to have a Jewish mother.... and if converted to be a daughter of Sarah and Abraham - our first matriarch and patriarch. This doctrine separates Reform Jews from Orthodox Jews and also from Conservative Jews. In a world full of divisions this concept is divisive and its primary merit is Custom. I think it is hard to find Torah or Talmud support for this but it IS INGRAINED.... while flaunting the question of "what are the people doing?" What is happening on the street/in the market place?

If we ended our In-House separation might we thrive, expand, grow!? How? Is our In-House separation shackling ourselves, demeaning ourselves, reducing/shrinking ourselves? What purposes is it serving and what purposes is it preventing? AND how can change happen in this currently well/clearly divided world? 

Into this discussion has to come the subject of conversion and the Jewish soul. I wonder if consideration has been given to the adult or even yourg children of women who have converted in their adulthood? Is there a retroactive granting of Jewishness to their children? IF it is a matter of a Jewish soul -- than I would think - yes? If it is personal and not genetic or soul-based - then  - no. BUT I am not sure of either answer!

It is a wonderful thing, the non-Jewish prophet Baalam said to be a people apart. Being chosen, being special - seems good and that designation is/can be/should be applicable to a diverse people we call Jews. We ARE diverse. European, Middle Eastern, Asian, African, and others. Lets unite - that is best! IMHO!

2025 Daily - 08/23/2025 - pilgraimage and my personal trip... SOON!!!

 very tired today... and even tired now at 10:20pm and I had a nap for about an hour in mid-afternoon. Maybe it is the black russian drinks?

Well... off to bed soon. Just watched to Brokenwoods - 5th season. Read some Huckleberry Finn. Tomorrow reading will be devoted to Solieveichick.... And to sleeping in, a zoom program from Mosaic Law, workout, chorus, and picking up Ellen at airport. I hope I can stay the night and from her place go to CBS for service and then meet up w/Sarah for lunch and/or museum.  I need to call Jim and change out meet to another day. 

Today's talk by R. Stein -- interesting ... about pilgimages... Durkheim and Turners ... See some notes from google searches I did... AND CONSIDER/REMEMBER ---  I personally need to go on a pilgrimage .. that is what was the core of my thinking about a trip, retreat, etc.... now that I have lost my sister, mother, and father... I NEEED TO DO THIS SOON!!!!!!  Maybe start with train segments --- with an interlude between Mississippi and Florida - followed by another interlude up to NYC... and then train across...?? Or something like that.... With times for writing, thinking, writing, thinking, meditating!!!!

ONE:

Durkheim did not write extensively on "pilgrimage" directly, but his concepts of collective consciousness, collective effervescence, and the sacred and profane provide a strong theoretical framework for understanding why pilgrims gather and what happens when they do. He viewed religion as a force that creates social solidarity by generating intense emotional experiences in group rituals, a phenomenon he termed collective effervescence, and he saw the sacred objects and sites that pilgrims visit as symbols of this shared social reality. Therefore, pilgrimage can be understood as a ritualistic practice

TWO:

What is Victor Turner's theory of religion?

Like Clifford Geertz and Mary Douglas, Victor Turner considers religion the key to culture and ritual the key to religion. Like them as well, he interprets religion the way believers purportedly do: as beliefs, as beliefs about the cosmos, yet as cosmic beliefs compatible with modern science.

AND:

What are the three great pilgrimages?

Pope Alexander VI officially declared the Camino de Santiago to be one of the "three great pilgrimages of Christendom", along with Jerusalem and the Via Francigena to Rome.

What is the theory of pilgrimage?

A pilgrimage is the outer manifestation of an inner journey, often referred to as an allegory of the soul's journey to God. Thus it is cosmologically meaningful. The height of the journey is the arrival at the pilgrimage centre and the encounter with the divine.

(PDF) Pilgrimage = Transformation Journey - ResearchGate

ResearchGate

https://www.researchgate.net › publication › 326885628...

What are the three stages of ritual according to Turner?

Turner confirmed his nomenclature for "the three phases of passage from one culturally defined state or status to another... preliminal, liminal, and postliminal". Beyond this structural template, Van Gennep also suggested four categories of rites that emerge as universal across cultures and societies.

2025 Daily - 08/22/2025

 (prepped on the 21st ... at least the title which I have gotten mis-dated a few time and fixed... anyway - IF I write something on the 21st -- I will note that... otherwise -- )

Well it is the 22nd .. .almost noon... been to rotary, sang, etc.. then went to ecology committee meeting at Upper Crust... and then gathered some stuff for contributing to Goodwill. No Steve this morning. Then - to Safeway for a sandwich, cheese, and cole slaw.... Looking forward to lunch!! AND - re-filled hummingbird feeders. NOW this writing. Soon reading Soloveichick .. then lunch... more reading, piano, then workout... and then dinner w/Neal... and finally? - Kaddish at CBH.

Feeling pretty good. Weight holding ... and stock market shot up today... What a rollercoaster.

And blood pressure: 156/79 on retake... orange!

As for profundity today ... maybe later.... before I close this note and after my reading.

Profound? -- A confession/admission I've made before in various venues... I AM NOT CREATIVE...  or so I say and think. Not artistic. Not artistically creative. SO - am I/can I be personally creative? Inventing or reinventing myself? OR finally - CREATING MYSELF..... as a Repentant Man as per Sloveitchick... at least the intro section. To come close to G-d it says there - we create a more aware self -- believing and knowing G-d! And G-d's ways. SO to that end I gave away a non-kosher sandwich I bought earlier and which I have been wanting/craving for a while.. waiting for it to come on sale for 5 dollars at Safeway. BUT I have to change NOW!!! If not now - when? Also - I WILL (probably) have a cheeseburger tonight AND I will have with me and say a prayer acknowledging G-d and hoping I do not offend the Torah invocation!!! And here is that prayer:

Baruch atah hashem

Blessed art though Lord G-d.

I partake of this cheeseburger hoping cows from which the meat and the cheese came were not related or even close which is likely. It is possible they were one and the same and I am going against the Talmudic fence around the Law but I do hope and pray there was separation and I will be understood to not wanting to be cruel to the animals nor disobediant to you G-d. I am trying to take the road of awareness and truth in our 21st Century modern world. I hope to be doing your will. Amen.

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