2026 Daily - 02/23/2026 - AI in the future... and...??

 There are lots of things on my mind... some I have written about -- "education, indocrination", "addiction, social media", and more. Today - let me followup on a bit of what I heard on NPR relative to AI, Artificial Intelligence and JOBS....

The recent excelleration of capabilities of AI have people now talking about job losses. What will happen if a significant part (or most!!) of the labor force is replace by AI... robots, etc... A week or two ago I heard a radio talk which noted that Elon Musk anticipates civil unrest with the advent of AI... HERE I MY TAKE:

AI at some point may eliminate a lot if not most jobs. Work that needs doing such as manufacturing and agriculture will be directed and done by AI. With that I say what is NEEDED... is appropriate distribution of food, clothing, and shelter... and maybe services, too. A commentator today said she would not turn over to a robot the raising of her toddler... BUT REALLY? Such raising of children of all ages has long been turned over to those who could afford nurses, servants, tutors, etc. Not, imho, a big difference. SO a lot of jobs of all sorts can be done by AI and attached automated physicalities. THE RESULT: lots of free time for those now out of work. What will people... so many people.. almost all people.. do with that free time? They will consume and create. Art and leasure pursuits. By individuals and by groups/communities.

Some possible details:

1. Bread and circuses is an old model
2. Wars and death and destruction and rebuilding and repopulating is another model.
3. Sex and more children and more pleasures of the flesh and then options 1 and/or 2 above.
4. Space exploration and colonization ... bringing to the Solar System and the Stars... all our workless problems...

New non-reproductive leasure activities... I think THIS IS THE ONE! These would be a matter of consumers consuming time with fun, interesting, meaningful things... And NO Judgements allowed or else conflicts (see #2 above) will ensue. Peace and tranquility needs to be the basis for our behaviours. Patiences, not a lot of competition (conflict!!!??), toleration, acceptance... needs to be how we act and feel. In other words -- human evolution to a compassionate level!

DETAILS:

1. All need to be supplied with appropriate food, clothing, and shelter.
2. All will need "credits" for leasure pursuits. All will need to get an appropriate (fair) amount of credits and trade in basic credits will not be allowed but ways to get additional credits for additional leasure will need to be part of the New World. 
3. Individual leasure and community leasure will need to be available and tolerated. Zoning out on drugs - ok. Using all kinds of immersive technologies alone or in groups needs to be widely available. 
4. Few shortages!!! Wide distribution of needs and wants...
5. A static utopia with an ever shrinking population and fewer and fewer resources be used and polluting the world. Solar Power for the AI and its physical tools. 

WHY NOT?

The problem is people's needs for truly meaningful productive work! How can that be made available to all who want, need that!?

2026 Daily - 02/22/2026 - dating returns...

Had a wonderful time w/Sarah visiting the Quiote Winery in Napa, having lunch, snacks and tasting, and making some purchases. Good time!

When I drove home I stopped at the Hyundai dealership and drove one of their cars... Not too bad... OK. I still need to try a Lexus!!! The idea of what might be the quality and luxury of a Lexus is what is on my mind. I've identified the NX 350h Luxury model - preferrably with just FRONT Wheel drive (most in inventory seem to have AWD).

Spoke w/Ellen and I will try to get a ticket back for the Pence thing so she can join me. We will see if that happens. I've sent the email request and tomorrow an answer is likely, I think.

Today is a great looking day. I got a good night's and morning sleep. Just finished the pea soup I made a week ago. Later - hot links and potatoes... and the remaining potatoes need to be cooked tomorrow/soon. Also had a simple salad w/lettuce and tomatoes and ranch dressing. Defrosting some chicken.... 

Exercising resumed. Left are is weak, weaker... I wonder how much it will recover? Some aggravation to inside of elbow area noted... like when a blood vein is hit when I gave blood. I think I am ok... 

AND I do need to go in a get another PSA test.

And plan tonight is to sleep in guest room and see if that bed is more comfortable and/or comfortable enough for me to get returning the saatva bed.

AND Amazon return to be checked into and done... I think tomorrow might be last day... if last day has not passed for the remaing mask and weekly pill box. Update --- dates for returns have passed. Keeping the items will be ok!

2026 Daily - 02/21/2026 - scattergun blitzkreig..

 I hesitated to use the word blitzkreig as it reminds us of the Nazi's and all the horrors that came with them. Scattergun may be a term also disturbing. However - today it seems we are experiencing in the political world a blitzkrieg of scattergun assaults on the usual, the normal, the historic, and what is right vs wrong.

In the past year of the 2nd reign of Trump he has done soo many things. I would say some are good, some bad, some constructive, some destructive. These things have all happened so fast after years of what some thought was the logjam deadlock of Congress and so - LETS GET THINGS DONE....!!!

Then many wonder - where have been the checks and balances on what has been done and what yet is going to be done? Will we go to war without a US Constitutionally legal Declaration of War? Will tarrifs remain effectively in force since the Executive may ignore the Supreme Court? And can a slow moving Congress move to help fix things?

The tarrifs seem to be OFF as of yesterday because it was a form of taxation without appropriate representation. What will happen before or after the possible War on Iran? Then there are issue related to public health and science. And of course the police state appearance (and reality!!!) of ICE and immigrants. 

What is right in the listing of the previous paragraph? What is wrong? Who can enforce the right against the wrong? For instance - is it legal for our military to obey an order to make war without a Congressional declaration? What will be the response of the Suprime Court if an illegal war is begun and there are deaths and destruction? Who will resurrect and rebuild that which cannot be brought back to life and function!?

I think some think that the blustering and bullying is a lot of talk... and that at the last fateful minute some things will not be done. The idea that one person's whims makes war by either tarrifs or guns is not what the Constitutional system is about. The Constitution is about thoughtful and proper deliberations before monumental actions that are either hard to or cannot be undone. Taxes can be returned. Dead soldiers only come back in body bags.

2026 Daily - 02/20/2026 - my problems? - Sensitive ME!!!!

And away we go..... In addition to my being insensitive... and yet very sensitive... I don't listen to enough music. I don't go to museums and when there I don't get it as well as others do...  Oh well....

Its aboiut 9:30am -- after Rotary, after some reels from Facebook... which included music, images, recipes, psychology, etc... I'm feeling good. Soon Steve will be here (it is too cold, he thinks, for the park) and then David Roos for lunch at Ding How (dumplings???). And more!

There is a note in my email scheduled to go about helping at CBH... who knows? It is short, to the point, I hope clear, and maybe a go.

Tomorrow - a trip to Quiote Winery .. for wine, sculptures, WITH Sarah. Her idea/plan. NICE!

I've worked out a bit this week... I need to strengthen my left arm... which was injured and which has a torn tendon. I need compensating musculature.

=========pause=======

Nice lunch w/David Foos... I look forward to lunching w/him again -- after his and my travels..

PERHAPS .... I have a misconception of myself... Maybe I am sensitive and appear sensitive ... so being spiritual is likely even though I have said and thought -- I am more intellectual than spiritual... There is my MeyersBriggs which is:  ENFJ = Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging - SO SENSITIVITY shows on that test!!!!

I'VE GOT TO RETHINK ME....!!!!

2026 Daily - 02/19/2026 - addition - Social Media

 It is just a touch of a beginning... it is just after midnight on the 19th... I am going to sleep soon .. at the moment I am listening to Biko by Peter Gabriel ... on Playing for Change.........!!!!

A THOUGHT -- on a world-wide level social media publishing is a potential power for good... as was pamphlateering was during the American Revolution ... and also in England (coffee house era) and France (Revolutions...). SO -- is all the energy being directed towards controlling social media a mask for suppressing the possible 21st Century RevolutionS that might develop? And the BASIC QUESTION(s) - what is good? what is right? what is JUST? What is humane and compassionate? What are the POSITIVES that the world needs....wants... and what are NEGATIVES... and who wants what?

==========NOW, in regular morning hous -- 7:45am and beyond===========

at services on zoom... 

last night, now -- rain. should be better in late morning and afternoon.  Adrianna comes today - after Foxie time... and some mess. Not a lot... 

Today - time for a workout... light full body again -- a rehearsal... and brunch (maybe potatoes w/cheese or soup and cheese or ceriel and cheese/sardines) and dinner (turkey sandwich w/pea soup)

AND - just sent a draft note off for advice to a couple of friends.

=========pause======at about 10am===========

The addition issue is THE issue... Alcohol beats marijuana, once upon a time.

Supporting the legalization of drugs is a very difficult assertion... since there ARE terrible things that have happened to people who take drugs... Who use, abuse, don't know what they are doing/taking. Yes - information is important and when laws make drugs illegal it becomes difficult for users to know what they are getting. Reglulations and standardized tesing and authentic information is THE ANSWER...  When it comes to Social Media -- well?? Calling it an addiction puts a terrible label on it which cannot be asnwered except by suppression.

2026 Daily - 02/18/2026 - almost no post....

 Just posted yesterdays.... and now at 11:30PM I am writing here... as I watdch a Kelly Boesch reel.... They are fascinating!!

In any case -- today was ok... Made a LEO for Sarah and I, worked out!, met w/friends for Spain from Portugal, watched some Prime Suspect - I have one last season to watch. Went to R. Stein's class and R. Brownstein's.. OY........ Sent invites for Passover... and got several responses. No NO's... early yet. 

Pergola is about up and complete. Tomorrow may be the final day... It will include going to services, a workout (w/some video), maybe lunch or breakfast out, and a reheasal....

2026 Daily - 02/17/2026 - Oyvey AI

 (ahh... one month to St. Paddy's Day -- and I think I will be in Spain..?)

AI, AI, AI...

What will happen as AI is more developed? What do science fiction depictions have to say? What does Elon Musk have to say... And what do I think?

Star Trek, Star Wars .... still lots of people doing stuff, directing stuff, etc... But cooking? Done. What about construction? What about farming? What about ART/creativity?

Elon says --- social unrest is on the horizon with the advent of superintelligent AI.

I say -- probably!!! My concern is what do people do when they don't have to do anything to produce food, shelter, and clothing? An answer is... be creative - but do we all have that capability? And besides -- people are experimenting with AI making art, music, etc..  Be productive - but all is produced. SO - CONSUME?? Not a prospect into an infinite future. There is only, really a finite amount of resources to consume. SURE - recycling could help. SURE - AI could REDISTRIBUTE wealth and resources in an objectively rational way... HOWEVER -- the "regulation" being called for is - perhaps - suited to the interests of those who already have an oversized slice of the pie, so to speak... SO while their needs are less than their resources... they still want to protect themselves and what is theirs... OY!!!!

========pause------======

2026 Daily - 02/16/2026 - Israel, Palestinians, etc.. What a conumbrum?

 SO - thinking ... thinking... thinking ... and reading a little here and there.... I am not comprehensively informed but I have feelings, thoughts, and objective as well as subjective ways of analyzing things. Probably NOT unique to me but seemingly so since sometimes it is hard to talk about certain things or find people with whom one can talk!

SO - today -- it occurred to me that Facts On The Ground are very very real and important. First such fact occurred to me years and years ago ... about Israel and that was we Jews were there and inhabiting The Land and We were The Facts on the ground. That continues to be very true. There are additional layers to that - our indigenous-ness, Biblical promises, involuntary exile by Romans and others, a haven in a world of anti-semetic hate... and more. SO - Israel is the home of Jews!

Another group has some Facts On The Ground, too. That group is generally called The Palestinians and while a way of thinking says there never was a people called Palestinians... the FACT is -- there is such a group now. Their history may be shorter and maybe they have a long history that is denied to them but they ARE!

SO - what is to be done? What will happen? What is the future? A thought I have had for a long long time is that the great history of us Jews and our longing for our land through the milleniums... is now something beginning, developing .. for The Palestinians. IF they continue into the future as a group .. and there is reason to believe they will/can .. (why not?) - then how long before their yearnings need/will be realized? With the help of The One True G-d -- which we Jews share with Christians and Muslims and others.

=====after pause - during which I wrote a second draft relative to service at CBH========

What is my worth? What do I mean to people? What do I want? What do I do?? In other words: WHO AM I?? 

I continue to ask that question and continue to wonder and not be decisive. OY!!!!

=========pause--------------

2026 Daily - 02/15/2026

 well... it is 9AM now so I'm getting a early start on this blog... My Daily...

BLOG = web based Log --- for me, for this -- essentially a diary. 

What has been happening and what is planned... AND maybe - how I feel... Certainly how/what I am thinking about...

This morning I awoke with Sarah's dog Foxie sleeping on the floor in my bedroom. I would like Foxie to be more of a hugger... but she is how she is and she is a bit better at allowing herself to be petted. I guess she could be described as stand-offish... reticent... somewhat fearful (she was a rescue and may have had some abuse or neglect early on).  She is basically calm and quiet and she lays around a lot and well - BUT she has high energy when she can show it. She is mostly a working dog -- an Australian Cattle Herding Dog.... And she could do that! Anyway - we took a walk after her 8am breakfast. I do not know when/where she does her "business" ...All's well... 

After my breakfast I may take her to run at Stonegate and then bring her home and then I will go back and workout ... upper body, too!! My left arm needs some help, strengthening... And I need to start off light. I will try watching the 5th season of Prime Suspect... though I have to be online for that... weird... All other seasons are downloadable!

Today I will try to clean in house for a full hour -- maybe two half-hours... to make up for some previous missed days. Weight is heading down a bit. That is good. Knees - a bit sore.

What do I want to do about Dana!!! Logistics... is an issue. Equality is important to her as it is to me. As for my COMFORT... Aren't I rather comfortable now... alone? Yes -- I would like to do things with someone .. .travel, dinner, etc. etc.. There is TOUCH!!! Talk is all good ... AHHHhhhh... what to do? I am, I think/guess, afraid of getting hurt. I can wonder about hurting the other person -- but I can and have gotten hurt and while it has not been horrible, terrible,... etc... I regret not having maintained certain relationships ... for certain reasons .. and I blame myself - for not acting right, for not making good judgements, good choices... etc etc..Yes - UNCERTAINTY is basically fundamental in life... SO - I can and do and have to live with that!

SO - what about the Pence Gala thing? I could ask Dana. Who else, besides Lori who is busyish that day, might I ask? OY!!!!

==pause - maybe more later===========

AND now it is about 11pm .. end of day...

Watched a bunch of tv - though did take Foxie on a couple of walks.  And I know Foxie has found someplace in back for "business".

And BIGGY -- I would say -- I texted an invite to Dana inviting her to my house/Pence things ... We shall see. IF I don't hear back soon... I will call....  Of course...

SO - TV SHOW learning/teaching: Prime Suspect.

I've already noted the idea that when we work to learn something and study and think ... we conclude TODAY ... but more info may lead to a more accurate conclusion.

Today's season .. FIVE ... we all live in an imperfect world where we get imperfection. To wit -- police using criminals to contain crime activities... In other words - police fascilitating crimes for favorites. Not for money necessarily but for peace in certain parts of the community!

And on the personal level ... what was special about Prime Suspect was Jane who was a hard drinker and a sexual/sensual assertive person.

Good night!

2026 Daily - 02/14/2026

 almost didn't post... just remembered and finally got up ... it is about 11:30pm...

Today - went to services, lifted Torah ... may have aggravated arm. I certainly need to workout and try strengthening the arm.

Got Foxie... and when back in Davis -- walked to Stonegate (and back) and she ran in the dog area with a few other dogs... FOXIE is FAST!!!!

Watched an episode and a half of Prime Suspect. The 5th season must be watched online (with commercials).... the 6th and 7th are downloaded.... to my tablet...

Foxie got on my bed... then got off and she is sleeping in her bed in my bedroom. She has gone out in my new back yard... and I wonder where she did what... ????

And I upgraded my new bed order... SO now I have to get the current "new" bed returned... after I sleep on my old bed ...as an interim thing. 

I'm still wondering a bit about Dana...?? 

And I have to do something about the Pence thing. Mack is not taking tickets... Me a DATE???

And tomorrow - is a new day!

2026 Daily - 02/13/2026

Well - kind of a big day.... near end of the afternoon, day... met Dana - had some small plates... I had a mini-tini and she only had water. I was a bit stiff, unsure... which is where I am at... I think I am afraid of jumping in... She was nice, warm, intelligent, and a good kisser. I wonder what will be??!!!

Also today - early... I had a consultation, evaluation w/Dr. Freshman about arm. Conclusion... Leave it alone... MAYBE if I had come in earlier... some surgery - but now NO... Not really necessary to take risk and discomfort. Mostly arm is working AND I can lift Torah and workout... And all should be ok!

And that is that for now... I will make out some e-cards for daughters and I will see Sarah and her mom tomorrow and I'll get Foxy!! After services...

AOK!

2026 Daily - 02/12/2026

 WELL.... almost missed blogging today .. but here I am - before 9pm. 

Big thing was hearing about the Cantor Mission to Israel. Interesting sounding trip. Really. A little pricey... but of course - doable! I wish I had a partner so to avoid single-suppliment ... BUT -- will see....

Also today -- pergola is mostly up... and the end of the project is near. Looking good. I am happy!

And I bought chocolates from The Candy House ... for Dana, Sarah, maybe Amy, Susan, me... And one left over!

There was the initial meeting of the Davis Sings group... Alison, Dave, Steve, and me... Oct. 18th I think is the first suggested date. Rounds to be done ... other music to be chosen. Slides to be made. Venue to be secured.... etc. etc... Exciting.

Sent short thank you note to Ellen. Sent a note to Dana saying I was looking forward to meeting her. Tomorrow is the day for Dana -- Friday the 13th of February, 2026.

And that is all for now/today. 

2026 Daily - 02/11/2026

 Anti-semitism program this morning by AJC.... The best way to "solve" the problem has to do with Jews and non-Jews knowing/meeting each other. Such contact is the best indicator of a decrease in anti-semitism... YET -- does such contact also risk assimilation. And if we were to assimilate would that please the others and ultamitely would the issue go away when/if Jews go away...

I AM on track w/blogging - diary.. That is good. Did some cleanup around house yesterday as added to my dailies.. Thirty minutes, at least, of some effort. I'm about to leave for my elliptical workout... and then R. Stein's class.

=pause===

Just finished a Prime Suspect ... and some of the cops were CERTAIN as to who did the crime... but they were wrong!!! They had to adjust their conclusions... New info, new end! Who ever learns!! When do we ever learn.

2026 Daily - 02/10/2026 - mri, travel ideas, backyard. And smart peace!

 Just back from MRI of left arm. Might need surgery.... OY... At least I have not been aggravating it. Evaluation coming and then recommendation. Will see...

AND - I need to check about psa test soon.

And - had a nice walk w/Ava today. Both of us are free and not seeing anybody. Interesting. Next week will walk w/Foxy!

Backyard is not being worked today... and tomorrow may see some rain. AOK... It is about done. Roses in in back, lantana coming, trees planted, another rose bush or two due... AND the pergola needs its topping, etc. And stairs up to back area and some tree topping. Should be fine soon.

I purchased a bed yesterday... I may need to check it again before delivery, etc. It is one not too expensive but not top of line but I think ok... And I have to figure out getting the new one returned from Saatva. 

TAXES soon!!!!!

What travel plans will I make??? Croatia? Japan? India? China? Korea?

======================

No one is smart enough to end the many conflicts in the world as they were never well ended throughout history. Essentially - the people have to decide to stop fighting ... for others, for themselves, ... for reasons and for no good reasons. The people have to decide to Make Peace.. For as long as they can... which realistically historically geographically ... will only be for moments in time. Unless peace lasts long enough to become a HABIT....  At least - lets take a rest from the hate and violence and deprivations. Lets try sharing. SHARING!!!  There REALLY IS ENOUGH for everyone!

2026 Daily - 02/09/2026

 Monday!!!! Monday morning... At services on zoom... early morning preliminary prayers.

Today -- busy! I hope to workout after services. Perhaps I will walk over to gym at Stonegate. Then lunch w/Michael at Steves. Then Jim at 2pm and end the day w/Davis Chorale.

I will stretch later... didn't do it first thing. AND I will add to my "daily" - 30 minutes of cleanup in the house. Soon I will need to add some outside routine time for new garden! It currently looks good ... and will be completed soon. Maybe today. 

THE IDEA for today -Attachment and Aversion (like in the meditative chant) --- in as much as things have changed/ended between me and Ellen ... do I call her to check in ? I tend to think I should. The biggest reason for ending -- chemistry? I and my hormones, age, etc... wasn't feeling it and I am not sure if she was feeling it. Maybe she was - but still communication was an issue as were ways and means of intimacy. She didn't seem to be open and relaxed. It was lacking stuff.

Later today ... call Kia and Hyundai to ask about how their plug-ins work as I consider maybe going to just a hybrid. I could ask how far on only electric the only-Hybrids go these days.

As for breakfast.... I have so far not had any but justs felt wave of hunger. Will eat something soon (it is not 8:05am).

a bit more before the "pause" --- 

from service: Hebrew declared by the Rambam to be for prayers when a time of many Jews in many lands speaking many languages ... Hebrew gave unity, community.... 

And - as usual this year -- I say Kaddish for my sister ... and the remembering is "interesting" for her and for my father and mother, too.  JUST SAYING.. cryptically.

======pause===================

2026 Daily - 02/08/2026 - cars, games, workout

 today is superbowl sunday -- 2026 - Seatle vs Patriots..  I can watch over the air in bedroom... don't know if I could connect any antenna to my big tv... should be sufficient.... Wish I knew where the other old powered antenna is/went. I will keep looking around ... casually, obsessively...  AND this will cause some cleanup in some closets to maybe be done today...!!!

And BTW - yesterday I test drove a Ford Escape. Not a 26 or 25 -- but a real new 2024.... Big sticker reduction. However --- I need to shop more... and get more answers, etc. The idea of a plug in hybrid is still the ideaL ... and it may be that Toyotas and Lexus (both the same corporation) are the ones where the gas engine when in use will be charging the battery. So far - others such as Ford seem to only use breaking regeneration.

My yards - front and back are nearly complete and I need to get ready to plant ... veggies and flowers. And then need to get into the routine of watering and weeding. I hope I do!!!!

It is a cool morning... with wonderful sunshine. Soon I will go workout.... and maybe include some lower body stuff in addition to elliptical and situps.  Dishes first... I have some ok snackes (pizza slices, fried chicken, potoatoes to do, other stuff, mushrooms and ranch dressing, etc...)

=====pause - at about 10am) ==================

Seattle handily won the SuperBowl - over Patriots....

Found Amy's entre into NYPL and get Potok's book: Gates of November -- which is next bookclub book..

Got plan from Dana for Friday - 4pm in Petaluma.

I am keeping up with daily info on Calendar. 

2026 Daily - 02/07/2026 a big uncertainty and more on sensitive me...

AAaaahhhhhh - writing ... and publishing ... soon after publishing yesterdays....

SO - big idea/thought for today... 

I like crime shows ... even when somewhat predictable about parts... SO - what I was thinking I liked is the certainty that often is reached by characters.. based on good information --- but which proves wrong and somebody else did it! What I am saying is the uncertainty presented ... the certainty followed by more information and clarity and better/real surity is interesting to see and watch.. It does TWO things - gives us all the opportunities to decide wrong... and still be alright.  and two: it rocks our boats about trusting... TRUST can be achieved -- but trust is often mixed with uncertainties...

We All Want To KNOW.... What? 

And then -- BELIEVE? Experience the belief and trust...

Was I ...?? Am I ??? - trustworthy? In expressing my feelings - I want to be and mean to be... and right now -- late in life .. and then early in life -- being sensitive and therefore knowing how I feel... VERY Impaired. OR/and not there... and WANTED! I am such a watching romantic. I therefore think I am a romantic... AND - I need to both act and be acted upon with romance!!!!

2026 Daily - 02/06/2026

 Doing this ... in early afternoon. Had the pleasures of talking with Amy in the morning and just now, this afternoon, with Sarah. Nice to hear voices... and find out how things are going. Each of working hard and doing well, I think and hope.

Rotary this morning - sang, packed food... no biscuits and gravy .. but maybe another time.

In touch w/Dana and will talk with her tomorrow afternoon. I could but am hesitating suggest meeting but I think I will wait on her to decide. I did tell Steve at this morning's hangout that I was no longer seeing Ellen. I didn't mention Dana... The point IS --- how content am I as I am??? In ways - being by myself is easy however having a partner is better, I think... and I do think/wonder about that a lot. And - currently I am hesitating making travel plans by myself. AH.... get a CAR... and then short, medium, and long trips!!!

As usual - What's the Big Idea today??? This morning the idea of being dependent on others as we grow old came up ... and we are all interdependent ... elderly give care givers employment... purpose...  As I've said before -- being immobile is not the worst, end of things... What is important is awareness, communication, understanding...learning... 

========pause==============PUBLISHED NEXT EVENING.....

2026 Daily - 02/05/2026 - woke up AND??? and films (children and unbearable)

 Well when I awoke today I thought for a couple of minutes that is Saturday and I needed to get dressed, etc and leave by around 8:30... maybe earlier if there was fog... and then I realized it was Thursday so all I needed to do was get dressed and get some coffee and get to my computer.... DONE....

Landscaping coming along. Pergola is getting going now and planter boxes have been revived and new raked soil looking good. I will need to plant in them and get some planters for other areas of the yard...  Went to bank today and got cash for men, workers, etc... Dave... I only hope it is enough ..  not too much... just right!

FOOD -- I am eating one of the salad bags ... HMMM.... and added some extra fresh feta. Very good. Got Costco Pep Pizza the other day and it is pretty good and very reasonable! I will do pizza again and only get the fresh feta and fresh mozzerlla... Better options!!!  Looks like the fresh broccoli may be too old... or maybe I will cook it up today..... soon?? Got a different (american) package of smoked salmon. Its ok...  Weight is going up ... especially mornings after I had some alcohol... 

What are the ideas for today? From book "Children of men" ... I know I was born, I'm alive, and I will die... Beyond that I am not sure of much. Other stuff in there about power, egotism.... love and feelings. Book very different than film. Got me thinking about my favorite film that had/has - ordinary sex, special sex, loving sex, politics, personal competence, integrity, authenticity, loyal friendship, deceit and anxiety, war, peace, democracy, authoritarianism, more???

This is being written at almost 2pm. Earlier had a consultation w/Fidelity guy. Might do something... Re-balance a bit what I have, maybe begin a new account w/RMD to try them out. Will probably cancel Fisher appt. One is enough! Market has been falling the past few days. Disturbing!!! Etrade and Fidelity suffering losses. I need to remember to spend my Costco specific check and then cash in Citi bank rewards. 

Will talk w/Dana in about an hour (at 3pm). What IS a serious subject? Meantime ... pausing now to check MB and Leos... etc..

=========================

2026 Daily - 02/04/2026 - growth, development, anger

 day 4... of consistantly writing...!!???

SO - woke up today and did some stretching. I need to get a routine of stretching going. Soon I will have breakfast and then workout and then a noon program and, I think, Jewish Orthodoxy as a movement ... like Reform and Conservative .... Maybe. That is my assumption from title, etc:

Professor Shanes will present and discuss his book Orthodoxy: A Modern Denomination (forthcoming with Rutgers University Press).

Or as a "denomination" as is the title. Interesting and meaningful and I think understandable labeling. Will see/hear more at noon.

AND today I have a lot of reading to do... My copy of Children of Men expires today and I have a bit more then a hundred kindle pages to go. I think I can do it! Maybe my errands for water will get done by "returns" will wait til another day.

Landscaping in backyard is moving along and nearing completion. I expect the "pergola" to arrive and begin going up today... Probably!?? I am not rushing anything and there is significant FOG again this morning. All is well... pausing now.

=================

so - about growth, development, anger --- I was brought up in a household where a lot of anger was expressed - verbally against my mother and me... maybe not my sister. I suffered physical abuse -- ok for those times... but never ok!!! That colored my development I think, on some current consideration. When I was growing up ... expressing anger towards my oppressors (parents) was not allowed. It was repressed, I guess, and it was behaviour modeling I saw. (NOTE: there was that time of quiet and terribly effective response to my mother on my way out of the house to college one summer day...). When I dated, etc... I was, I think, somewhat repressed in various ways. Being SENSITIVE was not allowed to me... and after getting married I may have found I could express anger.... NOT a good thing... but done. I have worked a lot to stop behaving with anger.,. going instead to emotions/behaviours that preceed anger - sadness is the big one.. Disappointment another. Maybe even some depression from time to time for a little while.  SO - brought up with anger, lived with anger, fought against being angry. ALSO - brought up - repress feelings (be a man!), moderate feelings, now looking for full feelings. I am a work in progress!!!

(pausing).

2026 Daily - 02/03/2026

 3rd day now ... writing in this blog. What is happening? What has changed? 

WELL -- I had the usual Tuesday morning walk w/Ava even though my heel - or side of my right heel was hurting. Well the walk may have done it good. Loosened it or something. Less pain... almost no pain. As for my left arm which is awaiting an MRI ... that does seem to need the MRI just in case .. before I begin working out my upper body again.

COMMUNICATIONS...??? Heard from Lori and we will talk on weekend. And later today will talk w/Dana -- about my "issue"....

And - back now from my book club where the book discussed was:  Crossing to safety - by Wallace Stegner. I need to read another book by him... "Angle of repose" (getting audio version on hoopla now). And I continue to read - Children of Men.... and will look for Potok book for next month... 

(ended abrubtly, early - published next day as I started next day's entry)

2026 Daily - 02/02/2026

 As I wait to connect to religious services .... via zoom .... (it is now almost 8am -- so some problem at Walnut Creek - I might try Mosaic Law soon) - I write:

Last night was a nice tu'b'shvat potluck at Bimla's and Harel's. Good group of people. BASIL!!! (chuck?) and Recardo who has a son Faustino and friend Max. And several CBH  poeple there, too. Good food. I brought a nice bottle of white wine from Berryessa Gap... (oldie but goodie).

Did I say the past Friday night was special.... Sarah came w/Foxie and we had a nice dinner at Buckhorn.

Also yesterday, Sunday, a long and good rehearsal w/Davis Chorale as we prepare to sing Mozart's Rquiem.

TODAY - later a regular reheasal, see Jim, and read in Children of Men.. as I prepare for my mc'ing that book in a few months. It has differences from movie ... but ok, so far. There is more details of some groups who have concerns and resist ... but there is a lot more to read in the book that coincides with the movie. I await it !!!!

On my calendar is Death Cafe -- might go .. probably not. And there is Indivisible Yolo - liberal/left politcal action group's weekly meeting. Maybe?

Thoughts for the day have not come up. Yesterday heard a bit from Dana who lives far away. She has yet to respond to astrology question. Driving is not her thing and that is disturbing to her sense of equality which I find postively interesting. So ... will see if she responds and how.

Logs on google sheets show - weight going up and assets also going up... today. Big asset jump. Creeping up of weight. Yesderday's pot luck and then my having some snacks, sugery, when I got home, as well as the wine - known causes. I can try better this week!

(1st publishing point)

2026 Daily - 02/01/2026 - back, education, diversity, centralized power

HELLO whoever is reading this .... 

1:BACK

It has been about two months since I last wrote... AHHH... me and voluntary discipline! Today I almost didn't begin what may be a new chosen set of routines... Lack of time, discipline, trip to Vietnam, recovery from horribly stretched arm, etc on last day of that trip, and now - better!!!

On February 1, 2026 begin this new daily morning routine - all days EXECPT Saturday/Shabbat. Noted on calendar and maybe check-offs there that I've done the stuff.

lie in a bed a few minutes, weigh-in, stretch a little, put some clothes on

get a cup (double cup) of coffee and do blogging

check the news (paper Monday - Friday) and/or online those days and on Sunday

THEN - maybe followup with more writing or go on to services (Monday and Thursday) or something

Rest of the day - workout, read, choral rehearsing, other socializing and entertainment. Maybe correspond with people afar and near.

Some dinners out... including Friday night dinner (w/Neal... sometimes at Hillel)

ENJOY LIFE!!!!

on Saturday, Shabbat - drive to services, lunch, and ????? (Shabbat nap, a movie, etc)

2. Education -- generally a way to instill community values, ideas, ways and means. Sort of indoctrination. Benign but subjective and too often chauvinistic (in some way - race, gender, religious, etc). HOW does one teach FREEDOM, Free thinking... and such! To what extent can free thinking be tolerated? How can it be taught? WHAT IS FREEDOM???

3. Diversity --- often fear of the "other" is more real than respect of the other and the other's dignity. We are all similar in certain basic ways and individuals and groupings of individuals are different and special. It is very iimportant to limit and even eliminate the subjugation of "others" and to tolerate and accept ALL!

4. Centralized power --- There have been, I think, political organizing of geography which has centralized certain powers while allowing communities to live as they preferred - religiously, economically??, racially??, sexually/gender, etc etc.. AND in various places such as markets and cities all the diverse groups could come and meet, share, etc. etc. Rome may have been like that. The Arab/Turkish/Muslim Empire(s), Cyrus's biblical nation, and maybe others. THEN - too often/sometimes the central power begins thinking it is The Best Single Way - by religion or ethnicity or nationalism, etc etc...  The Individual and The Group are in constant tension between freedom and enslavement. The Fight is always ON.

2025 Daily - 12/02/2025 - CBH and IMPACT Question, answers, and Eating

As noted in the post yesterday ... Tom Stoppard died and The Forward noted his works did something imiportant and that was:

"Much of Stoppard’s work revolved around the question of what it really means to live an important life — one that is not just full, but has some kind of identifiable impact on others."

NOT that my life is/was/will be seen as "important" but what is my life, especially going forward that is making some kind of identifiable impact on others????!!! SO - the question is more than "to be or not to be".

------

above written a few days earlier and published today... maybe later? It is not 6am...

Answers:

What am I currently doing/getting as I am dating.... Conversation, companionship, some care/interest. some feeling of being wanted..., and some physical touching (as much as I can currently do... being old and having had prostate surgery).

Do I want more? Maybe --- maybe someone to go to sleep with and wake up with... daily. Maybe. Someone to shar meals with... And goals, tasks??? And a travel companion?

SO -- it is a nice thing I have w/Ellen... I wonder what more can be... with her OR with someone?

CHEMISTRY????!!!! Or is such something for young people and for me ... there is some other essential???

===============

Eating??

I am watching what I am eating ... No alcohol (or a very little... as it messes with my metabolism as well as adding calories) AND Some lessoning of carbs, sugars... Hafl a bagel... Some... And a bit more protein.

Regulating my eating - No eating after 9pm AND a 15-16 hour fast (the last couple of days have gone ok)

==============

about CBH.... and maybe if I go this Shabbat... I will say something...??? WHAT???? Here are some notes .. and there are other notes in a word processed document

the rejection unjustly by the young Rabbis and lack of support from the Board (to be fair I did not direclty ask the Board to help .. but they were aware of what was going on..) - was significant, to say the least.

Past hurts from the community included: a breaking of the word of a significant paid person; twice choices made when I broke up with someone in favor of the other;l generally a lack of welcoming in people's homes for dinners - Shabbat especially; a lack of reciprocation for my invites to Seders and some other events; presumptive remarks by some recently; general lack of appreciation all the many years - by congregants and clergy and Board; no outreach during COVID!!!; more????

AND from CBH... in return for whatever I did do ... such as being on the Board, one year being President, all the times on the Bimah, library work, other volunteer support.... AGAIN LITTLE RETURN... but I list these things because I WAS HONORED... and HAPPY TO SERVE... 

Bottom line -- it all was for nothing when rejected unjustly with no process and no opportunity to face accusers... An END was reached ... if not the book at the very least a bunch of chapters. 

FUTURE.... I think official and public reaching out ... by the Board ... would make some difference. It might not fully bring me back... I DO have a sense of loyalty now to CBS (Walnut Creek). And volunteering is not likely something I will do... IF asked and I'm present ... I will respond positively .. but where once I might have been seen as a leader... that was voluntary and part of the past. The future has to be different.... I am not sure what that will/can be.

2025 Daily - 12/01/2025 - What I do...and should do...??!! IMPACT (revised)

Got ahead of myself ... publishing this on the 30th... dating it the 1st... Oh well. See end where there is an addition which is the revision..

 I think. I read. I write. And try to figure things out. I want to shine a light on good and important things!!!

So - in the recent New Yorker an article (not yet read by me) brings up the  issue of old stories -- worth reading and considering came to fore. There are old books worth reading ... and they don't need adaptations .... they need to be known. Sometimes they need to be translated. AND A LOT OF THE TIME for me ... it is worth finding what others have thought and said about the work.

STUDY!!!!... that is the thing. Then sharing that with people who have not heard or seen these things ... and we can save ourselves the trouble by not RE-INVENTING things. The stories have mostly been told. The issues characters wrestled with have been shown and solutions suggested. Up to us to know and then choose. CHOOSE!! We are free to choose!

What did I do in/during my life? How meaningful and effective.... was I? First that is a question for me to answer for myself... Then?? Next could be and are: my meaning and effect on my daughters? It is possible that once upon a time that question could be applied to mother, father, and sister... BUT now that is no longer an issue. HMMMM.. INTERESTING..

The bookclub I'm in is great. Good socializing once a month with some guys.

ANOTHER bookclub might be: The Classics and report on them! And I could look at Goodreads... and such to see if there are groups out there now... Probably there are!!! My ideas are rarely really original.... however - IF the old books are generally/basically being read and understood by old folks... TWO THINGS: one: what good does it do for how long if only the old folks learn issues and solutions that already are availalbe.... two: how to get young folks into these short cuts ...!!!???

I ALSO TRAVEL... and it would be nice to do it better.. Really connect with people. New people - far and wide and old people (back home, new, old, young) ... talk about trips).

==================

about the should... FIRST - Shoulds are ok... They are difficult but necessary if we are to be in society.... imho... and current thinking. We all want to have some expectations met... and if we act certain ways ... based on shared shoulds ... then there is less uncertainty.

For me - my PASSION has long been thinking about CONSERVATION... though I go it alone... in my head... and in some actions. And - Zero Population Growrh is part of that. THEN - TODAY - AI... and my thinking about AI is... 1. its here, 2. it will keep coming. 3. THE PROBLEM is short term... as is Population...

Short term in the sense -- hard to move to a lower population, economiclly, AND when/if people are displaced at work by AI ... what will they do? Create? Art? Play? Have we seen this with Roman bread and circus'? What was happening back then and how did it turn out? LEARN... The past is now and in the future ... Find the BEST... not the WORST!

Is the problem RE-DISTRIBUTION of wealth? Physical transfers? Real transfers. Sharing. Isn't there enough for all???

===================

Just read that Tom Stoppard died. I have seen many of his plays ... and will try to remember them. The Forward had an article which is why I found out about Mr. Stoppard and in that article they said:

"Much of Stoppard’s work revolved around the question of what it really means to live an important life — one that is not just full, but has some kind of identifiable impact on others. The main character of Travesties isn’t Joyce, Lenin or Tzara; he’s an endearingly self-satisfied British diplomat, Henry Carr, who briefly found himself in the same circles as those luminaries. As the play opens, decades later, he’s trying to conjure up a memoir about his time in the presence of the greats, with the implication that he deserves to be considered among their ranks."

It is the idea of IMPACT that IS MY QUESTION NOW.... What have I done, what do I do? What will I do?

I think I CAN give answer to past and present though the people and stuff on which I have had an impact will be the essential judges. As for the future? That is THE QUESTION, really.  See the Dec. 2, 20254 entry where I will try to fully get into it!!!!!

2025 Daily - 11/30/2025 - Justice and innocence from The World

SO -- I believe in Presumed Innocent... and Due Process ... 

It is good to learn, too... And unfortunately we have been learning bad stuff from other parts of the world... Just a thought... Why can't we learn good...???? What does the basic, real, essential majority want --- OR is it me and the Bell Curve -- and the ends justify the means - so to speak... The Mean Average is the big bulge in the middle... and the two ends - the right and the left -- move everything. Why? Is it necessary? Is there an alternative?

NOTE: more near end of Dec.1st... entry.... What To Do? Me? Otheres? ALL of us?

2025 Daily - 11/29/2025 - CBS or H??? Me, the community, SHARING?

Congregation B'nai Shalom or Congregation Bet Haverim?

House of Peace or House of Friends?

Distant or Near?

And who am I? Who was I? Who do I want to be?

It is easy for me to carry on at CBS ... I seem wanted, honored, aided, supported. Maybe needed, too. I have been involved with them for about five years ... maybe a bit more. I have not asked for much. I have been offered housing when I thought I would like to stay overnight for Kol Nidre Eve. People say they like/love me. It is inconvenient because it is an hour away by car when there is no traffic or weather (fog?) issues. I zoom to stuff when that is possible such as for some education programs anbd for services on Mon. and Thur. mornings. I miss certain melodies and enjoy new melodies. I like and respect the Rabbi and also the Hazzan. I'm comfortable and happy when I am there. And Ellen is part of my life, too. \

Returning to CBH is not easy. While there are some people who have, since I was ousted, invited me back and/or have expresses in interest in my being back and/or have said they miss me and such... the "powers that be" - the Board... has made no such entreaties. Also, over the 40 years I was a member -- including more than 30 years on the Bimah at High Holidays and on many Shabbats as a prayer leader and also often being Gabbai for many bnai mitzvahs there was NO or very minimal appreciation shown to me about what I did ... all of which was voluntary.

Ture and relative to being appreciated -  sometimes I was hurt, sometimes I was bothered and sometimes I didn't care about whether I was appreciated or not since it a service I did for the community and felt honored, too, to some extent. It is possible to say I should have expected nothing. However - I am not that righteous.

As for friends at Bet Haverim - well ... to some extent but also not as much as would have been nice. I had many people to my table and celebrations over the years and very little reciprocation done. Me? Others? The point is... not much reaching out to me. 

And I can wonder what spins some people may have put on my being dismissed. KNOW - I did nothing worthy of being dismissed from the Bimah and as for relationships with various people .... there were rough things between me and some.... especially those who sometimes did things right, sometimes not, and those who are arrogant and disrespectful. I spoke up a few times .. and the arrogance and how things were done were not well addressed ... but I tolerated things since things, people, I -- don't change ... or at least change can be difficult just as apologizing and atonement is difficult. SO - I could do penance if I knew for what... AND if the Board were to acknowledge I was wronged while they stood apart. I would say the married Rabbi couple did not have the power to keep me off the Bimah ... but they proclaimed I could not serve there and probably stood on "freedom of the pulpit" as their authority ... which I don't think is correct. But the Board did nothing at the time. They, though a new group of people, can represent the Congregation and apologize to me and others since I doubt I am the only one who was wronged by those Rabbis. HEALING is the IMPERATIVE... And as for future appreciation -- and any participation I might do ... a contractual monetary cost would be very nice! Perhaps necessary.

Also - I like the educated and authentic and personal leadership at Bnai Shalom ... and I wonder and think the Conservative movement is essentially like that. Well educated, welcoming, warm... interested and interesting. 

AND SO -- maybe there should be a division here in Davis ... a diminishing of the Reform group and the growth and establishment of a Conservative group... With sharing of Torahs. With a long-term (five year) paid leasing of space for the Conservative group. Shrinking the size of the Reform group would mean less dues to URJ and a need for either a half-time Rabbi or a lower-paid younger Rabbi. Certain committees might be shared across groups. Social Action for one. Not Ritual. Office services might be shared. Education MIGHT be shared. Pastoral counseling could be shared or separate... or somewhat costshared. Buildings and grounds upkeep would be the Reform groups responsibility while the Conservative group would be essentially be paying rent. SHARING would be the basis for use of the Campus -- which has already been paid into by people from both groups.. BUT a real separation would be made with authority over various things reserved by each group.

========================================

IN ANY CASE....me.... ????? No matter the songs I know... but maybe ... tomorrow???!!! CHASE WHAT DREAM?

Who am I? To sit and wonder... to wait ... til the wheels of fate slowly grind themselves away...who am I? - As I recall it was another group that I heard do this... but Country Joe and the Fish do the words as I recall.....

LISTEN HERE...

Who Am I

Song by Country Joe and the Fish ‧ 1967

Who am I to stand and wonder, to wait
While the wheels of fate slowly grind my life away?
Who am I?

There were some things that I loved one time
But the dreams are gone I thought were mine
And the hidden tears that once could fall
Now burn inside at the thought of all
The years of waste, the years of crime
Passions of a heart so blind
To think that but even still
As I stand exposed, the feelings are felt
And I cry into the echo of my loneliness.

Who am I to stand and wonder, to wait
While the wheels of fate slowly grind my life away?
Who am I?

What a nothing I've made of life
The empty words, the coward's plight
To be pushed and passed from hand to hand
Never daring to speak, never daring to stand
And the emptiness of my family's eyes
Reminds me over and over of lies
And promises and deeds undone
And now again I want to run
But now there is nowhere to run to.

Who am I to stand and wonder, to wait
While the wheels of fate slowly grind my life away?
Who am I?

And now my friend we meet again
We shall see which one will bends
Under the strain of death's golden eyes
Which one of us shall win the prize
To live and which one will die
'Tis I, my friend, yes 'tis I
Shall kill to live again and again
To clutch the throat of sweet revenge
For life is here only for the taking.

Who am I to stand and wonder, to wait
While the wheels of fate slowly grind my life away?
Who am I?
Who am I?

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Joe Allen Mcdonald

2025 Daily - 11/28/2025 - Take for granted...

I think I recognize much common grounds amongst people. There are commonalities I see yet I wonder if I TAKE SUCH THINGS FOR GRANTED.... is that a good thing? I think I take a lot for granted.... The health and futures of my daughters... I didn't make a BIG deal about their births. It is not a good thing I don't make big deals about stuff. 

I also think that tragedies that happen to groups of people are NOT so big... The numbers don't get to me...often! Shit happens, they say, whoever "they" are. 

What else do I/have I taken for GRANTED... Loves? Friends? Family? Work/jobs... EVERYTHING!!! And so my feelings are muted... not present. Insensitive me. NO REACTIONS.... except there were days/times when ANGER was THE Reaction.  What a terrible way to be!!!

I write this on the 27th ... but publishing on the Friday after Thanksgiving! Grateful... ??? For what and HOW? How to be grateful and how to SHOW IT!!!

How to be expressive? Express love, appreciation, joy, gratitude, etc. BE BRAVE and speak up! About the good! Maybe about the bad, too. BUT DEFINITELY - about the GOOD

2025 Daily - 11/27/2025 - THANKS !!!??? and Democrats and shutdown

Being thankful, grateful, etc... VERY important. It is the basis for joy and/or happiness. SO - what am I grateful for? Or what am I thankful for? To whom do I give thanks?

Being grateful/thankful for me ... is the realization - sometimes/often --  being thankful, being grateful... is very possible for me. I had a pretty good life. Life is now pretty good. I have daughters and some other family. I have friends and acquaintences. I do things I like doing - such as singing and working out and traveling. I'm fairly healthy and I have some knowledge and some wisdom. I am able to bless and I am blessed. Bottom lines - I'm ok and even better than ok.

AND that is what I am thankful for and what I say this year and think I could have said that last year, too, and for most/all of the years of my life!

================

about the shutdown ... and supporting Democrats...

I am on Social Security and I have a pension, too...SO the shutdown didn't directly effect me ... nor did it seem to effect my daughters (though education IS threatened!!!). Therefore - my thinking the Democrats should have hung in there and not caved to the Republicans is a strong thought and feeling but one I can't fully embrace for the sake of those who were going without! Rock and hard place ... NOW Affordability is an issue. Fairness should be an issue, too. Justice, too, for sure!!! And honesty and integrity ... YET I do not know if the Democrats will really put all that out there coherently and effectively. SO - I wait before contributing to their coffers!

2025 Daily - 11/26/2025 - who am I, am not?

 Who am I and how and when did I get there?

I think I differentiated from parental stuff -- relative to going to religious services, relative to politics, relative to racism... relative to being Jewish... ALL a matter of not following the FEAR suggested by father relative to all those issues. And that differentiation... that distinct set of values and positions I took stay with me today... I am loyal to my old self!!!

AHHHH... loyal to my OLD self... Not changing with new information... BUT I would say new information is vague and not clear and may not be true!!!  Fear though is still a feeling and worry and constrains me, I think! Do NOT LEAD!!!!

Do not teach... especially when the teaching is near "do what I say not what I do". And so relative to racism ... I know I fight that in myself from time to time... And live, I think, non-racist!!! When it some to anti-semitism .. I have rejected that as a link to other Jews.. and the same might be said for issues related to Israel... I try not fear anti-semitism .. or I did not -- but now, these days.. I do worry!!! As for Israel - I fully support its existance and even as a Jewish State... not fully democratic though I would like it to be tolerant and accepting .. as the Torah commands! Treat the Stranger Well!!!

And I think I am more Liberal than an old person might be... on the other hand -- maybe the old saying (Churchill??) that there should be a difference between a pre-40 year old and a post 40-year old ... is and was never? true.. Maybe it was a way of getting old folks to be more conservative than the stuff they experienced and saw in their lives would lead them to be!!!!

I am a died in the wool Liberal. I am a humanist. I am a Jew. I am a man. I am a feminist (maybe). I am for peace and GOODNESS.... Yes - be GOOD!!! And I believe most people want to be good... and yet their leaders are able to tap into fears and badness! Sad!

2025 Daily - 11/25/2025 - relationship list with qualities (revised 11/28/25)

 Relationships and the qualities of the people... and something about me... BIG NOTE: I need to know how I feel AND how the other person feels AND I need TRUST... to be trusted and to trust the other. AND what do each of us bring to the other? Complimentary, additive, new?

Susan1 - intelligent, independent, career oriented... successful - And pretty. FROM: children, career, good start in life...NOTE: reactive proposal... good idea, really... impulsive.

Mary - pretty, intelligent, available in house I was lmore living/room-renting... And she left town for work... and I was not fully into her.. at the time. She was a good egg! FROM: ????

Susan2 - met at rabbi search, nice, intelligent, successful, an ok mom... pretty.  FROM: some good eating habits. NOTE: some real fun and passion and youthfulness 

Karen - met at congregation, nice and feisty, intelligent, struggling with psyche, good mom - trying to make up for earlier stuff.  FROM: management of anger.  NOTE: pulled in... not really ready.

Diane - pretty, blond, tall, entrepreneurial... independent. not too successful... dream chaser without  good plan and/or support.  FROM: style? Interest in being appreciated. Stock advice (not really good, though, but ok).  NOTE: I wanted to get back in a relationship ... somehow did with her ... and it WAS very good... Probably should have stayed w/her even as she moved away.

Deanne - pretty, religious, mostly good values, hard worker, intelligent, VERY independent... too much really... Didn't need anyone .. or not me. FROM: some cooking, gardening, and charitable lessons.  NOTE: I wanted to love someone... BUT did not wait to find out if I WAS LOVED! Impestuous?!

now - Ellen - intelligent, pretty, religious/knowledgeable/observant... Judgemental!!!! and not my judgements in some cases... close but harsher than me. She is sort of, essentially, personally right . I don't fully match her sentiments. FROM: ??  NOTE: I seem wanted. I wonder about "chemistry". It could essentially be ME and my lack of sensitivity...

2025 Daily - 11/23/2025 - a Sunday...

 Found out about 2.8 percent increase in Social Security... 

And -- slept long... til 9:30am... about ...

Talked w/Bruce Haynes and have lunch plans on Tuesday.

Monday I have lunch plans w/Andrew.

Wrote a note to Sara Bowsky....

Practiced music for Davis Chorale...

Returned some stuff to Costco....

Productive day....Also shopped Mattress Firm...

2025 Daily - 11/22/2025 - Building Opportunity - Gaza

 After looking at imagined urbanscapes by Kelly Boesch AND adverts for modularfactory made houses (from Asia/China) both on Reels of Facebook... AND thinking of the devistated landscape of Gaza -- why not build the rebuilding in factories in a super modern fashion .. And/or with tradtional designs if they can be incorporated ... and make Gaza That Showcase suggested (by Trump)... for all the World to see. An OPPORTUNITY.. for a Future!!!

Combine with positive messages about Israel, Jews, good people from everywhere...  A TRUE AND NEW TRANSFORMATION... quickly, efficiently, inexpensively!!!!

Many factory made homes are currently looking One Story High... This will need to be changed.... several floors high ... MODULAR!!!! Dymanion Hanging structures? Other?

 

2025 Daily - 11/21/2025 - unequal love...

Rabbi Rob Scheinberg 

(comments?  rabbi@hobokensynagogue.org)  writes about this week's parsha -- and the competition for love by Jacob and Essau.... There seems to never be enough! SO - MY equal distribution while missing important distinctions between Sarah and Amy may actually been an important struggle/attempt by me. Maybe.

In any case -- learning and changing for me does happen. And for others?

And then -- LOVE... and me... Who do I love? Who have I loved? Who might I love? Present, past, future.... and where but most importantly - HOW... How will I love? It is SOO true, I fear, that I have loved poorly. Loved without really learning about my partner and learning how she wanted to be loved.... I therefore loved similarly and all were different.... so I was generally mistaken in the HOW. And now --- what will I do? Once at least -- I think I truly felt loving and that worked out least well of all... since - well whatever. NOW - do I have feelings for anyone? Where are those feelings? I am bereft I'm afraid.... OY!

 

2025 Daily (almost?) - 11/20/2025 - personal defense..

 At my age ... 76... I can look back with regrets. Some look back in anger (a book?). Some might look back with points to defend what happened. I can do all....

I very much choose to not be angry. It is not too difficult but sometimes for some people not very easy.

I have regrets.... many... specifically about letting certain relationships dissipate.

And as for defending my life... (a movie title) -- I could do that to explain angers and regrets.

THE PROBLEM -- my defenses might be/could be assertions of negative things about myself AND other people. Bringing up negatives about other people is something I rather not do... No one in my life was that bad...  Even complaints about my family while very difficult could be spun/construed in several ways and a lot of that would be me making assumptions and I essentially don't know a lot... I don't have sufficient evidence and even when I do have evidence ... the motivations are not or hard to know. 

I can say ... that when I was in college I probably was quite self-deprecating. After college I got less self-deprecating and I got angry and distant at various people... I became a distressed person. Perhaps a negative person in some ways. I certainly had bad moments that I didn't like... Once I remember being loudly angry... and suddenly realizing - why? And I stopped... immediately. That was sort of weird. And something I had seen others do... relative to telephone calls interupting an emotional eruption. I had models of behaviour... And many of those models were really not too good... It was teachers, teachings, readings, songs, movies.... and such where I learned some good things....

TODAY - the movies and songs are causing me to seek romantic love... and I am not seeing/getting that and really that makes sense for a man my age... Nevertheless - I wonder - where is The Chemistry. And I sometimes wonder where was the chemistry, too. Being sensitive is me... but not the expressive me. Its internal, hidden. It was taken away from me a long time ago! I don't cry and when I did last time (about 14 years ago) it was not effective though it was real. That is/was ok... The person who might have gotten "it" had reasons to not get it... And so it went/goes...

Writing a memoir or my legacy... ... Maybe ... With a Pollyannish touch! Later!

2025 Daily(NOT) - 11/19/2025 - Naivety.. and Jews lead...

can't really say my blog is "daily"... as its been about 10 days since last entry... Maybe better soon. I write THIS entry to hold on to an idea that just came to me... It is 2:30am.... 

FOR NOW: New PROJECT ... or writing project that is a whole and can take in the duality stuff and maybe more... TITLE: Naive Like Me...or the confessions/memoirs/aubiography/??? of a 76 year old guy...

Chapters"

intro - before ?? liberal/after ?? - conservative  - and why? and really ... 

one - old send young to war... for what?

two - racism - my earliest expererience - and if everyone is doing it .. why not me, too?

three - anti-semetism - but all the non-Jewish neighbors had houses - meaning seemingly wealthy ... as on tv

four: anti-ALL-WARS... but demoed against Vietnam -- for me and the ideal... First? compromise?

five - leadership ???  NO --- not for me... too big and outstanding and therefore THE target ... Generally seemed like a good, safe idea...So I followed... instructions ... BUT why did father teach that ... what was his EXPERIENCE... or fear?? And my later in life leader roles - wins and losses...

six - Deaths of my father, mother, sister...

seven - friendships... good, bad, ugly -- existant, non-existant?? What have they been? Does ONE real friend have to be there - the fatherly ideal... or just as teachers think they are suprems.. was my father meaning to be my supreme friend? What did HE miss? from this father, his mother, his brothers?

eight - a preview of the dualities... blog... NAME that is available - bad but meaningful mispelling: https://duelities.blogspot.com/

nine - lets do all this... all GOOD.... each of us - now - where we are - no matter how old -- or young... and KEEP AT IT...  Now that we KNOW...  For instance - lets know how things are made for us.. by whom... buy what you can watch being manufactured via real-time streaming ... Don't by if workers are not appropriately paid... If CEO's and owners are too greedy...VOTE with your pocketbook based on what you see and know....

ten - live with fun and feelings and some fear (of G-d?, of powers that be? etc) and freedom... There HAS to be plenty for all -- since the world's population has grown and grown ... AND we think growing the population is essential for a good economy ... no shrinking of the population tax base ... by the middle for the middle ... and for the poor.... and NOT by the rich .. what do they buy? What do they do with all their money?

ELEVEN - change things.... shrink, distribute, enjoy - eat, drink, be merry AND do good for your neighbors and mitigate fear ... or G-d, of powers, etc...

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now it is .... 4am...

Jews discovered The One G-d... and that is our great gift to the world... and G-d's most precious attribute WE need to use is it is for G-D to make all final judgements ...it is for US to prepare with many diverse good deeds and examples and ideas...  ONLY G-d knows the inner thoughts, dreams, secrets, etc etc.. of each and every one of us... We might stop someone with imprisonment. We might fight to defend ourselves... BUT to demand, insist, etc.. that any OTHER person or group should act, think, feel... some specific way is to suggest we know as much as G-d - and we do NOT. We DO know how to be good and how to be bad... How to build. How to destroy. WE CHOOSE... and finally G-d will JUDGE... It is simple and in some ways an abrogation of responsibility ... but do we ever really know!!???

2025 Daily - 11/09/2025 - cbh, love, purpose!!!!

 and then yesterday -- played poker ... and again the subject of CBH came up ... w/Hil...  I still basically say no... and have a good place I'm at now... and Convenience is THE issue... And what I need? Want?? -- will that really make a difference?

And relative to Romance... I'm romantic... I think... and when I watch tv and movies ... I see soo much romance and special stuff and I can't match it in my life... yet it is what I want...  SO - what do I do? With whom? When and where? 

It is most  true ... I'm looking to love and be loved.. I looking for a relationship where there is balance and mutual giving and receiving. Did I ever have it with anyone? I think ... almost. Maybe .... and probably not. When I was not right ... or when I felt trapped... that was ME failing to get it right. When I was better -- i didn't appreciate things lacking in the other... and couldn't accept the other... Even as the other may have been alright... fine, ok... 

So - here I am today ... going out with someone who is ok. Our political values to not mesh. Our intimacy stuff is not meshing either... or maybe it is. I need to check in with her about that ... very specifically.  And then is there any chance of living closer to each other or even together? Is living together what I want?

I think living together IS what I want to do... But with whom? Why? Where? AND how to get to that? Perhaps --- live together in a distant place ... not in either of our homes, places? Hmmm.. in Italy? Thailand? Spain? On a CRUISE SHIP? In Israel? In New York City? 

As for living ALONE .. how am I doing? Am I doing ok? Close to ok.. Sort of ok... It is all a matter of feeling useful AND appreciated. OR - should I just be satisfied with being useful??? Productive? Living a life with some MEANING? What would that Meaning be? 

WRITING... and getting read... That would be useful. My thinking and ideas have value, I think. I'm sure, actually... though external validation would support me thinking it was valuable.

2025 Daily - 11/08/2025

 ahhh... to be or not to be... somewhere, someone, something... etc. etc... Yesterday got into a discussion with Michael Hirsch relative to CBH and what is happening and what happened... AND - for me -- there is less community here in Davis then for others... I was generally less appreciated, I think... though some of that sources to Diane P's views which I do agree with but.... AND bottom line - at this point it would be nice to get an official apology from the organization ... and that is not likely to happen... AND even if it did - would it move me or just sooth me?! I would like to be soothed... BUT it is for me to get/be over it, so to speak ... and I am I hope .. but I really have little to return to ... and I have a nice place to bd... CBS!

2025 Daily - 11/06/2025 - Anti-semitism, Israel, the whole world!

 a thought today which I hesitate to share on Facebook, etc... because it can't be acceptable to all as I would like it to be... It is me thinking in what I view as A Middle Way... respecting various points of views and condemning some, too. NO to anti-semitism... YES to differing views about world politics. NO to double standards. YES to compassion for those deemed enemies...especially when mutual!

Clearly anti-semitism is wrong, bad, misguided, etc. etc... When it comes to policies amongst nations it is also wrong, bad, misguided, etc. etc.. to hold Israel to ways and means and standards no other nation is held to. AND in fact I would say that when Israel fights wars it does so in ways more humanely than seen elsewhere in this or last century. Humanely ... with warnings and attempts to get beyond the barriers of human shields... while missing the marks often... BUT -- wanting peace ... for all! YES - Israel and Jews and lots of others want PEACE.... And as with individuals .. sometimes Surrender is necessary.

Israel and Jews have a lot to teach others ... by example and by words, too. Discipline is necessary. A vision that respects the other is necessary. UNFORTUNATELY -- mutual respect has been severely harmed by the Oct. 7, 2023 masssacre and the taking and holding of hostages.. for more than two years. When will mending be possible... as mending relationships and building trust have to happen so will happen.

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and garden planning continues... getting VERY CLOSE... yea!!!!

2025 Daily - 11/05/2025 - Sacks book quotes. Pt. 1 plus Peace NOW????

Notes ... as I begin reading book by R. Jonathan Sacks, of blessed memory, titled: The Dignity of Difference. Quotes from the book.. sometimes from others...

Prologue:

p. 4 - Jonathan Swift: 'we have "just enough religion to make us hate one another but not enough to make us love one another'".

p. p. 8: 'Sir Henry Maine observed "War appears to be as old as mankind, but peace is a modern invention."'  YES I (Ken) note that the Torah/Talmud value peace! Maybe the world is catching up?

p. 13 - Sacks says: we need "Reverence, restraint, humility, a sense of limits, the ability to listen and respond to human distress".

AND BASICALLY --  Sacks is calling for OUGHTS.... which I think is the same as "shoulds" which I have been echewing recently on the advice of therapists...  THE point is .... the collective vs the individual... The Collective is very essential and is based on a set of oughts/shoulds... Right?

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PEACE NOW???

Peace for all and I would suggest for Jews especially is of prime importance. To be compaasionate requires peaceful thinking and feeling towards the "other".... be the "other" an individual or a group or a nation, etc. etc... We should be in a time of peace... but really we are not. There is no apparent world-wide war such as WW1 or 2... but there are all the wars as in the book "1984" and those wars truly serve to drain energy and resources from a the general Peace and Prosperity the world could have.

Armed camps are everywhere.... For us in the USA -- just look at our schools and churches/synagogues/mosques, etc.. and hospitals and regular places of business. And consider the billions spent in Afghanistan. And then there is the Deportation Days of ICE, etc. We were, once upon a time, the Policeman of the World... and now we are becoming a Police State. Troops in cities where there are no riots except those countering the troop deployments. A President has declared and engaged in economic warfare against friends and supposed foes. WHAT A WASTE...

And as a Jew I look and see other Jews supporting a fascist who may not be the 21st century Hitler but who is still less a guardian of our country and more a narscisistic grandstanding cheating criminal in so many ways. He certainly has been convicted of serious crimes... YET he now alsmost fully controls the most powerful parts of our criminal justice system... the FBI and the Courts. He represents and asserts deeply Conservative Republican values and interests that align with the rich.

On the other side of the political spectrum are Social Democrats which has always been, in my opinion, the essence of the Democratic Party yet the word Social is, I think, rather synonomous with Liberal... and to many being Liberal is a negative. However - Social rather than Liberal may be a clearer way of asserting what are the values and ways and means of these new Democrats. And Democrats must be maintained as a party since that is what our two-party political system has been in good/great days and those are days I hope will return. As a Jew -- this Social/Liberal side of our politics is problematic when/if the support of Israel is effected and today in NYC a newly elected mayor may be a forced around which anti-Israel sentiment and actions may coalesc. I can hope the new mayor, Mamdani, will work locally for his constituents and not waste energy and potential resources on international concerns beyond the needs of New York City.

The point here to remember -- Jews are in the MIDDLE... Jews support fascists and they support liberals. We can see values to us in both camps. THE TIME HAS COME for us Jews to be a light unto the nations... Lets show the world what can and should be ... YES - SHOULD!!! We need some changes and we need partners. Change is now more likely since now, after two years of war in Gaza, there is, I hope, more of a basis for security. THE PARTNER will have to be those with whom we have fought. IF only Palestinians and the many Muslim countries would cherish and make PEACE...!!! 

Jews and Israel have values and ways specific to ourselves... based on our history which includes The Land of Israel .. but limited to the region. We expanded under King Solomon ... but not to the entire world. And later in history we were a dispersed people without national powers. We had national aspirations - i.e. Israel. But not the world. Not converting others to our way of being, our religion. AND this is A WAY FORWARD FOR PEACE IN THE WORLD...  Let all aspire to their own selves and places and respect other selves and spaces... AND resolution of what goes on in the Middle East is a great challenge and as with all challenges - An Opportunity to get it RIGHT.

2025 Daily - 11/04/2025 - dream?

Aahhh.... a dream about kissing lips ... full and warm... and on ???--- Why her! Deanne!!! Why, why, why?!! Dare I regret... dare I think.. You never lose the one you love... you love the one you lose... - Or reverse the order of those two statements. Yes -- I suppose... as I also admit to not loving well. Maybe??? next time, this time... 

As for garden work... still trying to get west bushes down to a low level. And the garden-plans still to be coming in...

Bookclub today - A women of no importance -- by purnell... about 2nd WW spy.

I also await hearing from Ellen about David Broza -- I wonder if she knows him and dislikes his politics. Could be... Sarah is on.... though!

Meatloaf came out fine... a bit mildly flavored... I did forget to put in onion soup mix... But very edible and  good!

TOMORROW - big day.... maybe music in morning, Kabbalah in late morning. In afternoon -  Da Vinci HS thing, Jim, and aerobic workout... I need to find a good movie for long time on elliptical.

Today - visit Rachel, UCD chorus... and maybe some practice .. and laundry... and maybe cleanups??

BUT WHAT IS MY PURPOSE...  ????

And today = got and will begin reading Sacks' The dignity of difference". Look for writing based on this book... and its ideas. I wonder if it will be as I have recently been thinking -- that is: people have lots in common ... and -- maybe those common values include positives and negatives AND THE THING NEEDED is understanding and/or acceptance and/or tolerance and an end to fear and domineering and such.... In the book's Acknowledgement he notes at the end ... TODAY these are times when soo many people of soo many different cultures, etc ... are living near each other! My point is: a way to co-exist must be found... or mutual self-destruction will clear/clean up the mess!!!

And having lunch w/Michael on Friday...

2025 Daily - 11/03/2025 - D-cafe and distinctions! and Meatloaf

 Death Cafe ... is scheduled for 10am today at community church - fireplace room... Might go...

IF I go ... what I have to say ... My sister died in early August... She and others in my original nuclear family are for me difficult to have have feelings. Too much time was spent not in contact and with mutual rejection... me protecting myself and them not being pleased with what they were getting. Dysfunction was The Thing. Estrangement was the action...From both sides... especially from my father and then through him -- his wife and my sister... who has to be desribed as being more his daughter... than anything else. I talked about the dysfunction as did my father... and neither of us expressed much respect.

My father really had it bad for me... so it seems from his will (unread but reported on) and from asshole boyfriend of Debbie... Stephen... What my father said to me and about me... was not nice, good, true. SO - what do I do with remembering him? Or my sister - who followed or feared... and as for my mother -- she may have lead at some point (as per Barucha0... with all the nasty consequences.

SO what about LOVE...?? and other feelings and passions? They were all beaten (literally) out of me... so why would they expect love from me for them.... They discounted love and feelings... So I don't hate them .. nor am I really angry though I was abandoned by parents... It is my understanding that it is the responsibility of parents to connect, etc.. and if they want that they should teach that by actions. I was brought up with the idea... Do what I say - not what I do.... Be strong -- but don't lead. be loyal -- to your parents/family while three out of four brothers and all sisters-in-laws were not liked or care for... Connect on our terms ... or not at all... Tell the truth but lie with purpose... even when asked directly.

There is a psalm we Jews say during the High Holidays -- Psalm 27 where one line says: "Though my father and mother leave me, Adonai will care for me." Another translation is: "Though my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will take me in." I WONDER -- leaving might refer to the death of parents - the normal way of the world... On the other hand Abandon is and I would say was -- a voluntary disturbing action. It is likely my father did not fully realize the consequences of his action but he did know there would be consequences. For me ... the lessons he taught about not have feelings is my basic radical burden. For him ... I cannot say... ALL I CAN SAY -- is parents should not abandon their children and any work done to connect should be a lesson to children and all. AHH... "should" ... It is hard to get away from that word... BUT "should" is the word to use when other lessons have not more simply and directly shown and taught how to best be!

MY ISSUE --  feelings, sensitivities, passion? Love..

Tomorrow is my younger daugher's birthday - Nov. 4th... and she and I have lived with abandoning and renewed connection. A blessing!!! I thank Amy and I hope she thanks me, too. It is MY responsibility to love and connect with my children... and I can hope they feel and act similarly... Thus teach the Rabbis, I've read.

AHHHH... I am such a sophomore when it comes to life and understanding. 

What if these thoughts are to be shared? 

I am not King Lear... I sort of get that lesson. AND - in any case I would not ??? - choose one of my children over the other ... Equality has always been my guiding light... OR so I would say, believe, think.. WHILE in recent years I realized the seeming equality of love, etc.. was not such a great idea since people are all different and they need, want, appreciate different things, feelings, etc. etc...  There is something equal... and there is something distinct is ALL OF US... Seeing, cherishing, acknowledging, etc.. the distinction IS THE THING!!!

AS FOR MEATLOAF...

Made one this morning and I'm about to have some for lunch. Had a nice phone conversation w/Sarah and meatloaf came up. She and Amy feared my meatloaf... because at least once I threw in the kitchen sink, so to speak... Sarah thinks it was when I was still w/her mom and that they got sick. I think it was later and no one got sick... Sure - it tasted weird, not good, abnormal -- but I don't think I ever poisoned or sickened anyone with my cooking. And I hope not moving forward!

2025 Daily - 11/02/2025

 SO - questions for today... for ever...

What DO I DO for fun?

movies, read, workout, write, eat, tv, and also cannabis, walking?, religous services, piano?, sing

What do I do for A PURPOSE.... - some volunteering (Meals on wheels, visiting via Yolo Cares, ???), my writing - though it is unread, 

NEEDS: shopping for shoes, clothes? a CAR, and get Garden/Backyard-DONE